The 10 commandments of Kalyuga


The birth of Kamal Khan marked the beginning of ghor Kalyuga, the world had not even settled down from the shock of Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag, that deshdhrohi was made. Aghor Kalyug.
Last night, when I was dreaming about Deepika Padukone again, a white rat spoke to me ten commandments I should know if I have to survive Kalyuga. Now as a good boy, I take it as my duty to tell you all good things that God secretly tells me, wondering why he always comes as rat.
So anyways, without wasting time then… read and stay alive… at least till release of Deshdrohi part 2.

cartoon-phone-picture 1) Thou shalt receive the most important call of your life, while you are in the loo This has happened to each one of us, one time or another isn't it? You are enjoying the beautiful feelings peacefully, engrossed in your own world, thinking if Obama should attack Afghanistan, when your phone rings with a very horrible ringtone. Now, I know you receive wrong numbers all the time, but this time the number is right, the moment is wrong. The caller must be your boss, who wishes to send you to a trip somewhere but because you are unavailable will send someone else!!!!
movie-theatre-copyright1 2) Thou shalt get caught while watching a movie on a working day
This commandment is very very bad. There is a nice movie and you promise your GF to show the movie, you call your office that your stomach is upset and sit into the darkness of theatre. During the interval you see your boss along with your colleague in the same theatre watching the same movie, its good thing if your boss is married because he won't mention this incident ever, but if he is not....God bless you...:P
0511-0903-0420-5329_Twin_Sisters_clipart_image 3) Thou shalt be emotionally blackmailed by the feminine gender every time you are playing a game.
Here we have some diversion, if you are married it will be your wife. If you are committed it will be your GF and if you are single it will be your mom. The feminine gender in general is very keen on disturbing you you reach the climax of the game.
You are in between a highway chase with 10-15 police cars behind you, you are desperately looking for pursuit breakers on the way and at the same moment, your wife/ GF will want you to take a bath and if you say no, emotional blackmail follows!!!
After about fifteen levels, 540 days of pursuit, chases, bomb blast you finally find the mob boss who you intend to kill to win the finally unwinnable level, when your mom wants you to clean your room because the friend of a friend ki bahu ki friend ki shaadi hai, aur friend of a friend wants to visit your house. 
0511-0809-0704-2059_Cartoon_of_a_Crying_Dad_Holding_a_Crying_Baby_clipart_image 4) Thou shalt get food only in the break of Saas-Bahu shows
This is a timing based curse, if you time your returning from office exactly at the moment of television ad break then only you will get hot tea otherwise you have to wait till the next television break.
5) Thou shalt not buy proper clothing's for you. The color that you like, the design you choose will never ever fit you, giving chance to your GF or Mom to say that you have a bad dressing sense. Had you taken one of them to the shop than the other would not like it. Take both of them and the shop will be closed from next day!!!

farmville-2 6) Thy wife/gf/bf/husband/friend will be working hard on their farms yet make no sensible money from it.
How many of you nodded? Tell tell. This is the next season of kahani ghar ghar ki.
7) Thou shalt comment on the most idiotic blog post (like this one here) in hopes that your blog post won’t go unnoticed.
It is the most truthful of the laws of kalyug. Obviously this rule has many exception, like honest bloggers, but mostly it is true. C’mon no one wants their post to get unnoticed do you?
8) Thou shall not send an update on Twitter/Facebook about thy fake illness.
The day you put a sick leave and office and go for outing and random musing. You tweet, You buzz, it comes everywhere on internet. The next day you pretend your stomach was upset, but right from thetwitter-bird-funny1 peon to the manager all are looking at it as if the chariot of Dharmaraja has touched ground thanks to you.
9) Thy children will grow smarter than you, so will your old parents.
A unavoidable rule. Your child within twenty seconds on his computer tell you, your second cousin marriage is on 27th, your mother is partying on the beach (yes old mother, weak wailing old mother, pension plan), you are so so not cool and your brothers son just buzz you that he is going to follow you (eeeks) on everything…:P
25879_f260 I pray this doesn’t happen with you.
10) God-men and priest will have a better sexual life than you.
With Babas and God-men popping out across the streets, faster than humans actually lose faith. It is bound to happen.  Recent kumb mela went peacefully without any problems because Nityananda was missing. Also reward for awarded for anyone searching for Nityananda.

21 comments

  1. Rule # 3 should be underlined for critical commandment.
    Failing to adhere to this should result in serious pocket damages.:-))

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  2. hehhe I love your commandments :)

    Food during saas bahu serials? that is sacrilege, how can u even think of getting food when history is being made :P

    I confess, I was a farmville maniac, but no more I am in rehab now...

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  3. hehehe.. :)) good list :P Thou shalt get food only in the break of Saas-Bahu shows -> best

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  4. @Gyaanban
    I can see a hurt brother when I see one...:D Serious damage yes...totally!!!

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  5. @Lazy Pineapple
    Hope you are not interested in pineapple farming now...:P

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  6. @Avada
    Its harsh reality of modern society...:P

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  7. @Saurabh
    You also stay hungry na??? :D me too...:P

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  8. lol...lovely...
    I guess most of them were for guys...anything in mind for gals specifically ?

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  9. LOL! Awesome! And you will not get food if there is a cricket match on in my home :D. I ask my Dad to wait till end of over or a wicket :P.

    Oh btw, I seem to like the only one who isnt into farming business =)).

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  10. @Megha
    Am a guy ain't i? I dream like a guy... must check if there is a female rat somewhere in dream...;)

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  11. @Harini
    No no...don't worry I am in rehab now...so no longer farming...:P

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  12. hahah... u proved ut humourous nature once again. it was a pleasant read.. especially the explanation that u have written after every point attacted me to go through the next one excitinglyy... any wayss... thanks sid..:)

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  13. Hi Sid!!
    Actually loved reading all 10 commandments but #3 and #4 were the best...oh no no they were ossum...

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  14. @Pramoda
    Thank u thank u...also thank the rat who told me those...:P

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  15. @Geeta
    Thank thank you.... you also became part of ossum generation...:P

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  16. @Geeta
    Thank thank you.... you also became part of ossum generation...:P

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  17. ROFL! =)) GREAT WORK, dude. Loved it.
    Specially the 10th point! :p

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  18. @The virgin
    Thank you dude...:P the 10th point is important...:D

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  19. Ha! Ha! Ha!

    Murphy's Law rules ;)

    ReplyDelete

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