Your call is not important to us, but we pretend it is because we need your money not you

When someone praises you wholeheartedly, there are only two possibilities, either that someone is your girlfriend who liked the new summer collection in shoppers stop or a sales person who has a product in his pocket which he or she is going to shove in your face in the next fifteen minutes of praising you and if the sales person is on the phone, he has more chances of getting away with it.

India is called as the back-office of the world, all the customer service calls in the worlds are routed to India where decent customer service executives handle them effective and teach the dumb world how things are done, the customer service calls can be real pain as well as a big means of entertainment.

"See actually, I am really worried," he was talking frantically on the phone, "I do want to marry her, thats for sure but I am not sure if her father will agree. I am sure he doesn't want a criminal as a son-in-law."

Wow, the matter was so serious, oh wait, he is a criminal? I knew this man for past six years and I did not see him break even a traffic signal. Something is not wrong, 

"Thanks for listening to me," he concluded the phone call and looked at me.
I gave him a questioning glance, who?

"Oh some call center girl," he shrugged, "Trying to sell me a credit card."
"but then, why were talking such a thing with her?" I asked.
"Oh nothing, the cable's out, nothing to do, was bored so thought will weave a new story," he said, "You have the mobile operator helpline number? I am still bored."

I quickly exited from the place.

It was scandalous time, when the whole network lines were jammed.

I was waiting for my friend to call who had left her house but had not reached the destination. I kept glancing at the phone and at the screen for her to call back. Nothing, nothing, nothing at all. 

After fifteen nervous minutes, I was completely worried and then the phone rang.

Quickly I picked it up and blurted out,
"Thank God you called."
"I know sir, we have a loan offer for you..." came the reply.
"#$$%^^%$# (censored)," I answered.

Some credit card calls are deceptive. I was busy thinking about a brand new way of troubling the person in next cubicle when I got a call,
"Hello sir, we have a max limit credit card for you," she said in a sweet voice.
"Wow, what is the limit?" I asked.
"For that I need to know your salary," she answered back.
"Oh, but I thought you had a max limit credit card for me," I inquired back.
"But I need to know, do you work?" she asked.
"Yes," I replied.
"Where?" she asked again.
"In Pune," I replied again.
"No I mean, which company?" she asked.
"I work in a MNC," I answered proudly.
"Wow, excellent...what is your salary there?" 
"Its 2000 rupees," I answered.
"Oh, don't joke, how can it be so less?" she asked.
"I am a janitor in the MNC..." I reply again proudly, "hello? madam?" 
Dang, she hung up on me. For those who do not know me, I am not a janitor in an MNC. Just clarifying.

When you call a customer care help line, you are guided through a very complex maze of 1 or 2. Sometimes I feel that they must be giggling listening to the misdirections and confused people.
I was worried that I could never reach a real human on a companies IVR. One of the call center operators is my friend, so I decided to pop her the question.
"Arey, Siddhu," she said in a tone that I am such a illiterate person, "Its very simple... see, first you press 1 then you press 4, after than press 3, and then press 2, finally press 5 and it will put you on a queue. Then you press 7 and then listen to song while we attend you. Wonder how hard it is?"
Did my mind just asked for a map?
So I did as she asked, and dialed the number in same sequence and with the thrill that I am opening some safe containing valuables in gold and silver. I listened at the final step when... I got a recording.
"All the customer service executive are busy at the moment. Your call is important to us, why don't you call us back?"

Some of the customer care executives are funny and the worst part is, they decide to try their jokes on you, 
My friend was convincing a credit card calling executive that she did not need a credit card, after wasting ten minutes of the executive, she finally was about to hung up when the smart executive replied,

"Strange, a woman refusing a plastic."

Dang. That was smart.

We all had our share of funny moments don't we? We do need someone to blame and you can't blame the system, you can't wait for zillion times to blame the customer service executive... then you can always blame the Kalyug for the mess. Can't we?



  1. ROFLMAO! Honestly Sid you are possibly the best humorist in the entire blogosphere..coz every time I read your post I start laughing for real while facing my monitor.
    This is no maska lagaaing btw. Sachhi!
    You didn't actually tell the credit card lady you were a janitor did you? :P
    And another this post inspired by my *ahem* tryst with the Vodafone and Airtel customer care service? :P

  2. I am a woman who refuses plastic - this weirded me out

  3. LOL.
    Sid that was a wonderful package of satire humour and some truth.
    Very well written Mr Ravan.
    You sure put all ur ten heads (brains) to work for blogging :)

  4. heheh!

    I did a similar thing with someone who offered me better calling rates for mobile phone, he blabbered something and finally ended conversation saying" you can get a 13 inch laptop or a 29 inch lcd if you sigh up with us". i had no clue how a 50$recharge could get me a lcd of laptop.
    he said he can give best calling rates for 50$, i said i dont tlak overly on phone and dont really recharge beyond30$ and when he mentioned lcd/laptop. I simply said" i have both i dont need yours". final straw was when i said" i am really not interested in your deal" there was "dang!"

    such nice post!!


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