Double Shots Daseot: The Dark Kahani

Tred cautiously in this Double Shots inn where things that are not normal are seen normally. The famous bar where celebrities hang out or are often seen hanged out. Ideas flow and are merged in any way they could. These stories are to be taken with a pinch of salt and lots and lots of entertainment.

He was on the peak of his career. Everything he could achieve was achieved. As the screenplay writer of some of the most amazing super hero flicks in hollywood he was now the most wanted writer of all times. But he craved adventure, he did. Just like the superhero he wrote, he wanted to fight badies. When the rumors where floating that bollywood is looking for a big superhero flim, he packed everything and walked in here. Nervous and full of ideas he sat quietly at the double shots bar.

His heart beat faster as he saw the producer and writer step in the bar.
"Myself, the producer," said the producer without pausing and sat next to him, "and him your director..."
"So Mr. Writer, you fly down from hollywood to write us a superhero story?" asked the director in broken english as he managed, "You know bollywood, superhero film very popular with family audience, we need superhero film."
"Yeah sure," he replied, "I have some freakish ideas we can try out here... but you tell me what you are expecting first..."
"We want a complete family entertainer," the director said, "A 3-4 hour movie depending on which actor we sign..."
"That is a long movie, we can explore multiple aspects..."
"Don't cut him in the middle," the producer cut in the middle, "We need is a super heroine, a female super hero in the lead..."
"Thats amazing, we need more feminist role models in India," he replied too soon, the producer continued without even pausing.
"The super heroine is married off to a man her parents chose...."
"Wait.... whaaa...." he interrupted unable to control his shock.
"Don't disturb please, listen to the plot completely if you want this job..."
"So this super heroine is married off to a man of her parents choice. She does not like the person but she agrees because she is a super heroine," the producer spoke dreamily.
"Her husbands mother and three discreet long cousin aunties are the super villains in this movie..."
Silently the writer ordered another large shot of alcohol and listened.
"So you see now? We have the super heroine, we have the super villain. Other cast include husbands sister, her husband, her two kids, husbands sister husbands sister who wants entire property of the husbands sister..."
"We need a story that revolves around these characters. We plan to introduce epic action sequence between super heroine and her mother in law. You have known to have written so many super hero films, will you write us one?"
"Write.... write.... I have one question for you...." the writer replied, ".... Why?"
"What why?" the director asked, "Superhero and comics is not only related to children now. We want to make it a complete adult, family entertainer."
"Oh yes, we also need a butler to the family..." the producer reminded.
"Like alfred?" asked the writer.
"Ramu Kaka... the silent repressed butler who simply cries every alternate scene looking at the plight of the super heroine. We have already ordered the costume designer to make her a black sari of sefon..."
"The story should begin in the big mansion that they live, unrealistically build, outside the city." the director said, "The whole plot revolves around the mother-in-law trying to take over the house with her henchmen friends from the kitty club. The super heroine will first be the sad pushover who gets pushover by everyone, including the famous cat burglar who happens to be her husbands mother-in-laws distant brother. We then show her gaining super powers from the old goddess who is worshipped in a big cave which the family often visits.
There is a sub plot involved where the sister of her husband gets trapped into a conspiracy by her husbands sister in a brutal take over of their family company and property. We all need to have it in an epic showdown climax where the whole family comes under the dark roof where the mother-in-law breaks the heroine and sends her back to her paternal home. There she finds her new found strength taking to her old grandmother and returns to have a face-off with her mother-in-law taking charge of the entire household for better."
"That mostly sums it up, now we want you to come up with an epic screenplay with your famous one liners that you used in those english superhero films..."

The writer first looked at them both, then he looked around for any hidden camera. He was convinced this was some kind of joke with a camera. When he found none around, started banging his head on the table.
The producer and director had no idea what was happening. The writer kept banging his head until he appeared in the news next day.
But then no one is so sure if the family drama was ever made or no.

Like this double shot? You should try some more.

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Sid
P.s. I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Forget the God, show me the stupidity particle and Ill be proud.

When the big scientist were busy smashing miniature rocks in large tubes, I overheard a very fat lady say this to another fat lady in the bus, "Oh so what they are finding God particle and all, its just boys will be boys. Break rocks, smash things.... my husband does not even help me clean the house..."

The relevance to this conversation can only be found if you posses the stupidity particle in yourself. Basically, it is the subatomic level at which every human conversation boils down. Finally it doesn't matter how old you are, how awesome you are or how gay you are... it all boils down to this, gender neutral, age neutral, sex neutral.... stupidity is for everyone.

There are some things in life that never change, like the jokes made by dentist, the argument given for any point by a woman and the amount of change in a bus conductors little bag. But then there are some thing's in life that change more rapidly than the speed at which rabbits make babies. Change hit me big time, in one week my entire definition of life had change. My sense of self had changed, in one week, I had changed the coast of India from west to south. I got my dreamjob and was married to my dreamgirl. Just like that everything changed.

Life was spinning out of control and there was no axis to hold on too, when there was no hope left for normality.... suddenly out of the blue like a shimmering God particle in between smashed neutrons, there I found the one thing that had followed me across the horizontal width of this great corrupt country... was the average stupidity of the human being.

"Saar," (yes that is correct english, thankfully, Shakespeare is dead long back), <insert some weird language into this sentence> said the busconductor.
First I stared at him, then I though he was cursing me in Tamil, then I realized I was in Karnataka, so it was probably Kannada, so I replied, "I do not know Kannada, speak in Hindi..."
Now the funny part of word 'Hindi' is, it is common across all languages, so you do not really need to explain yourself but when that man spoke some more gibberish in Hindi, I was a bit confused. So I again spoke the same sentence with English instead of Hindi. Again some gibberish.

Finally I gave up, paid my fare (which was regular) and walked to sit on the seat closer to the door. The conductor looked pleased with himself and spoke in the same language with another person and walked away. The man turned to me and said in broken english, "You should have told him you don't know Kannada..." he said. I simply looked outside the glass window and was wondering if I could smash through that toughened glass.

Now when you are travelling south (and I mean south India) language is a big barrier. Most of them refuse to learn Hindi, have little respect for any other language other than their own. They think they speak English but then, everytime someone speaks with me in English, for no particular reason, God Save the queen hymms into my mind.

Now, I know I am not a distant cousin of Shakespeare nor does anyone in my entire family tree, right from the beginning of time, has ever had any stake in webster dictionary. But I find it hard to believe that across galaxy, any version of English that uses the word righta or lefta is acceptable. No it is not understandable if you add a 'aa' to anything and it turns English.

But as they say in rome do the romans and in south India don't fret if you are invited to a late night rawa party of Idli, Masala dosa, Rawa Dosa. Although here, you will find that you get dosa in Hotels, in Pan shops, in the middle of the street, on the airport for breakfast, lunch, dinner, mid-night snacks and on and on.

So annoyed was I for the outburst of Dosa in this city that frustrated I walked into a roadside hawker, but to my dismay he proudly said, he makes 99 different types of Dosa.

So that brings me to the end of this little rawa rant, and bottom line, yes I went south. In a city that is one of the most accurate city marked on the globe. There are many many adventures to come and this is just the beginning.

For you never know what you get when you smash two things together. Some may find a expensive bill to be paid, others may find a God particle but the one who actually asks, why was there a need to smash open the thing, we may never have a satisfactory answer.