Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Corruption, Terrorism and Injustice- Recap 2010

Every year on the calender has something to say to the coming year, 2009 was lay-off without a PF or employee benefit and cried on the shoulder of 2010, who apparently was outsourced from some of the very cheap outsourcing markets. The result, 2010 was in good mood and had faith, he will succeed. Well, he did, mostly.

Now, that 2010 is leaving for the day, he looks back and has no other thing to say, 'OMG, I cannot believe I survived that...'

2010 began optimistically, promising a good deal for India and the world altogether. The nearly depressed and hopeless 2009 parted very sadly with no jobs, no money and no sense but 2010 came with the motto, 'Yes we can.' 

Now 2010 was a good lobbyist and he did try to rectify things, for one thing, 2010 did try to do some justice to the prolong judgment of Bhopal Gas tragedy, Babri Masjid Demolition and even the smaller trials of Arushi Murder case as well as Jessica Murder.

But then, 2010 also was worried at every stage of the verdict as it was dancing on the razor edge of the blade. It took deep breath every minute the verdict was delayed, but thankfully, unlike its ancestors 1993, there were no riots and no confusion. Infact the result was so confusing, that it took a while for people to understand it. Still, the result was out.

2010 also saw the rise of common man, with corrupt politicians had to run for cover as Arnab from Times Now charged over them like a wild berserk bull. So what if Kalmadi gave a very new and fresh meaning to the word 'World-class' and at the same time, Raja had to admit himself in hospital, but frankly Raja, this hospital crap we used to do in third standard when we did not complete out homework. Also with top brass of Indian army grabbing the land of martyrs of Kargil was the most cold-blooded shame 2010 saw.

Molester Rathod had a different story to tell, as his smile on the face outside the courtroom immediately vanished, as the media decided to skin him alive. He might get away soon, but I hope, he has a lot of savings because once the trial is over, he will need lot of money to leave the country and settle in the jungles of south-Africa.

Talking about South-Africa, Kalmadi did make the CWG teams feel like home, by putting a live snake in the room of South-African players, he fell short of Kangaroo or Australian players were in for a treat.

Never before in the history of India was the whole republic desperate for an American citizen, not it was not the President of the United States but two people, Warren Anderson, the Chairman of UCIL and David Headley. The former was protected by the corporate laws of the two countries, while the later was hoping this country would never catch him.

2010 has some bad memories with it too, like the very beloved German Bakery was destroyed at the beginning of the year, hoping that tourist in India would stop coming. Well, that hope was not spend wisely and nothing happened.

2010 has some good memories to share too, with India Inc. making its mark on the global level, with the fastest economy to come out of recession. The president of United States coming to India with prospect of getting some jobs in US and ofcourse, despite all corruption, successful completion of CWG 2010, well almost.

As always, year 2010 is giving something to its successor, this time, the baby 2011 has a big leak to fix in. Wikileaks has been added in English Dictionary as a word forever.

All in all 2010 acted in a wonderful way to empower humans and discredit politicians, hope that 2011 helps this cause and empowers human lives more than big shots. All that only time can tell,

Still, about 2011 we can say one thing, its good its not 2012.


Thats it I guess, last post of this year, see you next year.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl

If you have been following this blog (in a not so stalking way) you know that I have been very voicing my opinion of how life is not fair for men  and leaking God cables while making this mans world.


Since the beginning of time, thats 6 billion years ago in fact, many a men have been fallen into the unsuspecting trap, which can be scientifically dubbed as the The New Marriage bride effect aka Lady Gaga Syndrome aka also known as Cleoptra Syndrome in ancient times and in the brief period of 2001 to 2004 was known as Rakhi Sawant hallucination. The Lady Gaga Syndrome says that, you see the woman all dressed up and looking gorgeous and hot in the marriage in front of all the random strangers and distant relatives who come to your marriage to hog free food. And then, once you are done with your marriage and take her on the honey moon, the first thing that the girl does is, removes the makeup and comes in front of you in true sense. Now I am not saying that the girl without makeup is not hot, but its just that, we should get what we signed up for in the first place isn't it?


Marriage is the combination of two biggest enemies in adult male life, Ladies and Government and for sentimental purposes, girls involve God in between too. 

"Oh we have married in front of God, don't mess or God will get angry," There should be a (*) on the marriage certificate, *Marriage validity subject the time-line of make up wearing time. When I suggested to the local marriage register office, they kicked me out. Damm you, government bouncers.


So to get to the bottom of this problem (and also to distant myself from the average favorite sitcoms of Indian television, like Rakhi Ka insaaf, Big Boss and Kaun Banega Carodepati)  I decided to investigate the issue (which according to my GF is how I waste time the whole day and don't pay attention to her... paah... girlfriends, right?)

It all began in the older days when the human-kind depended on the good old sun for light. Many a men fell for the beautiful damsels walking by and looking beautiful. Then one day, a man rose and he took a vow, let us double chances of seeing pretty girls... and he invented fire.

"This way," he told to the blokes, "We can see them at night too... beat that, you God... ha ha."

His teasing did not go in vain, for God had foreseen this coming and had already prepared to give his share of joke long back in advance. The female kind was not prepared for this new concept and could not cope up with this. And thus we became entitled to the single most horrible curse hitting the mankind. You choose in the light and see them in the dark and that too without makeup.

The ancient people did try to warn us in fairy tales like Cinderella. Dance all you want with her prince charming, but as the clock strikes 12, the makeup will wear off leaving you wonder why the ugly sisters are called ugly.

It is really very convenient that the makeup, making the girl beautiful, should wear off just after the commitment. Its like, they dress up pretty awesome to go on a quest and finally when they get a dude for commitment. Whoosh, off goes the awesome dresses and in comes the regular gown. Now, the girl will dress up only for going to parties or marriage. Not fair is it?

Think of it this way, what does a woman do when she goes out? She puts on make-up, but what does she do when she comes back home? She washes it off. Its a conspiracy, you see, the world should see how beautiful she is, but the person who signs the commitment bond does not have the right to see her?

Since the beginning of time many a men have fallen to the The New Marriage bride effect, it has been called by many names so far and will be called by many names for the days to come. But maybe someday, in a distant world, someone will remember that a lone idiot discovered the primary symptoms and devised a algorithm in simple English without any mathematics attached to it which helped the humanity for endless time. Till that time, I should go and watch Two and the Half Men.


Picture courtsey: My lovely friend Swatilekha who generously gifted her picture to the post (although she will kill me on reading the tag line below). Photographed by amazing Sanhita, who couldn't miss the chance of laughing out loud at the pic.

P.s. Picture is just meant for symbolic purpose and has no relation with the post.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Vicky Leaks

"Hey what is this Wikileaks," asked Vicky wiping his leaking nose with a hankerchief.
 "I am sure it is not a overgrown baby who still needs diapers," I replied, super busy pounding some terrorist in Dust II (those who are mere mortals, I am talking about Dust II Map in Counter Strike, oh and fyi 78-79 is the score), "Or in this case a handkerchief," I spoke softly, lest he blows his nose on me.
"What!" he exclaimed.
"What?" I asked.
"Is it something related to Wikipedia?" he asked, "I saw the founder of Wikipedia asking for donation..."
"I am pretty sure Jimmy Wales has nothing to do with Julian Assange, in-fact I am pretty sure, no one in the whole world would want to do anything with Julian Assange," I quipped pounded a well-place grenade in front of the escaping terrorist.
"Infact, Wikipedia has posted a disclaimer on Wikileaks page that they have nothing to do with Wikileaks,'' I replied, displaying my sheer knowledge of spending endless hours reading the only site that is not blocked by the zealots IT team.
"I did not get time to check the wikileaks, did you see," he asked.
"Are you suggesting, I have a lot of free time?" I asked, looking for a way to tackle, four terrorist with a smoke bomb.
"Considering the fact that its 9 o'Clock in the morning and instead of rushing to office, you are busy playing Counter strike for last two days..." he summarized, "You do have a lot of free time."
"Its 9 o'Clock," I exclaimed and was killed brutally killed by four terrorist. As the background music played to computers victory, I ran outside to turn on television.

Wikileaks has leaked so much into our daily lives. Any person in pajama comes up and judges if Julian Assange should be hanged,
"You know," the first wise man spoke proudly as if he was the president of united states, "That Julian guy, he is very bad man."
"Who?" the second wise man questioned.
"The founder of Wikileaks na?" the third wise man blurted, "I heard he is a computer hacker."
"Oh, it is?" first wise man replied, "Obviously he is, how could he get so much documents?"
"Arey but I hear he was hacker a long time back, isn't he?" the second wise man defended, "Its all in the past."
"Hacker or no," the first wise man spoke, "He should be hanged."
"Yes," the third wise men supported, "It is not good to leak the story to the world. What if there is world war III? How will we protect ourself?"
"Yes yes," the second wise man switched tracks, "You know sometimes its good to be Chinese, you can ban any site you want..."
Now the three wise man never knew how it will be to live in a country that will ban google, but I could not stay there long to find out.

The worst hit me at the best moment, just as I was about to destroy pigs with Angry Birds on my android, he announced.
"See this wiki leaks is going to spread like virus," he came behind me, "What if tomorrow someone leaks my 2nd standard mark-sheet? I have told my son, I came first in school. I don't want him to know I flunked in 2nd standard."

Oh well... I was tempted on texting this to Julian, but then I knew Asange would be in some other trouble at the moment to worry about mine. It is not that you take panga with the largest and strongest country in the world and get away with it, do you? I just hope, when the chip falls, the Wikileaks team gets a cable from the state government, else how would we know?

P.s. My view on Wikileaks, is that it should be there. I hate society from the bottom of my heart, but then its just narcissist in me.

Have you read my book yet?

Have you read my book yet?
An epic adventure across space and time