Fiction 55, Gahjini Effect

55 Fiction is a form of microfiction that refers to the works of fiction limited to a maximum of fifty-five words.

Criteria for 55 Fiction

A literary work will be considered 55 Fiction if it has:
  1. Fifty-five words or less ( A non-negotiable rule )  Check, words 54.
  2. A setting,  Check.
  3. One or more characters, Check, three characters.
  4. Some conflict, Check
  5. A resolution. Check.  
  6. The title of the story is not part of the overall word count, but it still can’t exceed seven words. Check.  
Ok, enough of this unnecessary gyaan, read on…

He looked under the stack of papers. He looked for it in the cupboard, he was tired looking everywhere.
'Why don't you take the memory pills our doctor gave?'she asked.
He looked at her in disgust and answered, controlling his anger.
'What do you think I am looking for the last one hour?'

If you do like it, I have many more lined up for you. Read them here.

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Sidtoons, Episode 5 Its Halloween

Sidtoons are the original cartoons hand drawn and digitally inked for Sidoscope. For any publication inquiry you can get in touch with me.




Enjoy. Like this? Read the first four episodes.

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Tooth Raider

"Daro mat, kuch nahi hoga,"(Don’t be afraid, nothing is gonna happen) a pretty  lady said these words to me, however she said these words as she held a drilling machine in my mouth. Ok, so the lady was a professional dentist, but hello, that's my tooth there lady, where you are drilling a hole!!!!
I wonder if Dr. Frankenstein had the same experience while operating on that monster.

What made me go there? A few days ago in office, there was a sharp pain in my teeth, somewhat 440 watt current. On further investigation, it was found that some black keedas had collated over my tooth. On X-ray investigation, it seems all those germs had gone for calcium mining up to the roots of my teeth.

So after too much persuasion from my family, too much sleepless nights, I took a deep breath and walked into the glass front of the dental click and against by better judgment, placed my name for consultation.

"Tsk Tsk Tsk," the doctor made a grave face in my front. "You see," he said pointing to some illegible X-ray pictures on his computer, "Its deep till here."

I had no idea what he meant, in Colgate ads teeth look so bright and nice. Even those cartoon germs seems friendly, but here i had difficulty seeing the tooth, let alone the germs!!!!

I was given an appointment for the next day for a root canal operation. Till then nearly everyone in the dental clinic had mentioned that my teeth were bad. Yeah, I know!!!!

The next day, I was ushered into a room where a dangerous looking chair sat waiting for me. Fearing every instrument connected to it, I sat on it.

Now, I usually don't get afraid with stuff, but tell me one thing, if you see a pair of tonks getting heated on a burner and then stuff into your mouth...won't you get afraid?

When you breath the same air as that of the lady, the sensation is pleasant, but here today she peeped into my mouth as if she was looking for the universe truth in there.

People usually have needles phobia, they resent needles getting inserted  in any part of body. Not me, no. I definitely don’t have any hatred, fear towards needles in hospitals but as she brought the needle close to my mouth, I had the creeping sensation in my mouth to puke… but then the sensation passed away totally.

I visualized her as the Lara Croft entering the ruins of my teeth with weapons and flares. She was hunting for the last relic, when the enemy attacks her and she fired a gun.

‘Ouch that hurts,’ I shouted.

‘Sorry,’ she said sweetly, ‘I must have touched your roots.’

Oh yes, you did… I can feel that. My numb tooth aches, lady.

The torture continued for next hour with pain erupting from my tooth like nuclear blast, not that it was paining as the place was already numb. It was the fear that she was inserting needles in my tooth.

Well, you know guys the thing about numb tooth is, you always have the urge to touch it, feel it or play with it.
So I spend the next forty five minutes trying to eat different types of food, which I usually don’t chew on (I did not know I will be regretting the thing as after 45 minutes, it hurt like hell)

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

55 Fiction My Baby.

55 Fiction is a form of microfiction that refers to the works of fiction limited to a maximum of fifty-five words.

Criteria for 55 Fiction

A literary work will be considered 55 Fiction if it has:
  1. Fifty-five words or less (A non-negotiable rule)  Check, words 54.
  2. A setting,  Check.
  3. One or more characters, Check, three characters.
  4. Some conflict, Check
  5. A resolution. Check. 
  6. The title of the story is not part of the overall word count, but it still can’t exceed seven words. Check. 
Ok, enough of this unnecessary gyaan, read on…
The sensation was pleasant as he kept the little one in his arms. The two day old was resting in those sturdy arms.
‘Look mommy what do we have here…,’ he asked playfully as he entered the maternity room to see the mother,
‘…Somebody elses child,’ mommy replied caressing their child in her lap. 
If you do like it, I have many more lined up for you. Read them here.

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Wrapping it all up!!!

If you see people rolling on the ground on a busy street or grappling on tackling objects of different size, you should not misunderstand them. They are only innocent people like me trying to open the wrapper of the product.

"The primary effect of Kalyuga, my dear Arjun is that, thou shalt spend a lot of time opening the wrappers of mint, toffees and chips" I just wonder if Lord Krishna actually did ever say those words. Even if he did not say, we all are feeling it around us.

Well sometimes I feel that the government should levy a new punishment to all those packing companies spoiling the junta, they should be thrown in jail and make them listen to ‘Mann ka radio’ continuously for 3 months continuously while making them open thousands of wrappers for the benefit of mankind in general.

I have so many ideas, I could be the PM, if Mayavati can, so can I, can’t I? 
To keep the nations economy intact and the to enjoy the AC, once in a while I go with Dipu to malls and buy perfectly useless things that she doesn't need and buy two mint tabs for myself (you get them into all malls).

Having poured my hard earned rupee into the Indian economy and feeling proud of myself, I set up to find a place for me to rest (I suggest they should keep a men’s resting chair after every four section, see I am so intelligent, but no one listens to me) So I find a place to rest and chew up my mint, there begins the biggest trouble of all!!!
It was the titanic of troubles. It was a train wreck during an earthquake with a meteor heading towards it. I fell out of suck tree and hit every branch on the way down. It was sand in swimsuit trouble… the wrapper of my mint was sneering at me.

Slowly and carefully I bit the corner of the mint wrapper and a small piece of it comes off in my mouth. I blow this piece from my mouth, with great pride and proceed to open the remaining part of the damm wrapper with my teeth, when suddenly the wrapper starts elongating, oh my… it grows and grows… somebody stop it!!!
Mouthing 'Jai Bajarang Bali' (In God we trust, specially in dark age and this is definitely dark aged) I decide to shift the action from mouth to hand, I use the nail of my right hand thumb to pierce through its contents (and Dipu was shouting, I should cut my finger nails, they are so handy. I usually stay prepared in case there is alien invasion).

Missing my target through a nanometer (precision) the nail pierce into my other finger which was supporting the wrapper.

The command mard ko dard nahi hota (Men don’t feel pain) by the mahanayak Amithabh Bacchan echo in my ears and I tried hard to appear cool and unperturbed to passers-by while keeping my determination…. and straight face. (ouch!!!! that hurts a lot, now I think I should have cut those long finger nails)

If you see people rolling on the ground on a busy street or grappling on tackling objects of different size, you should not misunderstand them. They are only trying to open the wrapper of the product.

Now that I think of it, I feel we should invent monster for us to help us open the wrappers of paper. I have even made it a top entry in my Thing-to-tell-if-I-meet-Mr-Frankenstein-list, let us hope he listens to me and gets me my own monster which can open the wrapper for me.

Now, if I could avoid opening an wrapper then life would be so easier isn't it? But hell no, just as the 10 commandments are outrageously difficult to understand, lest alone follow, all the good things in life, right from potato chips, bubble gum to even a pack of con*** comes wrapped in a plastic packet.

Ideally, when God created this verse, he decided to wrap everything up in a plastic container, so that we spend as much time fumbling over it that the craving for the item is lost by the time we open it. True story.

Isn't it nice that a blog doesn't come in plastic wrap and you can spend more time actually utilizing it, rather than opening the wrapper. eh? I hope the comments don't come wrapped up as well!!!

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

The sound of noise

Ever listened to the sound of noise in a quiet room? Neighter did I, cos the noise is there. Its there all the while, the fan, the keyboard, the TV anything, everything. 

The thing about noise is, you know its irritating, yet you know its inevitable. Noise takes many forms, like the ticky ticky sound of keyboard as I write the article or the sudden 'special' dialer tone which was made to please the caller, that is me, but turns out to be the next worst thing in my hate list, just below Himesh Reshamiya(its not about the music, dude, its about the singing).


There are some bitter truths in life, like you will fart in close public vicinity just when there is absolute silence and you are the center of attraction.
Its not the smell, mind you, because if its smell you get the benifit of doubt, but its the noise. The horrible, horrible noise. The noise will make people turn at you in disgust, while you shamelessly say, 'Peanuts!!'

Then there is also a prophecy that the television you turn on suddenly shouts loudly whenever you are in a hospital, school or a temple. It happens right there,

You are in the hospital, waiting for the friend to get some rest. There is a cute private TV in the private room. Now, obviously you have nothing else to do, so you casually turn it on. Turns out the lion is roaring on the discovery channel in the loudest possible voice making your friend, the neighborhood rooms patients curious wife, the floor nurse, the child playing outside peep in and give you a look of disgust.
Its the noise, not me.

Some noise are pleasant, like the doorbell. They inform you someone at the door, but as with modernization, the doorbell has undergone a Darwinian evolution.
Like earlier the horrible gong of Shaolin temple, is now replaced with pleasant music but the worst part is, the visitor has no clue weather the bell rang or no.
So here I was at the friends penthouse and knocked twice on the door, no answer. Fine I press the door bell (not to mention I had to look for the door bell in all those Fen sui, vastu shastra idols on the door), the button pressed but gave me no acknowledgment

Hey maybe the bell didn't ring at all, so you press again and suddenly the honourable owner comes tying his lungi and shouts, 'We are not deaf, why are you ringing it repeatedly'

Awkward moment.

Another marvel of modern India, the dialer tone. Well, thats not noise, its b-e-a-utiful, but noise comes when you hear this,
'To apply this song as your ringback tone. Press *. Monthly 30 rs and song selection 15Rs. Only so-so customers'

Now there is also no problem with message, but the message comes when you are really into the song and the message comes. Now the worst part, by the time the message is over, the phone is received and your chances of hearing the songs minimize like zero.

Some noise are spooky and come at the oddest hour, when you suddenly see shadows in your room. Fearing they are the Nazul who have come to take away the ruling ring from you, you switch on the light and guess what, the noises stop. Just like that.

Spooky eh? Then there are the noises which you know where from but still are creepy, like an SMS late in mid night, just when you are fighting the Darth Vader in your dreams. The noise not only breaks your winning fight, but also makes your head goes bazzzooo.

Then there are noises which you get used to, like the keyboard typing, or the railways passing (if you live next door), even the hymm of an AC, cooler becomes your habit.

Noises are actually now a part of life. No wonder people go crazy when asked to sit silent. Now I silently finish off this noisy article and get drowned in the noises of the surroundings.

On blog updates, every great production house must begin with the same an awesome 'Coming Attraction',
Every wondered how much time does it takes for her to judge you? 15 sec. Every wondered how much time does it takes for him to move over his mothers food? 15 years. Want to maintain the person balance between yin and yang?

Sidoscope presents... the ultimate guide to relationships, researched by 100 people, compiled by 99 of them and published by 1.

Wait for it...

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Guilty until proven innocent!!!

Its Diwali time, and people are trying to cross the road with the constant fear of crackers between their feet, some are munching sweets not fearing that they are skeptical about the diabetes and calories. The people who usually take a quick shower for work, have taken a very decent bath in the morning (and I hear pollution has reduced to 10%)


So in short its a bright season. The Ravan is dead and the just rulers are returning to Ayodhya (I am not referring to the elections in Maharashtra), the recession Narkasur is slain today, freeing the sixteen thousand not-so-virgin software professionals from the grip. Market is coming up, and if you didn’t feel it yet, eat a sweet with my name, you are getting a call soon.

Sreya and Bharathi tagged me to do this…and I kinda liked this tag. So here it is.
RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes , delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.

Now ideally, I am not comfortable with these kinda question, but you see... the answers are not what you will actually like... don't think bad about me..


Asked someone to marry you? Guilty.
Ever kissed someone of the same sex? Innocent.
Danced on a table in a bar? Guilty.
Ever told a lie? Guilty.
Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have back? Guilty.
Kissed a picture? Guilty.
Slept in until 5 PM? Guilty,
Fallen asleep at work/school? Guilty.
Held a snake? Guilty.
Been suspended from school? Guilty.
Worked at a fast food restaurant? Innocent.
Stolen from a store? Guilty.
Been fired from a job? Innocent.
Done something you regret? Guilty.

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Guilty.
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Innocent.
Kissed in the rain? Guilty.
Sat on a roof top? Guilty.
Kissed someone you shouldn’t? Guilty.
Sang in the shower? Guilty.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Innocent.
Shaved your head? Guilty.
Had a boxing membership? Innocent.
Made a girlfriend cry? Guilty.
Been in a band? Innocent.
Shot a gun? Guilty.
Donated Blood? Innocent.
Eaten alligator meat? Innocent.
Eaten cheesecake? Guilty.
Still love someone you shouldn’t? Guilty.
Have/had a tattoo? Guilty.
Liked someone, but will never tell who? Guilty.
Been too honest? innocent.
Ruined a surprise? Guilty.
Ate in a restaurant and got really bloated that you couldn’t walk afterwards? Guilty.
Erased someone in your friends list? Guilty.
Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? Guilty.
Joined a pageant? Innocent.
Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? Guilty.
Had communication with your ex? Guilty.
Got totally drunk on the night before exam? Guilty.
Got totally angry that you cried so hard? Guilty.

Phew… thats a lotsa guilty out there. Now Sreya has tagged nearly all those who I know, yet if you wish please take this tag.

How Dumb can one get?

Man, this tag is awkward, as I answered the questions, I realize its my life story.
The more [x]’ s the “dumber” you are.
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking
[x] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking
[  ] You have ran into a glass/screen door
[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle
[x] You have thought of something funny while walking by yourself
[x] Laughed, then watched people give you weird looks
[  ] You have run into a tree/bush.
[  ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow
[x] You have tried to lick your elbow… a few times
[x] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little star have the same rhythm.
[x] You just tried to sing them.
So far: 8
[x] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[x] You have choked on your own spit .
[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don’t get it.
[ ] You’ve never seen the Matrix.
[ ] You type only with two fingers.
[x] You have accidentally caught something on fire
[x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.
[x] You have caught yourself drooling.
[x] You have fallen asleep in class and fell outta your chair
So far:14
That is bad…
[x] Sometimes you just stop thinking
[x] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about
[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you
[ ] You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
[x] You use your fingers to do simple math
[x] You have eaten a bug
[ ] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it
[x] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand
[x] You have ran around naked in your house.
So far: 21
Don’t ask questions.
[ ] You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t.
[x] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you.
[ ] You tilt your head when you’re confused
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before
[ ] When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling or wall
[x] The word “ummmmm” is used many times a day.

So the final score is (24/37)*100=64% Dumb man, is that true…I thought it will go beyond 80%… and I have taken this up very honestly.
Again between Sreya and Bharathi, nearly all those I know are tagged. If you are not, please take it.

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Short Story: Incomplete Desire

Disclaimer: Readers please be wary, the story written below has textual description of violence. Not at all suitable for weak minds, pregnant woman and heart patient. If you choose to read it, please be sure you do it on your own risk.

As I walked outside the clinic a cold and stark fear gripped me. A chill went down my spine. The positive reports in my hand showed a disaster. I did not want a baby, not now, not like this.

All my life I had the incomplete desire. I had to fulfill it before the baby. How could this happen? Of course he was trying for a long time and I knew it would be sooner or later. But now, that this is happening, am I ready for this?

The key in the ignition is now telling me something, yes, this has to be done. Shall I drive to my mothers? I am not sure, maybe I have to.
I don't have anyone accept her in this world now. I think I should go there. What will my husband think, when I don't return in the evening?

What will be my answer to him?

Oh well, those are future problems, I am stuck now, in this moment. I have to go there. Maybe papa will help me out, like he does since childhood.

Yes, papa is the answer.

As I drive towards the home again, old rusted memories come back to me. It was five years ago that I had crossed this road, that time it was in a state transport bus.
I had ran away from the house when I was eighteen, the moment I got chance, I ran away from the hell my parents like to call home.
The old house stands still, filled with ghost memories of the past. As I drive inside the compound a spine chilling cold wave hits me.
What am I doing here? Why did I return? I had vowed never to return back, I broke my vow.
I see my mother still in the kitchen, as silent as the past. She had learned to adjust, to adjust to the things happening in the house.
I really pity her. She looks at me with the sad eyes and the age old burden of years on her shoulders.
'You came,' she said sadly, 'I am so sorry I could never protect you, my baby.'
I say nothing. Just smile, don't worry mama, I will protect you.
As if she telepathically heard my words, 'You father is in the workshop.' she says.
The workshop. The dreaded room of my childhood, the room of stolen dreams, of empty souls, the room with incomplete desires. The feeling of guilt that haunted me for so many years rises again in my throat.

It is actually funny, it should end there for it also began there. It began the day I turned five and it continued until I turned eighteen.
The old wooden door creaked open as I stepped in. He was in there stark naked with another woman on the bed.

'My baby, you are back,' he smiles shamelessly.

'You know papa,' I smile at him, 'I don't care if you cheat on mom right in front of her. Because frankly, she deserves it....'
He gets up stupidly and walks towards me. I am not sure what he intends to do, but I never find out.

My hand moves, faster than I had thought of it, the axe in my hand marks its target. The first blow hacks his chest.
The naked lady screams and goes into the farthest corner, but I don't really care about her. I want to see him wither, to see him in pain.

'... how could you do this to me? your own daughter? I was just five when you fulfilled your dirty desires. How could you? You brought me into the world and you made my world as hell?'

The second blow splatters the blood around the room.

My hands and face are smeared into blood. Its a strange thing, that it is the blood of the person who gave me his blood.

I hack him to pieces, blow until blow, until my my ten years worth of prejudice is over. A last look at the old workshop as I pass. The old torture chamber I dreaded to step in since childhood. My worse fears.

A unplanned thought comes to my mind, I remove my cigarette lighter and set the wooden room ablaze. It is over, my worse fears are burning down.

I go to my old room, take a cold shower and wash off the blood. Somehow life seems right now. I see my cell phone, '26 miscals'

I smile and dial him to give the good news, 'Honey, I am pregnant.'

The next conversation is something that changes our world completely. We plan our house, our life around the little feet that have not yet come into existence.
How the life of thirty years changes in seconds. Suddenly all the reasons why I love him come back to me.

I rub my belly, patting my unborn baby in the womb.

The world is safe now for you to come, my darling. Come soon, mommy is waiting.


Child abuse is a crime, however more than a crime it is a act that robs the sense among the small children. If you know any incident, don’t be afraid to raise a voice, don’t let the memory repress under you. Some more bloggers who posted on the serious issue.
Shilpa Sharma
Nikita Gupta


These are the links I know off, do let me know if you have written something about it and I will update the links.


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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Sidtoonss, Episode 4:The recruit

Sidtoons are my original cartoons completely hand drawn and digitally inked by me. Do comment and send love!!!




The new recruit misunderstood the order to 'follow' the robbers.




Do 'follow' sidoscope: http://twitter.com/sidoscope

21 comments over this:

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Guest Post: Battle of the Sexes Revisited Part-II : Invite to Fight

The post has been written by Guria (Maverick Misfit) as the guest blogger for the day. Thank you Guria for taking time out and honoring the request. Obviously we are not grown ups to write in history books one side of the battle, so she is here to write the feminine side of the battle to make it a fair game. You can see the first part in the series here. After this 'little' note I end my words and hand over the charge of my blog to the misfit girl.
Cheers, SiD

One post, and I get a Royal Official Invitation to write the "female" version of Battle of the Sexes Revisited, Part II, as a guest writer/blogger by none other than Sid aka Ravan. Talk about Impact! Who knew? If I did, I wouldn't have written that post, I assure you. The writing of this guest post comes with Sid's rules (he hates he wrote rules, he prefers to call them guidelines, now) that I have have to share.

Rules for the post:

1) It should be funny.

2) It should NOT make fun of one individual (not even me)

3) It should not be serious (Like brain cells, hormones etc.)



The third rule disturbs me less than the second. I can do without talking how the female hormone, estrogen is the main hormone required for the development of the male brain, but not talk about the illustrious blog owner??!! That's sheer torture!...


To be really honest, I am not much of a participant in the Battle of Sexes. See, I don't believe in it. I can play cricket better than a lot of guys (bowl faster, too), cannot play football much but will be correcting that (love that sport), about to learn how to ride bikes, can climb trees, love cars, bikes and gadgets, enjoy watching WWF (or WWE) and other sports. I mean, I grew up with a bunch of boys who took it to their heart to make me, not a guy, but one of them. They didn't think of me any less just 'cause I was a girl. Just like among them was my brother who can sew better than me (I can't sew even to save my own life) and cooks too, just to give his mother a break.

And then I found out, there were some boys whose hobbies were not limited to the ones I was already familiar with, but their's were more versatile. They were very attached to tattling about how inferior, stupid (blah! blah!) girls are.

So, these boys were the first of the new species I had met.

And lo, they were not alone. Even that species had its share of females. The girls who bite back about how uncouth, impolite (again blah, blah, blah!) boys are.
[But they are adamant about the fact, 'we do not belong to the same species, purlease!']

Being the maverick that everyone knows me to be, I observed this nouveau breed of so-called humans with an open mouth and a bewildered expression.

And what did I find?

Most of them, men and women, are usually the ones who don't have much luck with the other sex. Or, are in a relationship, for the sake of not being single! Umm, before the shoes and tomatoes start raining (yet again), let me stop.

I was surprised to see this breed, to say the least. Actually even today, most of the men (friends) I know, do not even give these things a thought. Differences between man and woman. Most men I am glad to say understand that we are bound to be different from then, otherwise what is the whole point in the sex/gender thing? I mean then straight or gay, no one cares, no one's choosy, no question of orientation. Then a guy would have thought, "Aahh! It's time to settle down! But I wonder who do I go for! A female or a male? Hmm..." I guess, the guy will be choosing according to which role he wants to play (ahem, please refer to the only biology everyone is sure to know).

But honestly, I believe it is not even the boys' or girls' fault as it is that of the society. The boys are purported to be jewels from the moment they are born, a blessing to his parents, doesn't matter if he completely turns out to be an imitation. And the girls often have heard from their childhood how they are a liability and only needed to look good and bear children. So, they bark and bite according to what they have been taught by example and nothing else.


But (yes, again but) Battle of Sexes for Sid, is only to write a provoking post, and then spar with me, among the others (sheathe those claws, it's just an expression); Battle of Sexes for the Maverick Misfit is to write a funny (hopefully) guest post on a cool blogger's pink blog. Way better than tags, when you have that blogger's block. An inexhaustible topic, and since there is no solution (one needs a problem to look for a solution), we all can keep barking, err... blogging about it to the N-th post, with still no resolution.

So, for the sake of the Battle to continue, I'll sign off with a quote by a famous author.

"...Women are judged inferior until they prove themselves, and men are judged superior until they prove what a******* they are..."

Spread the Love!!

Or is it, "Distribute the armaments and ammunitions" ???


P.S. I broke all rules, didn't I? If Battle of Sexes is what you want, my boy, it is the Battle you get. I take no orders from you! ;)

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

The Flip of destiny

The thing about destiny is, it happens, no matter what you do or what you not do… its there waiting for you, sometimes playing peek-a-boo without you even aware of it.

Is it a coincidence that you meet that someone on that some day at that some hour at that some minute after which every day minute, hour and a day turns into a single second, a phenomenon explained beautifully by Albert Einstein in the theory of relativity.

Three years ago, if you had told me, I will be making my living in Delhi, I would laugh at you,‘Yeah right, what kinda Idiot leaves the second largest IT hub in India and goes to other city for job?’ Well, now I got the answer… that's me.


Well, I don’t believe that’s a coincidence that I got the job in Delhi. It was meant to be there, it was meant for me.

Destiny, luck, instinct, hope are the things that actually make us feel safe, I mean they show us that humans are not in control of the nature…and thank God for that.

Was it destiny that Dipu visited my club just once and we saw each other? Was it destiny that me being a social retard joined the club just for a year and was actually active for only a month?

Yes, there she was just a casual girl sitting in the audience looking at the boring ceremony and there I was completely lost as too what am I doing here and not spending my day playing computer games?

I sometimes think friends, if destiny had not flipped out that summer of 2006, would my life be the way it is?

I had my own in-campus placement in Cognizant, Pune, proudly going to graduate the next year 2007, where my career would be like the sweet sugar cube. Out of school, in a job. There would be no trace of love, life or romance in between. A ambitious journey to the throne of Indra, where no one can shake you.
But none of it happened. I flunked big time in math paper (I can bear differentiation, but integration is not my cuppa tea.) lost a precious year 2007. There at the same time, my uncle Umesh Mahambre, the first follower of the blog and the reader of the first article, left me alone and emotionless down on earth. He was my guiding spirit, my inspiration. He was a journalist and it is his legacy that I am writing this blog. Those three months where my flip of destiny where I had a moment of self evaluation.

I don’t really think if I had met Dipu in any other circumstance, I would have fallen in love with her. No. Not possible, she was way different than I am. She hates computers, which is my only means of living. She actually visits the blog, once in thousands of years, reads two lines and calls me to tell its awesome.

She was way different, way way way…different, that time she was working in a lawyers and studying for Biotech, which by the way is a subject I have not seen since like 10th Standard. i hate biology, big time.

But as I said, it was a flip, it was a flip of destiny. That summer of 2006, I realized how I hated my life and how it sucked. I lost my faith in God, I lost many countless things in those three months.

But you know, amongst all the bad things happening around, like a Lotus in muddy water, I had a awakening, a lamp of light. My Diya (which bytheway I call Dipu sometimes)

She came and brought her friend along, the lady luck with her. She changed crappy year of 2006 into a very happening ending. She was sweet. Misti.

Suddenly the destiny flipped, my roadblock the math got cleared and I don’t even remember answering the paper correctly. My year ended as……awesome…… with special recognition in college and my school.

With full power boost I started my own company and decide to pursue this dream along.
But midway I realize, entering the battlefield blindfolded is not going to do any good to her, who supported me. She deserved something more. So again, I began hunting for a job. That way, my load is less and I settle down faster.

Lo and behold, as if destiny was waiting for this moment, I get this call from a company in Delhi, who offers me a job in the best technology in town, cloud computing.

Dipu is sweet, innocent, unassuming and smiling very cutely right now as I dictate this article to her on phone (because I am sure she will be lazy to read it until Ioad it on her computer in the pen drive, despite the fact that she has a internet connection)

A note from Dipu, ‘I will read from internet, but I like to hear it from you.’

So you see, its destiny. Destiny is out there, you like or hate, you cannot ignore it. She will come in your life bringing your life partner along in thousands of different ways and change your life totally and awesomely. There will be people who will disagree that such love stories exist, but trust me before Dipu, I had my share of bad lucks. When you meet that someone, somewhere down there in your heart you will come know that, yes this is the one.

That my friends, will be your flip of destiny.

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P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Battle of the Sexes Revisted

The following article is meant for fun and is not meant to harm any particular individual. I do agree and completely understand that every woman is special and different. Please do not jump to any conclusion of any sort from this article.


People say its a man's world but a males life is a tragedy since his birth, when we are born, people ask how is the mother. When we are in our own marriage, people will ask, how is the bride. And the worst part, when we die, people ask How much did he leave for her?



I always wondered if Evana Neton had seen the apple fall, would she discover gravity? or make apple pie? Not that I mean that women can't be scientist, but I suppose back then the Apple pie would be a priority ofcourse.

In the word of Albert Einstein, 'There are something more complicated then the theory of relativity, income tax and women.' As simple as that.


Somewhere deep down inside, every woman is superfacial, isn't it? I gather this from the 14 hours run of desperate housewives.


A new recruit in the company, "She works for 8 hours, and sleeps for 8 hours." I wondered what was wrong in that, when I learned the hard reality, they were the same 8 hours.


There are six stages in every girls life. A new born baby, little girl, teenager, young woman, young woman, young woman. Time and space are just a virtual reality for them.


They come, they see and I wonder what is left after that?


Well, this world is not in order anymore.  I here could conclude one thing, HUM will never understand TUM. How much ever BUNTY tries, BUBBLY will always be a deep mystery for him.

I believe someday there won't be anything to discover.


Maybe science will find God somewhere, and then we will ask him why he created this such a mystery. But till that day, I suppose we can only shrug and ask every angel coming your ways, 'How you doin...'

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Lady of the light.

They were surprised to see my poem or a rap song. I was surprised that so many people liked the poem. With a lot of confidence then I am posting another poem just for you there. This poem is inspired by one girl who came in my life and changed me. She became my lady of the light and guided me from the lazy slumber. It is a tribute to all the women out there… including you.
If you are a girl reading this, continue spreading the light. If you are a guy, don’t stop looking for your lady of the light.
-Love Sid


From the childhood I was told,
There is no angel they would scold, 
Come out of fantasy they did shout,
pro6I believed them without any doubt.
I disliked arts, so I learnt science,
They taught me about rains, they told me about lions,
But where is an angel they would never say,
So I decided to find it in my own way.
I climbed the tallest mountains,
I plunged into the deepest fountains.
I scanned the valleys deep,
I searched for days without any sleep.
All my search went in vain,
I hung my head all in shame.2007062461130301
I sat there gloomy on a stone,
Thinking of my plight..alone.
Then I saw her, the lady of the light,
She was elegant, she was bright.
White as snow, soft as rose,
She looked at me my eyes froze.
I gazed at the beauty divine,
Her hair waved with the air in perfect rhyme,
I pondered looking in those hazel eyes,
WorkingWomen Did the same God create her who created mine?
I now knew that all were wrong, I was right,
She was an angel, the lady of the light.
I finally found her, the princess of divine beauty,
On her even Venus would envy this sweetie....
I conclude this poem on a final word,
Angels do exist in this sinful world.
They are always there beyond your sight,
To see them you must possess the eyes right!!!





P.s. I hope you like this.

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The Indian Dream

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 3; the third edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
In many countries people dream of better homes and better lives. I believe the Indian dream remains simple, a country with the unity in diversity alive. No prejudice, no fights, no terror. Every time I usually have a humorous take on Blog-a-ton, but this time I have I thought for once this has to be serious topic to write about (it can also be because the whole nation is shouting wake up S!D, but that a different story) So I am writing a poem for The Indian Dream of unity in diversity…literally. The poem titled God only knows, is written about God, religion and communal violence. If you read this poem any further, ask yourself this, can we dream a India with a true Unity in Diversity?

A literal unity of diversity… is a Indian dream I see.

I walked across the country and I found a Tamilian, a Marathi, a Bihari.
I walked across the country and I found a Hindu, a Muslim, a Christian.
I walked across the country and found a Aryan origin, a Barbarian origin, A Persian origin.
I walked across the country and found a Dalit, a Brahmin and a Scheduled caste.
However walking across India, I failed to find a Indian around!!!!
God only knows.
Tune in to any television,
at any time, in any season.
You see people fight,
Without any reason or any right.

My God is better than yours, they say, 
Searching the path of the righteous way,
Allah is our savior, Christ is our lord,
Shiva rules the region, Buddha is the God.
They fight, they quarrel,
They shed blood from the bloody barrel.
Jihad some shout is the only way,
God have mercy, they often say.

If your God is great, I ask,
Why are you doing such evil task?
Troubling his own work and creation,
By your own weapons of mass destruction?
God only knows, why people behave so stupid?
To spread love, do we need any cupid?
Hatred is the work of the devil,
Envy is the tool of the evil.
What will happen at your judgment day?
What will Jesus, Allah or Shiva say?
When you reach their holy abode,
will you be able to stand, under the load?
In the end when you will die,
into the heaven will your soul fly?
Pain of the people you have hurt,
Cries of the souls you did part.
God only knows, why can't there be peace,
will there be any land without hatred disease?
God only know, when we will achieve the Indian dream?
Destroy the scum and enjoy the cream?



God only knows, when this will happen,
When I wake up and see the sun brighten...


Lets Pray to God one day this dream will be true. Hope you enjoyed the serious post for a change.This poem was written by me last year when I saw the Delhi Bomb Blasts on 13th September.
The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Double Shots

A horrible combination of alcohol, Bollywood and Hollywood.

He gulped the complete pint of whiskey in one gulp,

‘Come again? You… are the producer?’ he said.

‘Yeah man, I give you money,’ said the producer, ‘I want you to direct my film. Its actually remake of your Hollywood flick we have made a little modification’


‘Ok, run me over the script once more,’ the director turned towards the writer.

‘So actually we have this wonderful script, never seen before on Indian theatres. It has all the shades of drama, action, Sci Fi, romance…’

‘You said drama and action?’ the director asked taking one more pint of Whisky.

‘Yes sir, that is how we make the movies in India,’ the writer proudly boasted.

‘Interesting concept, run me through the script,’ the director said.

‘You know we have signed Superb Khan in this film,’ said the producer, ‘He has given us the dates for next two months.’

The director splat the mouthful of beer on the face, ‘Two months? that’s it?’

‘Yes, getting Superb Khan’s two months date is a herculean task sir,’ the producer informed gravely.

‘Ok so, what’s the script?’

‘So like there is this big meteoroid coming towards earth from sky to destroy the planet. Like a big one, a huge one…’ the writer began, ‘and all the people from world gather together to solve the crisis. They decide to send a man in rocket with a bomb on the meteoroid.’

‘You mean a nuke?’ the director asked.

‘No a bomb, we will not get a go ahead from censor board. They will claim we are teaching terrorist to operate nuclear bombs,’ the producer said.

‘Oh… so what base are we planning? Are we asking NASA to lend their base to shoot?’ The director asked.

‘Err no, we do not have that much budget, we are building a fake rocket base in Mumbai,’ the producer said.

‘Excuse me? Mumbai? I thought this was a big budget film? My agent told me so,’ the director asked worriedly.

‘Yes it is, but we have spend 50% of our budget to pay advance to Superb Khan,’ the producer shrugged.

‘So why don’t we get someone else?’ the director asked, ‘Someone cheap?’

‘Once you see the full script, you will see only Superb Khan can make this film a hit,’ the writer said, ‘Any other hero and you won’t get your fees too.’

‘Please continue,’ The director ordered one more pint of some strong whisky to digest the story.

‘So where were we? Yes, so they decide to send one man to save the world in a rocket. Enter the villain of the film, he is the old father to the Slimy Kapoor, the heroine. The father hates the girls boyfriend who is just a junior. The father wishes to marry his daughter to the son of his space agency owner, who happens to be the second hero, Action Kumar’

'I need to puke…’ the director excused himself to the washroom.

'The writer and the producer started talking to himself, ‘You think he will agree to direct?’

‘He has too, the bill for his whisky is too much,’ the producer explained.

‘Action Kumar has agreed to work for us cheap, as he has a bunch of other films also going on in the
market,’ the producer smiled proudly.

The director joined back, ‘Apologies. Too much drinking,’ he explained, ‘So like there is a family drama in the space center?’

‘Yes yes, there is. Also there is politics too. Lets continue…’ the producer informed.

‘So here like, we have a fifteen minutes song here, which will be shot in Switzerland in the snowy hills.’ the writer said, ‘The song will be the timeline of how their love story developed and also will be the perfect opening for Superb Khan and Action Kumar.’

‘A fifteen minute song? I thought you said the budget was not enough for foreign locations?’ the director scratched his head.

‘Oh the shooting of song expense will be covered with the brands Superb Khan and Action Kumar endorse,’ the producer said, ‘That is later, lets talk the movie.’

‘So the old man, plots the political drama and plans to send the Superb Khan to the meteoroid. Obviously to save the world the hero agrees, but then the old man plans the marriage of his daughter on the same date as the rocket launch.’

‘Now comes the best climax scene, which I want you to direct perfectly, this is going to give us rating.’ the producer greedily rubbed his hands.

‘So like the hero, Superb Khan is sitting in rocket starting the ignition, which fails once.’ The writer said.

‘Fails? Rocket ignition fails?’ The director said.

‘Yes yes, for dramatic effect…don’t disturb… at the same time, Action Kumar realizes that his wife is not happy with the marriage. He stops the marriage in between and takes her separately and asks her. She tells him about his love… and we have the climax. Superb Khan shreds one drop of tear while launching the rocket and that time, Action Kumar comes holding the hand of crying Slimy Kapoor and hands her over to Superb Khan.
 There sad music pops in and they both unite in the mist of the rocket launch,’

‘They stop the rocket launch?’ another gulp of whisky.

‘Yes yes they have to, its Superb Khan, he can do anything,’ the writer said irritated, ‘So Action Kumar then helps start the rocket and they all jump in the rocket and fly off to the meteoroid together.’

‘Why am I not surprised,’ grinned the director, ‘So now what? they detour to the moon for the honey moon?’

‘Oh my, this is hindi movie sir, no honey moon scenes, we can show two flowers, or a bee on flower. No direct scene,’ the producer said.

‘So like all the three reach the meteoroid and on the moon, they all land there and Superb Khan plants the bomb there… but then bad thing happens a gang of aliens attacks them and destroys the remote control of bomb. Then they kidnap the Slimy Kapoor to their hideout where both Action Kumar and Superb Khan chase them to their den, a fight scene erupts with light sabers ’

‘Oh…’ the director interrupted.

‘Yes, Light sabers, we watch science films. We wish to add the science fiction part into the film. So they save the Slimy Kapoor from the aliens and all come back to the meteoroid. But the bomb remote is destroyed and someone has to manually ignite it’

‘So like the final climax… Action Kumar generously offers to ignite the bomb…’

‘And now, I know why we are sending extra heroes to the meteoroid,’ the director exclaimed, ‘for all that’s worth it, I need one more whisky bottle.’

‘So like they both are sitting in the rocket holding their hands and Action Kumar is smiling at them waving at them… here again we need to add a song,’ the writer made a mental note, ‘So like they come back to earth. Then Slimy Kapoor realizes that the aliens where actually hired by her old man to kill Superb Khan. On further investigation it is relived that the old man plots the destruction of earth with the help of aliens, and finally we have the police coming in and arresting the evil cruel father.’

‘And here we roll the credits, and add a remix of song we shot earlier. We will end shots of marriage too,’ the producer said.

‘Thank God for that,’ shouted the director gulping a large amount of raw whisky.

‘So like you believe this film will work?’ the director asked.

‘Yes, I am confident, we have Superb Khan in it and Slimy Kapoor, also starring Action Kumar… that’s nearly the 90% of Indian Audience is their fans,’ the producer said.

‘How much are you getting paid for writing this script?’ the director asked.

‘Nothing, I am his son’ the writer beamed.

‘I need to puke.’ The director proclaimed.

P.s. Suggest a name for the film and get a free movie ticket for the movie.

P.p.s This is a actual contest, suggest a name for the film and get a award for it. :D

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

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