A horrible combination of alcohol, Bollywood and Hollywood.
He gulped the complete pint of whiskey in one gulp,
‘Come again? You… are the producer?’ he said.
‘Yeah man, I give you money,’ said the producer, ‘I want you to direct my film. Its actually remake of your Hollywood flick we have made a little modification’
‘So actually we have this wonderful script, never seen before on Indian theatres. It has all the shades of drama, action, Sci Fi, romance…’
‘You said drama and action?’ the director asked taking one more pint of Whisky.
‘Yes sir, that is how we make the movies in India,’ the writer proudly boasted.
‘Interesting concept, run me through the script,’ the director said.
‘You know we have signed Superb Khan in this film,’ said the producer, ‘He has given us the dates for next two months.’
The director splat the mouthful of beer on the face, ‘Two months? that’s it?’
‘Yes, getting Superb Khan’s two months date is a herculean task sir,’ the producer informed gravely.
‘Ok so, what’s the script?’
‘So like there is this big meteoroid coming towards earth from sky to destroy the planet. Like a big one, a huge one…’ the writer began, ‘and all the people from world gather together to solve the crisis. They decide to send a man in rocket with a bomb on the meteoroid.’
‘You mean a nuke?’ the director asked.
‘No a bomb, we will not get a go ahead from censor board. They will claim we are teaching terrorist to operate nuclear bombs,’ the producer said.
‘Oh… so what base are we planning? Are we asking NASA to lend their base to shoot?’ The director asked.
‘Err no, we do not have that much budget, we are building a fake rocket base in Mumbai,’ the producer said.
‘Excuse me? Mumbai? I thought this was a big budget film? My agent told me so,’ the director asked worriedly.
‘Yes it is, but we have spend 50% of our budget to pay advance to Superb Khan,’ the producer shrugged.
‘So why don’t we get someone else?’ the director asked, ‘Someone cheap?’
‘Once you see the full script, you will see only Superb Khan can make this film a hit,’ the writer said, ‘Any other hero and you won’t get your fees too.’
‘Please continue,’ The director ordered one more pint of some strong whisky to digest the story.
‘So where were we? Yes, so they decide to send one man to save the world in a rocket. Enter the villain of the film, he is the old father to the Slimy Kapoor, the heroine. The father hates the girls boyfriend who is just a junior. The father wishes to marry his daughter to the son of his space agency owner, who happens to be the second hero, Action Kumar’
'I need to puke…’ the director excused himself to the washroom.
'The writer and the producer started talking to himself, ‘You think he will agree to direct?’
‘He has too, the bill for his whisky is too much,’ the producer explained.
‘Action Kumar has agreed to work for us cheap, as he has a bunch of other films also going on in the
market,’ the producer smiled proudly.
The director joined back, ‘Apologies. Too much drinking,’ he explained, ‘So like there is a family drama in the space center?’
‘Yes yes, there is. Also there is politics too. Lets continue…’ the producer informed.
‘So here like, we have a fifteen minutes song here, which will be shot in Switzerland in the snowy hills.’ the writer said, ‘The song will be the timeline of how their love story developed and also will be the perfect opening for Superb Khan and Action Kumar.’
‘A fifteen minute song? I thought you said the budget was not enough for foreign locations?’ the director scratched his head.
‘Oh the shooting of song expense will be covered with the brands Superb Khan and Action Kumar endorse,’ the producer said, ‘That is later, lets talk the movie.’
‘So the old man, plots the political drama and plans to send the Superb Khan to the meteoroid. Obviously to save the world the hero agrees, but then the old man plans the marriage of his daughter on the same date as the rocket launch.’
‘Now comes the best climax scene, which I want you to direct perfectly, this is going to give us rating.’ the producer greedily rubbed his hands.
‘So like the hero, Superb Khan is sitting in rocket starting the ignition, which fails once.’ The writer said.
‘Fails? Rocket ignition fails?’ The director said.
‘Yes yes, for dramatic effect…don’t disturb… at the same time, Action Kumar realizes that his wife is not happy with the marriage. He stops the marriage in between and takes her separately and asks her. She tells him about his love… and we have the climax. Superb Khan shreds one drop of tear while launching the rocket and that time, Action Kumar comes holding the hand of crying Slimy Kapoor and hands her over to Superb Khan.
There sad music pops in and they both unite in the mist of the rocket launch,’
‘They stop the rocket launch?’ another gulp of whisky.
‘Yes yes they have to, its Superb Khan, he can do anything,’ the writer said irritated, ‘So Action Kumar then helps start the rocket and they all jump in the rocket and fly off to the meteoroid together.’
‘Why am I not surprised,’ grinned the director, ‘So now what? they detour to the moon for the honey moon?’
‘Oh my, this is hindi movie sir, no honey moon scenes, we can show two flowers, or a bee on flower. No direct scene,’ the producer said.
‘So like all the three reach the meteoroid and on the moon, they all land there and Superb Khan plants the bomb there… but then bad thing happens a gang of aliens attacks them and destroys the remote control of bomb. Then they kidnap the Slimy Kapoor to their hideout where both Action Kumar and Superb Khan chase them to their den, a fight scene erupts with light sabers ’
‘Oh…’ the director interrupted.
‘Yes, Light sabers, we watch science films. We wish to add the science fiction part into the film. So they save the Slimy Kapoor from the aliens and all come back to the meteoroid. But the bomb remote is destroyed and someone has to manually ignite it’
‘So like the final climax… Action Kumar generously offers to ignite the bomb…’
‘And now, I know why we are sending extra heroes to the meteoroid,’ the director exclaimed, ‘for all that’s worth it, I need one more whisky bottle.’
‘So like they both are sitting in the rocket holding their hands and Action Kumar is smiling at them waving at them… here again we need to add a song,’ the writer made a mental note, ‘So like they come back to earth. Then Slimy Kapoor realizes that the aliens where actually hired by her old man to kill Superb Khan. On further investigation it is relived that the old man plots the destruction of earth with the help of aliens, and finally we have the police coming in and arresting the evil cruel father.’
‘And here we roll the credits, and add a remix of song we shot earlier. We will end shots of marriage too,’ the producer said.
‘Thank God for that,’ shouted the director gulping a large amount of raw whisky.
‘So like you believe this film will work?’ the director asked.
‘Yes, I am confident, we have Superb Khan in it and Slimy Kapoor, also starring Action Kumar… that’s nearly the 90% of Indian Audience is their fans,’ the producer said.
‘How much are you getting paid for writing this script?’ the director asked.
‘Nothing, I am his son’ the writer beamed.
‘I need to puke.’ The director proclaimed.
P.s. Suggest a name for the film and get a free movie ticket for the movie.
P.p.s This is a actual contest, suggest a name for the film and get a award for it. :D