Kahani kahaniyon kii (The story of all stories)

Yeah, did you observe the ‘K’ in the title?? That’s for good luck, you see, if peKta Kapoor  has it, Maybe that 'K’ will generate 100+ Komments on my blog…honest intentions ok.

See the post below is really and really offensive towards woman, specially if you are a saas-bahu serial fan. Apologies for any wrong information conveyed into the article below, as my knowledge on these shows is limited to the 15 sec advertisement and some sneak peak time whenever I am waiting for Dipu to get ready for going out (she needs to listen to every dialogue happening on the show!!!) So please adjust.

Of all the hidden abilities in me, (like eating 50 golgappa plates without farting), one best ability is that I am a seer, like future seeing seer, like Trelawney seer.

So the other day I peeped into the future and saw something unexpected.

The world is freed of all the current problems, like AIDS, Cancer and Swine Flu (yeah and people have stopped eating pork too, wondering why!!!) but a new problem has cropped up…yes, they have started a Kasylum… the asylum for people having the saas-bahu serials infections.

You see it actually started with season two of Kyuni saas bhi kabhi bahu thi… the then Ba turned to be 1999 years old and in the episode number 19999999 she died on day prior to her birthday due to poisoning!!!

The horrible wave hit India and 89% of Indians where gripped into panic situations, mother-in-laws refused to eat food lest their daughter-in-law poisoned them. All the female variety in the house started figuring out their rishta with the other female variety in house (yeh meri beti ho sakti hai, she can be my daughter, maybe she is my sister etc.) and the talking rate reduced to mere 10% as most of them preferred to talk to themselves in the mind. This also proved as a necessity to invent the telepathy headphone, which helps you to hear what others are saying.

Wives started smelling the shoes of their husband (however erotic and disgusting it may seem, they wanted to check the smell of Komolika brand of perfume from head to toe)


So then the then Government (won’t mention which, no politics here) which was to make many mistake decided to start Kasylum, for the Kalzheimer, those with their real life forgotten to the reel life.

I visited the Kasylum (in the future okay, don’t you know you can travel that way, watch some South ka movies or even Shaktimaan) and following are some things happening in the Kasylum:

The main-kab-saas-banunki syndrome cell:
indian-woman-performing_~u13647269 Most seen symptoms are carrying a puja thali after every 1 or 2 hours to the extend that God himself calls the hospital to admit the person.
Also seen symptoms are the big larger than life smile even when they know their husband cheats outside and the kid is on drugs.
The effects for the disease is that the woman tend to jerk their necks three times after every sentence resulting into a good selling of iodex balm into the hospital.

The main-kabhi-bahu-thi-syndrome cell:
The woman in this cell have knee joint pain yet prefer kicking the *** of the main-kab-saas-banunki cell. Their symptoms are they steal all the keys in sight and put in on the key holder to their waist. So if you have the public toilet door key missing you know where to look for it!!!!
Keys found till date:
Door keys for around 70 houses, vehicle keys for a complete state, Government of India treasury keys, Private software companies door keys and many more.

The villianish vamp syndrome cell:urvashi2
This is a muted cell as no one speaks anything in the cell, this cell is the biggest consumer base for telepathy headphone. Also going on 24 x 7 here is the beauty pageant for the most horrible bindi of the century.

The Ballika-vadhu syndrome cell:
baliva_vadhu_05 copy This cell was a result of small girls who studied television more than what their schools taught them (can’t blame them thought, the television taught them how to behave in your sasuraal while the school was busy teaching unwanted things like algebra and calculus!!) these girls proudly proclaim than they want to become doctor but their sasural wala’s are going to torture them to hell for studying!!!

The fake-pregnancy syndrome cell:cartoon_pregnant_woman_01
The cushion industry made a exponential leap into their sales market but then people realized that the cushions bought where used for unwanted purposes to create fake pregnancy. Not to take maternity leave, no, to torture the sasural walas!!!
People where immediately checked and realized that around 60% woman had fake pregnancy syndrome, in fact they found around 5% males with the same syndrome too!!!
The census board was seen thanking God as the population inflation was not what it was predicted before!!!!

The main-kaam-kar-raha-hoon syndrome:
Man-Studying This is a male ward where men are seen reading or writing some files which are actually of no use. When asked what are they doing, they simply reply, ‘Main kaam kar raha hoon’ (I am working) although if asked further they tend to get angry and walk away.
Th ward also admit the alpha-males who wear a blazer in hot summer season and work on the same file for 3 months at a stretch.

The multi-marriage syndrome cell:
Well, move over adultery woman were seen marrying more than one with men who married more than once!!! This resulted into the crash of society style and a complicated mess of marriages with Wives sharing a same husband, and husbands confused which wife they actually married.1235938791332
Common seen dialogues around, ‘You are going on dinner with Arvind, oh great cos I wanted to go on a date with Mihir. Yes, yes, he can stay at your place, Mihir is coming at mine!!!’
This also resulting in indentifying actually whose child is who and who is impotent!!!

Plastic-man syndrome:
The rate for plastic surgery increased exponentially giving another millions for surgeons. The face-off surgery was a big hit with the villainous vamp syndrome. People started changing their face two often, getting a surgery with a gap of mere one or two days and then entering the house for the sake of getting revenge from doodh-wala, grocery wala etc.

There were thousands of other syndromes seen in the Kasylum, like the fake-death syndrome, house-capture syndrome, husband-stealing syndrome, mistaken-identity syndrome, back-from-the-dead-again-and-again syndrome etc.

If you find some illness within you there is still some cure, doctors recommend stop watching the saas-bahu serials try watching tom and jerry five times a day till the next millennium lest we need to book a room for you in the Kasylum!!!

Kheers!!!!

16 comments

  1. Boy, some writing! Agreed completely. But 15 seconds do not supply this much information! A closet K-fan are you? Don't deny, won't believe you anyway!! :D

    Nice caption on the comment form by the way! ;)

    And thanks for the duck (I can say it on your blog right?!!) :D

    ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aaah no I am not a closet K-farm but unfortunately Dipu is...and you see in the fight for the remote who gets to win?? :P

    Duck?? Oh farmville right...yeah...:D
    You can say anything on the blog!!! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. hahaha.. true man.. fed up of the saas-bahu saga.. why cant they air some comedy or other kind of serials too?

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Ashwini
    God good...meaning you were infected by the syndrome and now are immune to it...;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. heheh I soo understand your frustration behind this hilarious post ;) . My mom and gf are biggest fans of these soaps :P .

    One thing I dont understand,why does the camera zooms straight to the face and then to the next..as if the camera man is scratching his back when he is shooting :P entertainment to the core :))

    ReplyDelete
  6. hey sid!!
    I too hate these kinda soap!!
    Saas-bahu theme is better. In tamil a particular channel is airing a serial which started when i was in 12th, now i finished engineering, but stil its being aired with new characters!!

    Huh!! How come everyone like these kinda things?!

    Well composed!! Neatly done!!

    Keep smiling S***** I**** D***** (U know it!)

    ReplyDelete
  7. @Aditya
    Yeah man...actually I dunno about the camera thing but thanks for telling me that thought...:D

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Shruti
    heh heh heh...see see this is where it is...4 years the serial haunted you...there was one serial...Bhabhi I think, my mom used to watch whenever i cam home after board exams in 10th. Now, as I am in my job I saw the same serial running at Dipu's house...with different set of ppl..dunno how!!:o

    The ppl who like such kinda thing have to go to Kasylum soon...;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh My!!!!
    WHAT A POST! AWSSSSSSSSSSOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    realy dude, this is really good... i hate these saas bahu stuff, and the way u have written i wonder how much have you researched on this topic?

    ReplyDelete
  10. phoduu...
    maza aa gaya...
    quite a bit long but more than worth giving a few minutes..

    quite innovative(or creative??)
    check out my latest post!!

    cheers!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. @Pooja
    Thanks...:D although i have not researched a lot...:D

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yeah initially mom and I was hooked to it but now I am fed up of seeing such serials all the time on every possible channel

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ha! Ha! Ha! Nice read...

    I absolutely hate those 'saas-bahu' serials... except "Sarabhai vs Sarabhai...

    ReplyDelete
  14. @Ashwini
    Thank God you were saved from a pandemic...;)

    ReplyDelete
  15. @Roshmi
    My dear Sarabai is not a saas-bahu serial...and its coming back soon...season 2...yay wuupie momma...:D

    ReplyDelete
  16. With utmost satisfaction, i would like to inform you that this post of yours has been selected as a suiting piece to honor my newly installed wall of fame.
    So, I would like you to take out some of your precious time and gimme a small writeup introducing this post in about 40-50 words to mail address:rahul938@gmail.com
    I would also appreciate it if you could nominate some more posts(including yours) which can be pinned up on my wall.

    yours truly
    RSV

    ReplyDelete

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