When God Created the Man....

One fine day as it happens, the big guy, sat down with his poker buddies for a barbecue. Now, his buddies were already weary of him, as he always won the poker round, no matter how the cards were distributed. So he decided to win their hearts by humoring them with his most amazing creation so far.

'So you see guys,' he smiled, 'This is a man,' he said, 'The most amazingly confusing species of all time.'
The poker buddies stared, 'I present you Manush...'
'From the top to bottom, every part of his body is laced with confusion. Here we have the tongue, a organ that determines the taste of food. But, picture this, this species will like only those food which are harmful for the body.'

The friends laughed out loud, 'Geddit? Geddit? so he will have to remain conflicted in choosing his appetite forever. Whichever things he likes, are going to harm his body. We are going to have a lot of fun watching forever...genesis hi-fi,'

After a Hi-Fi with his buddies, he continued, 'Now see this? the body hair, all the species in all the globe, have this to help them protect from cold. So of-course, I need a cold planet to accommodate them, I am still working on it.'

'Now here we have the color, this species will always be conflicted with the color, self-assuming that a certain color will give them dominance over others. Not knowing, that the color of their creator is....'
A loud roar erupted from the slowest friend of the group and everyone laughed at the slow member of the group.
'Now, get this, the species will always think that brain is the most important part of their body, forgetting that it is the brain which is telling them so.'

God started laughing loudly causing thunderstorms on Earth, the whole planet shook. The jokes were so hilarious that the great cook of God started laughing and the barbecue stand shook, causing some fragments towards the earth.

The fragments of the barbecue pelted towards the planet and mixing with the atmospheric belt turned into large meteoroid shower. The shower burned the planet earth as we know it, wiping out the dinosaurs completely.
'Oopsie,' God looked below and shrugged, 'That solves my accommodation problem with these new species, now that the damage has left the top of food chain room vacant on Earth, I will sent them there.'

'So now, blood vessels. The thinking organ of their body is the brain, it needs blood to work. In the male species, I have added another important part, the penis, it also needs blood to work but...'
The God paused, giving a dramatic effect to his sentence, '... but, I have only put enough blood for only one of them.'

The whole group laughed loudly causing the earth to rumble once again.
'...and now, behold, I present you the ass. The strong foundation rock on which I build my empire.' God said, 'Generations later, male and female species will hold this ass and remember me, offering me prayers, worship me holding this.'

He smiled in the Godly fashion and there was light, which set the man free to his beautiful earth.

The story doesn't end here, little did God know that this little creature will one day rule his planet earth in such a way, that even God feared to step down on it.

True Story.
Note: The part about the ass has been borrowed from Jeff Murdoc from Coupling.

P.s. This is just a joke, there is no socio-political-economical-religious-idiotic message in this story, if you find one hidden, eat mint and drink cola, stop thinking.

P.p.s. Manush is a Sanskrit word for human being which was derived from first human being on planet, Manu, from which originated the English word, Man.

16 comments over this:

This is the part where you can tell me I suck. Have your say, like, dislike or even hate me. Tell me.

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Cheers,
Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Sometimes your bad luck is really good.

They say 'Every dog has its day,' this makes every dog in the neighborhood wags his tale and tongue hoping that he will get his one day full of bitches for 24 hours and waits eagerly for that one day. The day dawns after 354 days and he finally gets his day, only to find out, that the day never had 24 bitches, it just meant, he had 24 hours to impress his one bitch, and as the pressure mounts up, his one day ends miserably.

In the past few days, many weird things are going around. Since the day I moved in with my parents, I somehow have lost my creativity.

See what I mean? I got many ideas to write but somehow, I never complete them anymore. Damm me.

Holy Cow!!! is incomplete, I do have the strips done but I don't publish them any more. For those who do not know, Holy Cow!!! (yesh with three exclamations) is a new webcomics that will push you on the floor laughing. (This is of-course a shameless self-promotion of the blog, do post a comment there and I will do back flips for you)

Amidst this turmoil between me and universe, the worst had happened. The pigeons abandoned me. See, for some reason, I am at war with the animal kingdom. Now you may not believe this, but I am pretty sure, all these animals meet some where in secret and co-ordinate their next attack on me. Dogs have already taken their share in troubling me, but since the beginning of me, there has been a silent battle between me and pigeons on the small stretch of land that lies in front of my house and the market.

Whenever I walk from beneath their tree, many of them at same time, decide its convenient time to release inconvenient items from their bowels. However I may avoid it, they are there on top, like a stealth bomber hovering around on top of your house, waiting for the right moment.

Imagine my shock, when after 19 years of shitting on me, the pigeons missed me today. I came home clean with no shit. I felt bad. See, its not that I enjoy pigeon droppings, but you see, if you are doing same thing for so long, it becomes part of your life, isn't it?

And thats when I realized, I am going through a temporary phase in life which is called the bad luck syndrome. Its the part of your life, when Lady luck lets her hair down and goes on a honeymoon with prince destiny. It is the part of your life, when you drop the cream on the dirty floor of your ice cream and all that is left is, the cone. Which is nasty.

If you are unlucky during your honeymoon, you might forget to remove the socks after the shoes and later on realize you are....a naked man in socks.

There are ways of avoiding this unlucky phase, I know of three, none of them work. I, obviously have no luck to find out the solution to this problem. Do you?

Wow, I did complete one article, thats new, (I might not be as unlucky as I think I am). Must go and try walking to the market, on the small stretch of land.

5 comments over this:

How To Solve a Problem in a Democracy?

Do you feel worried that you cannot solve problems in democracy? The Holy Cow moo guide, gives you explains you democracy like never before.

If you do not know what Holy Cow is, Holy Cow is the platform for toons, funny hilarious toons. Holy Cow is a web comic published on weekday. If you like toons and liked them published on Sidoscope like the coffee series, ice tea, you will find them there.

The Sword-Smith

'A sword is an extension of ones arm. It is the part of the warriors body. Do not think of the sword as a mere tool, for every tool is weapon if you hold it right,' the aged teacher spoke as he wielded the two swords in his arm, 'Do not think of these two as different, they are different parts of the same thought. The thought that drives the arm into motion is the same thought that drives the two blades in both your arms. They swing together in uniform motion like gears in a well oiled machines, like two brothers in the duel, both fighting back-to-back watching for each other.'

'You were always an excellent tutor,' the man sitting high up on front chair spoke softly, 'But you did not lend me the sword-smith scroll. As the royal holiness, I am entitled to master the scroll.'

'The sword-smith scroll was written many years before the royal blood line began and was passed down from generation to generation with a pact that it cannot be passed on by force or power. The scroll chooses its successor, not its master. I have told you this many times before.'

'The ten people who surround you now, some of them are your students. They are ordered to kill their master to death, won't you spare them some last words?'

The old man smiled enigmatically, 'The true master holds nothing back from life, in doing so, he is always prepared to face his death.'

The men hesitated a bit, they were the imperial guards of the king and their duty lay serving the order of royal dynasty. They could not raise hands on their old teacher, who was nearing hundred but they could not defy the king as well.

'I have the best imperial swords specially casted for them,' the king boasted proudly, 'All you have is the rusty swords.'

'These men carry the swords and a hope that they manage to kill me in one shot, for they know, if I survive, they will face the wraith ten times that what they can inflict on me, take your best shot boys.'

A bright solar light blinded the eyes of the king and he used his hands to shield them,

'It is the fear that holds men back, fear of failing, fear of responsibility. A true master has no fear, his destiny is intervened with his sword since his inception. The destiny of a sword lies in blood, for the sword demands blood. The destiny of the hand wielding the sword also is automatically tied to the sword for he has to cut through the flesh to bathe the sword into the blood. No force is necessarily for inflicting maximum damage to your opponent, a fine stroke like the brush of a painter is enough to paint the complete picture red. Do not spare me boys for I am old...'

The king opened his eyes and was shocked to see the old master standing in his front. He tilted his head to see all the fallen imperial guards on the ground, no one dead but all unconscious.

'You.... did... not kill them?' the king asked.
'No, for the sword does not die, it is mere passed on from one master to another. The hand that wields the sword dies and the person who carves this destiny into the sword....'

With a single swish, he sliced the head of the king, as the whole podium watched open mouthed,

'...is a true sword-smith.'

P.s. The post has metamorphic and symbolical references. This style of writing was adopted my John Milton, Victor Hugo who used their stories to pass on secret messages under the nose of the church.

Cheers,

Did you check out Holy Cow yet? Shame on you if you didn't.

1 comments over this:

Goodbye

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 13; the thirteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Goodbye world. I stand here at the brink of my destruction. Everything I owned, everything I lived for, has gone crashing down in front of my own eyes in last few days. I see them laughing, giggling, dancing and merrymaking on my expense while I sit here chained, guarded by the wary guardian who is now assigned to keep an eye on me.

I do not know what to do, I can run away now, but how far will I go until they catch me? And once they do catch me how are they going to react?

I can see them talking about me like I am a object, like a lion kept in the zoo. They stare and me, they tease me, they mock me. They are gobbling food like a pig making me watch. Oh the cruel human ways of torture. In this state they have taken pictures of me, which they will be showing forever and ever and torture me even more. I do not even know when this will end and I know it won't end in this lifetime.

I was the lion of the jungle, I used to walk freely, stalking, making friends, flirting and now they have caught me, tamed like a little dog who can walk and run freely, only on lease and only when the owner lets him too. I am done for life, this is my final goodbye to everything...

I am done for life... there he comes again the photographer to click another picture of me to add to his other miserable collection and....

'Smile and look into the camera,' she shouts, disturbing my thoughts, 'You don't want to spoil our wedding album'

You see, I am getting married today. Dammit. Goodbye world.

P.s. Just another fiction.

P.p.s. Goodbye is generally a serious and senti topic, so wanted to attempt a humor out of it. Did I succeed?

P.p.p.s. Goodbye.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

35 comments over this:

XXL

Soni: See me when i am jogging

it's high time u did something about that bulge

me: huh

Sent at 12:02 PM on Thursday

me: i think u mistyped words

Soni: mistyped ?

me: yeah

Soni: tell me which words u wanna hear that'll make u realise

that u have a huge tummy bulging out i will say that

me: 'u have a lot of ossumness in the chicken graveyard':D

Soni: interesting phrase..never heard it

..so if u wanna get ur point across u'll have to tell me what it means

me: it means shut up :P i am not going jogging like ever :P

Soni: ya..so u gonna indulge in that bulge..

me: naah i will donate it to soemone earn money too B-)

Sent at 12:06 PM on Thursday

Soni: so basically u're not going to have a healthy outlook towards ur body or do anything for it so that some day while walking n stumbling with ur huge belly..

u might get a heart attack..

but it'll be fine for u

me: well lets put it this way

'yes'

Sent at 12:10 PM on Thursday

Soni: it's not good not for u or ur family

u need to understand that u have to take care of ur health

me: yes i do and hence i eat chicken so that i dont stay weak :D

Soni: that is what u will become a chicken,

hello we r not talking abt weakness we r talking about STORED FAT which is in excessive in ur case

me: but look at the bright side if i get strangled into the desert

i will come back alive B-)

Sent at 12:14 PM on Thursday

Soni: and if u get stangled into a forest...the animal kingdom will have a huge feast

me: a buffey infact

Soni: yeah

me: so infact i am helping the environment

Soni: and also in the desert..

'coz what u r holding is not water but just fat yeah yeah..why not

me: but its energy, so infact the more v r talking i feel good about it :P

helping the environment,

saving myself energy wow

Soni: everything u say can simply be summed up as "i am such a lazy fatso, i will never exercise"

me: glad we understand each other :D

Sent at 12:17 PM on Thursday

Soni: i just signed up for gym yesterday

me: aah

Soni: what was that...a sigh ?

me: yeah, i am allergic to word gym

Soni: u must be allergic to everything related to well being except hogging

me: actually i have objection with the term 'well being'

Soni: ya right

Sent at 12:21 PM on Thursday