The winning flight

He was called the omen of death,
He was feared where ever he went.

He perched on the tallest branch of tallest tree waiting, watching,
for even a little mishap and they would blame the poor fellow.

He perched on the tallest branch of tallest tree waiting, watching,
waiting for the wolves to feast on the carcass fallen below.

The wolves gathered around thanking the bird profusely for the feast,
he watched the carcass torn open by the pointed teeth of the beast.

He waited, he watched waiting for the time right,
He waited, he watched finally entering the bloody fight.

Diving down with all his might,
he screamed loudly and took the flight.

The wolves confused of sudden attack,
scattered around leaving their snack.

He perched there on top of his food,
slowly nibbling on the soft flesh so good.

He showed them who was the best,
eating the food, defeating the rest.

He took a giant leap towards the sky,
from the trees the wolves saw the bird fly.

They watched him soar confidently,
mocking them and showing them pity.


P.s. The story of ‘The fallen leaf’ concept was very similar to a book of ‘The last leaf’ by O’Henry which I may have read in childhood, I made the mistake unknowingly, so on realizing the error, removed the post.

A ‘Manhood’ tale

Before Chirag Raghuvans Rai Bahadur Patil was born, Raghuvans Rai Bahadur Patil was in a big dilemma. As the oldest and the noblest family in the village of hoshiyaarpur, he had chosen a wife in the best possible time of all the possible wanna be Mrs. Patil’s to give him a boy. He fed her all sorts of churans, medicines before the honeymoon so that she would give him a son.
Still fearing she will give birth to a girl. Raghuvans Rai Bahadur Patil went to the tallest mountain on the highest peak of the planet. He started Tapasya (sitting idle for a long long time, so that finally God has to come and wake you up)
He stood there for thousand days and thousand nights (actually his watch was broken so like in the mountain there was no cuckoo clock, so we cannot be sure how many days he was there…)
Finally God was very pleased with the man and appeared before him…
‘God, I have all the riches in the world, I have all the happiness in the world, but I want a son, I want some heir to the Rai Bahadur Patil tradition.’
‘Don’t you know a girl or a boy have equal weight in the whole world. How do you reject a girl child and ask God to send you a boy? All my creations have equal value, how can you choose one over another?’
‘God,’ said the man, ‘Finally, a boy is a boy and a girl is a girl. A boy will be manly like me, will support me  in my old age, he will carry the name of my family ahead for many years to come. He will rule the village in his manly sense…’
…and the man continued praising the boy.
Finally getting bored, God yawned and said, ‘You want a boy? And you will get a boy…’
Raghuvans Rai Bahadur Patil puffed as his chest on outwitting God and started descending, unknowing to him, God smirked.
Patil finally got his wish fulfilled and he got a baby boy, and very proudly he named him Chirag.
Chirag grew up in loving care of Patil household, every woman in the Patil family took the boys care. As the only boy born after so many attempts, he was given extra attention. The father made him an engineer and send him abroad for higher studies. His khandan ka Chirag was studying in the states for last five years.
God peeped down from his cloud to watch them.
Chirag was coming back to India and Patil send a Banjo Party at the airport to receive his son. A large garland of 5 crores 20 lakhs (on insistence on our lawyers, we hereby announce that it was 20 lakhs only) was prepared to felicitate the Chirag. That day even the US convoy was coming to visit India and they felt like ordinary people seeing the preparation for the Khandan ka Chirag.
Raghuvans Rai Bahadur Patil stood at the Limo waiting for his son to step out of the airplane. All the passengers stepped out, but not his son. Patil was worried and started looking here and there. Finally as all the efforts to search for his son ended, a woman approached the man,
‘Father,’ she said.
‘Get away from me,’ Patil growled, ‘Who are you?’
‘Father its me,’ the girl said, ‘Chirag, your Chirag.’
‘Chirag,’ the father glanced at her chest…the girl folded her hands, he realized the mistake, and glanced up, ‘Is that really you?’
‘Yes dad, its me. You know since childhood I was different, I did not know what was wrong with me. I felt like I was a woman trapped in a boys body. When I went abroad, I realized there are many people like me. I contacted different psychiatrist to see if what I felt was right, and they agreed with me,’ she explained.
Each word hit Patil’s ear like a hammer on rock.
‘Finally I met this doctor who dealt with Sex change operation and I went there. After the operation I felt complete, I felt true,’ she explained.
‘You mean…’ Patil legs started weakening, ‘You mean…’
‘Aren’t you happy dad? Finally I am what I am?’ she smiled and she scooped out a man from the crowd, ‘And I want you to meet my soul mate, Raul, I met in the states. We both are made for each other.’
‘You mean…’ Patil collapsed on the ground flat on his back.
High above him clouds changed shaped and turned, ‘LOL’
Moral of the story: Female foeticide is as bad as sand in your swimsuit. Stop it or God is watching you.

Say What?

Just reminding you something, remember those Sundays? When you use to peep out of your room in sleepy eyes for Rangoli? Remember those days when whole family use to sit and watch Chandrakanta on television?

Remember those days, where Shaktimaan, however boring and drag, used to entertain us throughout.
Remember?

Whole family used to sit and watch the Sunday movie which was thoroughly entertaining? Those where the days when there was no remote , no idiotic habit of scanning 379 channels and no channel scan.

When I asked for DTH guys to give me quote, they said, we have 392 channels for free… but I replied, but I need only one, to entertain myself.

The problem was, even I do not know which one channel would entertain me like the old days, so finally I decided to sing…

Double Shots Part Yon

A horrible combination of Alcohol, Cricket and entertainment. Take it with a pint of salt. All the normal laws of humanity go on vacation in the double shots inn. They discussed film production, then a reality show and then had a news show… today we have a bigger shot for you.
Remember, take it with a pint of salt.

For many he was a celebrity, for him he was simply brand him. When he finally purchased a cricket team, he knew the business would soar high. All he had to do now, was convince a after year player to join his team and he was ready to take on the world.
As he ordered his fifth peg of fine wine, he wondered who was the brand ambassador for the same? Making a self-note to ask his PR about it, he glanced at his branded watch, the player was an hour late.
Back in his golden days he would never see the back of the Double Shots bar, but then the cricketer lost his form and was thrown out of the national cricket team. He had tremendous support from his town, but in national team, it was not enough.
The player glanced at the booth reserved for him, the celebrity and the event organizer were sitting there.
'Hello, Babu,' said the celebrity offering a seat.
The cricketer sighed under his breath and sat down.
'So what are you doing nowadays?' asked the celebrity in a very soft tone.
The cricketer did not answer.
'Would you like to play for me?' asked the celebrity.
'Play for you?' the cricketer asked nervously.
'You see,' the organizer started without anyone actually asking for it, 'We are starting a new form of cricket, we will be selling states..'
'Selling states?' the cricketer asked nervously.
'Means state teams, each team will be headed and managed by the owner, who will be purchasing you...'
'Purchase me?' again a big nervous question.
'Means, they will bid for you, highest bidder gets you...' the organizer said.
'Gets me?'
'Means gets you on their team...' the celebrity said.
'You want me to sell me?' cricketer asked.
'The we go for a tour across the country to...' the celebrity explained.
'...Play cricket?' the cricketer cut in between.
'... to endorse brands,' the celebrity continued annoyed, 'Simple tour,' the celebrity counted on his fingers, 'Some outdoor shoots, few live events, few openings, billboards...then...'
'...we play cricket?' asked cricketer excited.
'...then we release a music album for our team with two songs composed exclusively for us...then...' the celebrity said.
'..we..play...cricket?' the cricketers voice went down to a whisper.
'...then you will be the judge for our game show to hunt for the best cheer leader in the country...then...' the celebrity paused.
'...please say cricket,' the cricketer said sadly.
'Then you give a autographed bat to the winner of singing completion we are going to host, right there in the stadium in the middle of the match,' the organizer poked in.
'And then...we...' the celebrity paused looking at the cricketer.
'I won't say it...I won't say it...' the cricketer shrugged.
'...then you play cricket...' the celebrity smiled.
The cricketer looked at the organizer and the celebrity.
'I never thought I will be able to wear blue again...' he said.
'Not blue,' the celebrity said, 'We will be getting our colorful uniform once all our sponsors mix their brand colors on it. We have the PR agency for that...'
The cricketer looked at both of them.
‘So… are you ready to come with us?’ the celebrity asked, clearly bored.
‘But this is not cricket?’ the cricketer said, ‘I will be spending more time endorsing…’
‘This is how much you pocket per season…’ the organizer wrote a figure on paper. The cricketer glanced at the figure on the paper and at the people in his front. Nervous as this was his only chance to play. The clock ticked slowly and he started sweating in the AC pub.
Tick tock. Tick Tock.
Still shaking, the cricketer picked up the contract to read…** This is a complete work of fiction and is no way related to facts. Any resemblance to any player, celebrity, fake player or any person for that matter.

Bhagat Singh: Last days

The editorial opens with these lines, "The curtain has fallen on what must be regarded as one of the most sensational trials of our times. For reasons more than more the Lahore Conspiracy Case has a claim to go down in history." What followed was a loud and clear protest.

Yadav points out, "The Tribune carried the trial proceedings in total while other papers tried to suppress it." On October 9, 1930, when Bhagat Singh and his two compatriots were sentenced to death, a special evening edition of The Tribune reported the uproar in the city: there were protests, strikes, picketing of Government College and two arrests every five minutes.

Seer

The temperature is getting hotter and hotter, and my attempts of convincing my girlfriend that I do not take bath to save the earth are getting lesser and lesser. She refused to meet me and threatened to dump me, if I did not take a bath before meeting her, damm, with such narrow minded people how can one save the planet?
I remember Prashant, my friend from my days in engineering college.

In our engineering exams we had total of six units to appear, and all you had to do was score a 40/100, quite an easy achievement you see, which most of the time was hard. The scoring meter suddenly used to run out of fuel on exact 28 (I had this score for 3 subjects, all moved to 40 during revaluation)

So like studying for six units was not a big task, but if you see the size of the books we pretend to read, it did sounded like a herculean task. The exams used to be at 2 am in hot scorching heat, so I used to drive early in the morning to pretend to study, which never happened, but still I used to go… for Prashant.
He used to sit there close to exam hall, usually near the terrace reading from his notes. Now, I never visited him for his notes but for…

‘Hi Prashant,’ I greeted him as I walked towards him.

‘You came, good,’ he exclaimed.

‘Yup, tell me,’ I said looking at him.

‘See, in unit 1, read this part, unit 2, read this paragraph to this, I am sure this will come in paper,’ he used to
tell me.

Now he never had a leaked paper with him, he never had any Jack with the university, nor was he a distant
relative of Trelawney.

But look at his confidence.

Everyday for four years 2 hours before exam he used to tell me what the paper will have and with full confidence.

Whatever questions he marked never came in paper.

Never even once but confidence.

*Name changed as I do not know where he is now.

** Trelawney is the divination teacher in Harry Potter, a seer. Go read a book.

Eat Cake by Jeanne Ray

Why men should actually get 33% reservation

Sid the Kid: Chawk Markings

doG

The 10 commandments of Kalyuga

The birth of Kamal Khan marked the beginning of ghor Kalyuga, the world had not even settled down from the shock of Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag, that deshdhrohi was made. Aghor Kalyug.

Last night, when I was dreaming about Deepika Padukone again, a white rat spoke to me ten commandments I should know if I have to survive Kalyuga. Now as a good boy, I take it as my duty to tell you all good things that God secretly tells me, wondering why he always comes as rat.

So anyways, without wasting time then… read and stay alive… at least till release of Deshdrohi part 2.

1) Thou shalt receive the most important call of your life, while you are in the loo
This has happened to each one of us, one time or another isn't it? You are enjoying the beautiful feelings peacefully, engrossed in your own world, thinking if Obama should attack Afghanistan, when your phone rings with a very horrible ringtone. Now, I know you receive wrong numbers all the time, but this time the number is right, the moment is wrong. The caller must be your boss, who wishes to send you to a trip somewhere but because you are unavailable will send someone else!!!!

2) Thou shalt get caught while watching a movie on a working day
This commandment is very very bad. There is a nice movie and you promise your GF to show the movie, you call your office that your stomach is upset and sit into the darkness of theatre. During the interval you see your boss along with your colleague in the same theatre watching the same movie, its good thing if your boss is married because he won't mention this incident ever, but if he is not....God bless you...:P

3) Thou shalt be emotionally blackmailed by the feminine gender every time you are playing a game.
Here we have some diversion, if you are married it will be your wife. If you are committed it will be your GF and if you are single it will be your mom. The feminine gender in general is very keen on disturbing you you reach the climax of the game.

You are in between a highway chase with 10-15 police cars behind you, you are desperately looking for pursuit breakers on the way and at the same moment, your wife/ GF will want you to take a bath and if you say no, emotional blackmail follows!!!

After about fifteen levels, 540 days of pursuit, chases, bomb blast you finally find the mob boss who you intend to kill to win the finally unwinnable level, when your mom wants you to clean your room because the friend of a friend ki bahu ki friend ki shaadi hai, aur friend of a friend wants to visit your house. 

4) Thou shalt get food only in the break of Saas-Bahu shows

This is a timing based curse, if you time your returning from office exactly at the moment of television ad break then only you will get hot tea otherwise you have to wait till the next television break.

5) Thou shalt not buy proper clothing's for you.
The color that you like, the design you choose will never ever fit you, giving chance to your GF or Mom to say that you have a bad dressing sense. Had you taken one of them to the shop than the other would not like it. Take both of them and the shop will be closed from next day!!!

6) Thy wife/gf/bf/husband/friend will be working hard on their farms yet make no sensible money from it.

How many of you nodded? Tell tell. This is the next season of kahani ghar ghar ki.

7) Thou shalt comment on the most idiotic blog post (like this one here) in hopes that your blog post won’t go unnoticed.

It is the most truthful of the laws of kalyug. Obviously this rule has many exception, like honest bloggers, but mostly it is true. C’mon no one wants their post to get unnoticed do you?

8) Thou shall not send an update on Twitter/Facebook about thy fake illness.

The day you put a sick leave and office and go for outing and random musing. You tweet, You buzz, it comes everywhere on internet. The next day you pretend your stomach was upset, but right from the peon to the manager all are looking at it as if the chariot of Dharmaraja has touched ground thanks to you.

9) Thy children will grow smarter than you, so will your old parents.

A unavoidable rule. Your child within twenty seconds on his computer tell you, your second cousin marriage is on 27th, your mother is partying on the beach (yes old mother, weak wailing old mother, pension plan), you are so so not cool and your brothers son just buzz you that he is going to follow you (eeeks) on everything…:P

I pray this doesn’t happen with you.

10) God-men and priest will have a better sexual life than you.

With Babas and God-men popping out across the streets, faster than humans actually lose faith. It is bound to happen.  Recent kumb mela went peacefully without any problems because Nityananda was missing. Also reward for awarded for anyone searching for Nityananda.

Some significant discoveries made by woman, stolen by men.

This was written on Woman's day, but then I got a call at morning 5 am from me, who told me he will take the post down. So it was not me who removed the post but me who calls me at five o’clock in the morning. Many people said it was a nice post, so putting it back up. Enjoy.

 Today to wish the noble opponent congratulation on her day, i.e., woman day, throughout the time woman have made many worthwhile discoveries, like when men invented fire to watch at woman in dark, woman invented cooked food.

There are many other discoveries mankind has seen, which woman had a lion-share in or shall I say, lioness share in...

Long long time ago when there were no daily soaps, woman used to get very bored sitting in the house. So what really happened was, when Mrs. Newton got bored of taunting her husband endlessly and threw him out of the house.

He then went and sat under a tree thinking of building a complex machine to break open the door. When she realized his plan, she immediately picked up a fallen apple and threw on his head, she aimed high and it hit him hard.

As she saw the apple come down with a massive force on her husbands head, she realized the greatest discovery of all, it was her destiny, it was her moment of truth, she discovered... Apple juice!!!

Excited from this discovery she picked up the apple and told her no-good husband, Isaac about it.

He in-turn pondered on the apple and snatched it and ran into his room. There they say he was locked up for months and finally managed to write three small lines, the three laws of motion....

He went to a bunch of no-good ideals in the city and they pondered on the three lines for hours and he cunningly told the tale of how God threw apple on him.

Sad Mrs. Newton, she couldn't get her name on the discovery and couldn't even drink apple juice!!!

So you see, while man was busy fighting complex math around a stupid apple, woman on other hand made the most important use of it...

But woman were also not far behind in moths,

One day Miss Alberta Einstein was arguing with her boy friend that they do not meet often. He however insisted that they met every day for around 8 hours. In the meanwhile she often wondered why she works at the patent office for 30 hours per day???

She decided to stay away from her boyfriend and locked herself into the room, after several months, or was it years??? decades maybe....or aeons?? Alberta's worried mother called her out to meet her relatives, Lo and behold...she exclaimed,

"Everything is relative!!" announced Alberta.

Her brother, Albert, immediately overheard this and he also went into the same room, and after years and years later came out with a single line, sheesh…E=MC2

Its a cruel world no? So finally they reported of Albert as the Einstein!!!!

Although its pretty late...but happy wooo-mans day!!!

P.s. How could I miss woman's day?

P. P.s. The articles are meant for fun and do not mean to disrespect any individual, group or person…sacchi.

God

...And he returns.... Sid the Kid

Sidtoons: Episode 8: Data Entry

Presenting the exclusive Damru comics ladies and gentlemen. The comics directly created in photoshop, exclusively on Sidoscope.

10 ways how aliens can conquer and destroy our planet

For last few days I was quietly sitting alone pondering over how we can conquer planet earth (yeah I do that most of the times, specially during the private space of bathroom) and it surprised me, while half the planet is busy harvesting crops in Farmville, aliens can conquer and destroy the whole planet. As surprised as I was with the profound knowledge that I quickly decided to alert the world, I wanted to travel to meet the president of United States to meet him, but after many attempts I could not even meet the duplicate president shown in Hindi Film, but my name is Kabe and I did not give up, I went ahead to meet the President of Ulhasnagar Sindi Association (USA) but they laughed at me and also tried to sell their ‘made in USA’ product because of which I had to run away.

I then went to my good old friend, a big shot rocket scientist, but he saw me from his peephole pressed some buttons and his house flew high up on planet mars, wonder why? Last time he has listened to me for four hours when I showed him how we should invent a Terminator style complex high-funda gun for opening tin cans, wrappers and cut nails.

So I was left with no option but to do this social reform on internet now there is a risk of reading this article and be alarmed, but this risk has to be taken. I am sure aliens surf internet, they visit by blog too often, my reader says I get more than hundred visits per day but no comments, so I conclude they don’t understand English yet and are learning it faster than China, we must be careful, lest projects are outsourced there.
Anyways, so where was I? Oh yes, possibilities of how the aliens can capture and destroy the planet earth, if you are an alien who has mastered English language reading this please don't mind I have no brain for you to capture and study!!!


1. Drain from the world the black liquid fuel.
They can build a large, big, big suction chamber that will suck all the COFFEE from the world. Yes, COFFEE, we should immediately put all coffee wells under extreme military protection. I myself am protecting my coffee cup, I also have a suggestion of keeping coffee using modern preservation techniques in powered form behind reinforced steel doors of banks. I do not know, why the banks threw me out of the premises. Damm, capitalist.

2. Build a mind reading machine and sell it over for 70% discount at Big Bazaar
Imagine 70% discount, all the female population will leave Mihir Virani behind him as well as their husband and run to utilize the discount, not knowing exactly what they are buying, but hey, its on sale, lets buy it. They use the machine and hear the men's personal thoughts about them and immediately there is a big murdering wave across the globe, all men are killed immediately.
Then they hear each-others thought and again the killing wave repeats. Until a handful woman are left, which the aliens kill and capture.


3. Show re-runs Deshdrohi and Deshdrohi part 2 with English subtitles on Sky
They build a larger than the largest movie projector, yes even larger than the Large Hadron Collider, the largest machine humans could ever build which did not start on its first day (progress of mankind :P), so anyways the aliens build larger projector than LHC and then project Deshdrohi film on it, immediately brain kill of half of the planet, it even has English subtitles!!!!
Impressed with the work, they go in disguise as fans (??) of Kamal Khan and obtain the exclusive rights for distribution of Deshdrohi 2, signing him for another 5 movies, just in case.


4. Program Skynet and build Terminator.
I always somehow suspected that alien had to do something with the terminator, but then I feared from alien power human killing robots so did not tell this to anyone before. What will we do if Terminator army attacks us? Interesting... I should start working on a plan, wondering if Terminator are made dog-poop proof?


5. Installing Hypnos-rays in Farmville by drawing crop circles.
As more and more people are getting addicted to farms in Farmville, the aliens draw crop circles on their farm installing a Hypnos-ray there, then they delve deep into our minds and transport them into a realm of dreams rendering you totally hopeless finally eliminating our existence into hypnoparticles which they use as source of their energy. Aah creepy.


6. Create Himesh Reshmiya clones and send each one with a free cap and a mike across the globe.
A wave of hard hitting songs hit the globe. Songs with crappy lyrics and catchy music are spread across the globe. The president of united states sings, 'Mann ka radio, sunne de jara...' The world is busy saving their minds from the trouble when they organize a jazz show across the globe….total annihilation!!!


7. Kidnap 'Ba' and hold the world ransom.
They kidnap 'Ba' and then hold the condition that if the demands are not met, they will release her on the planet again. All men who finally got food on time, no more crying over Mihir leaving house and no more changing curtains whenever they change on TV, readily agree to become the slave to aliens rather than 'Ba'

There is a future version of this story as told by Anuradha.,  "I think aliens capturing Ba and Mihir won't be a threat at all coz before you know alien-wives will be addicted to the duo and male aliens will finally send them back to earth. On second thoughts, they might get so furious, they'd create multiple clones of mihir and ba to avenge what they had to go through."
Oh my!!


8. Manufacture low-quality-cheap item cheaper than China and sell all over the globe with 'Made in China' tag.
Ooh they try to take down our markets with cheap mobile phones, computers and then slowly make their way into our market. Then they take over the whole world, by selling everything for very very very very cheap. 

9. Make holes in all condoms across the globe quietly.
This suddenly produces humans faster than rabbits, this causes a phobia of sex across the globe for all men. Men get afraid of sex completely and humans get busy managing so many kids, that the world goes crazy and aliens walk the street.


10. They create a laughing gas using some stuff from Sidoscope and people keep on laughing till eternity.
Oh my Gosh, oh my Gosh. This is bad, this is total bad. But don’t worry folks, become immune to the laughing gas, keep following…:D (Okay that was shameless self-promotion)
So there it is, the 10 ways how they can take us down, so be prepared, they can come down from anywhere, I also have suggestion how we can use nail cutters to dismantle their complex alien ship, but no one listens to me…sheesh!!!