Since the initial construct of language, man has been trying to have the age old problem with words… he cannot find the exact phrases to argue with a female. They say there are factually two theories of arguing with woman, unfortunately the third one works,and men are still hunting for it. Ironically, the only time men won the fight with words was when the language was made, when men explained words to women, and the next day…when men woke up, kaboosh, till date they have not managed to speak a single word of argument in front of women.
All the famous authors like Shakespeare, John Milton, Victor Hugo, Sharad Joshi, Mulshi Premchand, P. L. Deshpande, D.M. Mirajdar etc. all of them wrote millions and millions on words on many different topic, yet, they could not write a single monograph on how to argue with a woman!!!
The most analytical mind in the whole world Sherlock Homes, authored by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, speaks thus about womankind, ‘the motives of women... so inscrutable... How can you build on such quicksand? Their most trivial actions may mean volumes... their most extraordinary conduct may depend upon a hairpin’
A recent analysis shows woman all over the world have a secret conspiracy and a single methodology to argue with a man, its called ‘Argueastra,’(astra: Weapon in sanskrit) a strategically crafted series of phrases and the methods of argument that on its careful and scientifically precise application renders every man in the world useless by its usage. Some say the argueastra is the legend, some do not believe its existence and then those who actually saw it…do not have enough balls to discuss about it.
There is no level of age on who uses the argueastra, its like the Brahmastra, the ultimate weapon used for a dry argument, the only alternative to this power is the usage of crying glands which practically leaves nothing behind.
Our jasoos travelled the globe to get some proof on the existence of argueastra. With the help of some female friends, in the interest of saving the sanity of man-kind, I am putting forward the completely details analysis of the arguesutra, in hope that maybe somewhere, someday some man will find a way to break this chakravivya and maybe, maybe win one argument before the end of time. I have given up long back.
The players: Husband and Wife, the scenario: The wife had requested to take her to the movies, which the husband has already refused last night. Not able to accept defeat, she has decided to use the fighting fork.
H: Honey, give me some tea.
W: This is the 4th cup, you are having since morning. Can’t you be of some use around here?
H: Its my holiday today. I have nothing else to do.
W: Its so great when you are not at home, why don’t they have any work on weekends? You simply increase my work. I do work all week, 24/7, I don’t get any holiday, I cook, I clean, I bicker with the house maid, I have to solve the problems of our kids all have their own views on my life. And once, only once I say, I want to watch a movie, and not any movie, a Srk movie, you do not have time.
I am really tired of it.
H: But… (takes some time to relate to the dialogue, remembers the conversation they had like many days ago. *blink blink blink* tube light, seriously we men cannot remember the calendar in such vivid detail, takes some time.)
Attack number one: Usage of the element of surprise, attack when he is not looking. This way, it takes some time for him to come back on his feet, the window of opportunity to score a point.
He remembers what is happening, but is unable to respond. He assumes he still has a fighting chance, so he argues back.
H: but I told you, its month end, we have to save money…
W: you have found my movie to save money? You buy those useless magazines in your office, you have money to buy a tiffin to our boy, but when it comes to me, all I get is month-end. Before I got married to you, I had so nice proposals, they would never had said month-end to me.
Attack number two: Hit where it hurts, not the crouch, ego. Competition. Show him how lucky he is that he has her.
H: but, that was twelve years ago. I have taken you to many movies so far. We have been around India for so many times, just during last summer, we took chotu to Goa…
W: What do you want to prove by that? Mr. Joshi took the whole family to Europe trip. Don’t you try to tell that you care for me. After all the sacrifices I have done for you, this is what I get. If only my brothers where with me, he would take me for the movie.
Attack number 3: Throw away his argument by counter argument, using the names of his enemies. Any other man, specially your neighbor is always a enemy. Its also called the one-two attack, confront him from both the sides, the man gets confused, at one side he has to criticize Joshi or he has to keep with the argument. If he keeps up, Joshi becomes hero, and if he criticizes Joshi (which 95% of man will do, even me) he scores negative points in argument.
H: But..that Joshya is a fraud, he is the most corrupt…
W:Why do I care about Joshi? I care about us, our marriage is based on love (people say, some arguments are used without word love, I have not faced that yet)…
and all of the sudden the ultimate point of no return…. the fighting fork…
W: Why don’t you understand me? I don’t understand what do you want from me? Don’t you love me anymore? Why don’t we go to movies together?
H: I… I…
There the final point of no return, either tell her you don’t love her or book the tickets.
There, the final nail in the coffin. The husband lost a winning argument.
So you see, what chance do we poor men have??