10 Things you should not do when in a relationship

It has been scientifically, biologically and idiotically proven that when two species together in coexistence, one of them dominates his will on other by means of strict rules and  discipline. This is so true when it comes to relationship, the dominating species 95% of the time is female. To ensure that the male and female co-exist in harmony I have racked my brains (see social service) to device 10 rules to make sure you live long!!!

1. Don’t answer if she is looking fat in a dress

This is class A type of felony, committing this is bound to get you a federal maximum security prison aka your couch for the next four nights, the only living creature touching you will be bed bugs. Always remember this is a trick question and there is only one correct answer the question of ‘Do I look fat…’ and it is yes and it should be given within the first 30 Milli secs of asking the question.

2. Don’t ever, ever compare her food with your mothers.

Never ever, ever in the zillion-th time of the millionth era do that. Not if you know some place which serves better food or your mom lives next door, because the moment you do this you are supposed to get your ass out of the house to eat at the place for next millennium. 

Oh yeah, your wife is cool with your criticism of the food? Remember there is a expiry date for the tolerance.

If you already have made the mistake, keep a tab on chili powder will you?

Don’t be foolish, don’t stay hungry.

3. Don’t compare him/her with your ex during the first month of relationship.

This is to avoid having one more relationship to discuss in the coming month. You are going to get dumped if you keep whining about your past the day you met.

Yeah you got a past, so do everybody, first secure your future, then maybe you can start comparing.  

4. Don’t forget her name while introducing her to the hot bimbo in office party.  

This is the ultimate sin every man will make in his life. This is the actual reason why humanity failed. This is probably the last thing you will ever do in your whole life. I cannot provide you with example for sheer reason there aren't any survivors of the fateful sin, no even God cannot save you from whats coming next. 

5. Don't use "no" every 5 seconds.  

No is the single most depressing word of the English alphabets, a no can be hazardous for health if use unwisely. Many a sane men have fallen into the pit of despair with no bottom by the wrong usage of the word 'No'. It is the veil beyond which nothing exists. Do not play with fire, my friends, do not play with fire. 

The Male NO: 

Honey, can we go shopping?

No

Do you want karela for dinner?

No

Do you want to watch Letterman tonight?

No

Sex

No!!!!! <- Miscalculation, Misconduct and Miserable!!!

The Female NO:

Lets do it?

No.

Wanna eat a barbecue?

No

Drink?

No

Shopping?

No!!!! <- Frustration, Furious and Fuming!!!

6. Don’t ask her if everything is alright, if you are not prepared for it.

Seriously, if you do and she starts you have to listen till the end. Its like a one-way pass to the street of horrors where you will revive every moment she has faced in the last couple of days. There are dark spots dude, where boogie man lurks and comes out popping out of it.

Men, don't go behind the enemy lines unprepared. 

7. Don’t deny the possibility of threesome during the first 180 days of relationship.

In any relationship, there is a time when you discuss threesome. Guys obviously want it, girls should not rule it out.  

In first 180 days the guys should wonder, the girls should wonder. 

Then a guy asks, a girl agrees to a possibility of a threesome in the near future.  

Its about hope, the single most balance on which humanity rocks like a seesaw, knowing it is out there somewhere makes your life happier.

... well in the end, reality strikes, the men do get the threesome, exactly after nine months, the wife sweetly announces, here is your threesome, three in one bed!!! 

8. Don’t watch Animal Planet together.

A male ego boost from the size of his little gun, and believe me, an average male wants to know that he has rocked his female co-partners consecutive worlds in one go. So when you actually watch Animal Planet together, there are things they show, that you do not want to see, not now, not ever.

It is like a large inhabited distant planet, where you would like to sky rocket but once reached there you will find that there are places where you cannot go without getting yourself killed. Don't take the risk, leave the animal kingdom alone.

9. If she asks you if you saw the dress of the girl that walked by, do not answer.

If you say yes, she will then ask why were you looking at the girl. If you say no, she will comment on how absent minded you are. In both the cases you are on the losing end. Actually there is no solution for this.

This question is the single most ultimate weapon used by the feminine kind in massive destruction of property.

Walking down the street,  

10. Do not read Sidoscope together.

Its self explanatory isn't it? don't get ideas in her head, see Sidoscope

So keep following, don't be a monkey following a boring man, follow something ossum, like Sidoscope. True story.