The four powers of woman!!!

This story happened million and millions years ago, when first person on earth and his wife where living alone on the planet.

Her husband had the brilliant plan of world domination, poor her, she feared he would leave her forever. So when her husband started tapasya (sitting idle for long hours until God wakes you up) to please God, she decided to give it a shot...too. 


She was in a very bad shape, you see, her husband was expert at sitting idle for hours, a tradition that stayed with most of the husbands of the world, but whenever she thought of doing it, multiple thoughts came to her mind like how to cook food without burning the whole forest, they had to change societies three times till now because of the problem. Or how should she dust the body to clean all dirt, you see, her husband suggested she should try like a cat, but she knew it was his erotic desire to see her that way.

So you see, with this bigger problems she could not sit idle for hours concentrating on nothing.

Because of this problem, the husbands plan was working fine and she started growing anxious. She had to do something, or her husband would rule the planet.

She thought and thought and thought and thought... and then thought again and finally came up with a foolproof plan.

The day arrived when God came down on planet and the husband asked for strength, power, intelligence and the will to rule the world, God said Tathasu...and granted the gifts.

As God turned turned to leave, she quickly jumped from behind and demanded 33% of all the powers her husband got from God in all the things he gave to her husband, God, first was taken aback at the sudden attack and then smiled.

"You want 33% of all the powers I gave to your man? God asked, what if instead I give you, four powers, four weapons of mass distraction, four elemental powers that will always help you to curb the war against man?"

The woman was smart, she said ok, and thus God granted four powers used by the womankind.

Power one: The earth
The power of earth will give you a perfect stand against him. You won't budge and he won't dare to move you. The whole mother earth will move from your feet through your eyes in from of a stare that will render even the strongest man weak and afraid.

The husband went home and laughed, laughed like an evil (remember the ramleela wali ravan hasi?)

"Today," he announced, "Today, I go to conquer the world," he shouted in triump.

He turned to the door, and there she stood, standing erect using the first power of Earth on her legs, "Ahem Ahem," she said, "Where do you think you are going, mister?"
Her eyes widened, her hands crossed, in the stance God had taught her, "Who will clean the house if you are gone?" she asked, "I do the cleaning, I do the cooking, all I ask you is to clean the house and if you cannot do it.."

The discussion end. Then and there. The man sat on the sofa again.

Power two: The air

The power of air will be helpful in giving you the leverage to blow out his confidence with a single puff of deep breath. If used carefully with the power of earth, this will break the complete confidence of your man. He won't be able to utter a single word in front of you.


The next day, the husband agitated by the failure of yesterday, took another stance, he choose not to look at her while leaving house and fight with her.

"Today," he announced, "Today, I go to play pool," he shouted in triump.

Thus as she stood at the door, giving her big lecture, he choose not to look at her directly and he had practiced some very serious arguments to use against her the whole night.

Finally she was compelled to use the power of wind, and took a deep breath in middle of the conversation. She delivered a perfectly aimed flying kiss which made its target as easily as ever and the husband felt that oxygen has been sucked away from the air, and all the arguments he had practiced never came out of his mouth.

Power three: The water.
The power of water if used very strategically can nullify any failure of earth and air together. Unlike air, it needs no other elements support, however, if used at the end of a lengthy discussion will change the results of the fight drastically.

Two failures and man was getting nervous, he had to do something, he decided on a big band approach, he did not announce anything, he was quietly leaving the house.
But then she stood there, on the kitchen door armed with the third and deadliest hydraulic force, she broke down, starting crying,
"Why is it always so difficult with you?" she sobbed, "Why don't you understand we are here together...."

After fifteen minutes of lecture, he quietly closed the main door and sat inside.

Power Four: The fire

Fire is energy. Fire is life, as fire gives life, he will sippon the life of your husband making him stick closer to you forever. The power of fire however will be shared by both husband and wife, while I grant you the final miracle of life.


The man was nervous, he had no options, he had to do something. While he was planning for world conquer late night, she walked in and looked at him passionately, he never saw how beautiful she was. The passionate fire ignited in his body and he knelt down. Total surrender.

The man was however cunning, he spend the passionate night with his wife exhausting her fire power, and planned to dunk her, leave and never call her again.

The next morning as he woke up early and tried to leave, she spoke the three deadliest words every man in the world fears till date, 'Honey,' she said, 'I am pregnant!!!'

He had underestimated the final power of fire, which was life. Energy and he now knew, he could never conquer the world. Damm.

The story doesn't end her. After this, man's life became miserable with the woman misusing her powers, he could never go to conquer the world, he could not go out to pool, he could not go out to smoke.

He decided to go to complaint department of God's gifting. He lodged a complaint after being redirected like thousand times and finally God came to answer his call.
'By giving her the power, you have completely rendered me useless. Why? God why?' he asked, 'The balance in the world is shaken as I cannot go out.'

God smiled and said, 'Then promise me, you will not go our to conquer the world?'
The man said, 'Ok, I won't but please, let me go out atleast,' he pleaded.
'Fine.' God said, and he spoke some very complex words, 'Kukurmati ki karambhari kahani...' he said.

And thus Baa was born. The wife got busy watching the daily dose of human torture on idiot box, while the man sneaked out to play pool, to smoke, to do all those things that his wife doesn't like. Also the worst first parlor came into being, so did malls and all the things that kept woman distracted so man could go out.

Till date, the world remains unconquered.

Moral of the story: If you are doing tapasya, don't tell your wife.


Second moral of the story: Are you seriously looking for moral in this story? But usually story with God should have a moral so...

37 comments

  1. 1. Or how should she dust the body to clean all dirt, you see, her husband suggested she should try like a cat, but she knew it was his erotic desire to see her that way.

    2.The whole mother earth will move from your feet through your eyes in from of a stare that will render even the strongest man weak and afraid.

    3.But then she stood there, on the kitchen door armed with the third and deadliest hydraulic force, she broke down, starting crying,

    4.He decided to go to complaint department of God's gifting. He lodged a complaint after being redirected like thousand times

    5.and he spoke some very complex words, 'Kukurmati ki karambhari kahani...' he said.

    And thus Baa was born.




    God!! aaj toh had hi kar dali siddie!! But it was such a laughter riot while reading it. =))
    I had no idea about my powers before reading this article..thanks for the information.
    :P

    .
    .
    .
    shilpa

    ReplyDelete
  2. oh god!
    this was hilarious!

    what thinking! :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S!!!!
    =)) =)) =))

    ReplyDelete
  4. Where is the fifth power ie "Akash"..the sky...the sound "Aum" that too need to be mentioned here..
    anyways hilarious and fantabulous description of powers of woman...
    I have been sincerely following your blog ..but did not comment for the reason given in the disclaimer of the previous post...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fantastic imagination and an awesome narration.

    Excellent work Sid :D

    I must test my powers someday soon.Thanks for the insight =))

    Cheers!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. hehe...chan...I like it coz u know...woman power :)

    experience ni lihilays ka ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hahaha that was hilarious Sid.Thanks for making me aware of my own capacities. :) :P
    Nice post and nice thinking!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Some new learnings I got today!! Time to test them now!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is one of the best post, I have read, in the recent past! The narration dosent loose the tempo... You are bound to read till the end. It is hilarious, message - loud and clear!
    Man wanted to go out and win the world, but woman won it, without tapasya, effortlessly. I likked it a lot!

    Keep going!

    ReplyDelete
  10. omg Sid. This was one of the best posts I have read till date... It was all so connected... And hilarious too...

    ReplyDelete
  11. I thought you had a great idea...but the post could have been written a little better.
    Please run a spell check.

    Otherwise full marks for original thought and creativity.

    ReplyDelete
  12. @Shilpa
    Thank you Thank you.... vaise aise bahut saare articles coming in soon....:D

    ReplyDelete
  13. @Orange
    The post is blue...and God has nothing to do with it...he he he...:P :D

    ReplyDelete
  14. @Geeta
    I wanted to put AUM connection into it, but was afraid God will throw lighting on it...

    and if I added the Akash part, this would be nothing less than Shaktimaan...:P So i did not add....:D

    No worries about last post, I just wanted everyone to read it without any agenda. Sorry if I have offended you or something...:D

    ReplyDelete
  15. 'Kukurmati ki karambhari kahani...' LOl.. the whole post Awesome SID..!!! :))

    ReplyDelete
  16. @Chatterbox
    I will pray for that dude...on which you are going to use them...:P

    ReplyDelete
  17. @Megha
    Hoya super experience...3 powers majhya var ani ek majhya jigri mitravar vaparli geli ahe...:P

    ReplyDelete
  18. @Shilpa
    dont tell him the source of idea...or he will hunt me down...:O :D

    ReplyDelete
  19. @Chanz
    it is true too...:D

    sacchi true!!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. @Gyanbaan
    Sorry for the disappointment buddy...i will try to improve...as for spell check...its a problem since ages...:D

    my spellings r poor

    ReplyDelete
  21. ROFL! you are such meanie! all throughout the post you have criticized my gender yet i enjoyed it :D

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hilarious! Awesome creativity!

    ReplyDelete
  23. SID
    you are THE MAN! =)) =)) =)) baa was born lol

    ReplyDelete
  24. I cant stop laughing..We are awesome..Thanks for acknowledging :p

    ReplyDelete
  25. Also does baa know her life story? :)))

    ReplyDelete
  26. @theshmuck
    Have no doubt...i AM THE MAN...:d ;)

    ReplyDelete
  27. @Dilontherocks
    yeah...:P

    baa does know her history, but you see she does not believe it...:P

    ReplyDelete

What do you think about the post? Have your say, like, dislike or even hate me. Tell me.

You might also want to Subscribe to RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter (@sidoscope) or on facebook

I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Home

Contact Form

Name

Email *

Message *