Monday, May 28, 2012

The stupidometer of Astrology, Aakash and ATM

Life, as they say is like an ATM center, you put in your hard earned money into the bank and the outlet waits for you day and night to return your own hard earned money. Sometimes occasionally it refuses to give out certain amount for the lack of it, sometimes you ask for a thousand and all it can give you out are little hundreds.

In India there are lots and lots of ATM centers scattered across the place, right from petrol pumps to residential complex to shopping malls. The ATM center remains standing waiting, temping for users to use it, withdraw some cash, buy some ice cream or even eat Gol Guppa, Fuchka or a Pani Puri. No wonder you always find a line in front of an ATM center.

There is a class in people who tend will visit the astrologer more than they visit the temple. They will sit in front of all the babas and listen to them more attentively than they will do for their own bosses. If I were a astrologer and someone asked me what would be the safest profession in the future, I would directly predict astrology. It does not take a seer to know that there will be people who are scared at any given point of time.

Thus I was not surprised when my friend walked to me with depressed face, "This cannot be happening..." he said.
"Is everything alright?" I asked, knowing that the person who was depressed had received a promotion this cycle and was supposed to go onsite to his dream city soon.
"You know, how everything is going perfect but it won't?" he asked.
"Was your VISA rejected?" I asked consoling him as if I had nothing better to do, "Or did they stop your promotion?"
"No no," he said, "everything is fine in my professional life, its just that my mom..." he paused to take a deep breath.
"Everything is fine at home? what happened to your mom," I replied, recollecting the recipe for tea, incase I have to offer him as consolation.
With a deep breath he explained, "My mom just consulted with our family astrologer who says if I do not donate 3 kgs of bananas in our village with my own hands my flight to onsite will crash in the middle of the sea..." he started sobbing, "Now tell me man, I have to fly next week, how am I going to go to my village and offer the bananas?"
Forget the tea, I simply gave up complete hope and walked out of the room. Ignorance is such a bliss.

The local astrologer one day sent a message through my parents that there was some trouble of snake in my life. He went on to explain that if the ritual is not complete I won't receive any promotion in my career. I got promoted in a week after his message, to which he said, it will stop sometime.

Wasn't there one such seer who scammed people of their salary in leu of giving them advice? Turns out he did give them advice as promised, but only people who had false hopes about him never saw their wishes coming true. I was half minded going there but then I trusted the good old reliable wishing well, who still charges one buck.

There is another thing happening in India which is crazier that an astrologer. It is a new concept called Aakash, the cheapest tablet in the world. Designed by some of the geniuses in this country this new concept will revolutionize everything in this country... or not. The tablet is sheer stupid, slow and buggy. If there is a person who will find use to it is if he doesn't touch it. However, if you talk about it people will say, 'Heh, for 2k bucks what are you expecting?'
Well I agree you are building a cheapest tablet, but hello, the genius engineers of this country, build the cheap tablet in terms of money and not cheap quality.

The local ATM center was filled with people. After waiting for three minutes in line, I decided to pop inside the ATM center and check whats the hold up. The person inside was cusing the ATM to be broken beyond repair. He also screamed loudly at the guard about how he was going to report this to someone and so on. When politely asked to move aside, he fumed at me. On closer inspection at the ATM center, it turned out, this was a different model that the rest and it asked for a screen validation check before withdrawing. I removed my money and walked from the ATM, not turning behind or looking at the angry man or the angry mob outside the ATM who were waiting in line for sometime. The ATM was perfectly fine, what was not fine was someone inside the box.

Somethings don't change. Somethings don't shift, they are constant. On the stupidometer of life, there will always me someone who outcrossed everyone on the way up. There will be someone stuck inside the ATM cusing at the machine even though it is his attitude there is broken. Everytime there will be fear, there will be God and everytime there will be God there will be an astrologer holding a ticket to the gates of heaven. People will still believe in cheap thrills by just passing by, like scoring a 94% in exam is more essential that learning what was thought.

But these things, make life interesting. If not for these little stupid actions, this blog will never survive, neither will we, shall we?

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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

How smart would it be to preorder Samsung Galaxy SIII?


Those who still are living on caves or apple trees should know, the next big thing is already here. Breaking all the past records the ultimates smartest phone on this galaxy has landed. Its not just a fruit, its not a cherry, its the entire Galaxy the third. Samsung Galaxy S3.
When I say it is here, I do not mean somewhere in the first world country or some distant land far far away where Indians wait in queue for thousands of years, nope, I mean in India.

Samsung Galaxy S3 is coming in India. They say early adopters are someone special, you can be one just like me. All it takes is 2000 bucks and a little courage to do something, 7 million others won't be doing. You can prebook the galaxy, right away.
Prebook your own Galaxy S3 by paying only 2000 bucks at the new Samsung India Estore and then pay the rest when the phone is launched in India. Simple. The phone lands on your doorstep in 3 days and a million days before others realize there is a phone smarter than them.
What is more, Samsung India assures you a free gift with every prebook. Now some thing for the OMFG people, Samsung Galaxy S3 comes packing with loads of stuff like S-Voice, S-Beam, Smart Alert and so on. It has a 8mp camera and a 1.9 mp front camera.
Whats more Android market is filled with stuff to download and enjoy when you are travelling in the bus for longer distances (unless of course you are a politician or his relative driving a car, in which case you are not that smart to own this phone)


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Truth Alone Triumphs


Truth is overrated. Truth alone itself manifests as the supreme thing above everything, multiple religious dogmas claim that 'Only the truth can set you free' and almost every supreme court in this world is built on the foundation of 'truth alone triumphs'.
However, with this human obsession of truth, there is one harsh reality out there waiting for us. In Hindi there is one saying, 'Truth is always bitter,' which is as true as it can get. Rationally speaking, truth is as bitter as anything human does. We are a civilization build on the foundation of lies and deception and truth is something that will haunt us.

Its a harsh reality of it all, to build a society, we need lies. Everything cannot be told to everyone. Our own appointed government wants to keep secret from us, which is fair, for they do not know which person would harm us all and who wouldn't. Parents have to lie about Santa Claus or Easter Bunny or in most part of India, Bagulbua, the monster of darkness or the kids will have to face the reality, life is boring as it is and there is nothing exciting than history class to wake up too.
Why am I taking truth today? On Sunday, the entire world was glued to another reality Television show called, 'Satyameva Jayate' or 'Truth Alone Triumphs' by Amir Khan. Since, then twitterverse and the universe is buzzing with people supporting the show and calling it an eye opener for all.
The show was beautifully composed with some mothers re-accounting the horrors of female foeticide and how their mother in law kicked the new born girl babies. Then a social worker re-accounted that it all started in the 70s when people wanted boy child better than girl and so on. The show then concluded about the case of two journalist who raised a sting operation at many doctors who conduct sex determination test and secretly abort the girl child. I have nothing to comment on the show itself but on the topic of the show, female foeticide.  
While the show was hard hitting and touching, it failed to touch the harsh reality of the issue, the crux of the topic in itself.
The real reason why female foeticide is prevalent in India, arrange marriages. Was it deliberate on the part of the show or was it avoided, cannot be known, but its the harsh reality of all.


Why don't parents need a girl child? What is it that is so special about the gender? Move over gender stereotypes that barbie doll definitely costs more than a car or that there are more than a dozen products for specially caring for their hair, not to mention a ten thousand bucks only to cut those tresses. But no, the reality is much more harsh,
With a girl child comes a social stigma on the one day twenty to twenty five years later, when she will be decorated, paraded and traded to be serving as a all in one sexual object, maid and a substitute mother for the male. The family of the groom can show as much as attitude towards the family of bride and they have to bear it. The family of the bride have to pitch in everything they own to buy her jewelry which she will not be needing anytime soon. And all in all, the fact that during the old age the girl won't be available as their insurance policy is killing the parents during her birth.
As a society we have reached an impasse that killing oneself or your children or your daughter in law is deemed honorable and better that a simple divorce. Woman decide to kill themself out of shame inflicted on them by our culturally rich society, you know in this case I am glad the girl was never born.
Suicide rate is much higher in our country yet, most of indians are alarmed at the increase in divorce rate.
This problem is not going to get solved by a clever programming of show or running a sting operations on doctors. It is not the doctors who suggest dropping the girl child, it is the medieval idea that a marriage is the ultimate goal in a persons life or a girl is someone else that are the culprits here. But however the clever programming nor the reporters will decide to go there, because there lies a pandora box sealed shut ages ago and no one wants to open.
They will decide to live in denial that this is not true, that arrange marriage is safest form of marriage out there and success rate of 94% in arrange marriage is tried and tested.
However, behind those close lid lies the truth, that very few people actually want to face, that arrange marriage is a virus on our society. 94% success rate is complemented by an equal suicide rate or marital rape rate or even female foeticide rate.
Till then time comes when the pandora box remains shut and hope that one day, indeed the truth shall set us all free.

Friday, May 4, 2012

There Are Two Things You Should Know About Samsung Galaxy Y Duos Smart Phone

That day she felt a silent tremor rising on the exterior of the crust. It was uncanny as if millions of voices where silenced somewhere in the deeper part of this planet. It was everywhere the silent monster was growing out of plain sight and she was stuck in the dilemma if she should go on and investigate the disturbance on the planet or go to potty first. Well it was a valid dilemma you see, does she follow the early morning ritual since the dawn of time or follow this new thing that would end till dusk of time, "The cable went out..." answered her smug little boyfriend eating an apple.

"A package has arrived..." he said as smugly as he was handling his *ahem*phone.
"Why do you keep getting this Samsung phones, be classy, be creative..." he said simply pointing out his *ahem*phone.

The package was about Samsung Galaxy Y duos, Samsung first entry in the range of Dual Sim Android phone.  The power of Android now comes with flexibility of using two sim cards. You know that nagging sensation when the dirtiest service provider has the best data plan and the worst provider with the best data plan has a telephone network that won't work in the loo. Yep, it happens, along with the loo it also doesn't work on the street, highway and whatever but it has got a good data plan. Sweetest infact.

Every human being has a choice in his life, should he buy a service with good network connection or the one with good data plan. The horror of any first time android user is sudden surge in bill at the end of the month.

"Samsung Phones lacks the wow factor," claimed the smug looking friend eating an apple, "You need class, you need style..."

"I need to go to the bathroom to powder my face or whatever," she announced to no one in particular.

He glanced at the box lying on the desk and had a quick glance at his *ahem*phone. What harm can the phone do to him. He smugged and put on the pot of coffee. The phone was inviting him but he denied, they are just copy cats he said. The phone pulsed and buzzed but he refused, he would not bend, he would not cave, he could not... oh it has dual sim.

"Two sim cards in one phone, one can be used for better 3G plan and other for just calls. Imagine the possibilities with it. It has live wallpapers, wow for such a small phone it does pack a lot. Oh but the *ahem*phone apps are much more classier, but then there are so many free apps on Android platform. But what is this? Ch@t on, a special chatting app only for Samsung Users. And then this Handy is a single point application where users can search, book and pay for flights, trains, buses, movie tickets, create
their own stock portfolio /get real time stock price and stay updated on latest in business news, search
a restaurant by cuisine and even reserve a table for themselves. The My Reader app which gives access to 30,000 books from Landmark for free. Free? This even has a Mobile TV app.

He could see little versions of angel and devil on his back. His dilemma was flushed by the flush he heard at the washroom. Quickly he composed himself and took to standing near the kitchen.

She glanced at the new package and then at him, he was smug as his *ahem*phone, "Listen there buster," she exclaimed, "There are two things you should know about Samsung Galaxy Y duos, first, it is the first android based dual sim phone available in the market, which means it has got the power of using two phones at the same time without struggling to juggle between them like bonzo the clown,"  she exclaimed he was already impressed but she was busy fondling with her phone, "And second, it has the worlds most powerful multitasking, open source and amazing operating system Android Gingerbread. It has got good apps, cleaner interface and slick new ways of doing things your *ahem*phone can never do..."

"But I... I..." words fell short of his mouth, he was about to say he agrees but his mortal dilemma won't allow him to do so.

She smiled picked up her Samsung Phone and walked out of the room. There are two ways of winning an argument with a woman, he thought, none of them work.


P.s. If you are excited about the game, Samsung India is offered 20 free Samsung Galaxy Y Duos phone. Don't miss your chance of playing the game.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Greatest Battle Ever Fought

"Ceaser," screamed the messenger as he ran inside the palace. Ceaser was busy painting on the canvas silently as he looked up at the messenger. He was the ceaser he had to keep it together, "What is it?" he said calmly.
"At the gates," the messenger screamed, "At the gates...."
The messenger was unable to speak, something was wrong at the gates. Something that terrified the poor soul.

Ceaser peacefully continued drawing the circle on the canvas when he realized, the bugles were blowing. Enemy was at the gate. The bugles were blowing very hard for it was not an ordinary enemy, it was him. It was the barbaric Huns. It was The Hun, he who would not be named.

The messenger from the corner of his eye clearly saw the circle ceaser was drawing was no longer a perfect circle but said nothing. It was not his position to say anything. The ceaser felt his hands trembling and he lost his concentration, this was it, every ceaser before him had wished that this day wouldn't come in their tenure and it didn't, how lucky they were.

He took a deep breath, this thing came with power, he told himself. The roman empire was glorious with centurion army glorified as the best weapons humans could train. The centurions had returned victorious from many battles glories and undefeated but one battle they could not defeat.

The battle with the Huns on the Balkans region of Eastern Roman empire was enough warning of what would happen if the Romans decided not to pay tribute to the Huns. The ceaser had to keep it straight, the messenger was waiting. He took a deep breath.

"Send him in," Ceaser ordered and kept it cool.
The messenger obliged and walked outside.

Ceaser got up from the seat and kept himself composed. He was the king of the most glorious empire in the world, he had to keep it together. What would his enemies say if he was afraid of the Huns? What would his soldiers say if he was afraid of The Hun?

"Hello king," said The Hun as he stepped into the chamber smirking, "How are you today?" it was a taunt, The Hun was playing.
"Pray, speak, why do you seek my audience? Have we not paid you enough to keep outside the borders?" he asked.
"You have, oh King,"  The Hun smiled, "But I came nevertheless to inform you that last tribute you send was less than what you bargained. We have grown as a tribe, we need more tribute or we go to war."

Ceaser looked at his enemy and gave it a thought, "Your biggest undoing is your overconfidence. I do not pay tribute to you because I am afraid of you, I pay tribute for I do not wish to make any more widows and orphans in my kingdom and yours. You are a barbaric horde, you know nothing of fianese and art. You fear your own commanders for one day they will kill you and take over your horde and pride just as you did."

The Hun looked flabbergasted where was the king getting his strength from? There was no fear in ceasers eyes, there was no shame.

"I will not increase your tribute, you have suffered as much loss as I have on the battle of Utus. I made a strategic retreat to prevent any further loses. I cannot let any more widows and orphan over your barbaric urges but I also cannot keep on increases wages for your whims and your mood. So here is it," said the Ceaser, "I refuse to pay you increases wages and if you wish to attack the kingdom, do it then. But remember, the blood that would be shed, Huns and Romans will be on you..."

The Hun looked at the Ceaser in contempt, was this another strategy or was it real? Was the Ceaser really not afraid of him, he considered his options, he could go into war. But even last time he had suffered heavy loses. The Ceaser smiled, he had lost the battle but won the war.

He had planted the seed of distrust in The Hun mind, he knew for sure that in a few days the war would begin but this time the war could be won for the great commander of forces had a weak spot now. The commander was no longer over confident of his victory. It was the great battle ever fought and it was inside the enemies head.

The Hun stormed out the cabin into the wild in complete anger. When the messenger stepped inside, he saw the Ceaser had resumed his painting. The strokes were strong and bold with confidence, Ceaser looked at his messenger and smiled, "Pass on my message will you?" he said.

"Prepare for war..."

Note: This story is ENTIRELY fictitious. Have taken two classic armies in the history of mankind, one known for barbaric bravery and the other known for fianese killing.
Ceaser is the title given to king in ancient Rome imperial generals. 

Have you read my book yet?

Have you read my book yet?
An epic adventure across space and time