Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Maid in India

It was one of those weeks in my house when me and my partner were too lazed out to go grocery shopping. Every passing day the number of onion, tomatoes started depleting and we were slowly entering the dark era. Our maid gave a constant reminder of the upcoming apocolypse but since it was morning 7:30, a time before we normally wake up, all those warnings fell on deaf ears nay on sleepy deaf ears.

Finally, one fine day making a very inaudible noise she walked towards us and declared that the end of the world was here and she could not cook anything. At that precise moment, my mind went into a self-doubt mode on exactly who was the employee and who was the employeer. But this was not the first time my mind went into the overdrive of self doubt.

A few weeks back when my wife had gone to her native, our doorbell rang horribly for five to six times distrubing my sweet dreams of world domination. The people had almost started worshipping me in my dream when the doorbell kicked me out of the giant podium and I had to relunctantly open the door,
"Where were you?" asked the maid as she took charge of the house.
"I...ugh... sleeping," I said still yawning, I do not know if there any other possible response at 6:30 in the morning.
"So late in opening the door, were you out again last night?" she asked.
For a freaking moment, I thought I was still asleep and this was my wife enquiring about my whereabouts. I opened by eyes wide but no, it was the maid.
"Ugh... I..." in one freighting moment I had forgotten the entire voccabulary of Hindi.

The list does not end here, in my house the chain of command begins with my wife and in her absense, it is handed over to the maid. Aparently, as the husband I come at the very bottom of the chain of command pyramid in the house.

"Can you come a bit late from tomorrow?" my partner pleaded with the maid one fine morning. After ruining our sleep for seven consequitive days we came up with the solution.
"No can't do," the maid said, "I have only 7:30 slot free for your house. I have to work elsewhere and it is already booked."
"Can you switch us to another slot? Say after 10:30?"
"No," the maid replied firmly, "And I will take a holiday every Monday, weather you like it or no."
She announced firmly and went ahead to do her regular job. An hour later when I tried to show the same firmness to my boss, he repraminded me for coming late to office and insisted I come on time. So much for chain of command.

How we met our maid is also an interesting story in itself. It was 7 hours since we moved into our new house, 6 out of those seven were spend sleeping as we moved in late last night. Early morning 7:30 the doorbell rang and on the door was the maid. "I used to work in this house earlier, do you need a maid?" We needed one definately but had never decided on it. I think it was mostly the sleep depravation that we agreed on one.

Having a maid is as horrible as not having one. But the most horrible part of it is having one and she not coming on time. Never before have we waited for anyone more than the maid to arrive. Having a maid in India is as good as having a very uncomfortable raincoat in rain. While raincoat is a necessity, it is still uncomfortable having one.

What are your woes?




Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Top ten reasons why you probably got married in India


All over the world, marriage is the holy union of two people who choose each other with mutual consent and decide to spend the entire life together. India, as with many other social norms, begs to differ in the definition. Tweet: Marriage is the horrible combination of Government, God and honeymoon packages. http://ctt.ec/_yeeR+

The following are the top ten reasons why people get married in India, and no love doesn't come in this list.

1. The 'marriageable' age is passing or has passed.
There is a wide range of what is supposed to be a marriageable age. It could vary from 18 to 30 depending on who you believe in.

2. The sons of Mr. XYZ has got married recently in lavish ceremony
Incidentally you were told the exact amount of insane money spend my the new daugther-in-law family to the last paise.

3. You are growing bald, fat or worst dark!!!
Yep, you are physically deforming into a monster, apparently.

4. You are leaving out of city, state or country
Basically anyplace where you will be out of sight from your parents and have a chance of 'slipping'

5. You are living alone out of your parents sight
Every parent believes that once the boy is out of sight he parties hard, gets drunk all night, has shady friends circle and the ultimate nightmare of every indian parent... a girlfriend outside the caste!!!!

6. You got a good job (which means earning more than 25k) and thus are now eligible for a lavish dowry
The rate of dowry varies depending on multiple criteria, have you checked out the dowrycalulator yet?

7. Your grandfathers dying wish is to see his grandson.
With great powers comes great responsibility and all that shit.

8. Relatives have started asking questions.
The nosy char log who have been ruining the life's of countless young adults from Kashmir to Kanyakumari strike again. They starting poking around the personal details of your life making you edge further towards marriage.

9. The Mahurat falls on a public holiday/ Sunday after a long time
Nothing beats like a marriage on a sunday specially if its a non-veg wedding.

10. You just happen to walk into a room full of strangers and a woman who was attempting to fake shy. You had no clue they were planning your marriage
This happens quite a lot, deal with it.

If you got married for one of the reasons above, I pity you. If not, congratulations you made a wise choice. Happy Wedding.

Just a light humor there, people get married for other reasons as well. I got one and surived two years today.

Have you read my book yet?

Have you read my book yet?
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