Black Magic

We live in crazy times, people are jobless, they are penniless, crime is on a rise and yes, how can one forget, terrorism is on the rise and fall. Well, there are no limits to the horror one can face in this uncertain times, your favorite movie from the seventies is suddenly paraded with fat actresses and over acting actors. You find yourself sitting to three hours of torture into board room, if you wanted that torture wouldn't you watch Deshdrohi???

However in this uncertain times, I had to face more horror that the normal conventional horror. No, it was not a screening of 'Aag' or 'Deshdrohi' but a horrible tale of a horrible person who tried to convince me that her life was ruined by black magic and that too after a heavy dinner on a Thursday night. (well, this conversation was not welcome on any night, but I would like to exaggerate the point that it was Thursday night, implying I was in the mood of weekend)

Her life is one big parade of miseries and sadness, she suffered heavy loss in business, got divorced and tried to commit suicide. Well, obviously its a sad story and yes we all have our own baggage, but the point I am trying to make is, how modern it is to blame some black magic behind it?

I am a agnostic, who believes that yes, God exist but obviously the way we are taught about it is wrong (in fact since the day they started teaching me algebra, I have accepted that whatever I am taught is wrong) so if I don't believe in religion, should I believe that Voldemort exist and is out there to ruin my life?

Watch this video on black magic.

What are your views on this? Lets discuss!!!

P.s. The woman in picture does has some amount of control on men, but I am sure black magic has nothing to do with it.

P.p.s The day without coffee has been delayed due to strike from the Ossum man, who demands that he should be treated as equal as other superheros and not like the stupid scarecrow.

9 comments over this:

This is the part where you can tell me I suck. Have your say, like, dislike or even hate me. Tell me.

You might also want to Subscribe to RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter (@sidoscope) or on facebook

Cheers,
Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

When the brain goes into Auto-Pilot....

My brain has recently discovered an auto-pilot mode for itself. Whenever I am in conference, meeting, important call, talking to someone, it switches to auto-pilot and gets busy doing something else. Sometimes it starts cooking horrible ideas of torturing the person I am talking to, sometimes it cooks up the next blog post. Usually it displays the trailer of Mallika Sherawat in Hiss.

A recent conversation happened between me and some not-so-happy-aunty-who-is-more-interested-in-what-happens-to-me-than-her,

'Oh hello, you are so grown up,' he smile between a straight line and a curve.

Me, politely smile, God, I hate manners.

'So, how come you home today,' he, the conversation happened in the hot Wednesday.

Because I can answer, he judges me from the half pant I have worn, and concludes..

'You lost your job, eh, I know its so sad nowadays, young people do not get permanent jobs. They work so hard and it seems engineering is so waste in your life. My niece also...'

My brain switches over to auto-pilot, this time playing the trailers of hiss, back to back in my head.

after fifteen minutes,

'...it is really pity'.

I find a 2 sec gap in between and take control, 'I am working from home today...' and the mission accomplished.

She Stumbled, crumbled, was shaken but not stirred.

'I should get going, I am really getting late,' fake smiley, a desperate attempt to cover your oil spill and a failed attempt to recover the situation.

When in auto-pilot my brain has a internal recording black box, which stores information and displays it to my brain and then re-runs it back to back after sometime.

Some things picked up during my auto-pilot, 'Not that you are building a computer, you are just using it,' Last heard, my company paid me lots of money to 'use' the computer.

'Pah, whats there in software, you get it for free,' Do I need to remind you that installing pirated software you are doing a crime which can send you to jail?

'My hard drive is heavy because it has lots of data on it,' this was actually said to me by some very great person.

'My sisters, elders brothers, second cousins niece is eligible for marriage, how much you earn?' Huh. Who said that?

A conversation steered on an auto-pilot.

'You are a computer engineer na?'

'Yes,'

'There is some virus in my computer,' he.

'I can recommend you some engineer who can fix that.'

'You can't do it?' he asks.

Obviously I can, but you won't give me a single penny for the work, not even my bike petrol which will be needed. Pune is filled with such cheapo.

'I can, but the professional is better in solving home computer problems.' nice excuse no?

'Are you sure you are computer engineer?'

Hullo, stop doubting my degree. I earn my salary.

What can be done? This works in 40% of cases and they reluctantly agree on accepting the engineers number. But the rest 60% are cheapos, obviously.

So someone does convince you to go and check the computer. 30% time it is the hot chick you are eyeing since childhood, who never gave you bhaav but now you are a ossum dude who can fix her computer. I like such scenarios and they are not put on auto-pilot but on.... leave it.

We come back to auto-pilot.

The computer, drag and boring, even the Indian Postal service can delivery letter faster than the time required to compose a email.

'Why are you still using windows 98?'

'Because it is interesting,' with interesting do you mean, I have no clue where the world is headed? or are you suggesting man has never landed on moon?

'Why are you installed this software?'

'They are fun,'

The fun software might be actually viruses or Trojan's and all and there is seriously no fun in that.

'Did you take backup of your important data?' I ask

'Yes I did.'

So after a tiresome three hours, you fix the computer, formatting the machine and all that and then you get, 'Hey you erased my data'

'I thought you said you took backup,' I raise eyebrows.

'Yes, but you erased the C: drive, I had kept backup folder on C drive only.'

If only I could find a sledge hammer nearby, I could make the front page of the paper for murdering a person, I didn't find any.

After three months, the same person,

'Dude, what kinda computer engineer are you, my computer is slow again.'

I tell you, one day my auto-pilot will find that sledgehammer and if I do...

7 comments over this:

The Ravan in you

Every human being has a darker side in himself. We all are born that way, whatever you pretend, greed, malice, envy become a part and parcel of life.

We all battle the evil side inside us and the forces between good and evil and throw us into dilemma, which way is right? Which way is wrong?

These feelings haunt us through out the life and at every walk of life, the more good we do, the more worse situation we go in. In the end, Ravan reaps all the benefits and Ram has to lose his wife and children.

When we plunge deeper into Ramayana, not the Ramanand Sagar Ramayana, but the actual story, we find that Ravan was never the evil one, he also juggled between the forces of good and evil. He did succumb to the darker side, when his sister was humiliated by Lakshman. But, still Ravan never forced himself on Sita, even if he fancied her like crazy, which tells us, he was good. Or was he?

Then there was Lakshman, who always succumbed to the evil side and did not make a fuss about it. He did not like his brother sent down into the forest, and joined him, disobeying his parents. Then when Shurpanakha proposed him for marriage, he sliced her nose. Ramanand Sagar may try hard to convince you that Lakshman was a good boy, cutting the nose of a demon princess in the untamed land far away from your kingdom, does show that you need help buddy.

What happen to, in Rome, do the Romans?

Had he managed to handle the situation decently and properly, his dear brother's dear wife would never be kidnapped. Did he accept this later? No sir, he did not. Hence he was a Ravan.

Hanuman had a Ravan in him too, he entered Lanka and burned the place down to satisfy his own ego. Ram had already pronounced a war on Ravan, entering the enemy territory and burning the place down is not ethical in any military doctrine. Hence Hanuman also was the Ravan in the story.

Then we come to Ram, he is the only person who has no Ravan in him and hence he suffered the most. He completely obeyed his father, left his kingdom to stay in the jungle, he then saw his wife getting kidnapped by Ravan, waged a war against him, defeated him and won the wife back. But all that was waste, because when the time came in the full court house, he had a brief moment of choosing between good and evil, in the court. He could ask the dhobi to shove it up and accept his wife. But was that good or bad?
He left his wife, was it Good or bad?

So you see everyone has a Ravan inside you, maybe except Ram, but then isn't Ram the one who loses everything? So is being Ram worth the risk?
You may never answer these questions, because some answers are meant to be personal, keep them with you.
My answer is seen in my signature thought.

19 comments over this:

A Day Without Coffee Part 4 (Hi-def images)

While the world was sleeping, the fuel that drives the planet Earth... coffee, suddenly vanished (Part 1).

The world panicked as the lubricant that was needed for smooth functioning of the planet. But one man vowed to savior the last drop of coffee (Part 2).

But without coffee to wake up the world, Ossum man suffered a heavy set back (part 3)

Can the great Ossum man save the day? Can the world save itself without the lubricant that drives itself? Can I steal a morning coffee cup from the great coffee machine in the second wing with limited access only? Can the chicken cross the road? Am I making sense here? Why don't you read further and stop worrying about me while I will try to tailgate into limited access only room for the coffee.

I simply used to love those 'For those who came in late' in Phantom comics and used to wonder, who comes in late, so I drew him. :D

See I told you, breathtaking Hi-def images.

Oh no, we all do need coffee to make the brain remember our duties. Talking about Gajni, does anyone remember the name of Aamir Khan Character in Gajni?

The world is saved, at last, thank God, he remembers. The last drop of coffee inside him worked.

And we enter flash back in the Ossum man, year one series. Yay, we have a protector against the side effects of daily soaps and reality soaps.

So thus, the Ossum man, drank the first cup of the Ossum coffee!!!

Don't run away, the series continues this full weak, every alternate days. We have to conclude it before Phekta Kapoor finishes her serials!!!

Cheers,

13 comments over this:

Things I did not do till now!!

The list is moving quite a lot and its interesting. So here it is, Things I did not do it till now,

I was honest to the best of my knowledge. Or was I? o_O

   1. Graduated high school.
   2. Kissed someone.
   ~~3. Smoked a cigarette.~~
   4. Got so drunk you passed out.
   5. Rode every ride at an amusement park.
   6. Collected something stupid.
   ~~7. Gone to a rock concert.~~
   8. Helped someone.
   9. Gone fishing. (And caught a lobster and ate it. Wuu Huu)
10. Watched four movies in one night.
11. Lied to someone.
12. Snorted cocaine.
13. Smoked weed.
14. Failed a subject. (Oh yeah and proud of it)
15. Been in a car accident. (I s'pose running over a man counts as one right?)
~~16. Been in a tornado.~~ (I wish!!)
~~17. Watched someone die.~~ (I am scared of Blood)
18. Been to a funeral.
19. Burned yourself.
~~20. Run a marathon.~~ (Lazy and Proud)
~~21. Cried yourself to sleep.~~
~~22. Spent over 10,000 bucks in one day.~~
23. Flown on an aeroplane.
24. Cheated on someone.
~~25. Been cheated on.~~
~~26. Written a 10 page letter.~~ (who the hell does that now?)
~~27. Gone skiing.~~
28. Been sailing.
29. Cut yourself.
~~30. Had a best friend.~~
31. Lost someone you loved.
32. Got into trouble for something you didn’t do.
33. Stolen a book from the library.
34. Gone to a different country.
35. Watched the Harry Potter movies.
37. Fired a gun. (Army camp, the best memories of my life!!)
38. Gambled in a casino. (And should I add, Won!!!)
39. Been in a school play.
~~40. Been fired from a job.~~
~~41. Taken a lie detector test.~~ (I wish not, I got to carry many secrets to my grave)
~~42. Swam with dolphins.~~
~~43. Voted for someone on a reality TV show.~~
44. Written poetry.
45. Read more than 20 books a year.
46. Gone to Europe.
47. Loved someone you shouldn’t have.
48. Used a colouring book over age 12.
49. Had a surgery.
50. Had stitches.
51. Taken a Taxi.
52. Had more than 5 IM conversations going on at once.
53. Been in a fist fight.
54. Suffered any form of abuse.
~~55. Had a pet.~~
~~56. Petted a wild animal.~~
~~57. Had your own credit card & bought something with it.~~ (Have cards, do not use it)
~~58. Dyed your hair.~~
59. Got a tattoo.
~~60. Had something pierced.~~ (Afraid of Blood again)
~~61. Got straight A’s.~~
~~62. Known someone personally with HIV or AIDS.~~
63. Taken pictures with a webcam.
64. Lost something expensive. (My first expensive phone, bloody Delhi) 65. Gone to sleep with music on.

Would you like to do this tag? Then I tag you. Go on do it.

20 comments over this:

How to ru(i)n a Government, the Indian way!!!

When the first man was made on earth, he was free to do as he could and roam as he could. Instead he quietly made a porch of mud for him, collected some stones him around and dozed off on his rock-bed.

God got angry on seeing this, because the man was send on the earth to do some task. Hence he created a second man, the second man saw the first man sleeping and made a higher bed near him and slept.

God then send down a girl between them, she saw both of them dozing off and said, 'Whoever makes me comfortable bed, I will make them happy.'

Both men suddenly woke up and ran here and there to collect things that could comfort her. They rammed down trees, mountains, dried rivers to build a castle. Thus humanity progressed.

Then came the era of kings and queens, where one man was chosen as the king over all. We are exactly not sure where it started but they say, earlier they drew straws to whoever was the chosen loser among them and make him responsible for bad things happening.

The era progressed and king became more powerful over the minds of people. He started treating them as slave as a revenge for his torture. This caused the people to over throw kings and thought of democracy. A peoples rule. The democracy.

The good thing about democracy is, any loser can become the king over the wealth, health of people. Bad thing is, they always do. Do you want to ru(i)n a Government? Go on this is a guide for people like you.

So presenting, How to Ru(i)n a government, the Indian way!!!

Note/ Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This article is not meant to disrespect any individual, group of individual or any one sensible.

The moral of the story for whoever is listening is, please stop the blame game and the I rule-me rule game.

Earlier we had Mugul Government, then we had British Government, after Independence we had Congress Government, we had BJP Government so far, the problem is, since last 10,000 years we never had an Indian Government.

While standing in the queue for getting a domicile for Indianess, someone asked me, 'Who are you?'

Confused I asked him what?

He said, 'Are you a Hindu, Muslim, Christian minority? Are you a open, OBC or SC/ST? Are you a Dalit? Are you a Marathi, Punjabi or Gujarati? Are you a congress supporter, BJP supporter or Shiv Sena supporter?

Who are you?' He asked.

I simply replied, 'Indian'

But then I realized, how many of me are here?

Because an 'Indian' is a minority in India!!!!

21 comments over this:

The Red Crayon

This post has been published for a great contest called My first crush! organized by pringoo and blogadda.

I used to sit on second bench in my class third, for I had a crush on R, the girl who sat on first bench. I used to sit staring at her during nearly whole day, just hoping she would look at me (that explains the reduction in marks during that year). Was it crush? I do not know, but I definitely had the youngest heart break in the history of heartbreaks.

She was cute, with piggy tail and little frock and a great smile. I used to think her of Shri Devi (the actress) who was my favorite back then.

And then one fateful day, I got out of the rickshaw, kicking a boy in his face (which was my habit as I liked kicking him and pretend it was accident, a habit which made me land in principles office three months later) and I walked towards the classroom, little did I know that fifteen seconds later my heart would pound like the engine of a big monster truck ramming all the vehicles of lesser beings into a pulp and paving the road to future.

In a bizarre turn of events, the universe had finally decided to call shots on me and the class teacher had shuffled the class and as fate would have it, she was my bench mate. I definitely remember dancing on my way home that evening, but thats later.

With a unfading smile on my face I walked towards the bench and sat besides her. She was sitting there, apparently upset with the seating arrangement as her old bench mate H (!@#$%^&*) was separated from her.

Still determined to win her friendship, I sat next to her and made conversation, we were recently taught English letters, so I thought it would be cool to talk in english,

'Hi,' I beamed at her, then realized it is a bad idea to talk in English with her as she was class topper in the subject.

'Hey,' she gave a total fake smile, not happy sitting next to a loser.

That was the only bit of conversation happened between us for a long time. We shared the bench together and she thwarted off all my friendship attempts towards her.

Finally I did managed to talk to her one day.

As universe was keen on making me her friend, and so on a fateful day, unknowingly, my mom gave me churmure (puffed rice) in small tiffin (I had two tiffins for two breaks, small and big) and guess what she liked them. It was her favorite dish. Then what, armed with this revelation, everyday I brought them in tiffin for next three months. (My mom still thinks I used to like churmure very much)

Our friendship was not like the way I expected but I was happy to know I did make friends with her. Then by the end of the year, an incident happened that changed our life forever.

After a year of many multiple unsuccessful attempts, using all the tricks in the books possible, I had finally come to the point when she turned to me and said,

'Can I borrow your red crayon?'

It was the drawing period she was busy drawing an apple, halfway through the picture she realized she had no red crayon with her. That made her turn to the next best possible source, ME.

I gladly handed over the red crayon to her and walked home beamed and with pride on my face. My mission was complete, we were finally friends.

But then, Universe decided this was not good, she left school next year, never to be seen again. This was the youngest heart break in the history of heartbreaks.

I did see her again, sixteen years later... that brings us to... last month. There are some stories you tell, some you don't tell tell, what happened last month is a story that you don't tell.

She never returned my red crayon.

19 comments over this:

Short Story: The memory that leaked!!!!

A tribute to those who got a closure after twenty six years, maybe the closure was not what we all expected but now at-least you don't have to keep waiting.

Destiny wanted him to die, he had some other plans.

His hands shivered as he flipped the television remote. Every channel was flashing the same news, Indian Judiciary sold, India bends to America, CEO runs off in Government plane. Slowly he closed him eyes and took a deep breath.

The morning newspaper he remembered was kept on the rack, he struggled to get up from his rocking chair. He was old now, with his bones given up the strength

His grandson was sleeping peacefully in his bed. He remembered his sleep on the midnight of third Dec 1984.

The pressure cooker whistled in the kitchen and his heart skipped a beat, it was nothing, just his daughter-in-law cooking rice. It was like this since last 26 years. The dreaded whistle which robbed him of his childhood.

His heart would jump every time he heard a whistle.

The siren whistle came from the factory near their house, it woke up the whole area. They all gather outside the door to see what is wrong.

It was his neighbor who first complaint of itching in his eyes and before he could rub them, they were gone, poof, before he was taken to the hospital.

His father had come running outside the door, pulled him in his arms, 'Inside now,' he growled.

How scared he was that day, he had thought something he had gone had fallen into his fathers hand.

'But I want to see,' shouted the brother.

'Get inside NOW,' father scolded, 'Do not argue.'

He stared at me and he ran inside, not wanting a punishment. His brother however was now old and wanted to disobey his father.

'He ran off in the darkness,' father said coming in the house to his mother, refer to my brother, 'Won't listen to me. What can we do?'

Mother firmly shut the windows and kept wet cloth on the hinges, 'What can we do? Just pray?'

Father was tuning the 'All India Radio' to try to listen to the news.

'What if he doesn't return?' father said still looking at the door, hoping to hear the knock, 'I should go and drag him inside.'

'No, don't,' mother said nervously, 'He will take shelter somewhere. Someone will take him inside the house.'

The dreaded hours they spend inside the house, each minute seemed like hours. What has happened? He did not know. Mother and father did not know anything at all.

Was something wrong? where was his brother? There was a lot of hustle and bustle outside the door, initially it was police siren who announced on the loud speaker,

'Please do not leave house, stay indoor and bolt shut your doors'

Then there was a cry of wail outside where people shouting, 'Leave this place,'

'Its God wraith.'

Why were they outside running off? Why were we sitting in there? There was no grocery in the house, but mom said nothing, they just sat there.

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours. and finally at day break, there was another police siren, 'EVERYTHING IS NORMAL' they shouted.

Dad slowly got out and rushed him and his mother to hospital. There were thousands of people there, some vomiting, some were breathing hard as if someone was smoldering them. They were not admitted in the bed, but were lying there on the ground in the hall.

His father immediately contacted doctor uncle, he was their neighbor, and doctor quickly opened my eyes, 'Do you feel any itching?' doctor asked.

'No,'

'Cough?'

'No'

'Good boy, here is a toffee,' doctor smiled and checked the eyes of his father and mother.

Doctor uncle then told him and mother to sit in the office and he went out with father to search for his brother.

He finally managed to get up and walk towards the rack. The photo frame of his older brother was there hanging.

'If only you had listened brother,' he said softly picking up the paper, 'If only.'

'This should give you some closure,' he thought and the dam of tears that was build over the time for last twenty six broke and he cried.

Authors note: The characters are completely fictional and the story is based on account of a survivor. The narration of the events is, as is, and only modification is done to add story effect to the narration.

The story is purely written as a tribute to those who lost their kins in the disaster. Please do not comment on the politics of the issue.

9 comments over this:

10 Things you should not do when in a relationship

It has been scientifically, biologically and idiotically proven that when two species together in coexistence, one of them dominates his will on other by means of strict rules and discipline. This is so true when it comes to relationship, the dominating species 95% of the time is female. To ensure that the male and female co-exist in harmony I have racked my brains (see social service) to device 10 rules to make sure you live long!!!

1. Don’t answer if she is looking fat in a dress

This is class A type of felony, committing this is bound to get you a federal maximum security prison aka your couch for the next four nights, the only living creature touching you will be bed bugs. Always remember this is a trick question and there is only one correct answer the question of ‘Do I look fat…’ and it is yes and it should be given within the first 30 Milli secs of asking the question.

2. Don’t ever, ever compare her food with your mothers.

Never ever, ever in the zillion-th time of the millionth era do that. Not if you know some place which serves better food or your mom lives next door, because the moment you do this you are supposed to get your ass out of the house to eat at the place for next millennium.

Oh yeah, your wife is cool with your criticism of the food? Remember there is a expiry date for the tolerance.

If you already have made the mistake, keep a tab on chili powder will you?

Don’t be foolish, don’t stay hungry.

3. Don’t compare him/her with your ex during the first month of relationship.

This is to avoid having one more relationship to discuss in the coming month. You are going to get dumped if you keep whining about your past the day you met.

Yeah you got a past, so do everybody, first secure your future, then maybe you can start comparing.

4. Don’t forget her name while introducing her to the hot bimbo in office party.

This is the ultimate sin every man will make in his life. This is the actual reason why humanity failed. This is probably the last thing you will ever do in your whole life. I cannot provide you with example for sheer reason there aren't any survivors of the fateful sin, no even God cannot save you from whats coming next.

5. Don't use "no" every 5 seconds.

No is the single most depressing word of the English alphabets, a no can be hazardous for health if use unwisely. Many a sane men have fallen into the pit of despair with no bottom by the wrong usage of the word 'No'. It is the veil beyond which nothing exists. Do not play with fire, my friends, do not play with fire.

The Male NO:

Honey, can we go shopping?

Do you want karela for dinner?

Do you want to watch Letterman tonight?

Sex

No!!!!! <- Miscalculation, Misconduct and Miserable!!!

The Female NO:

Lets do it?

No.

Wanna eat a barbecue?

Drink?

Shopping?

No!!!! <- Frustration, Furious and Fuming!!!

6. Don’t ask her if everything is alright, if you are not prepared for it.

Seriously, if you do and she starts you have to listen till the end. Its like a one-way pass to the street of horrors where you will revive every moment she has faced in the last couple of days. There are dark spots dude, where boogie man lurks and comes out popping out of it.

Men, don't go behind the enemy lines unprepared.

7. Don’t deny the possibility of threesome during the first 180 days of relationship.

In any relationship, there is a time when you discuss threesome. Guys obviously want it, girls should not rule it out.

In first 180 days the guys should wonder, the girls should wonder.

Then a guy asks, a girl agrees to a possibility of a threesome in the near future.

Its about hope, the single most balance on which humanity rocks like a seesaw, knowing it is out there somewhere makes your life happier.

... well in the end, reality strikes, the men do get the threesome, exactly after nine months, the wife sweetly announces, here is your threesome, three in one bed!!!

8. Don’t watch Animal Planet together.

A male ego boost from the size of his little gun, and believe me, an average male wants to know that he has rocked his female co-partners consecutive worlds in one go. So when you actually watch Animal Planet together, there are things they show, that you do not want to see, not now, not ever.

It is like a large inhabited distant planet, where you would like to sky rocket but once reached there you will find that there are places where you cannot go without getting yourself killed. Don't take the risk, leave the animal kingdom alone.

9. If she asks you if you saw the dress of the girl that walked by, do not answer.

If you say yes, she will then ask why were you looking at the girl. If you say no, she will comment on how absent minded you are. In both the cases you are on the losing end. Actually there is no solution for this.

This question is the single most ultimate weapon used by the feminine kind in massive destruction of property.

Walking down the street,

10. Do not read Sidoscope together.