When the brain goes into Auto-Pilot....



My brain has recently discovered an auto-pilot mode for itself. Whenever I am in conference, meeting, important call, talking to someone, it switches to auto-pilot and gets busy doing something else. Sometimes it starts cooking horrible ideas of torturing the person I am talking to, sometimes it cooks up the next blog post. Usually it displays the trailer of Mallika Sherawat in Hiss.



A recent conversation happened between me and some not-so-happy-aunty-who-is-more-interested-in-what-happens-to-me-than-her,

'Oh hello, you are so grown up,' he smile between a straight line and a curve.
Me, politely smile, God, I hate manners.
'So, how come you home today,' he, the conversation happened in the hot Wednesday.
Because I can answer, he judges me from the half pant I have worn, and concludes..
'You lost your job, eh, I know its so sad nowadays, young people do not get permanent jobs. They work so hard and it seems engineering is so waste in your life. My niece also...'

My brain switches over to auto-pilot, this time playing the trailers of hiss, back to back in my head.

after fifteen minutes,
'...it is really pity'.

I find a 2 sec gap in between and take control, 'I am working from home today...' and the mission accomplished.

She Stumbled, crumbled, was shaken but not stirred.

'I should get going, I am really getting late,' fake smiley, a desperate attempt to cover your oil spill and a failed attempt to recover the situation. 

When in auto-pilot my brain has a internal recording black box, which stores information and displays it to my brain and then re-runs it back to back after sometime.

Some things picked up during my auto-pilot, 'Not that you are building a computer, you are just using it,' Last heard, my company paid me lots of money to 'use' the computer.

'Pah, whats there in software, you get it for free,' Do I need to remind you that installing pirated software you are doing a crime which can send you to jail?

'My hard drive is heavy because it has lots of data on it,' this was actually said to me by some very great person.


'My sisters, elders brothers, second cousins niece is eligible for marriage, how much you earn?' Huh. Who said that?

A conversation steered on an auto-pilot.

'You are a computer engineer na?'
'Yes,'
'There is some virus in my computer,' he.
'I can recommend you some engineer who can fix that.'
'You can't do it?' he asks.
Obviously I can, but you won't give me a single penny for the work, not even my bike petrol which will be needed. Pune is filled with such cheapo.
'I can, but the professional is better in solving home computer problems.' nice excuse no?
'Are you sure you are computer engineer?' 
Hullo, stop doubting my degree. I earn my salary.

What can be done? This works in 40% of cases and they reluctantly agree on accepting the engineers number. But the rest 60% are cheapos, obviously.

So someone does convince you to go and check the computer. 30% time it is the hot chick you are eyeing since childhood, who never gave you bhaav but now you are a ossum dude who can fix her computer. I like such scenarios and they are not put on auto-pilot but on.... leave it.


We come back to auto-pilot.

The computer, drag and boring, even the Indian Postal service can delivery letter faster than the time required to compose a email.
'Why are you still using windows 98?'
'Because it is interesting,' with interesting do you mean, I have no clue where the world is headed? or are you suggesting man has never landed on moon?
'Why are you installed this software?'
'They are fun,'
The fun software might be actually viruses or Trojan's and all and there is seriously no fun in that.
'Did you take backup of your important data?' I ask
'Yes I did.' 

So after a tiresome three hours, you fix the computer, formatting the machine and all that and then you get, 'Hey you erased my data'
'I thought you said you took backup,' I raise eyebrows.
'Yes, but you erased the C: drive, I had kept backup folder on C drive only.'

If only I could find a sledge hammer nearby, I could make the front page of the paper for murdering a person, I didn't find any.

After three months, the same person,

'Dude, what kinda computer engineer are you, my computer is slow again.'




I tell you, one day my auto-pilot will find that sledgehammer and if I do...

7 comments

  1. Lol :D
    I have not been able to do this auto-pilot thing, though I desperately need that mode especially with an aunt who has this habit of repeating things thrice in a conversation and telling stories of her mama's daughter's brother-in-law's nephew!! I know, every one even in their family... even without meeting them once. :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. lol.. awesome post..

    my brain goes on auto-pilot too, whenever my mom goes into advice giving mode.. its a default setting :P.. all I do is hmmm and yes..

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  3. hahahahah..hey Sid.. Beware..Brain too has got Auto pilot mode!!!!!...

    What a lovely narration!!

    U have got the unique skill of making ppl laugh with ur words..:)

    Good going

    ReplyDelete
  4. wish i had the auto-pilot controls too... *drooling*

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  5. Lol! My brain does that sometimes too!
    So irritating na, just cos you're an engg you are considered some sort of electrician/ repair worker!

    P.S: Reading all your posts now. :( Had exams you see...

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  6. Wow! Thats one smart brain... I must say ;)

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  7. So funny! And I could soooo relate with it- happens more often these days when a drone carries on the board room mtgs and all I want to do is shuteye becos of the late nights from the World Cup! But no can do- so I pretend to be totally immersed in the mtg-nodding at the right places- even perhaps saying the right things (all in auto pilot phase)- while my mind is anticipating the upcoming Brazil vs Netherlands game and am wondering is kaka will score or Ro....- u get the drift?:)

    ReplyDelete

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