Kutte

When Garam-Dharamji, in movie Sholay, mention the word 'Kutte' with such a big disgust on his face, I immediately became his fan, there he was the he-man of the east, standing broad, single-handedly challenge the biggest dark forces ever clouded the entire humanity- dogs. That day I prepared a a backup plan, if I meet the lord of all dogs, I am going to scare him, 'Run or I will tell Dharamji'

I strongly believe Dogs where the creatures summoned by the evil lords to take over the world, and they succeeded. Seriously they succeeded.
If an alien is peeping out from their super-ossum spaceship in their long distance telescope on earth or if they tune in to Earth 101 on their local cable TV, what do they see?
One create on planet earth is dragging another creature of the same planet. One creature poops anywhere he wishes to, the creature who is getting dragged lifts up the poop with bare hands, what will they conclude?
Conclusion: Creature number 1, Dogs, rules the planet with feudal slavery over creature number 2, humans.
Dogs are the only creatures that have generated a very horrible tryst with humans, we call them loyal, mans best friend and all things to butter them up.

Have you seen anyone call the person in anger, cat? nope, they call them dog only. In the end, in anger man calls another man, Dog only, a female is called a bitch, which is the worst swearword ever. Yet Dog in any sense is not at all bad, so says many people, Dogs are mens best friend, strange na? Using your best friends name as a swear word??
I have had some very not so nice experiences with these four legged rulers of the planet. In Goa we have a tradition of buying bun early in the morning from people selling on cycle and honking a oink oink horn. I was in junior KG when my mom asked me to buy two buns from the gate. Distance from gate to door: merely 2 meters, Distance imagined by little me: some 40 million KM.

I was bringing back the buns home when... the ferocious, large dog saw me. He not only saw me, he jumped at me, trying to steal my buns, I was so scared, I threw the buns on the ground and ran home, not satisfied with my defeat the dog chased behind me, all that 40 million km, till my mom shooed him away.
I could not sleep for three days after that. In fact that dog still haunts my dream, now twenty years later, whenever I remember the incident. Damm it, I won't get sleep tonight.
Dogs have a funny way of showing they love, one of my friend who proudly boasted how his dog 'loved' him, had his pants ripped off my the pet. I have seen people who see dogs as protection medium, let me assure you dogs do not protect anyone. They simply scare off your well wishers like me from your door. I am seriously your well wisher.
Now, some dogs are used as formidable weapons. I had once told the security uncle of our colony to stop anyone from having a dog as it is most dangerous weapon ever, but he simply laughed at me. Sheesh.
I have seen people use it as weapon, infact I am victim of one such weapon.

When I was in seventh class, during summers we used to play cricket tournament. Our cricket ground was a large barren land some distance from the house. I was walking there carrying a bat and adjusting my half pant, when the khadus buddi (Idiotic Old lady) decided that I need running practice and let her dog loose on me.

Now she had warned me about it previous day as I broke her house window with a well placed shot, but I thought she was joking.
(Article continued after this...)
A new series coming soon... wait for it...

And now, the idiot dog, he chased me all the way across the area, I was running with my heart pumping hard, promising God I will never ever ever ever break any window if he saves me, during that run I vowed not to be rude to any person holding a dog, ever ever, I also decided to feed all dogs in the world poisonous biscuits so they won't live to see next day, but still the dog chased and chased, until my dear old friend came to the rescue me throwing the ball from the high wall of the compound at the dog, who then vented his anger on our rubber ball and chewed it off into death, giving me time to climb up the wall and collect some stones.

We both, me and my friend, sat on the wall for whole day in bright hot sun and
the dog kept waiting for us below it. I think that is why my skin became so dark.
Dogs are the living mortal enemy to all living kind, mind you, now I know many of you won't agree specially girls who prefer to have dogs instead of boyfriends, but trust me when I say this, we were saved from Hitler as he had brains, we may never be saved from the dog Hitler who is going to take over our world soon.
Bow wow.

8 comments

  1. Sid, as a dog lover I can say that dogs are wonderful pets. That being said, you can add another point to your litany of woes .... they can be a cause for divorce. My ex hated them passionately - they hated him and bit him! Now I keep 3 at home hehehehehehehe

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  2. bow wow!! i like ur blog!! nice stuff!!

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  3. hahaha! I have been bit my dog when i was LKG.I had to get so many painful injections around my stomach :P. But I LOOOOOOVE dogs!! I am so crazy about that i feed street dogs as my dad doesnt let me have one. You will find a tiger biscuit packet my bag ready to be fed to a talk i think needs feeding :P.

    They bark and if u get scared they chase you. Approach them with love and see ;).

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  4. Hahahahaha!

    No wonder you had a hale and hearty childhood... and grew up into a healthy adult too :))

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  5. @Ritu
    As I can see, you have already used it as a weapon...:P and now wield 3 of them...

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  6. @Harini
    I tried approach the dog with love and he licked me....eeeks....even worse than running behind....fortunately i was never bit...:D

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  7. @Rosmhi
    The dogs had fully planed to kill me in my childhood, but i survived...:D

    ReplyDelete

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I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

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