The 5 Enemies of Humanity

Remember the story of the guy who fell in love with a photograph of a girl and married to someone else drooling over the photograph on telephone? yup, the same one… he underlined the definition of a fool, right here in the month of April.

Ok, no jokes, serious. In public interest, to all those hopelessly romantic guys (voila) out there, please please please do not say ‘I do’ on a phone or you might make the biggest mistake of your living life, and keep on living your whole life, praying to God to whisper the two golden words you wish to hear, ‘April fool.’

Now, coming to a more serious issue, see, the print and media television are busy covering the personal lives of celebrities the more pressing issues are left to me to cover them, sheesh, so, I should fulfill my duty of giving you some more important and serious issues.

Like at the beginning of human civilization before like man came into beings, these big big Gods and demons churned out an ocean to collect free gifts, you see, Big Bazaar was not there in those times, the demons had to bear the poisonous fumes of great snake vasuki to actually get some free gifts (The tradition of adding a *Terms and conditions apply started from here,wanna have free gifts bear the poisonous fumes?) so anyways they churned out some real nasty things out there which neither God wanted nor the demons, they decided to send them to us… as free gift* only of course *terms and conditions apply. These gifts are rooted so deeply in our minds that you will not feel they are enemies at all.

So take deep breath, today I share you some of the most dangerous enemies of human civilization…


1) Maths
Maths The day I learned my sabji wala in the market doesn’t understand the difference between differentiation and integration my heart actually shifted by a delta in my chest, this statement may not make any sense to you, but I hear all my math teachers praising me from far off time-space quantum. Ignore it, just consider….math is solely responsible for destroying half the planet faster than AIDS, AIDS can be prevented, mind you, use a condom, be safe than sorry, but math… no ways. There is no condom made to stop division divide your brains into two parts, one sleepy, one bored then multiply it with complex, incomprehensible problems, on top of that adding the payload of your assignments and deadline and subtracting all the fun out of it....getting my point? Use condom to prevent AIDS so you have only fear of maths remaining.

2) Himesh Reshamiya
Signature Collection Himesh Reshammiya
Oh well, I put his name here, because I have made too many jokes on Kamal Khan and Deshdrohi and thought of giving him a break (until he comes out in news again which is very soon I hope). Himesh is a great music composer, great… no doubt…but which composer adds a catchy tuning to a crappy song like, ‘Mann ka radio, bajne de jara?’ listen to this song early morning and lo, you will be humming it all day long.
So it happened to me during the presentation to a room full of serious looking people (by the looks of it all of them looked as if forgotten to smile since their birth) and started humming, ‘Mann ka radio…’ with a disastrous effects, details of which I prefer not to share. Phew.

3) Marriages
IndiaWedding-28 Marriages destroys the human civilization since so many days. Ladies stop raising your eyebrows and listen to me first. The worst part is not the institution of marriage, but the celebration of it. Why should you feed like a gazillion people (for free) when you am going to be with imprisoned for whole life? Every fun trip alone outside city will be looked at suspicion and every bowling night monitored? Every girl coming to your marriage will come as if she is preparing for her own marriage and then publicly announce she is single and available making you feel, if only you knew it a day before? It is slow torture, slowly and steadily ripping your soul part by part.
Your friends in crowd now hitting on the hot sister/friend of your wife is actually jeering on you, ‘dude you are screwed’.

4) Cushions
geek-emoticon-smiley-designer-cushion See those fluffy little things sitting on your sofa as you go home, can anyone tell me why are they there taking a place for a human to sit? What exactly is their purpose there? Why are they there sitting like they rule the house? But obviously the cushions have a curse on them, you cannot remove them, you cannot live with them. When a sane normal person wishes to sit on the sofa, for resting, what does he do? What does he do? He removes the cushion from the way? There you see….the last moment, you remove the cushion out of the way.

5) Mobile ringtones
ringtones1 The worst thing that came out of the churning of ocean was the mobile ringtone. Not satisfied with the normal tring tring, people started putting melodies to it, pleasant melodies, but these melodies became your signature. Why do you have a ear deafening mobile sound? Why does the mobile ring in a particular tone just when you are in office loo? keep your eyes shut for a while…and it rings, the dreaded voice of a mobile ringtone.

Historical evidence carefully hidden under conspiracies (strong words to make serious and self-cooked assumptions) show that initially there was a debate on weather the Gods should have these gifts or the demons, but they both signed a quiet pact that they will throw these things on earth for us to bear.

Obviously cannot keep you hanging on 5 things can I? Thankfully some good things also popped out of the churning  of the ocean, which will become a part of the part II of the post … but *terms and conditions apply.

Hearing the pleas of humanity to release them from pain and suffering, one of the best thing churned out, no not by Gods and Demons, recently was a portable mood-sudharo-meter, yes, you did hear it right.
Sidoscope has gone mobile, yes, finally, all the ripple of laughter packed at your fingertips, to visit Sid-mOb-Scope, you need to have a phone (duh oh) and a GPRS/Packet Data/Blackberry connection.

Just point your phone browser to http://m.sidoscope.co.in and you are in.

P.s. Due to some reasons I am not regular on blogger world, please pardon me if I have not visited you in few days. I am trying hard to cope up.

P.p.s. All the best of luck for all the blogatonics. May the best man/woman win.

33 comments

  1. lol :D this was like super... Ravan strikes... ;) esp. with the Himesh bit.. good one!

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  2. lol...lol....lol...lol.... and the biggest lol at the phone ringing when u are in the office loo.. it leaves you in the most weird situation... (Sigh)

    btw why didnt you participate in batom-9.. I was expecting that you would be there... infact, I was sure that you will win... The topic screamed for you to come and write but :(

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  3. ROFL =))

    Math is my biggest enemy every! It was screwed up my grade. I did well in other subjects and viola math would do the trick and get the % down and I had to listen to people going work on math! The only problem i see with wedding is feeding people u hardly know and met. Weird customs na!

    Great post as usual :).

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  4. lovely post buddy and your mood sudharo meter is awesome..
    Mobile ringtones ,yes i too can't understand why are people not satisfied with normal tring tring...Why always ye dil maange more...

    Anyways same question as Chanz asked...
    (Forgive me Chanz for just copying and pasting your question)
    btw why didnt you participate in batom-9.. I was expecting that you would be there... infact, I was sure that you will win... The topic screamed for you to come and write but :( :(
    Isn't this unfair?

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  5. I think we can add 'Education' to this list :)

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  6. Brilliant post Sid :)
    Simply awesome :D :D

    Keep 'em coming!!

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  7. hee hee hee :D this was hilarious. I fell off the chair but your terms and conditions prevent me from suing you :P

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  8. ROFLMAO...nice one Sid.I laughed a lot.
    But I disagree with the Maths part since I've loved this subject a lot ever since school.I even enjoyed engg math in 1st year....so Maths ke baare mein bilkul bhi bura nahin sun sakti. :P
    Aside from that agree with the rest. :D

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  9. Gr8 post SiD! Agree with you on all the points except 4th, I do use cushions while sitting on a sofa sometimes but I don't understand how that makes me insane, cushions r there for comfort, use them if u want or leave them be...

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  10. lol the same old SID humour :D. Marriages was spot on lol. Perfect in fact :d

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  11. Shoaib is like this designated fool of the month :P

    Dude! I loved maths until last year yaar! but now seems like the only paper in which I may flunk :(

    Himmesh! did you ever see the pride with which he walks? I mean kis baat ka ghamand? :O

    Marriage! who wants to get married? life is to enjoy ;)

    cushions are simply to make your ass comfortable! so STFU!

    :)

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  12. Shoaib is like this designated fool of the month :P

    Dude! I loved maths until last year yaar! but now seems like the only paper in which I may flunk :(

    Himmesh! did you ever see the pride with which he walks? I mean kis baat ka ghamand? :O

    Marriage! who wants to get married? life is to enjoy ;)

    cushions are simply to make your ass comfortable! so STFU!

    :)

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  13. offo! why only five? was expecting few more !

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  14. HAHAHA......the write son math & marriages were awesome! and the references to shoaib n bigbazar too! :D

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  15. dude... there are many more enemities.. well i gues yu framed the best ..:) Himesh yes the best!

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  16. @Leo
    Shukriya ji....:P so u agree....:P

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  17. @Chandz
    he he he....i s'pose u ko phone in loo ka bura experience aya hua hai...

    @Chandz and Geeta
    funny thing, i was d one who suggested the bat topic and I actually forgot the date and when out of town...by the time i came back blogaton was over...:P

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  18. @Harini
    see see...thats d worst part...and like math has control over everything...u don't take up the subject in exams...and voila u have to use math to calculate percentile...dammm its dictatorship u know...:D

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  19. @Mahesh
    Aaaah....now u remind me... i will write a post on education system soon....:D

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  20. @Lazy Pineapple
    So the terms and condition works eh...wuu huu... i was afraid it would happen one day....:P

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  21. @Sammy
    :o :O :O u love maths? math is the only subject which increased 1 year in my engineering degree...:P

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  22. Areee rads...par i feel dem so distant you know...how can a person feel comfort in cushion? how how how?

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  23. Lollzz.....but my view o nthe dangerous enemies is -

    Maths..my fav subject.. :)

    Himesh : I love some of his compositions genuinely...but when he sings...definitely a disaster. :p

    Cushions : again my love...spcly the soft ones.... I hv atleast 3 cushions on my bed wen i sleep.. :P

    Marriage: hmmm...I love receptions n parties...

    Ringtones: yeahhh..they always ring at the wrong time...so i prefer sober tones..Nokia tune..my fav :) :)

    Keep writing..its fun to read such posts :)

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  24. @Adi
    dude welcome back....was missing you...:D

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  25. @Neha
    I ssee we do not agree on cushions....but i would like 2 see u sit on them...they are not comfortable at all...:D

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  26. @Mani
    Abhey 5 dushman kafi nai hai kya?

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  27. @Mural
    I mentioned my enemies passionately...:P

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  28. @Hary
    mere funny dost...enlighten me on other enemies...:D

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  29. @Urvashi
    Math...no comments.
    Himesh. See I got no problem in his songs and music...but he gives cathy music to crappy songs which are stuck in your head. :P

    Again for marriage, you enjoy going to others marriage...imagine wot happens in ur own one...:P

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  30. Hahaha! Vintage Sid... the 'Ravan' kid ;)

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  31. @Roshmi
    Haaay....always good to see you dear....:D

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  32. Lai bhari post!

    I was very good at maths until trigonometry popped it's ugly head up... Suddenly everything has to do with trigo...
    I'm like come on! what was the rest of the maths we learn for?

    I din get the cushions thing tho... I guess it was for checking whether people are reading the entire post... :P

    ReplyDelete

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