How to name a Volcano!!!!

P.s. Written after my windows live writer crashed taking with him three greatest post I was going to publish. May the post RIP and Microsoft never RIP.

P.p.s If you do miss 'A day without coffee series' say Yay, its coming soon.... wait for it.

Of Men, Women and the necessity of clothes!!!

Today what i am going to share you is a classified  Top Secret confidential information, for your eyes only. I know they will hunt me down after I tell you this, strap me in chains and locked me up, but nevertheless I am going to share this to you. This is the biggest secret every kept in the history of secrets, it is the conspiracy theory bigger than the conspiracy  theory of the green vegetables (The conspiracy of lies that all worst tasting vegetable are healthy and good tasting vegetables are not good for health, more on that later)

'Alpha team, fall in,' barked the commander. All the three people surrounded her, head lowered, whispering so that only they can hear her instructions.

'Time check, are all the watches synchronized?' she raised her wrist to show exact 1800 hours. They all nodded their approval.

'Mission brief, do all of you have the assets list?' she questioned, they all nodded showing the paper list.

'We have sixty minutes to collect the assets and fall in at the rendezvous point at exact 1900 hours. Am I clear?'

'Yes,' he said in a bored tone.

'Am I clear, Cadet?' she barked.

'Yes, Captain,' he barked.

'Ok, boys, this is it, this is no drill, lets shop!!!'

And the complete family, mom, dad and two sons dispersed themselves into the end-of-season-sale at the mall.

Ever felt the need of special men retreat corner in the mall? Ever wondered how you ended up buying a bed-sheet, when you had simply gone to buy a handkerchief?

I decided to pull off a Newton and sit under a apple tree to ponder over the questions (I was actually sitting there so that I could not face the Amex bill lying unopened on my doorstep), waiting for the apple to fall so I can pick it and make apple juice out of it (Apple rates are very high in mall, sacchi!!) when I uncovered the reality.... The ultimate conspiracy theory of all time, the conspiracy of world domination in form of mall!!!

It all began in the olden society when Mrs. and Mr. Stonehead where strolling in the garden of Eden, when Mrs. Stonehead saw the leaf of Banana tree and she though, 'Hey that can cover me up more than this single leaf. This way I can hold my husband ransom for buying me anything to show my body.'

What happened next was the conspiracy of the entire human race for world domination, for wanting a better term I dubb it the green conspiracy, female all over the place starting picking up leaves from the trees and covering themselves up.

Now, however the female may think, a male mind works very differently, we start wars and then invent Chinese food to feed the hungry, we are the ones who have survived thousands of religions, we have survived millions of famines and the man-kind will go on.

So when, faced with the problem Mr. Einstone then invented the whirling wind, a super power full hand held device (Stone age generation iPod) which would blow off the leaves and leave their wifes exposed.

Of course man also underestimated woman, so they really didn't know what to do when females started stitching their clothes to keep a firm grip on themselves. Now, not all females had the time to keep stitching you know, some even had to watch the horrible human torture on television so someone decided to start a mall, yes a mall, a place where womans can shop.

Like all the successful inventions in the world, like the nuclear bomb or the toaster we could not control what we create and the mall grew, like Frankenstein monster waiting for you to enter it to gulp you down in one go.

'Ono, mall has costly rates,' you say.
'Welcome, end of month sale,' he shouts and yay you run there screaming.

The curse of mall grew, grew to the extend that humanity could not control it. So after tearing down ten different shops, dragging him across the a stretch of thirty kilometers in a single mall, wasting around three hours, when Bubbly finally found a dress for herself, she said to Bunty, 'Now see the shop over there, go buy that T-Shirt for yourself and come back in a minute while I look for shoes.'

The conspiracy theory of the mall.

There will be a time in near future where men will be forced to carry sharp pointy weapons to hurt their girlfriends if they shop for more than an hour without buying anything. The mall is one step ahead of us, they have started frisking only males before entering the mall.

Window shopping, another misconceived plan of the global conspiracy of world domination of the mall, previously we used to believe that if you have money, go to the mall, but now it is not so, even if you don't have money see what all items are on the display and then plan, plot your program to max-out the credit card.

You see friends, we humans are fragile, we come and go and then come back and then go back and then we come back again and then we go back again, but everytime we come back, we see there is a 50% sale at the mall and then we decide to go and we go back and then we see there is 70% sale at the other mall and we go back again to the extent that one day.... (shss don't say it out loud or the mall will hear it) we become m-a-l-l z-o-m-b-i-e-s.

Yes thats right, the curse of the mall continues.

I am going underground, because the mall monster is going to come after me pulling down into the Molly Jones locker or the fourth floor of the mall (yes the deserted fourth floor, where people are locked up and tortured until they cave in and buy stuff from the same mall until eternity or the end of season sale, whichever is sooner)

True Story.

Just Shoot me!!!

We all live in Kalyuga, that is very widely and popularly known hence we are already prepared to face the craziness of the world and a little breathing exercise controls our emotions.

But hey its Kalyuga and there is no rest for craziness around you, so some interesting things happening around!!!

'Hey, the Sadhu who taught you celibacy was caught in sleazy sex scandal', completely acceptable, effect of Kalyuga. Breathe in, breathe out.

'Hey, the cricket matches for which you bunked your office by telling them false lies about illness, were fixed, before hand'

Deep Breathe in, deep breathe out, its Kalyug. Its all right, so far.

'Hey, sorry bro, I accidently drank you coffee!!!'
Deepest Breathe in, deepest breathe out, its Kalyug talking.

But there are some incidents in your life in which you wish the someone has you in the cross-bar of his magnum sniper and your mind simply shouts, 'JUST SHOOT ME.'

'Dude, lets go grab some beers,' I called up a great pal..

'No bro, I got a appointment at the parlor,' HE, yes thats right HE.

Parlor? Ice Cream Parlor maybe.

'Parlor?' the shocked me.

'Yes, I got to do manicure and hair straightening,' he.

Woah woah, hair is not the only thing that needs straightening dude.

Now at the moment, my mind just puked at the most horrible thought of the century, unresisting, I ask,

'Are you gay?'

See, I don't have any problem with gay people, with all due respect, but this man was my roommate for many years and all those nights after sleep.... i shudder.

'Oh no,' he says, 'I am metro-sexual,'

In the conversation that follows he explains me about metro-sexuality, where the words like 'Pamper', 'Manicure', 'Pedicure' crop in.

By the time the word, 'Chest waxing' comes into conversation, I hear someone has already loaded a in my mind. It will happen anytime sooner and it happened... 'You should also try facial at the kings mens salon, they are so soothing...'

Dhiskyon. My mind just committed suicide.
Why don't you just shoot me, pleads my brain!!!

Someone long back wrote, Athiti-devo-bhava, meaning Guest is like a God, he was absolutely right, a guest is like The God, like the real God sitting high up there who you will pray every night will pamper every day, but are scared on a visit from them.

Sigh, but we live in kalyuga and however we may wish that the real God do visit us and the guest don't visit us, the God will never visit but the guest will come and again and again and again and destroy your life faster that Laila or Eyjafjallajökull.

So they will come to destroy you, now if they came as a guest, ate free food it will be alright, but no they will want to know where you work? why you work? how much you get blah blah blah, in a recent visit the conversation happened was as follows.

I wake up drizzily at 10 and lo, the whole benjo party sitting in the drawing room,

'Oh, he is your elder son, how come he is sleeping? is he studying? wasn't he in engineering two years ago? what happened no job? I see, its recession even my sisters husbands brothers son has no job.'
Sometimes I am confused if I should appreciate their switching over the topic faster than the intercity express changes tracks or I should congratulate them for successfully speaking such a long list of topics without holding breath.

I simply pick up my brush and enter the bathroom, I am already late for office.

The second round of open fire happens when I reach home back, it seems they have been mounting up the questions in the whole day,

'So you go to work so late,' question one, it is allegation.
'I have flexi-timings,' I try not to be sarcastic.
'So you also work in the call-center huh, nowadays every body is working there, all at night shifts, what has the world come to...'
very close to beat Shankar Mahadevan in breathless,
'I work in software.' I reply, keeping in mind softly, that killing someone is illegal and bad manners.
'Oh wow, JAVA or SAP,
There you go, JAVA or SAP, apparently the whole software industry in the whole world can be summed up into two terms.
'No,' I reply rather rudely, because if I go on, I don't have patience to explain what I do.
Here the gun is now loaded. Click.
Then the guest shamelessly smiles, revealing his shabby teeth, 'So when do you plan to marry?'
'Huh,'
'I know what you boys think nowadays, but it is important to marry at the right age.' then what follows is his shameless quest for explaining the importance of marriage.
Please for Godsake, JUST SHOOT ME, my mind shouts.

They say, some people are alive just because it is illegal to kill them, many times in my life, I feel the need to renew my gun license, I simply wish I did every time there is a knock on the door.

Maybe it is not so bad to be, gay in every way except sexual orientation, metro-sexual, I will always be seeing the friend in suspicion of he being a gay and to protect my 'izzat' I will never take him home after dark. As far as the loud mouth relatives are concerned, I simply want to get license to shoot renewed.

And if by chance you see me sitting in the parlor (mens parlor) or if I visit your house in attempt to beat the Shankar Mahadevan breathless record,

JUST SHOOT ME....STRAIGHT!!!!


P.s. Damm you, writers block!!!

The evolution of social networking...

A long long time ago humans used to live in caves and draw pictures to the amuse themselves. The one fine day, Mr. and Mrs. Stonehenge decided to pop into the cave of Mr. and Mrs. Stonehead. 

A day without coffee...Part 3

Oh the world is saved for the ordinary man infused with reserved magical coffee power becomes…the amazing, the lazy, the mysterious

Beware oooh evil doers who hate coffee, the army of satan who stole the coffee, beware here comes…

The world really misses coffee!!!

Can the ossum man find the front door? Where is all the coffee? Can the world be saved of the caffeine addiction? Are you bored of the coffee story? Do you want a coffee to read further?

Stay tooned for another adventure in the day when the world lost coffee.

P.s. Sidoscope now loads faster than the time you take for finishing that hot coffee in your hands. Enjoy super loading speed even on lower connection.

P.p.s Do you see any change in the blog layout. 

A day without coffee...part 2

A day without coffee...

When the Universe saved me…

The thing about destiny is that it comes no matter what you do or what you do not, it is out there waiting for you to come, like the creator (father of the matrix) waiting for Neo in the circular chamber full of televisions.
You go round across the globe, jump in the sea but at the moment you were expected to be at a particular location, you will find destiny waiting for you,
‘I was expecting you,’ it will say.
I reached Delhi on 8th Day of September in the year 2008 and was adjusting myself to the north culture. The first weekend came on the thirteenth September when me and my friend Pawan decided to ride the metro. That year, Noida had never seen a metro line and to ride it you have to take a bus till Barakhamba, the first metro stop coming on the route in Noida-New Delhi bus.
Pawan came from south-India and also was new to the north, so we strolled around a bit, checked the place and we both were looking for ATM of our banks, finally after strolling in the scorching heat of Delhi summer we decided to take the return trip home.
We were walking towards the Barakhamba Noida bus stop when Pawan said, ‘I am hungry lets eat..’
‘Lets get back in Noida, we can eat there, once it will be dark we will get lost, I do not know the way to the guest house,’ I replied (we lived in Company provided guest house)
‘Ummm, no, lets eat here and then we can go,’ said Pawan.
Fine, I agreed, indeed my stomach was also grumbling, but it was nearing seven and there was were no food courts around. The only option we could see in our front in the circle of our reach was a guy selling egg omelets. I am a pure shark-ahari (non-vegetarian), I am one of those who prefer killing someone to eat rather than pluck leaves, root, seeds of some mouth less breathing creature and make it look at you while you devour its kids, so it was not a problem for me, but Pawan was a pure vegetarian and had not yet committed the mortal sin.
He paused for a while thinking, he must be having those cute little devil and angel wearing himself standing on his shoulders and then decided he can eat egg only once.
As we ordered two omelets, a man hurriedly walked past us to catch the last Noida bus. I saw him stand in line as I bit into the omelet when something unexpected happened…
First, I understood nothing, then a smoke towering like a tall building emitted from the garbage bin kept near the bus stop. There were shouts, ‘Bomb, bomb,’ Pawan threw his omelet grabbed me and said, move, as my brain started gearing up (it delays a bit) I realized there was a bomb blast in the city of Delhi, the moment it took my brain to resister this incident It had a horrible realization, if we had not stopped to eat the omelet, we would be here…dead!!!!

What determines our destiny? What was the invisible force that made us stop that day? What unseen voice made Pawan accept non-veg that day? Who was pulling the strings behind us? Can it be true that the future is already determined in the past? That the lines drawn on the palm actually determine our path?
Can the phony baloney religions answer the question? Is it that God exists but for some reason, likes to stay behind the curtain and watch the show?
That incident changed my life, all the problems in my life seemed very insignificant in comparison to this epiphany, I felt confident that day that somebody was there who was caring for me, call it luck, call it destiny, call it God, I do not know who it was, but I believe that just as I suddenly stopped from entering the blast zone that day, I will be stopped by the unknown force which will guide me to the right path immediately.

How to propose a girl in four easy steps

There are many guys out there who come to me asking for help on what is the best way to propose a girl? What should they do?

My friend once asked me if he should sing out to her on karoke night, unfortunately I said yes and to my horror and his girlfriend and another twenty people dining in the hall, he actually sung a song November Rain from Guns and Roses in the world worst voice ever, unfortunately, I was sitting in the same dining hall.

Putting the ring in the packet of bhel is not a good idea, my another friend lost a ring that way, to this day I have no clue how in the whole world can one lose a ring in a packet of bhel??

Asking a girl her caste on the first date is also a no-no, unless you are demonstrating how not to talk to a girl, in which case, you are a idiot.

So now that you know what not to do, let us begin Proposal 101, How to propose a girl in four easy steps.

*Stunts are performed by experts do not try at home. Actually do not try them anywhere.


P.s. Its a joke, not a guideline. :p, clarifying, just in case.

Ice Tea #3: To face the book or to facebook

Its exam time around us and facebook addicts are in a big dilemma. Todays Ice Tea is a dedication to all those who are studying and dieing to come online on facebook.

Updated: Double Shots Movie Review: Housefull

This Sunday, I decided that I was not getting tortured enough by my life already and despite the warning from people shouting on top of mountain-tops, I dared to go for movie Housefull. I have one thing to tell you, when people say that the show is housefull, they mean that the movie housefull is being played.

Click here to enlarge..

Escape