Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Top 10 reasons why you shouldn't buy Samsung Galaxy Tab

As I was crawling the Indivine, I realized that many people are telling the world why you should buy the Samsung galaxy tab and I said, hey what the hell, how many times has someone listened to what you say? In-fact, if I get a penny for every time I ask a person to go jump, i'll be richer than the richest man on earth. So the point is, people don't listen. India is a democratic country and people who don't want to buy a Galaxy Tab also exist, we do respect the minorities don't we? This story is about those who don't want to buy a Galaxy Tab.

So let me get to the point and tell you top ten reasons why you shouldn't buy a Samsung Galaxy Tab

1. You still believe that computer should be kept in one corner and there will be a dedicated time to use it.
Because Samsung Galaxy Tab does everything a computer does, except sits in the corner. It moves with you wherever you go in business meetings, with you everywhere.

2. You like bonding with people while asking for direction in the middle of the street.
Its essentially for you to wait in the middle of the streets before asking directions, obviously with Google Maps, you are never lost. Also it is of no use for you if you go to only one place for last 17 years, so what Google Places enlists all the interesting places around you. You are not interested.

3. You have a habit of flipping pages by dipping your index finger and thumb in saliva
So what the readers hub in Samsung Galaxy gives access to 10,000 of titles, so what it has the functions of pinch zoom, virtual bookmarking etc. you don't have the facility to flip pages by dipping your index finger and thumb in saliva.

4. You prefer to wait for an auspicious hour to check all your mail at once
Its a tradition, I can understand. You first take a proper bath, then have a full meal, comb your hair neatly and then sit on the computer to 'Check email', its a tradition. 20 mins in your personal planner are reserved for Checking email. So what if Samsung Galaxy gives you an optimized view of your email instantly. Its not exactly what you what now is it?

5. You are in love with animated Office Assistant in Office desktop suite 
Completely understandable, you love the cute little pin who walks over your document and asks you, 'May I help you with something' Yes you are right. You need the desktop based office, so what if Samsung Galaxy comes pre-loaded with Polaris office that helps you create word document, power-point presentation and spreadsheets on the fly. You will not buy it. Period.

6. A Facebook friend is a Facebook friend, he should not be a phone book friend.
Its fine, so what you are following me on Facebook, twitter, Gtalk and we also share phone numbers. So what Samsung Galaxy comes with a easy to use social hub that integrates all your contacts in one place. Who needs to merge these anyways.

7. Your Walkman has a sentimental values and you still like to change the cassette every now and then.
The classic old ways is the classic old ways. So what if the Samsung Galaxy has a fancy music hub which allows you to access popular and classic songs with artist information, critics review, music review and more, it does not however has the power of playing B side of the cassette.

8. You love your age old, sticky notes organizer... which itself needs organizing, but you love it
A tool that has helped you give so much over so many years. It took you an hour to hunt for the scribe, but you did find the number to that important client it in your organizer and you like it, Who needs the better organizer of Samsung Galaxy tabs, which also directly integrates Google and Facebook calender to the phone calender?

9. The classic old faceless communication is your preferred mode of communication.
If you feel it is completely OK to hide your face while talking. Yes, who needs the high clarity front and rear camera in the phone? Who wants some nice high clarity photos, not you no.

10. You don't need the power of 10.1 inch screen to impress your coworkers.
You are happy with the tiny little phone that simply sits in your pocket doing nothing. It has got no angry birds, no flash support, no power of android Honeycomb, no sleek and light weight design, it has no multitasking, it has nothing.... but it has the digital snake. And you are happy with it. So who cares? You shouldn't buy a galaxy.

So there you go, top ten reason why you shouldn't buy a galaxy but I will. Wonder when will they send it to me?
Let loose my no contest policy for the temping offer of getting a Galaxy Tab.


Monday, August 15, 2011

Can the real patriotic Indian stand up?

Patriotism is the notion that you are suppose to do something for the place you are born in with some presumption that the place you are born in is the best, irrespective of what stats indicate.

The concept of Indian patriotism begins with standing up at the different versions of national anthem as the movie theaters compete with each other and extends with every passing year saluting the national flag on television. It also comes to light everytime there the cricket team comes to play and  Ironically very few people cheer for the hockey team, which for some reason, is the national sports.

Obviously every Indian of every caste and religion will get angry when you talk bad about the country.

If you ask who is the most patriotic, most of us will agree the armed forces are amazing for sacrificing their lives for us. Then, if we are talking about arm forces we should also talk about the Indian police service, they also carry a gun and their lives for nation. But then what about those cops who don't get sufficient funds and resort to corruption? Can we say they are patriotic too? What about those who are grilled by the system and forced to do things? Are they patriotic? Is a policeman or an army man going against the country by following orders patriotic or is he patriotic if he does mutiny against the orders for the country?

For a nation to succeed every citizen has a role in it. A citizen who works his daily wages and gives a part of it for infrastructure, welfare and armed forces. People work for 12 hours a day to the brink of their physical exhaustion and still part with nearly 10% of their hard earned money. The citizens even if are not involved in direct life risking for country are at some level risking their life for it. Are they patriotic? Some people do download pirated movies, buy stolen goods and the industry is raging, are they patriotic? Are the parents who pay a lot of donation to secure the future of their child patriotic? Or if they let the future of the child hanging for the country, are they patriotic?

A person who uses his caste certificate to secure admission at much lower score than expected for the profession, how different is he from the person who pays a lot of money for the same seat? Are they both patriotic.

If you love your country and hate its government are you patriotic? Or if you support a government who is involved in scams, are you patriotic? The people who do scams, how are they different from the student who solves previous years question paper or most likely paper to secure good grades? Are the two patriotic?

The thing about patriotism is that you put the country before your personal needs. But then, who actually does that? So baring the armed forces (who in a way are actually payed to be patriotic) can we say no one is patriotic? Or in some crooked form of definition we believe we are patriotic?

The true definition of patriotism is completely vague and blurred and the more I think about it, I get confused. Am I patriotic?

Oh well, lets do one thing that every 'patriotic' indian would do today, leave the definition for another day and wish you happy 64 years of independence.... so to speak.

P.s. Image is my own patriotic super hero called 'Bharat' which I drew in school. Any publishers?

Saturday, August 13, 2011

[Independence Day Special][Short Story] Pis-Aller

“He that studieth revenge keepeth his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well”-John Milton

He was in his nineties now, slow, fragile and nearing death. Still everyday he used to wake up at 6 in the morning and stare outside the window, blankly. They say in his younger days he was more agile, strong and quick, no one knew what he did in his young days, but he did retire rich at the age of 55.
His only son used to visit the old rooms twice a day,

‘Baba, I request you again, come with us in the big house. What is there in this dump?’ his son used to question.

‘I have lived my entire life in this small house, I can’t leave now, there is one final task left son,’ he used to smile, ‘One final task.’

He had sent all the furniture from the room to the new house, but kept himself a bed and the jewel
beaded box.

‘The box has not been removed under the diwan since last 20 years, baba,’ the daughter-in-law use to question, ‘Don’t let the servants, but please let me clean it.’

‘No, girl, there is one last task left…’

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, still he gave no sign of moving from the house.
Finally one day, the son received the dreaded news, his father was on his death bed. Quickly the son collected a jar of sealed Gangajal and ran towards his arrogant dad.

Indeed his father was on death bed, but something had changed. The old beaded jewel box was not under the bed and there was someone else holding his fathers hand.

‘Tough guy,’ the stranger said, ‘So I win, eh.’

His father glanced at the stool in the house and smiled, ‘I wanted you to win so much.’
Son saw on the table, the Jewel studded box lay open and a dusty chess game was set.
‘But you didn’t visit me before,’ his father said, ‘Now I am dying and you came to visit.’

‘I missed you while crossing Germany border. Till that time, we were close to each other’

‘So, essentially, I win,’ his father smiled.

‘For twenty years you were waiting for me, that is something,’ the man said, ‘You know if someday they wrote a book on our chases, they will have the biggest mental battle of the century.’

‘I know,’ his father smiled, ‘We were really close. I foiled your plans and you cut mine. I always wanted to close the loop on you. The big guys last dying wish.’

‘Obviously, you couldn’t let me retire could you. Even thought all of the others were executed and killed, you stayed fresh and on my trail,’ the man fumbled in his pocket.

‘Think about it, that time those 8000 Rs was such a big amount for us,’ his father said coughing twice.

‘Yes yes,’ the man looked around the room, ‘You haven’t changed the rooms at all. It was just like this for so many years.’

He looked at the conversation from the window and knew something was amiss. Something left.

‘So,’ his father finally said, ‘Where is it?’

The man took a deep breath, ‘You know I could kill you here and now,’ he quickly removed the pistol from his pocket and held a locket in other, ‘You have nearly ruined my life with all your plans. You are just like him, plans, plans, plans.’

The son immediately ran to the door to protect his dad, but realized it was bolted form inside, a loud noise filled the room and he had to return to his watch post near the window, prepared to shout for help, but instead he saw something different.

His father was standing erect and fresh as a teenager over the dead body of the stranger, he was carefully wiping the blood from his knife. With a sudden surprise he saw his son standing at the window and smiled.

‘Azad always used to tell me, a soldier never relinquishes his weapon,’ his father calmly said as he collected the locket from dead mans heart, ‘Son, my part in this life is over. Help me clean this mess will you? I am no longer as young as I used to be’

Astonished, speechless he watched his father lift the dead and put him in the body bag.
‘There are people both high up in the government and lower ground beyond the law who wants this man dead since last eighty years. The part of my past which I shared with no one,’ he pointed to the unfinished game of chess lying in the dust on the stool.

‘The game began on August 9 1925, when a message was passed among us young rebels that the down train number 8 traveling from Shajanpur to Lucknow was to be looted at the station of Kakori. While all the rebels joined this game, one man decided to act out a bit selfish and stole few bags for himself.’

His father cleaned his hands and face, ‘We were trained by Chandrashekar Azad to execute plans and this plan was in work since last eighty years. We could not immediate catch him because he went to London with some ships taking his booty with him and started a Indian Spices business there. Chandrasekhar Azad gave me the task of tracking him down and so I did. I chased him from continents to continents, but when I reached him, I realized his business had grown big and bringing him down alone was not enough. I had to check mate him and bring down his empire. So I planned, just like the freedom fighters, to bring down an empire, his empire, his entire life. The game lasted for fifty years which brings us down to this…’

He removed the locket in his hands, ‘He realized I was hot on his trail and I kept burning his resources so he came after me. Your elder sister was killed by him to teach me a lesson, he kept her locket as a rememberence, but all the young rebels had already accepted the fact that we can’t have proper family. I continued countering his every move.. when finally 20 years ago, I destroyed his empire completely. But he vanished, we all were trained for that, to vanish forever and I knew I couldn’t trace him now,’

He pointed at the dead body on the floor, ‘But I didn’t have to, I knew he would come out of his rat hole, now that his life was destroyed and he thought I am on death bed. So I passed on the wrong information of me dying. And simply said, I win.’

His father walked towards the game of chess and played the final move, ‘He forgot that these bones strengthened when we took down the entire British Industrial Empire, they are not going to rot so easily.

I do not blame him, we all were young, hardly 18 and were exposed to these foreigners who treated us like dirt. He wanted to grow large and he thought of the best way to do it…’

His father calmly crossed over the dead body fallen in the middle of the room and dialed for the cops.
They would come and inquire and then receive some high profile calls, the case will not stand against any judge. Who can convict a 90 year old man of murder?

His father closed the eyes of the dead man,’… he just chose the wrong men to betray.’

“Revenge is an act of passion; vengeance of justice. Injuries are revenged; crimes are avenged.”- Samuel Johnson


All characters in this story are fictions. A tribute to all the greatest freedom fighters of all time. May their soul rest in peace and we preserve what they died to achieve.

Facts: On August 9, 1925, the Number 8 Down Train travelling from Shahjahanpur to Lucknow was approaching the town of Kakori (now in Uttar Pradesh), when one of the revolutionaries pulled the chain to stop the train and overpowered the guard. It is believed that they looted money-bags belonging to the British Government Treasury from the guard’s van and escaped to Lucknow while not a single Indian was looted. Following the incident, the police started an intense manhunt and arrested several of the revolutionaries involved. Bismil was arrested on September 26, 1925 and Ashfaqullahkhan was arrested ten months later.

Pis-Aller is french word for the last resort or the last move. Used in chess when all your resources are burned, using it means either you win or your die.

P.s. Happy Independence Day.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

There is a 27% Aarakshan (Reservation) for intelligent thoughts in the Brain. Most of it goes vacant.

Reservation is a funny thing, everyone wants it, everyone fights for it and after standing in the line for 2 hours to get the caste certificate, after proudly getting admission in the most premiere college in the state for 10% less than cutoff and after carrying the responsibility of 300 years of misery and slavery of the entire tribe, the candidate walks the shallow halls of a professional college, only to realize, he was hoodwinked.

His entire caste told him this was the path to success, the sure-shot way in which the upper caste earned money but here, there is nothing. Nothing at all, shallow halls that remind him that he was nothing compared to everything in place. When it comes to earning the right, there was no caste system. Everyone was and is miserable.

The upper caste remained upper because the lower caste never thought otherwise and now 300 years later when he got the chance to make it right, he realizes it is a long way to go because the essentials of why the upper class was upper was because the lower class was lower. Is it too confusing?

For a hero to be a hero, we need to first find out who is the villain.

On a nefarious Saturday my destiny provoked me to take the journey from Pune to Mumbai in a ST bus. Now for those who are unfamiliar with the history of ST bus, they say it was first invented by the Devil himself to give a tour of hell to the new comers. The torment of seeing was a bit bearable by the torture incurred by the mode of transport itself. But then the bubble of the evil industry burst and the credit rating of hell fell, so finally the devil had to sublease it to Maharashtra and thus the evil instrument came to the biggest state of the country (namesake).

Now, why would I choose such a horrible means of transport? For one reason, I woke up late and missed all the decent (travelling by 6:15 train, jam packed with crowd and eating unhealthy vada-pav at lonavala) mode of transport and I couldn't wait for the luxurious yet costly volvo bus. So the best (or should I say worst) option chosen by my inferior mind was the ST bus.

Early morning, I had just consumed the dirty muddy water, which the vendor convinced me was tea for 3 Rupees. After cursing the man for spoiling my taste I climbed the over crowded bus and realized one hard fact of India, it is too much crowded. Hoping that Abhishek Bacchan would have a better chance at population control over terrorist, calamities and public welfare division, I, using the agility of a commuter, grabbed the second last seat near the widow.

It was around 10 minutes later, a man walked towards me,
'It is my seat, I have reserved it....' he said.
I was pretty sure, this bus was not the reservation kind of bus, 'What? Excuse me?'
'This is my seat, don't you have manners? You are occupying my seat....'
'Excuse me, how is this your seat? This is not a reservation bus, this bus has finders keepers system, you keep the seat you find....'
'You won't agree...' he lunged forward and pulled a dirtier-than-the-car-wash-cloth hanker-chief from the seat and pushed it on my face. It was smelling.
'This is my hanker-chief, I threw it on the seat from the window, this is my seat...' he claimed.
I stared at him in disbelief, then I stared at the hanker-chief in disbelief and finally I turned at the seat and burst into hysteric laughter.
'You find this funny?' he asked looking at me. I really though this was some hidden camera gag played on me.
'You mean, you are serious? You dropped in a hanker-chief from the window and now this is your seat?' I asked making a straight face and trying to control laughter.
'Yes, I am serious....'
'So if, hypothetically, you sit here with your wife and I throw my hanker-chief on her... would that mean, hypothetically....' I let him complete the sentence.
'Why you....' he started gearing up, ready to fight but the moderator of it all, the bus conductor meddled in and sounded the ultimatum, 'Stop this bickering or get down...'

It was funny to note that despite the seat next to me was empty, he did not occupy it, nor would he let his wife occupy it. Oh well, I enjoyed the rest of my journey watching the scenery on the rain washed country side of Pune.

Just so you know, I have reserved your place to comment on this post, do not let it go waste.

Its friendship day today and with great friendship comes great responsibility of picking up the hotel tab, do not forget, Happy Friendship Day.

Have you read my book yet?

Have you read my book yet?
An epic adventure across space and time