In olden days India was prosperous, people where happy to get one langot (a horrible undergarment) and a dhoti (a even horrible over garment) but then the Brits could not see it through and with that they brought ships and ships full of zippers, pant buttons and clothes. When the freedom struggle ended, the Brits left shamed and angry and to take revenge left the final nail in the coffin, the fashionable clothes.

It was a fitting revenge, the untamed world now new shame and pants. It was a slow poison for the destruction of the greatest Indus valley civilization. A slow depression that would bring with it, new clothes, trends and horrible accessories.

The new trends bring with it scary moments, how many times have you been asked by the barber carrying the sharp razor, "Would you like to try strawberry face cream?" he politely asked. I stared at him, eye the razor.

Every female you meet in your life, your mother, your sister and your girlfriend or your wife will point out at every waking moment of your life that you have a bad fashion sense.

'We are going for a movie,' I tried to argue.
'So what you will wear this plain old tshirt and jeans?' she argued.
'The T-Shirt is just 6 months old,' I brought my best argument in the picture.
'You know... when I was buying you a new t shirt last week, you were busy in your phone...' she argued back.
I wanted to tell her, it is biologically impossible for a man to identify all the colors a woman can see in the world, how do I choose between the two green shirts, I was going to argue with this, but sadly there is no materialistic cure for womans rolling eyes.
Now can someone tell me, in the four hours of our meeting, I'll be spending 3 hours in the darkness of the theater, why would I dress up for that? beats me.

If this was confusing enough, my mom started, 'That half pant is from your college days, why are you still wearing it?'
'Its night time, and I am just going to sleep now, who cares if I even wear the pant at all...' I argued.
'You are an engineer for godsake, please act like one...' she shouted.
'What has my degree got to do with my pants?' it was an innocent question, and no harm done.
I thought that was the end of it, but no, the next day when i came to office, the same half pant was fulfilling its destiny by wiping the floor with it. It broke my heart. My mind actually sobbed to see the loyal pants which saved by private parts for 6 years.

This fashion trend creates so much confusion, nowadays it is hard to differentiate a he from a she, walking on the street.
I once told this problem told the wise man who drank the free coffee at the pantry with me, 'This has turned into a critical issue man...' I said.
The wise man replied, 'No way, brother...I have a simple solution for this problem.'
He silently enlightened, 'Suppose you are walking down the street and you see a girl and boy walking. Now you want to know which is which, so a simple test will prove it. All you have to do is, go near them and tell a non-veg joke...' he said.
I looked at him amazed with full eyes open.
'...whoever is ashamed by that non-veg joke is definitely a boy...' the wise man concluded.
I now realized why he was slapped yesterday on the street.

The fashion trends change so drastically that I once saw a complete rainbow in the hair color of a girl in just two months. When I met a girl with pink hair in the conference, it was hard to believe she was a big authority in cloud computing. I assumed she was some college student and did not take her seriously, resulting in her furious comeback,
'You know what you are...' she shouted, 'A hair-color-racist. You discriminate people based on their hair-color... you should be locked away in a prison far far away for hair crimes.'
She did not specify who will be the guard at the prison, black haired people or pink haired people, but I thought its not wise to ask.

I am not sure where this fashion policing will lead the humanity, but I am a simple man, who still believes that it does not matter what you wear, if you are awesome enough. Ok, I am a simple man with complex taste, but awesome I am.

Every generation has a big list of things they can proudly show off to the next one. The ancient Egyptians had pyramids, the Baybilton built the hanging garden for people to hang out. People from far and wide come to visit the Taj Mahal, praising its divine beauty, not knowing that it was build after the wife died, thus partly in guilt. Obviously the human evolution is a constant race against boredom, men have for generations tried to overcome boredom is many ways possible.

In olden days, they got bored, they build civilizations, big massive civilizations. Rome was not build in a day, indication they were super bored. Then came the great barbarian evolution and they started raiding cities. Don't forget Atila the Hun who constantly attacked cities whenever he got free time. Alexander was super bored and he decided to conquer the entire world, but while these men where attacking cities and building civilizations, the women where thrown into a abyss of impending boredom.

What would Mrs. Atila do when her husband was busy attacking Rome? Or What would the wives of the architect do, when they were busy building columns for Athena? Of-course when their husbands would be home, they had a good pass time cribbing about the things their husband should change. Like the famous sentence by Mrs. Atila, 'Oh yeah, so you invaded Rome, didn't you get a barber out there to cut those disgusting hair locks you have?'

So the women decided they needed something that can go on and on and on, they initially tried with the SaaS-bahu soaps but you know after a while even Ba had to die.... pbbbbt... death, they needed something that could defeat death, they needed something they could do in groups as well as alone.... and they invented Shopping!!!

The ABC of shopping is, its Addiction Becoming Confusion.

Do the maths, the odds of going to the store for a chewing gum and coming out with only a chewing gum are three billion to one. (figure inversely proportional to the discount given at the mall)
Said my friend one day, 'I burned to my salary man,' he sobbed, 'We went to the mall yesterday to buy a sofa set for the house.'
I looked around his house, I am pretty sure this sofa where I sat was old one or I was having a deja vu.
'We looked all around, see we purchased the cooler in the room, we got that new water purifier and we got new cushions.'
'Oh I see,' I smiled, not sure if I should congratulate him or console him, '... And the sofa?'
'No man, she did not like the sofa they had, so we had to pass.'
I should definitely console him.

If you love your wife, set her free in the mall, if she comes back, sadly set your credit card on fire, if she doesn't, gladly build the Taj Mahal in her loving memory!!!

There is a big conspiracy in the nomenclature of the items purchased,

When my girlfriend and I went went to get a dress for her in Diwali, she politely asked the shop keeper,
'Anarkali is there?'
For the moment, I was confused, then I was proud, not only does she know the mall, she also knows the name of a certain sales girl, maybe a friend.
The man gave his pan colored tooth smile and quietly removed 3 dresses from top shelf. It took me a few moments to realize the dress was called Anarkali.
Oh but the torment did not end there, not only did she not like the Anarkali, she decided to roam for another few hours in search of the Anarkali. I am sure even Salim did not hunt for his Anarkali with so much patience and desperation.
Suddenly the reason why Akbar must have buried Anarkali alive dawned on me, Mrs. Akbar must have taken him for shopping Anarkali.

The mall is a largest experiment in human tolerance.

If you believe that giving SSC exam was competitive enough, try reaching the new checkout counter in the mall. There must be some elite martial arts to enable people reach the line quickly before others, I don't know it yet.

In olden days people used to shop till their money ran out, this dependency was busted out with the shiny new concept of credit card shopping. Shopping with credit card is an addiction in its own, its like getting drunk. You get extreme rush while actually spending it and the hangover follows the next day. Did you hear about the shopper who lost his credit card? he did not report about it because the thief was spending less than his wife.

Shopping mall also brings with it many myths, like the other line always moves faster than you or there is always a better product in some other rack than the one you see.

The evolution of human mind has progressed from shopping centers to shopping malls with each passing year more and more shopping malls are bringing more and more lucrative offers. So what there is mad rush for 70% discount on an item-you-won't-need-in-real-world, it is saving you 70% that is what counts.

Some malls have also grown, they have placed a silent bench for tired husbands and boyfriends to find peace in the otherwise chaotic situation around there. Some malls provide free wi-fi at the spot in memory of the men who have been dragged through floors after floors to look at things they won't know, won't use and won't understand.

Human mind has always build things that God could never dreamy off and the shopping mall standing on the center of your city is just another example of the triumph of human mind over the age-old battle against boredom.

Generations will pass and people will try to beat the universe in producing more and more stupidity every passing day, but the mall will stand tall, underlining the mans dominance over boredom with free wi-fi, 70% discounts and floor after floor of stuff that you won't need. The mall is here to stay, forever and ever and ever.

They say February is the romantic month in the calender, conveniently it is also the shortest one. When you live in India, this is the most confusing month of all. I would say, all the calender months are confusing, but February month is the most confusing of them all. On one hand you have the ancestors who meditated for years, worshiped a giant penis, wrote the book of kamsutra, had a million affairs and on the other, you have bachelors carrying saffron flag and bamboo sticks trashing couples and burning greeting cards in protecting the ancient culture of the ancestors.

This month also brings a different mood of people.
'I hate the valentines day,' he proclaimed entering the room.
'I can understand,' I replied, quietly reading comics online.
'No, something is morally wrong with this world and its not good...' he said sitting behind me, thus disturbing my attention while reading Calvin and Hobbies.
'Anything troubling you?'
'Of-course, all the things around us man, look at the society we live in. All the boys and girls walking hand-in-hand and then doing coochie-coo in public...' he said nervously, 'They go to films together, stay overnight together and now this...'

He pointed to the newspaper article (Times of India, Mar 23, 2010), 'Living relationship has been legalized.Now boys and girls will live together, have sex and then we will be the country of illegal children.'
'If the boys and girls have no problem, I don't think, why should we have. After all they are person too and if they want to do something... who should stop them?'
'We should, people who have not lost sense over the ages,' he replied strongly, 'Our culture is rich and our heritage is beautiful, this is american culture and not good for Indians.'
'Our culture?' I began, 'Our culture? When the westerners where building pyramids in Egypt, we were building the temple of Khajurao. The God that we worship taught us stealing, cheating and flirting. The culture makes you kneel down in front of giant penis and yet, you feel this is american culture?'
'Ayiyoo...' he exclaimed, 'You are so wrong, this is not in our culture, our culture was arrange marriage, they never showed bold scenes on television for so many years.'
'...And yet we have the second largest populated country in the world.'
'..But its not right....,' he said, 'I will not let this happen..'
'What are you going to do? Go on the street protesting? Disturb the couples minding their own business in parks?'
'I am going to teach them culture... our tradition...' he protested.
I was about to argue with him about the secret sex rites of vamachara in our culture, but the prospect of another episode of Garfield was calling me.

'See,' she announced, 'I don't mind people falling in love, but they should do it in the privacy of their house...'
'They are just holding hands,' I protested, 'And its bad manners peeping into private matters of people...'
'Yes, but this is public place, I can look wherever I want....'
'...Then look everywhere other than there...' I protested.
'People should focus on important things like career, life, adventure and everything...' she said, 'They should not fall in love..'
'Were you not in love with that guy?' I suddenly remembered a startling information.
'What? Who? Me?'
'Oh yes, now I remember... you did mention having a serious crush on him...' I replied, drinking my orange juice.
'You know, I have work to do...' she walked off very gracefully.

A single day and so many views...
Those who LOVE someone will decide to use this one day to utilize this one day, just as they do for the rest 364 days.
Those who LOVE a flawed version of their culture will abandon their loved one's love and go to trash some shopkeepers and couples on the street.

Then those who LOVE the cause of the people above will register their protest against this day in their own silent stares and bad mouthing people busy in their own world.
Those who are yet to be aimed by the God of Love will simple share their LOVE of chocolates.
Somewhere in a silent house, a wife might decide to show her LOVE by cooking a candle light dinner, for no reason, just in a mood for it.
Someone like you might show LOVE for this blog, by sharing it across your loved ones.

But finally, the day is just a reminder for you keep one day aside for your loved once, a reminder to give you an ancient message. A message spread across millions of years, a message passed on through various dogmas, a message told through various stories. Love conquers all. The single emotion that separates humans from asuras, an emotion that separates humans from the nature, an emotion that makes us break the basic law of nature survival of the fitness.

For it is this single emotion that makes a human see humanity in animals, even sees humanity in God and it does not matter if you have someone to love, the fact that you can love is enough to underline your existence.









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