The 5 Enemies of Humanity
Ok, no jokes, serious. In public interest, to all those hopelessly romantic guys (voila) out there, please please please do not say ‘I do’ on a phone or you might make the biggest mistake of your living life, and keep on living your whole life, praying to God to whisper the two golden words you wish to hear, ‘April fool.’
Now, coming to a more serious issue, see, the print and media television are busy covering the personal lives of celebrities the more pressing issues are left to me to cover them, sheesh, so, I should fulfill my duty of giving you some more important and serious issues.
*Terms and conditions apply started from here,wanna have free gifts bear the poisonous fumes?) so anyways they churned out some real nasty things out there which neither God wanted nor the demons, they decided to send them to us… as free gift* only of course *terms and conditions apply. These gifts are rooted so deeply in our minds that you will not feel they are enemies at all.
So take deep breath, today I share you some of the most dangerous enemies of human civilization…
The day I learned my sabji wala in the market doesn’t understand the difference between differentiation and integration my heart actually shifted by a delta in my chest, this statement may not make any sense to you, but I hear all my math teachers praising me from far off time-space quantum. Ignore it, just consider….math is solely responsible for destroying half the planet faster than AIDS, AIDS can be prevented, mind you, use a condom, be safe than sorry, but math… no ways. There is no condom made to stop division divide your brains into two parts, one sleepy, one bored then multiply it with complex, incomprehensible problems, on top of that adding the payload of your assignments and deadline and subtracting all the fun out of it....getting my point? Use condom to prevent AIDS so you have only fear of maths remaining.
2) Himesh Reshamiya
So it happened to me during the presentation to a room full of serious looking people (by the looks of it all of them looked as if forgotten to smile since their birth) and started humming, ‘Mann ka radio…’ with a disastrous effects, details of which I prefer not to share. Phew.
Marriages destroys the human civilization since so many days. Ladies stop raising your eyebrows and listen to me first. The worst part is not the institution of marriage, but the celebration of it. Why should you feed like a gazillion people (for free) when you am going to be with imprisoned for whole life? Every fun trip alone outside city will be looked at suspicion and every bowling night monitored? Every girl coming to your marriage will come as if she is preparing for her own marriage and then publicly announce she is single and available making you feel, if only you knew it a day before? It is slow torture, slowly and steadily ripping your soul part by part.
Your friends in crowd now hitting on the hot sister/friend of your wife is actually jeering on you, ‘dude you are screwed’.
See those fluffy little things sitting on your sofa as you go home, can anyone tell me why are they there taking a place for a human to sit? What exactly is their purpose there? Why are they there sitting like they rule the house? But obviously the cushions have a curse on them, you cannot remove them, you cannot live with them. When a sane normal person wishes to sit on the sofa, for resting, what does he do? What does he do? He removes the cushion from the way? There you see….the last moment, you remove the cushion out of the way.
5) Mobile ringtones
The worst thing that came out of the churning of ocean was the mobile ringtone. Not satisfied with the normal tring tring, people started putting melodies to it, pleasant melodies, but these melodies became your signature. Why do you have a ear deafening mobile sound? Why does the mobile ring in a particular tone just when you are in office loo? keep your eyes shut for a while…and it rings, the dreaded voice of a mobile ringtone.
Historical evidence carefully hidden under conspiracies (strong words to make serious and self-cooked assumptions) show that initially there was a debate on weather the Gods should have these gifts or the demons, but they both signed a quiet pact that they will throw these things on earth for us to bear.
Obviously cannot keep you hanging on 5 things can I? Thankfully some good things also popped out of the churning of the ocean, which will become a part of the part II of the post … but *terms and conditions apply.
Sidoscope has gone mobile, yes, finally, all the ripple of laughter packed at your fingertips, to visit Sid-mOb-Scope, you need to have a phone (duh oh) and a GPRS/Packet Data/Blackberry connection.
Just point your phone browser to http://m.sidoscope.co.in and you are in.
P.s. Due to some reasons I am not regular on blogger world, please pardon me if I have not visited you in few days. I am trying hard to cope up.
P.p.s. All the best of luck for all the blogatonics. May the best man/woman win.
When not writing, he is often seen cycling in hunt for good coffee or having pointless argument with random people on varied subjects. He can be reached on twitter @_siddhesh or his websitehttp://www.siddhesh.co.
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