Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Twenty nine, not there yet

When you are Twentynine you are not there yet. Middle age has not yet started, you are no longer young adults or new adults. You are just stuck there. In the middle of nowhere.
They say age bring with it wisdom, it must have misplaced it on the way. The only thing age brings is experience. What you lose along the way is close friends, if you have chosen the one closest to you she remains back. Stays awake with you and watches your favorite movies with you. I found mine few years back. What you also gain along the way are a bunch of enemies. If you haven't already, you really have not stood up for everything.
One thing you learn, however, is that there are no four people interested in your life. The famous legend of four people states that there are four people interested in every detail aspect of your life, it's been twentynine years I didn't find one.
So as goes the tradition what did I learn in Twentynine years?
Mostly that fear does not help you solve problems. When we are young we do a lot of things without fear, as we grow older we learn to fear. Fear of God, society, culture, tradition and reputation.
This year saw an exciting stride towards my ultimate goal. I relocated to London, completed my first novel and completed a graphic novel. At the beginning of the new 30, I am already working on my next epic story as I wait for the first one to publish.
Thia past year was a bit of hits and misses. But it was also a year of great hope. In a way every passing year brings with it something in his kitty Bag, something important.
This year there were many instances that challenged by beliefs but did not shake me completely. Perhaps that's what life is? Standing tall in running water?
Stay true to yourself, was the motto this journey started on. So far everything is on track. The moment is coming soon.
After debating for over a year I finally have a Facebook page, join me there for my next year updates.
Twentynine does nothing significant to your life, it simply brings along a warning. The big 30 is coming soon. You cannot however prepare because Twentynine does not bring you wisdom, it simply is there to remind you.
Happy birthday to me.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls.

The human evolution is a constant race against boredom, men have for generations tried to overcome boredom is many ways possible.

In olden days, they got bored, they build civilizations, big massive civilizations. The ancient Egyptians had pyramids, the Babylon build the hanging garden for people to hang out. People from far and wide come to visit the Taj Mahal, praising its divine beauty, not knowing that it was build after the wife died, thus partly in guilt.

Rome was not build in a day, indication they were super bored. Then came the great barbarian evolution and they started raiding cities. Don't forget Atila the Hun who constantly attacked cities whenever he got free time. Alexander was super bored and he decided to conquer the entire world, but while these men where attacking cities and building civilizations, the women where thrown into a abyss of impending boredom.

What would Mrs. Atila do when her husband was busy attacking Rome? Or What would the wives of the architect do, when they were busy building columns for Athena? Of-course when their husbands would be home, they had a good pass time cribbing about the things their husband should change. Like the famous sentence by Mrs. Atila, 'Oh yeah, so you invaded Rome, didn't you get a barber out there to cut those disgusting hair locks you have?'

So the women decided they needed something that can go on and on and on, they initially tried with the daily soaps but you know after a while even Ba had to die. They needed something that could defeat death, they needed something they could do in groups as well as alone.... and they invented Shopping!!!

Do the maths, the odds of going to the store for a chewing gum and coming out with only a chewing gum are three billion to one. (figure inversely proportional to the discount given at the mall)

Said my friend one day, 'I burned to my salary man,' he sobbed, 'We went to the mall yesterday to buy a sofa set for the house.'
I looked around his house, I am pretty sure this sofa where I sat was old one. That or I was a psychic who dreamt about this sofa.
'We looked all around, see we purchased the cooler in the room, we got that new water purifier and we got new cushions.'
'Oh I see,' I smiled, not sure if I should congratulate him or console him, '... And the sofa?'
'No man, she did not like the sofa they had, so we had to pass.'

I should definitely console him.

If you love your wife, set her free in the mall, if she comes back, give her your credit card.

There is a big conspiracy in the nomenclature of the items purchased,

When my girlfriend (now my Wife) and I went went to get a dress for her in Diwali, she politely asked the shop keeper,
'Anarkali is there?'
For the moment, I was confused, then I was proud, not only does she know the mall, she also knows the name of a certain sales girl, maybe a friend.
The man gave his pan colored tooth smile and quietly removed 3 dresses from top shelf. It took me a few moments to realize the dress was called Anarkali.
Oh but the torment did not end there, not only did she not like the Anarkali, she decided to roam for another few hours in search of the Anarkali. I am sure even Salim did not hunt for his Anarkali with so much patience and desperation.
Suddenly the reason why Akbar must have buried Anarkali alive dawned on me, Mrs. Akbar must have taken him for shopping Anarkali.

The mall is a largest experiment in human tolerance.

If you believe that giving SSC exam was competitive enough, try reaching the new checkout counter in the mall. There must be some elite martial arts to enable people reach the line quickly before others, I don't know it yet.

In olden days people used to shop till their money ran out, this dependency was busted out with the shiny new concept of credit card shopping. Shopping with credit card is an addiction in its own, its like getting drunk. You get extreme rush while actually spending it and the hangover follows the next day. Did you hear about the shopper who lost his credit card? he did not report about it because the thief was spending less than his wife.

Shopping mall also brings with it many myths, like the other line always moves faster than you or there is always a better product in some other rack than the one you see.

The evolution of human mind has progressed from shopping centers to shopping malls with each passing year more and more shopping malls are bringing more and more lucrative offers. So what there is mad rush for 70% discount on an item-you-won't-need-in-real-world, it is saving you 70% that is what counts.

Some malls have also grown, they have placed a silent bench for tired husbands and boyfriends to find peace in the otherwise chaotic situation around there. Some malls provide free WiFi at the spot in memory of the men who have been dragged through floors after floors to look at things they won't know, won't use and won't understand.

Human mind has always build things that God could never dreamy off and the shopping mall standing on the center of your city is just another example of the triumph of human mind over the age-old battle against boredom.

Generations will pass and people will try to beat the universe in producing more and more stupidity every passing day, but the mall will stand tall, underlining the mans dominance over boredom with free WiFi, 70% discounts and floor after floor of stuff that you won't need.

The mall is here to stay, forever and ever and ever.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Top Reasons Why PK Should be Banned

- It is pathetic of a story
- Over acting but we can ignore that considering the last alien was zoozoo no wait... Jadoo
- An alien astronaut walks over a unknown planet stark naked? What their civilization is so immature that they can build massive spaceship but can't give astronauts spacesuits? That's protest.
- So the alien planet nobody lies because they don't talk to each other. It must be one hell of a touchy feely planet. Wondering how they do group chats?
- A reporter walks out of her own wedding by reading a letter. Where is attention to detail? You are a journalist!!!!
- There is a spaceship standing next to her... a big large spaceship... and yet the 'reporter' becomes senti of the alien leaving her. And claims she has to make news for living. Worst news reporter ever. Or maybe working for Times of India
- Over hype (probably because it was Amir Khan and then because of this hulla bullah) of a film that shouldn't do enough business. I thought KRK had better acting overacting skills- Bhojpuri? Really? What were they trying to do? Beat box office success of 'Chapra Express' (No not kidding, I saw this movie)?
- Overzealous story twist, not focusing on one topic this movie swayed just like Satyameva Jayate. One topic to another, as if they want to solve a problem of 4000 years in 3 hours.
- The entry and exit of Sanjay Dutt- the most stupid sub plot ever. It seems as if Pune Police send them a return notice and they had to hastily pull him out.
- Aliens from different planet do not talk right? How the hell did the alien expedition in the end start talking to each other?
- Btw Found no instances of the makers mocking religion in anyway

The science behind PK

As a future science fiction writer, I am appalled by what goes on in name of Science and humor in Bollywood. Here we see an Alien explorer who walks on the surface of an unknown planet. He carries no scientific instruments to measure temperature, chemical composition or any deadly things. He walks on the planet stark naked to 'check' if its suitable for him. Astronomy is not a suicide mission, an astronomer should be a scientist too.

Touching hands as a means of communication. Biologically speaking, that is the worst form of communication. Telepathy is not unheard of in nature. They are species with Hive minds (connected minds) but touching each other to telepathically communicate makes very awkward dinner conversations. Not to mention this 'alien' life form eats on streets of India without any consequence. Even Americans take a week to adjust to Indian food and more than that to adjust to Indian Street food.

The Religion behind PK
Someone on twitter told me that 'Bholenath (Shiva) is innocent, just like Hindu and needs protection'. Methodologically speaking only Vishnu in Narayan form calls Shiva as Bholenath and later the words are uttered by Parvati. Does not mean Shiva is any 'innocent'. The title refers to his ability to not differentiate between people. He gives out boon to his bhakts even if they are demons. No wonder, some of the biggest followers of Shiva are Asuras (demon clan e.g., Ravan).

Other Religions, while the primary battle between Pk is between a photographic Baba who preaches a lot of wrong things. There are many instances where Pk makes hilarious mockery of traditions of all religions including catholic Mortification of Flesh (which in my personal opinion is dangerous rituals out there).

We all know that Dhongi Babas are rampant in India. I have voiced my opinion against them before. But the onus of this Babas does not lie on them but to the countless followers they gather. People are afraid, afraid of the unknown, afraid of many things. Nowadays afraid of terrorist, accidents etc. and this fear creates a void, a void that can be filled only with hope. Hope translates to belief and we see many people misusing this belief by turning into business. The business of belief does not have recession, infact it flourishes during recession.

A man applies red Tilak to a stone, it does not instantly turn into a temple. The first person who joins hands makes it a temple. The first one to donate money makes it a business.

So Pk sends this message in a complete wrong way. I like Paresh Rawal's OMG treatment over the issue.

Why so deep analysis? 

Mostly because I was bored. But also because, I have given up on Bollywood, yes I have. Pk is the first Bollywood movie in last eight months. But when Bollywood uses terms like 'aliens' and misuses them, I find it important to write. Indians demand good science fiction stories.

Have you read my book yet?

Have you read my book yet?
An epic adventure across space and time