The Origin of Marriage

Long long time ago, when the frozen planet earth was removed out of the giant fridge and kept to bring it to normal temperature, it was a better place to live. God was happy that he created such a wonderful planet, he thought, 'What could I do to make this even more perfect?'

The next best idea hit him and he created the Male and female, the first man and woman walked down on Earth and felt the wind, the breeze, the water and the fire and God said, 'Aww look at him, they do look happy.'

The male and female walked the earth and were enjoying its natural beauty, but then there was a eminent problem, the first animal the species saw was rabbits... And thus began the unending race between humans and rabbits of producing species faster than the planet could cope with. Planet earth was not capable of handling the load and hence requested God to solve the problem.

Now, God was smart, of course he was smart, he was God, for Godsake, you don't get brownie points for being smart if you are God. He invented the diseases, to solve the problem of overcrowding earth. You see, people would already die, but now he could kill them sooner. Here God underestimated those people who were called the prickers on earth..Prickers used to play with human bodies and loved to show people magic tricks by drying out blood and replacing body parts with others. They outwitted God in his grand gesture of disease, they immediately announced that they have the cure for the disease. Because Prickers was a bad word, they changed the professional name doctors and gave complex name to simple problems so that people would take them seriously.

God got nervous and didn't know what to do. He discussed the issue with Mrs. God about the eminent problem and she said, 'Why don't you teach them ma...'

'I got it,' God smiled,'I will teach the doctors to play golf.'

He was too busy pleased with himself, to look at the contempt on the face of Mrs. God.

And thus, golf was a medical profession game, slowly most of the mankind learned the heavenly game.

But then this caused more trouble, you see with no one to stop the man, the golf became a big menace for the other wild-life. Many times the golf balls would enter the nest of crows and they used to take their care of it as their eggs, only to learn the hard truth later. There was a ongoing battle between the rhinos and the elephants about who hit them with the balls. The normal blame would go to the monkeys who perched high up on the trees. Finally irritated monkeys escalated to God that please boss, solve this problem.

Again God was worried, he had no idea what to do. Mrs. God tried to give him a sign, but he did not listen to her. That night when he was sitting down drinking, he got a brilliant idea.

He clapped his hand and said, 'Let there be light beer.'

And so came down beer, gift wrapped in nice wrapping paper with the mans name written on it. The man gulped down the beer and started floating in the air. The golf stopped immediately as more and more men started drinking.

The drinking did solve the golf problem but created a big one and that was anger. Now people starting fighting over woman, beer and land. The trouble did finish off most of the human race, but it also started destroying the beautiful planet he created with so much care.

Finally distressed, God sat down one day, not knowing what to do and told Mrs. God, 'I am God, I can engineer the process of creating a storm from the single flap of the butterfly, I can create a never ending fire and store it in the sun which will give energy for endless years. I can build mountains and canyons that will remain a tourist attraction for ages. but you know what, I build the perfect species and they are better than me. They work together, united to overcome my basic rule of the planet, survival of the fittest, I have no idea what to do with them. I have programmed them in such a way, that they are destroying my own planet.'

'Dude,' said Mrs God, 'Your major problem is, you have given this species everything. You have given them the thumbs (I had warned you don't), you removed the irritating tail, you gave them advance senses and a brain. This is by fair the best species you have ever created, since dinosaurs (Mrs. God had a pet dinosaur which was killed in the barbecue accident, so she was angry on God) but one thing you missed out in these species was, you gave them a lot of time to waste. They are destroying the planet because they have time, remove their time and they will end up in a circle. You have to keep them busy in some other thing,' she beamed.

'Other thing?'

'Love, you big old almighty fool, Love. Show them the path of Love and they will get busy forever. Now, they are ruled by their brain, give equal power to their heart. They will get so confused about their emotions that they will never be able to destroy your creation. Go old man, show them the path of Love, and for your own sake, give me that robe for laundry, you are wearing since dark ages.'

God thought, yes that's it, 'And also I will introduce them to the sacred ritual of marriage. A legal and socio-economical bond that will make them inseparable and even if they do separate, the emotional  imbalance will render them incapable of conquering the planet like they plan to do. Yes, that's brilliant.'

' I think you are over doing it, dude, this marriage thing might make their lives hell,' Mrs. God observed but looking at him she was convinced that he would not listen she added, 'If you are teaching them marriage, I give them a boon, that the truth shall set them free. Now will you give me that robe'

And hence first marriage happened. But Gods plan failed miserably and Mrs. God was right, he did overdue the thing about marriage. It created multiple problems faced by humanity, like the grown in consumption of bitter gourd, or the fight for the laundry clothes and many prominent problems never solved by mankind.

Still He realized it late that his plan failed, and hence went into hiding and no one has seen him since.

True story.

18 comments

  1. ROFL! Good one! Perhaps he went hiding becos Mrs. God took his robe ....

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  2. Hilarious !! Really enjoyed reading it !

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  3. Hilarious !! Really enjoyed reading it !

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  4. Finally an explanation, to all the mess and how it started.. Thank you Sid for this great service. You've brought all of us enlightenment.. :P!!

    Dude, this was hilarious!! Loved it!!

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  5. It created multiple problems faced by humanity, like the grown in consumption of bitter gourd, or the fight for the laundry clothes and many prominent problems never solved by mankind.

    ROFL! And your post proves Mrs God and hence all Mrs-es of the world are right. :P

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  6. sooooooooper buddy.
    Your trademark style and simply awesome thoughts put in a hilarious way.
    Keep rocking!!

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  7. Funny and enjoyable post with a touch of crucial sincerity.
    Keep writing :)
    Well deserved tangy Tuesday pick.

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  8. Hah hah hah, you are seriously funny!!

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  9. That twitter bird that keeps moving around the page is like the marriage that God created. Take it off, and you'll be happy with people coming here more.

    ReplyDelete

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