Just Shoot me!!!

We all live in Kalyuga, that is very widely and popularly known hence we are already prepared to face the craziness of the world and a little breathing exercise controls our emotions.

But hey its Kalyuga and there is no rest for craziness around you, so some interesting things happening around!!!

'Hey, the Sadhu who taught you celibacy was caught in sleazy sex scandal', completely acceptable, effect of Kalyuga. Breathe in, breathe out.

'Hey, the cricket matches for which you bunked your office by telling them false lies about illness, were fixed, before hand'

Deep Breathe in, deep breathe out, its Kalyug. Its all right, so far.

'Hey, sorry bro, I accidently drank you coffee!!!'
Deepest Breathe in, deepest breathe out, its Kalyug talking.

But there are some incidents in your life in which you wish the someone has you in the cross-bar of his magnum sniper and your mind simply shouts, 'JUST SHOOT ME.'

'Dude, lets go grab some beers,' I called up a great pal..

'No bro, I got a appointment at the parlor,' HE, yes thats right HE.

Parlor? Ice Cream Parlor maybe.

'Parlor?' the shocked me.

'Yes, I got to do manicure and hair straightening,' he.

Woah woah, hair is not the only thing that needs straightening dude.

Now at the moment, my mind just puked at the most horrible thought of the century, unresisting, I ask,

'Are you gay?'

See, I don't have any problem with gay people, with all due respect, but this man was my roommate for many years and all those nights after sleep.... i shudder.

'Oh no,' he says, 'I am metro-sexual,'

In the conversation that follows he explains me about metro-sexuality, where the words like 'Pamper', 'Manicure', 'Pedicure' crop in.

By the time the word, 'Chest waxing' comes into conversation, I hear someone has already loaded a in my mind. It will happen anytime sooner and it happened... 'You should also try facial at the kings mens salon, they are so soothing...'

Dhiskyon. My mind just committed suicide.
Why don't you just shoot me, pleads my brain!!!

Someone long back wrote, Athiti-devo-bhava, meaning Guest is like a God, he was absolutely right, a guest is like The God, like the real God sitting high up there who you will pray every night will pamper every day, but are scared on a visit from them.

Sigh, but we live in kalyuga and however we may wish that the real God do visit us and the guest don't visit us, the God will never visit but the guest will come and again and again and again and destroy your life faster that Laila or Eyjafjallajökull.

So they will come to destroy you, now if they came as a guest, ate free food it will be alright, but no they will want to know where you work? why you work? how much you get blah blah blah, in a recent visit the conversation happened was as follows.

I wake up drizzily at 10 and lo, the whole benjo party sitting in the drawing room,

'Oh, he is your elder son, how come he is sleeping? is he studying? wasn't he in engineering two years ago? what happened no job? I see, its recession even my sisters husbands brothers son has no job.'
Sometimes I am confused if I should appreciate their switching over the topic faster than the intercity express changes tracks or I should congratulate them for successfully speaking such a long list of topics without holding breath.

I simply pick up my brush and enter the bathroom, I am already late for office.

The second round of open fire happens when I reach home back, it seems they have been mounting up the questions in the whole day,

'So you go to work so late,' question one, it is allegation.
'I have flexi-timings,' I try not to be sarcastic.
'So you also work in the call-center huh, nowadays every body is working there, all at night shifts, what has the world come to...'
very close to beat Shankar Mahadevan in breathless,
'I work in software.' I reply, keeping in mind softly, that killing someone is illegal and bad manners.
'Oh wow, JAVA or SAP,
There you go, JAVA or SAP, apparently the whole software industry in the whole world can be summed up into two terms.
'No,' I reply rather rudely, because if I go on, I don't have patience to explain what I do.
Here the gun is now loaded. Click.
Then the guest shamelessly smiles, revealing his shabby teeth, 'So when do you plan to marry?'
'Huh,'
'I know what you boys think nowadays, but it is important to marry at the right age.' then what follows is his shameless quest for explaining the importance of marriage.
Please for Godsake, JUST SHOOT ME, my mind shouts.

They say, some people are alive just because it is illegal to kill them, many times in my life, I feel the need to renew my gun license, I simply wish I did every time there is a knock on the door.

Maybe it is not so bad to be, gay in every way except sexual orientation, metro-sexual, I will always be seeing the friend in suspicion of he being a gay and to protect my 'izzat' I will never take him home after dark. As far as the loud mouth relatives are concerned, I simply want to get license to shoot renewed.

And if by chance you see me sitting in the parlor (mens parlor) or if I visit your house in attempt to beat the Shankar Mahadevan breathless record,

JUST SHOOT ME....STRAIGHT!!!!


P.s. Damm you, writers block!!!

15 comments

  1. Guys should be metrosexual. Seriously. They dont like shopping, we dont like watching games on TV .... this way one can spend time with the spouse.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey! Don't let your mind commit suicide at such 'pretty/petty' things.
    Take a deepest deep breath, count 1-2-3....may to infinity and you'll feel better. :D

    An interesting post! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. hehhe this was funny...chest waxing??
    I am curious...how do they do it? with hot wax?

    =))

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahaha =))!

    You know there is a men parlor next to my home and its more busy than the ladies one ;).

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lol!
    Oh and I just saw the monkeys following you thing!
    Rotflmaaaoo!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. it did shoot in the right wavelength and with apt frequency...
    i liked your unconventional narration and the flow where you have connected different layers of society as a strata ...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Chill Sid...take a few deep breaths, roll your eyes & forget what whoever said/did ;) ;)
    Very interesting post :) I am still giggling at your guest's question JAVA or SAP??

    Cheers!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Breathe in...Breathe out!!!
    You nailed it kabe, this time.

    Loved the flow.
    Loved the way of narrating.
    Loved the words that were chosen.
    Killer Article!!!
    *phew* Breathe in... Breathe out!!!
    .
    .
    .
    shilpa

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! =))

    Lots of Pranayam and Surya Namaskar should help...

    ReplyDelete
  10. @Phoenixritu
    Guys should be metrosexual .... this way one can spend time with the spouse.
    This is a cospiracy to make guys into girls...:|

    @Nethra
    :D

    @Shilpa Garg
    Take a deepest deep breath, count 1-2-3....may to infinity and you'll feel better.
    Sometimes that si really impossible in this horrible kalyuga

    @Lazy Pineapple
    chest waxing??
    I am curious...how do they do it? with hot wax?

    I am not going to find it out for you...:P and i don' want to know it....:D

    @Harini
    You know there is a men parlor next to my home and its more busy than the ladies one .
    Ghor Kalyug!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. @oRange*.
    Oh and I just saw the monkeys following you thing!
    Rotflmaaaoo!!

    Ooh thanks... though i should finally announce the public war with humanity!!!

    @Mahesh Kalaal.
    i liked your unconventional narration and the flow where you have connected different layers of society as a strata ...
    I did not understand a word you wrote but i think it means i am ossum...o_O

    @Chatterbox
    Very interesting post I am still giggling at your guest's question JAVA or SAP??
    Man... that really sucks...i mean is there no life beyond JAVA and SAP...:O

    Cheers!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I like the way you write... very very hilarious !
    You have a very gud sense of humor :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Your blog is cool. To gain more visitors to your blog submit your posts at indli.com

    ReplyDelete
  14. This would make a great eminem song!

    Breathe in breathe out technique is used by me too...

    Just sometimes I'm so enraged, I breathe out fire!

    ReplyDelete

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