Of Men, Women and the necessity of clothes!!!

Today what i am going to share you is a classified  Top Secret confidential information, for your eyes only. I know they will hunt me down after I tell you this, strap me in chains and locked me up, but nevertheless I am going to share this to you. This is the biggest secret every kept in the history of secrets, it is the conspiracy theory bigger than the conspiracy  theory of the green vegetables (The conspiracy of lies that all worst tasting vegetable are healthy and good tasting vegetables are not good for health, more on that later)
'Alpha team, fall in,' barked the commander. All the three people surrounded her, head lowered, whispering so that only they can hear her instructions.
'Time check, are all the watches synchronized?' she raised her wrist to show exact 1800 hours. They all nodded their approval.
'Mission brief, do all of you have the assets list?' she questioned, they all nodded showing the paper list.
'We have sixty minutes to collect the assets and fall in at the rendezvous point at exact 1900 hours. Am I clear?'
'Yes,' he said in a bored tone.
'Am I clear, Cadet?' she barked.
'Yes, Captain,' he barked.
'Ok, boys, this is it, this is no drill, lets shop!!!'

And the complete family, mom, dad and two sons dispersed themselves into the end-of-season-sale at the mall.

Ever felt the need of special men retreat corner in the mall? Ever wondered how you ended up buying a bed-sheet, when you had simply gone to buy a handkerchief?

I decided to pull off a Newton and sit under a apple tree to ponder over the questions (I was actually sitting there so that I could not face the Amex bill lying unopened on my doorstep), waiting for the apple to fall so I can pick it and make apple juice out of it (Apple rates are very high in mall, sacchi!!) when I uncovered the reality.... The ultimate conspiracy theory of all time, the conspiracy of world domination in form of mall!!!

It all began in the olden society when Mrs. and Mr. Stonehead where strolling in the garden of Eden, when Mrs. Stonehead saw the leaf of Banana tree and she though, 'Hey that can cover me up more than this single leaf. This way I can hold my husband ransom for buying me anything to show my body.'

What happened next was the conspiracy of the entire human race for world domination, for wanting a better term I dubb it the green conspiracy, female all over the place starting picking up leaves from the trees and covering themselves up.

Now, however the female may think, a male mind works very differently, we start wars and then invent Chinese food to feed the hungry, we are the ones who have survived thousands of religions, we have survived millions of famines and the man-kind will go on.

So when, faced with the problem Mr. Einstone then invented the whirling wind, a super power full hand held device (Stone age generation iPod) which would blow off the leaves and leave their wifes exposed.

Of course man also underestimated woman, so they really didn't know what to do when females started stitching their clothes to keep a firm grip on themselves. Now, not all females had the time to keep stitching you know, some even had to watch the horrible human torture on television so someone decided to start a mall, yes a mall, a place where womans can shop.

Like all the successful inventions in the world, like the nuclear bomb or the toaster we could not control what we create and the mall grew, like Frankenstein monster waiting for you to enter it to gulp you down in one go.

'Ono, mall has costly rates,' you say.
'Welcome, end of month sale,' he shouts and yay you run there screaming.

The curse of mall grew, grew to the extend that humanity could not control it. So after tearing down ten different shops, dragging him across the a stretch of thirty kilometers in a single mall, wasting around three hours, when Bubbly finally found a dress for herself, she said to Bunty, 'Now see the shop over there, go buy that T-Shirt for yourself and come back in a minute while I look for shoes.'

The conspiracy theory of the mall.

There will be a time in near future where men will be forced to carry sharp pointy weapons to hurt their girlfriends if they shop for more than an hour without buying anything. The mall is one step ahead of us, they have started frisking only males before entering the mall.

Window shopping, another misconceived plan of the global conspiracy of world domination of the mall, previously we used to believe that if you have money, go to the mall, but now it is not so, even if you don't have money see what all items are on the display and then plan, plot your program to max-out the credit card.

You see friends, we humans are fragile, we come and go and then come back and then go back and then we come back again and then we go back again, but everytime we come back, we see there is a 50% sale at the mall and then we decide to go and we go back and then we see there is 70% sale at the other mall and we go back again to the extent that one day.... (shss don't say it out loud or the mall will hear it) we become m-a-l-l z-o-m-b-i-e-s.

Yes thats right, the curse of the mall continues.

I am going underground, because the mall monster is going to come after me pulling down into the Molly Jones locker or the fourth floor of the mall (yes the deserted fourth floor, where people are locked up and tortured until they cave in and buy stuff from the same mall until eternity or the end of season sale, whichever is sooner)

True Story.

9 comments

  1. now I know why they frisk only men when we women shop... the mall is such a safe place, aint it..?? (wink wink)

    ReplyDelete
  2. haha, interesting theory... :P
    enjoyed reading the post!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha =))!

    I am m-a-l-l z-o-m-b-i-e for sure. I love to just visit a mall to see whats new :P.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I dont like malls! But then, this is because I am the one footing the bills! Get me a sugar daddy and then I will live in malls, shop, eat and even (if they allow me) sleep in malls ...

    ReplyDelete
  5. heye really interesting post...


    Like it.


    Keep writing

    ReplyDelete
  6. looks like your gf gave you a really hard time while shopping :P

    yaar kitna mast hota hai shopping! when will you guys understand huh?

    par sahi likha boss! ultimate humor king! :D

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. LOL..cmon Sid...It aint that bad,...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ooh...poor sido.
    My sympathies are with you :)

    ReplyDelete

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