Facts about sex that will help you survive India




Is it ironic that the land who taught the world Kamasutra shy's away on mention of world 'Sex'? Is it ironic that the civilisation that portrayed woman as powerful, dominating and ruling over the men (Mahabharata, Shakuntala etc.) has modern woman fighting for the tag of 'item girls'? Isn't it ironic that the country that gave voting rights to woman on the day of its inception is filled with rape cases day in and out?

Irony is part of Indian culture. Hypocrisy and irony are the two pillars on which the foundation of modern India is laid. Let's take an instance for the case of 'Sex education' in India. Here is the deal, sexual frustration is rampant across the country, considering the number of Item songs gaining popularity nowadays. The root cause of this, maybe is our attitude towards things like individualistic freedom, repression towards sex and the skewed concept of 'Indian culture'.

So here are the list of things against Indian Culture,
1. Premarital sex
2. Sex education
3. The concept of marital rape
4. Watching Porn
5. Having sex without making a baby (Source: Kamasutra)

but then Indian culture is not that prudish, no it is not. There are few things that are aligned with Indian Culture. They are ok to go.

1. Rape
2. Item Songs with lyrics as 'Sheila ki Jawani', 'Munni Badnaam hui' in movies rated 'Safe' for children.
3. Martial rape
4. Consensual sex but rape case if not married.
5. Public shaming and threatening by the cops for woman who wish to raise a complaint against men.

In one of the crowdiest places on Earth, things like personal freedom, liberal values are not important. What is more important is 'Char log kya kahenge'. In this ridiculously confusing country, it is not important if you were raped or molested as long as you got married properly.  Every Indian parent is suffering from Anuptaphobia, which is a hi-fi word for fear of getting married. And every adult India spends his/her life 'saving' his/her virginity for the big night. No, seriously, in few communities virginity test is very common. Their quest for staying virgin can only be matched with their race for making 'male' babies.

Basically anything normal is abnormal in India and any weird thing you spot, try not to flinch. You see a two year old doing a 'thumka' for her amusement and the parents clapping on that is 'normal'. Putting pressure on the children to complete their parents dream which including-

1. Choosing the career parents ask them to.
2. Marrying the girl of families choice.
3. Making babies before the elders die

Is considered normal. Any form of physical attraction or relationship is unhealthy for the country. Yet, it is ok for people to oggle at girls, eve-tease and rape (after all boys will be boys- said by an esteemed minister). Is there a solution?
Yes, there is, if you listen to the people. This is the best solution you can ever get, stay within your limits. If you are a girl wear full body covering clothes, regularly pray to God and stay indoors. If you are a boy, ask your parents everything (including the loo timing). Sex/rape and all those things are ok, as long as there is marriage involved down the line. After all you are preserving the Indian culture which has considered getting married more sacred that human feelings, emotions and freedom.

So there you go, your guide about sex in India. You may be offended by this article, I understand, after all sarcasm is also against the Indian culture.


What No One Tells You About Hinduism

In recent years, the dialogue of Hindutva, Hinduism and Hindu in general has attained main-stream media. Be it Rahul Gandhi raising fears against Hindu Militants (like really!!!) or be it protest against arrest of Asaram Bapu or other God-men in recent times. Hindu as a religion has got more than its fair share of attention. Young adults are questioning their faith and the culture while there are allegation about all sorts of thing about hinduism in general.
Few weeks ago, in a heated argument about justification of Hinduism, a friend questioned the authenticity of hinduism. In this post I decided to put my views on Hinduism as explained to him.

1. The concept of polytheism
The very first thing to understand about Hinduism is that it is a polytheist religion. What that means is there is no key to reach heaven and you can create your own keys. 7 billion people can choose how they want to reach heaven and attain moksha or nirvana. There is no priest, there is no temple. In Mahabharata Krishna tells Arjuna that he can worship God in any form, any way and anywhere as long as the intent is honest.

2. Who owns Hinduism?
While many religions have a authority and a fix point of contact (so to speak), Hinduism has no such thing. You are still a hindu if you do not go to a temple for eons or that you do not believe in Shiva or Krishna or any mainstream deities. You can choose your own way of worship and your own deity and still be a hindu.

3. Why are there so many festivals?
Believe it or not, Hinduism is purely based on Mathematics of nature. Every festival denotes important climate change, which was celebrated in earlier days.

4. Will I go to hell if I don't follow the doctrine/ books about hinduism like Bhagwat Gita, Manu Smriti?
According to Bhagwat Gita, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. That is something we like to call the law of Karma. There is no concept of Hell in Hinduism, there is heaven, there is mount meru and there is nether-land but not hell. No one is punished anywhere else but earth according to Hinduism. This is done in form of re-birth (which you can choose to believe or not, no pressure). But there is no God/Dogma that says, obey me or I will throw you to hell. There is no pressure at all.

5. Most of the Gods in Hinduism are dead in the stories, how can a God die? Shouldn't he be omnipresent?
This is half fact, the complete fact is that while there are stories of God's death in Hinduism, there are also stories of demon's death. There is no God and no Demon, hinduism simply states that whenever there is a trouble, God will appear in different forms and rescue you from them. The pressure to help you solve problems is on God, what you suffer is your own Karma. A God cannot die but what dies is a point of view. An avatar is just a point of view of God. Ram is the point of view of a perfect man, Krishna is point of view of a cruel strategist, Narsimha is the point of view of a angry God. These all forms are different points of view of same God. There are 33 million points of view of the same idea, all are alive and all are dead.

6.  Hinduism has bad elements like the caste system and the sati system.
While I agree that many years ago there was a sati system that was abolished but it was not as widespread as people would like you to believe. Infact, in many caste there was no idea of Sati. But that isn't justification of the horrible concept. Yes, it was abolished and so was caste system. But then have you observed the modern caste system? A doctor prefers his child to be a doctor. They will use their connections to make him a doctor, similar with a lawyer and perhaps an IIM graduate. While these system were prevalent and horrible everyone has a choice to not choose them. The path is not easy, I agree, but not impossible.

7. Hinduism is oppressive towards woman/ LGBT
Hinduism is the only religion that mentions the contribution of woman in forming the society. Shiv Puran mentions Parvati as his Ardhangini, means the better half. The story of Ganga, Yamuna and Savitri depicts modern and dominant woman in charge of their life. Hinduism has a lot of different points of view and you can choose which one to follow. Vishnu is a mohini avatar was a transexual, Shikhandi was allowed on the battlefield because God Krishna announced that he was a man. Shikhandi was a transexual. Arjun was a crossdresser in exile and fell in love with a woman. There are a lot many stories that treat LGBT equally in par with male and female counterparts. If someone says otherwise, you can choose to ignore it.

8. There are so many political parties that are oppressive towards non Hindus and create ruckus once in a while.
I usually avoid talking politics on this blog but on this matter I'll say this. Refer back to point one about having a point of view. These parties have their own point of view and go on to defend that in their own crooked sense of way. You need not blame the religion for those views. Just as hinduism gives you right to choose any point of view of a God so does it also give right to deny any other point of view. 



Bottomline: here is what hinduism teaches you in his immense wisdom, unlimited dogma and never ending universe. You choose, worship, pray or not pray any God you like or don't like. You do whatever you do and however you do, you won't be judged but be prepared to reap the seeds you have sown and remember Karma is watching you all the time.

These are my views on Hinduism, what about yours?

Maid in India

It was one of those weeks in my house when me and my partner were too lazed out to go grocery shopping. Every passing day the number of onion, tomatoes started depleting and we were slowly entering the dark era. Our maid gave a constant reminder of the upcoming apocolypse but since it was morning 7:30, a time before we normally wake up, all those warnings fell on deaf ears nay on sleepy deaf ears.

Finally, one fine day making a very inaudible noise she walked towards us and declared that the end of the world was here and she could not cook anything. At that precise moment, my mind went into a self-doubt mode on exactly who was the employee and who was the employeer. But this was not the first time my mind went into the overdrive of self doubt.

A few weeks back when my wife had gone to her native, our doorbell rang horribly for five to six times distrubing my sweet dreams of world domination. The people had almost started worshipping me in my dream when the doorbell kicked me out of the giant podium and I had to relunctantly open the door,
"Where were you?" asked the maid as she took charge of the house.
"I...ugh... sleeping," I said still yawning, I do not know if there any other possible response at 6:30 in the morning.
"So late in opening the door, were you out again last night?" she asked.
For a freaking moment, I thought I was still asleep and this was my wife enquiring about my whereabouts. I opened by eyes wide but no, it was the maid.
"Ugh... I..." in one freighting moment I had forgotten the entire voccabulary of Hindi.

The list does not end here, in my house the chain of command begins with my wife and in her absense, it is handed over to the maid. Aparently, as the husband I come at the very bottom of the chain of command pyramid in the house.

"Can you come a bit late from tomorrow?" my partner pleaded with the maid one fine morning. After ruining our sleep for seven consequitive days we came up with the solution.
"No can't do," the maid said, "I have only 7:30 slot free for your house. I have to work elsewhere and it is already booked."
"Can you switch us to another slot? Say after 10:30?"
"No," the maid replied firmly, "And I will take a holiday every Monday, weather you like it or no."
She announced firmly and went ahead to do her regular job. An hour later when I tried to show the same firmness to my boss, he repraminded me for coming late to office and insisted I come on time. So much for chain of command.

How we met our maid is also an interesting story in itself. It was 7 hours since we moved into our new house, 6 out of those seven were spend sleeping as we moved in late last night. Early morning 7:30 the doorbell rang and on the door was the maid. "I used to work in this house earlier, do you need a maid?" We needed one definately but had never decided on it. I think it was mostly the sleep depravation that we agreed on one.

Having a maid is as horrible as not having one. But the most horrible part of it is having one and she not coming on time. Never before have we waited for anyone more than the maid to arrive. Having a maid in India is as good as having a very uncomfortable raincoat in rain. While raincoat is a necessity, it is still uncomfortable having one.

What are your woes?




Top ten reasons why you probably got married in India


All over the world, marriage is the holy union of two people who choose each other with mutual consent and decide to spend the entire life together. India, as with many other social norms, begs to differ in the definition. Tweet: Marriage is the horrible combination of Government, God and honeymoon packages. http://ctt.ec/_yeeR+

The following are the top ten reasons why people get married in India, and no love doesn't come in this list.

1. The 'marriageable' age is passing or has passed.
There is a wide range of what is supposed to be a marriageable age. It could vary from 18 to 30 depending on who you believe in.

2. The sons of Mr. XYZ has got married recently in lavish ceremony
Incidentally you were told the exact amount of insane money spend my the new daugther-in-law family to the last paise.

3. You are growing bald, fat or worst dark!!!
Yep, you are physically deforming into a monster, apparently.

4. You are leaving out of city, state or country
Basically anyplace where you will be out of sight from your parents and have a chance of 'slipping'

5. You are living alone out of your parents sight
Every parent believes that once the boy is out of sight he parties hard, gets drunk all night, has shady friends circle and the ultimate nightmare of every indian parent... a girlfriend outside the caste!!!!

6. You got a good job (which means earning more than 25k) and thus are now eligible for a lavish dowry
The rate of dowry varies depending on multiple criteria, have you checked out the dowrycalulator yet?

7. Your grandfathers dying wish is to see his grandson.
With great powers comes great responsibility and all that shit.

8. Relatives have started asking questions.
The nosy char log who have been ruining the life's of countless young adults from Kashmir to Kanyakumari strike again. They starting poking around the personal details of your life making you edge further towards marriage.

9. The Mahurat falls on a public holiday/ Sunday after a long time
Nothing beats like a marriage on a sunday specially if its a non-veg wedding.

10. You just happen to walk into a room full of strangers and a woman who was attempting to fake shy. You had no clue they were planning your marriage
This happens quite a lot, deal with it.

If you got married for one of the reasons above, I pity you. If not, congratulations you made a wise choice. Happy Wedding.

Just a light humor there, people get married for other reasons as well. I got one and surived two years today.

Top 10 possible reason Bangalore did not go out for Vote


According to certain media reports (do not know if these are paid or unpaid) only 56% of Bangaloreans voted yesterday. Using my super secret research team of ninjas, I set out the real reason why bangalore did not vote. My team of ninjas surveyed every part of bangalore in such a secrecy that no one came to know about it. Enlisting the top ten reasons why bangaloreans missed voting yesterday.

1. It was not a holiday in America.
2. They avoided traffic jam towards pooling booth.
3. Polling booth was far away from Infosys office
4. Polling booth was not inside forum mall.
5. There was no home delivery service.
6. The polling booth didn't have AC. Mall did.
7. Election timing clashed with gym appointment.
8. They had very urgent work in office. Manager promised pizza.
9. Last night's Biryani was too spicy.
10. Finally a four days long weekend, time to catch up on sleep that was missed.

There you go. If you live under the rock and have woken up just now, your chance to make a difference to this nation is gone. You won't get such a chance for another five years, lets pray that a good candidate has got maximum number of votes.

This list is a humorous parody and not to be taken seriously, no harm intended to any institute or named company above.

[Mythological][Fantasy][Short Story] Guide of Death



The only truth in the universe is death. Extinction. Annihilation. In a highly fluid environment one must be prepared for change, extinction is the natures way of telling that land must be cleared for a new species to dominate. Nature is governed by a single law, Adapt or perish.

This holds true for a single individual, species, society or even a reality. Thus when Dinosaurs had fulfilled their time on earth, a meteoroid shower conveniently wiped them of their existence. The universe threw me into the liquid reality without any life support.... sink or swim, in the ancient prison of Kaladunga. I did, what I always do best, I survived. I was born in the dark cellar on the dungeon on the island of Kaladunga, and my childhood was spend getting whipped by the prison master for the sins I never committed.

For six years, after I learned to talk, I kept asking, what have I done? is being born a sin? The old priest used to visit the prison trying to teach me religion. I kept asking him, why, why did God choose me for this fate? Is God punishing me?

Every passing hour, my hatred for humanity and God increased. I had never seen the light of the day for most of my childhood. I saw only the dark cellar of my prison. The only living being in the room was a rat, which I brutally killed one day with bare hands... adapt or perish.

When I reached puberty, my security was lessened. I was allowed to mingle with other prison mates. Thus began my informal education. The prison mates told me about life, about other cultures that existed outside the prison. They didn't understand it but I understood the way society works from their stories.
From the prison guard I learned about my origin. My mother was a witch, he said, that put a spell on my father, a high ranking officer in the Church. My father used his influence to condemm by mother into the prison. I was born there to a dead mother in the same prison. My father refused to accept me and sentenced me to complete my mothers sentence.

As I grew older my arms grew stronger, when I was twently I had read all the books in the library of the prison. I was stuck in the walls of the prison but my mind had travelled the world. My favorite book was about 'Decoding the Universe' by a Prof. Columbus. Prof. Columbus talked about the law of nature and survival of the dominant species. He talked about planets, galaxies and many wonders still far away from humans. He wrote that the secret of the universe lay in the mythological scriptures. Many prison mates laughed at the idea but I knew somewhere my future lay in finding this Professor.

But to find this professor I had to break through the walls that bound me. I challenged the prison master for dominance. He came on me with all his weapons and whips while I defeated him with my bare hands. I killed most of the prison guards along with him for I had to prove my dominance, there was only one rule. Adapt or perish.

I still remember the day I walked out of the hell hole. For the first time in my life I saw sun in its magificent glory. I hated it, I prefered the darkness of my cell where I grew. I knew I had a challenger, if I had to be the most dominant, I had to dominate the bright sun. I was the devil unleashed on the planet. In the prison I had no name, just a number but in this real world, I chose the name of my favorite demon, I called myself, Kaal. To be honest, the world was not prepared for someone like me. The world was burderned with its own weight of guilt and its own shame. It didn't take me long to learn its ways, however broken they were.

Finding my father was easy task. It didn't take long to hunt him down. I had the pleasure of killing him myself. His institution was next which I inherited by force. For the untrained eye, it was mine to begin with. Power felt good, power of money and knowledge felt nice. But I had thirst for more. I had thirst for everything.

With my fathers vast property I found the were about of Prof. Columbus. He was termed heretic by the greatest clergy in the world. He headed a science unit that was hell bent on explore space. They had big ambitions of travelling through the universe in a anti-matter powered space ship. Their biggest problem was finding a suitable driver for this journey. Nobody had the guts to drive such a powerful spaceship. Once outside the earths orbit, this spaceship would be out of communication range. A simple phone call would take days or months.

All those humans who were taught by the system to lead a risk free life could not embark on this journey. But I was different, I volunteered. I was once again about to be confined into the souless darkness of the universe. They asked me if I was afraid, I was not, I was going home. I was going back into my darkness.

Floating aimlessly in the universe I learned many of its secret. This feat was not scientific but purely showcase on my enormous will power. I nearly died forty times in this uncharted territory of space but this story is not about Death, it is about life. Couple of decades ago, I mathematically proved the existence of center of universe. This was the massive pyre in which the universe burns. The central sun that fuels countless life form. The cosmic rays that could grant anyone the power to rule the universe. Perhaps there was a ruler, perhaps he was guarding the pyre.

It took me ten years to find something that could not be found. There have been attempts before me, I saw but the debris of countless ships along my path did not deter my ambition. I was going to meet God and challenge him.

I felt my destiny calling as I identified the cosmic patterns in a far off planet. Thus I had officially reached the center of the universe. It was a small asteroid with a lake in the middle filled with red liquid. It was hard to find a parking on this small rock and hence I had to crash my ship just on the edge of the lake. The moment I arrived, I felt a shiver inside the lake as if it was alive.

I knew I would be resisted but I could never believe as I saw different forms emerging out of the lake and walking towards me. The shape grew large and spoke,
"What are you doing here mortal?"
"Who are you?" I shouted.
"I am Karuna, the first Maharathi of the Kshatriya order, Son of warrior Prahasta, Grand-son of warrior Ravana and this region is under my protection. You are a mortal and are forbidden to enter the realms."
"I come from far away, I come to meet God. If you forbid me to enter the realm, I challenge you."
Karuna appeared in front of me, he was twice as large as a man and equally broad. His hand changed shape as a Axe appeared in his hand. It emited a greenish blue glow from its blade.

Karuna was definitely the biggest warrior of all times. His axe zoomed past me twice and through sheer luck I escaped. But I was also no less warrior, I had few tricks up my sleeve. One was a sword I had stolen back on earth, it was called Witch Blade, a sword crafted by the greatest warrior tribe called 'Aramis'. He could not kill a God but I definately let me defend myself against him.

A big battle followed. As the dust settled down, I survived, something I am good at. Karuna vanished in the same red lake he had appeared. Exhausted and tired I saw near the lake to take some rest. The water beneath my feet started glowing white and started rising around me. It bound me tight and I could not move. A woman dressed in white robes appeared from the lake and spoke,
"You wretched mortal," she shouted, "How care you step into the heavens? You may have defeated the Khatriya warrior, but you cannot escape from the power of Anumati and the Varunastra..."
I was totally helpless into the flexible water. Thus she carried me and condemned me to depth of the lake where I was thrown into the deep water trench...for life.

She threw me in a prison beneath the lake. But I did not worry, I was home.

She did not know, I was born into a trench like this. I have faced worst trenches than this. Hence I waited, slowly, carefully I made my way to the surface. I realized I cannot fight the weapons of God...hence the only weapon I had was stealth, something I was good at.

Shadows was my power, darkness my home. I crept past the lake, slowly, unseen, moving in the shadows and I explored. Finally, I found it, it was true, the energy was there...lying around.
I could not believe I was seeing it, from my eyes, purest form of energy, no emitting gases, no burning images....purest form of energy shaped into a cube hanging in the middle of the land. From this, sprang the millions species in the universe, from this came the countless planets, from this fueled the sun for many solar system. This was it, the cosmic energy.

To my shock and surprise, there was noone around. All those security measures, all those magical protection, everything was for nothing. There was NO GOD. There was no throne room, no ultimate. The cosmic power lay there unused, untouched for anyone to come and grab. The entire mankind in its countless battles for divinity were mistaken, there was no God, no alpha, no omega. There was no one, just a form of purest energy. As I stood there gasping at the biggest lie of humans, the protector arrived again.

"Halt," boomed Karuna again rushing from behind, "I cannot let you pass..."
"Stop him," Anumati starting waving her hands and I could hear splash of water from the lake.
Countless other faces came out of lake brandishing many weapons.
I had no moment to think. Adapt or perish. Such is the power of the brain, that before I saw the danger, a solution had formed.
It was a desperate ploy, how could I, a mere mortal tame such a vast energy? I was bound to burn into pyre, but I had no choice, the other option was...death.
I jumped into the pyre. God and I were about to become one. I plunged myself into the cosmic pyre and I felt...

Blank. Darkness. Nothing.

My soul was ripped apart, my body was burned down to ashes. Through sheer will I prevailed…adapt or perish.

For a million years, I felt nothing. I was floating in nothingness, the energy seeped in. It took me centuries to understand the power of my sneeze that can blow up the entire cosmos.
Slowly the universe started shaping in front of me and I became reality. I took form of a cluster of stars which slowly shaped up as me.

I could feel my hands and I could feel my legs and I could feel power in my fingertips.
As the universe proceeded into its own weird sense, it did notice something amiss. Something changed.
Adapt or perish. It was time the universe adopted their new ruler.

I became GOD.

(to be concluded...)

That itch on your back that cannot be scratched



"Arvind Kejriwal..." he began the sentence. Since this election has come up many of my friends are bitten by this new fever. All of the sudden, without any warning, without any notice they will begin the sentence taking name of their favorite politician (earlier the words were reserved for Sachin Tendulkar and Sehwag)
"... Arvind Kejriwal was part of the system and has finally vowed to change it," my friend said proudly driving the unserviced vehicle on M.G. Road.
"When was the last time you did a P.U.C.," I asked matter of factly because we were painting the town black.

"I don't remember," he said, "My father must have done it before he gave me this car."
"As I remember your father gave you this car almost seven years ago when we were in college, right?" I asked.
"Yeah man," he said changing the topic, "But think what Arvind Kejriwal can do when we make him the Prime Minister of the country."
"I don't think he will be able to do anything unless you control the pollution emission of this vehicle," I replied, "I think once you choose him to do his duty, you should do yours."
"Oh man," he said, "You are such a wuss. We get these P.U.C. certificates for as cheap as 1000 bucks. Relax."
"You can afford those 1000 bucks buddy, humanity cannot," I replied getting down from the car and refusing to pollute the environment anymore.
Indians have this uncanny habit of hero worshipping. First it was freedom fighters, then it was crickets for a brief moment it was also Tushar Kapoor. Every few years Indians change their heroes and keep faith in their hero. "Why tendulkar, why," my friend used to scream as he sat on the sofa with his legs above the rest and head down below (this was his ritualistic position for tendulkar to score a century), "Why did you leave the offside open!!!!"
The day Sachin Tendulkar retired, my friend deannounced living. We were hoping he would go to some himalaya to medidate and never come back but the thing about hero worship is, no one wants to do anything. After cribbing for two days completely he had a new hero, Anna Hazare.
"Rahul Gandhi is not capable of handling this country," he said to no one in particular as he entered the room.

"Did you bring milk and eggs?" his wife asked dilligently.

"No," he said, "I forgot. You go down and bring."

"You are not capable of handling this house," she said, "Don't crib about Rahul Gandhi."
We are a nation of cribbers. For almost two weeks a member in our society was complaining about not enough diesel in generator. "The prize of diesel have increased so much," he used to begin, "It is such a pain, only Narendra Modi can reduce the prize of diesel."
"Did you call the maintainence guy who was going to fine tune our generator so it can consume less diesel," asked the chairman.

"No, I forgot to do that," he said shrugging.
Even the leaders are no different, all the so-called leaders of the country are busy cribbing about each other. Every one fights for the 'issues' in the country but no one talks about solutions for them. The Aam Aadmi Party is a newly formed political party in this country. If nothing else they have adopted one quality of the mango people of the country, and that is cribbing.

Said one commuter at the traffic signal, "Don't block my way."
"It is a red light," I informed him pointing to the red light at the traffic signal.
"There is no cop around," he said, "If you want to be a wuss be a wuss, let me go."
He sped past bearing the insignia of his favorite youth leader bearing the sign, 'I support him'.

How is he going to support his leader by breaking the traffic signal is beyond me. Everyone is waiting for their next leader to come with a magic wand and transform India but no one wants to pick up the wand themself.

The battle lines are drawn on who will become the next PM. Whoever wins the elections has a big task to rescue this country from the mess. While the next PM candidate is preparing his plan to improve the country, let us sit back and think what we can change to foster this development. Stop cribbing and start acting.

Lets talk about Elephant in the room


Since the Election Commissioners Code of Conduct talking about the elephant in the room is a very painful activity, specially since Elephants are hidden from public view before the elections. But this post is not about a political party but is about the political will.

Or for that matter, the lack of it. Whenever a new political ideology grips the nation, a series of similar looking but going nowhere statements come into picture. We need to empower woman, we need to take care of the poor, the farmers are to be supported and the list goes on. Every political party goes on and on how they will 'listen' to a particular sector and help them. Here is the elephant in the room which we all conviniently ignore, corruption is not the only problem gripping this giant Union of India. Populism is.

One of the biggest rot to our system since independence is the concept of reservation. The idea of reservation started as a means to 'empower' the backward classes but turned into a means of reducing the quality of education and exploitation of the educaton system by a selected few. Populism is not a good idea for anyone.

Government is not a charity organization, you give a package to one sector, someone else has to pay for it. We all are paying prize for the reservation. Give a sect of people freebie and others will pay for it. Give free electricity to farmers and others will pay for it. Any government that offers freebie to one sect, be it caste, religion, profession or gender is not governing properly.

Election season is upon us and we are trying to realign the system of our country. We all can and should go out to vote for that one person who can make a difference. Any new government that is formed in this country is attempting to form in the most active era. Any new government that gives freebies to someone or the other will not be here to stay, they will be at the max allowed to rule only for 49 days. 

Comedy Nights are not so comedy after all!!!


On a Sunday morning as I left the humble hug of my cosy 'rajai' (a cruel form of blanket that hypnotizes you to procrastinate) to engage in the oldest profession of humans, hunt for something to eat, every door along the way was tuned into some famous show.  By the time I reached my parking, I had listened to the complete title song in bits and pieces. To their credit, one house was watching Chota Bheem but thats not the topic of this post.
Over the period of time the condition of Indian Television has deteriorated much worse than the concept of auto meter on streets of Delhi.  I had this crazy idea a couple of months back that I am going to turn into a perfect Indian. I replaced my toothpaste with Vicco Vajradanti, got a Chandrika soap and even used Chik Shampoo. During this phase I decided to abandon American television on and switch to Indian tele-serials only. Yes, that means no... wait for it... Star world HD, no HBO (gasp) and definitely no Star Movies HD (Suicidal!!!)
A week later my D2H provider was glad that I spend a lot more money in subscribing to premium channels like Star World Premiere HD, HBO Hits and HBO Defined. It was needed or the other option was to get admitted in a mental asylum which was more costly (I checked).
Here is the thing I discovered, the entire legion of writers and creative heads come up with more and more creative ideas of how to connect any Godamm story in the world to some Saas Bahu show. Every story starts with something unique, something different. One serial started with doctors in the lead and while the set was of a substandard quality (the hospital looked like a waiting room for bus stop with beds), the story proceeded at the snails pace for a month and the lead got... wait for it... married.
Another show jumped timeline faster than the Government in Delhi could survive. In a month they jumped 7 years, in another four they jumped 20 years. Before we would figure out what happened when the small kid in the show got... wait for it... married. Here is the damm thing, every sort of the show has to have a SaaS and a Bahu. Along with them comes a third person who will drive a rift between the wife and a side actor for a husband. All stories sooner or later jump the ships to the same story line. Its as if, before dinner, every writer sits down to watch what his competing show is doing and pick up stuff and try to connect it to his show.
Such is the insignificance of these writers that nowadays networks and production houses do not even bother to hire them. They will throw in a bunch of out of work celebrities or gather people that can create controversies and write a show around it. The reality shows are draining out whatever brain is left from the indian audiences. Making crappy shows may not be a big deal, but the trend becomes disturbing when families sit together and watch a Holi Special or Diwali special episode of their favorite serial and forget the festival in their own house (Marketing plug: Wanna know how they make a reality show? Transcript of what we overheard at the Double Shots inn). Celebrities endorse flat screen televisions with some advance technologies that would put alien spaceships to shame. But I don't see the point is buying a very powerful television unless you are doing a research on the clarity and lividity of the tears rolling down the cheeks.

Because I don't dare to touch the concept of 24x7 news channels, I dare to make serious comments on comedy. Or I don't. But the term comedy is misused so ballantly on the television show that even it has lost its meaning. Any show that has comedy in its name has either a laughing guest who is paid to laugh or some cross dressing actors that will make some slapstick comments and physical comedy that is not helping anyone other that the guest (who is paid to laugh remember). This person can laugh even on those poor jokes that are forwarded on whatsapp that no one likes but are forwarded anyways.

Indian television boasted at some of the classic hits, how can anyone forget Nukkad, Yeh Jo Hai Jindagi, Chandrakanta, Shanti, Hum Panch and many more that entertained us for years. These shows had situations, had grandeur, they had entertainment quality and were not merely written in hurry for making quick bucks.

Indian television is dead, sadly the oldest family member in the biggest joint family potrayed on the daily soap is still alive after 200 episodes and a million years. Till she dies, foreign televisions shows it is.

Studying Humans

"Humans are the most curious creatures," said one alien investigator to another, "They carry super computers powerful enough to launch missile systems halfway across the globe and yet they choose to use them in forwarding funny jokes about other humans that sometimes makes no sense"
"Indeed, internet is one of the most sophisticated network grid of computers we have ever seen," said the other.
"And yet the power of 30 billion connected computers is used to find pictures of other naked humans and dreams of copulation"
"That's indeed curious, pray tell me then," said the commander, "What are the most important issues that humans are researching on?"
"There is a difference of opinion on almost all issues on Earth. Humans doubt everything that is said by other humans. They even doubt our existence, in our front."
"Thats even more funny, can we attack them?" asked the commander.
"We can but it will be a fruitless effort plus we risk introducing their internet and Facebook to our teens. Oh how our kids will grow up if they keep on Whatsapping and Instagramming instead of learning to fight."
"But if we do not attack them, they might attack us."
"Only if they are not distracted from their internet." said the second.
"We need not fear them now, do we?"
"Not until their Facebook shuts down. Till then we should relax" shrugged the first.

[Play Review] Under the Chestnut Tree I sold you, you sold me



Set in the dystopian world where color is banned for artist, Debutant play Under the Chestnut Tree by Allmytea products, offers a very unique rebellion from normal trends. The play promises a very strong setting by putting in three powerful characters in a confined space. 
Sidoscope review**
Under the chestnut tree opens with a cracking radio informing the repressive state that punishes playwrights and artists for showing obscene content and tax evasion. It also talks of the sodomy law being tabled in the parliament setting up the context that this is perhaps a dystopian version of a democratic farce.

What really ticks in this play is not the idea of rebellian but stalwarts performances by the actors and powerful characters and dialogues by Akash Mohimen and Siddhart Kumar. The story unfolds very beautifully in showing the complexities of the characters life as well as their entanglement with their inner evils. The quirky at times but serious sibling rivalry between the lead Osman (Prashant Prakash) and Captain L (Siddharth Kumar), the power struggle between Captain L and Eve (Shweta Tripathi) and finally the fierce competition between Eve and Osman fueled by a powerful backstory offers the balancing climax.
The performances are equally balanced and the clever use of theatre space as well as smart direction makes this play a visual treat to watch. Finally, the ending is a bit predictable but it is really not the ending but the way the play unfolds is worth a watch.

Under the chestnut tree premiered at the Jagriti Theatre New Writing Festival in Whilefield, bangalore. Follow their facebook page for upcoming shows in your city.


**Sidoscope verdict is based on the following Sidoscore scale. All opinion is personal and honest.




How banning books is pushing us back by a century

From time to time nowadays certain people choose to start a one sided debate against me over my views. I won't go to the length of calling these voices as an organized effort by a political outfit or a group like those high class ignorant journalist. No, these people are passionate and true believers about their political leader, spiritual leader or religious leader. I don't deny making a provoking statement so that one of these start a debate on Twitter, the intention is not malicious, mind you, because debate improves knowledge, progresses society.

Journalism was once a profession that welcomed debate, nowadays it is imposing views between commercial breaks. But bashing journalist is not the point of this post (I just do it for fun), the point of the blog is this people are afraid of change. People are afraid of things that change and will go to any length to prevent it from happening.

On the eve of Penguin rekindled the age old battle between creative liberties and milking those by selling the books by banning the book by Wendy Doniger, here are my two paisa. First, for those busy reading about the plastic surgery by Anuska Sharma and nothing else here is what happened-

Wendy Doniger has spend over 40 years researching, translating and commenting hindu scriptures and stories. She is a distinguished professor at the Divinity School in Chicago, with a PhD from Harvard and DPhil from Oxford. But all these academic and professional experience do not matter much today because, today, she is being targeted for being a Jewist American Scholar who wrote about Hinduism. The book in question has blasphemous ideas including the cover of the book which has naked woman forming a carriage of Krishna. The idea of the book starts with traditional male-bashing and Brahmin-bashing (a past time activity, I also indulge). Obviously, the true believers of Hinduism felt threatened and found their faith shaken. They protested and raised multiple court cases against the book. Penguin did what every publisher choses to do, take the easy road out. It promised to burn down the remaining copies of the book.

True Believers rejoice, for their faith is intact, there are no challengers. But should they? History has told us that only debate and intellectually challenges have helped us evolve further. You could pick up a book, read it, dismiss it and write a counterpart. Denying that the book exists and burning it down is not a healthy sign for a society to progress.

One fine day a friend of mine arrived at my doorsteps unannounced (that is rude and borderline invasive but he is my friend) "They are ruining our culture man."
"Who are?" I asked knowing the answer was going to ruin my Sunday.
"The americans man," he said simply, "Today they have proposed a anti-superstitious bill that challenges most of the ancient practices in Hindu temples man. I tell you they are going to invade us again."
"But I did not know anti-superstitious bill proposed banning of praying in Temples. I thought it had to do with Black Magic, human sacrifices and other magical remedies."
"Yes, yes but don't you see these are part of our tradition for more than 5000 years," he said highly agitated, "How can you stop our culture man? And they don't stop christian religious practices do they?"
"Actually not true, there are many black magic rituals including witch hunt and exorcism are stopped in western countries. But I don't see the relation here, this law is actually empowering the hindu religion by weeding out all the malpractices, I do not see how bad it is."
"You are influenced by those american witch doctors and their phony science. Ayurveda is a real branch of medicine and we have our own science of our own."
"Yes we do and prominent scientist like Aryabhatta, Aurobindo and many prominent scientist in India over ages are against superstitious practices."
"Who?" the final question put in a final nail in his ideology.

When external forces try to penetrate your exterior you panic and you revolt against them. People call it revolution but it is really not a revolution, it is a last desperate attempt to stay relevant. Here is the thing we all miss, change is constant, so is resistant to change. People have been resistant to change for a million years now, we hear about people revolting against Krishna when he asked them to worship Govardhan instead of Indra. People resisted when idealist proposed stopping the child marriage. Just like social media gave power to the revolutionaries, they also gave steroids for true believes. Hence the outrage that is seen globally.

"You should join us in protesting against the false jailing of our favorite Godman," he twitted to me the other day.
"Why would I do that?" I tweeted back.
"Because you are a hindu and you should support this encroachment against Hinduism." he protested back.
I shared him the link to my previous article about baba bashing.
After what was 10 sec, he replied, "oh I see you are anyways against Hinduism"
I politely send me the link to my book (which is 5 awesome Hindu stories handpicked and rewritten with a bonus story from thai Ramayana)
"I don't understand you. You are such a great follower of Hinduism why won't you support our agitation?"
Do you know why I won't support the agitation? It is the sane reason I support the book by Wendy Dongier about Hinduism although I oppose a lot of her views in the book.

The reason being: if you have to ask the reason, it's not worth it.

The times are changing, the world is changing. The weight of this change is to be borne by all or this civilization will not survive. Rome was not build in a day but it did bury under the debris of change in a day.

Debate is essential for the civilization to progress, debate is essential for country to grow. Banning of books, films or any thing that opposes the mainstream view is the favorite past time of the country. You can build bridges, you can build buildings and you can build smart cities but you will always be a developing country until you ban this notion of banning things.