Skip to main content

Roses are red, Facebook is blue, Stop poking me before I kill you

One of the many drawbacks of living in a secular country is that you get in touch with people you want to avoid, day in and out. It was still easy before facebook when these people whom you don't want to meet did not know where you came from or where you went.

You could be that someone who lives in a penthouse on top of the building or you could be Batman, climbing on top of the rooftops wearing the costume of a giant bird. No one could tell, you were shrouded in complete mystery. But now it is different, people definitely know you are on Facebook. So at the end of the day, all the person has to do now is sit in his own dreaded computer and hunt for you to send a friend request.

I detest. It is highly impolite to send a friend request to a person you simply shared few ounces of oxygen in the lift, but there is no way you couldn't tell this would you? We have this new range of facebookiyans, just like orkutiyans who are out there to harass you.

Now, if the movie social network is to be believed Mark Zukerberg was dumped by his girlfriend because of which he went into super high tech way of staking her by creating facebook. He succeeded but as with all successful inventions in the world like the nuclear bomb, the telephone or the reality shows during prime time television, the success of facebook resulted in failure of mankind. Through the millions of pages at the speed of 3G network, I realized the horrible after math of facebook in the office lift. 

As usual I was patiently waiting for the lift to arrive at my floor and reading interesting tweets. The lift in the office also has a interesting attitude. Whenever I want to go on the fourth floor and I press the button, the nearest lift skips my floor and moves on in complete satisfaction of its achievement.

The second lift which has probably drawn the shortest stick as she slowly reaches and groans and moans as it opens its gates to me. Its as if making me ride inside it will put her into some circle in hell.

I got busy waiting for the lift to turn up at the destination when it happened. This man (who I honestly don't know) came from nowhere.
'Hey dude,' he poked me on my back. Yes, literally.
'Hi?' I asked nervously, unsure if he was a gay with a broken gaydar (as told to me by a gay friend, a telepathic signal that lets gays scout gays).
'How are you man, its been so long time since we met...' he exclaims with the enthusiasm of being lost in the kumb-mela with me and somehow reunited during the climax of the film with no logical explanation, 'You did not accept by friend request.'

I have no idea who you are. I have no idea which place you hail from. I have no idea about anything about you, and you want to be friend?

Friendship is something beyond one click, when will people understand? It is easy to send a friend request, it is easy to accept a friend request, but think about it, with every accept I have to share with you my pictures, that can also include pictures of my female friends, my entire life, my job, my location and everything else. If you are using everything with Facebook people can join 2 and 2 and actually map your entire life. The way you think, the way you behave everything. While all this thoughts were rummaging in my mind he retorted.

'I also poked you so many times,' he said, 'You never do reply....'

Then it dawned on me, he was the person I blocked because he send too many pokes in consequently days. That realization made me realize one more hard fact of life, I cannot block him out in real life without a shotgun.

Oh well, I prefer the old method of just being plain rude, 'I don't have time.' I reply simply.

One fine day of total 2 hours we spend together at the airport and she quickly said, 'We should get connected on Facebook'

'Woah woah, hold your guns, baby doll, shouldn't we take it really slow?,' I replied to her dismay.

It is highly impolite to poke anyone on Facebook before you do announce yourself. Shouldn't there be a 3 weeks rule for sending a friend request? How long does it take for a person to be your friend? One day, two days? Weeks? Months?

Talking about being rude, that day I was busy drinking my tea when a friend puffed a cigarette smoke on my face. Instinctively I flapped my hands hoping the smoke won't enter my lungs.
'Dude thats just rude,' he said puffing another smoke on my face.

I glanced at him in disbelief, if only we could unsubscribe from people we never want in life. Life would not be as easy as Facebooking it, isn't it?


  1. A very nice read. I second you on this post. Facebook is a virtual world where people try desparately to make it real. Making friends is not a click away. I still prefer noting down their numbers and calling them up if I need any help if I want to than poking them on facebook. They say facebook is like a jail. You are there day and night, you write on walls and you get poked by unknown guys.


Post a Comment

What do you think about the post? Have your say, like, dislike or even hate me. Tell me.

You might also want to Subscribe to RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter (@sidoscope) or on facebook

I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Popular posts from this blog

The moaning of life #2 Childhood Trauma

The entire shark family is out for a hunt, and the little fish are running for their life. We get to cheer as the Baby Shark does Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo with his family, calling on the family - extended family and sometimes robots on the 'hunt' because your offspring decides that that is the one song they want you to play or a tantrum follows. Many of you will say it's not the content but the catchy tune that draws the babies towards the nonsequential song, but it's more than that. It's the sheer repeatedness that draws your angst towards the piece. And YouTube provides the music based on how much time you want your baby to be engaged to it. You have a 60+ minute version and a 120+ minute version. The same shark family going out on the same hunt. And it's not just the Shark family. Weirdly, baby JJ and his family sing random songs, go on a holiday and even increase the family. I am talking about Cocomelon, which has arrived in your child's life as he murmurs t

We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls.

The human evolution is a constant race against boredom, men have for generations tried to overcome boredom is many ways possible. In olden days, they got bored, they build civilizations, big massive civilizations. The ancient Egyptians had pyramids, the Babylon build the hanging garden for people to hang out. People from far and wide come to visit the Taj Mahal, praising its divine beauty, not knowing that it was build after the wife died, thus partly in guilt. Rome was not build in a day, indication they were super bored. Then came the great barbarian evolution and they started raiding cities. Don't forget Atila the Hun who constantly attacked cities whenever he got free time. Alexander was super bored and he decided to conquer the entire world, but while these men where attacking cities and building civilizations, the women where thrown into a abyss of impending boredom. What would Mrs. Atila do when her husband was busy attacking Rome? Or What would the wives of the

Short Story: Ginger Chai

This is my first attempt for writing a love story, which I am really bad at. Mani Padma (from Ginger Chai ) challenged me to write a love story a few days ago, it is not a real great read, but a little feeble attempt to take a taste in this genre. Please give your honest opinion… Cheers, Sid. *fingers crossed* Breathe in. Breathe out. Damm, this is so easy when you are not tensed. Why is this clerk talking so much time. ‘Will you hurry up?’ I asked the clerk. My finger nails were tapping the counter in excitement. My name is Shailaja, 30, single and employed, in short a perfect girl for the aunties, mammies to constantly remind me that my days are waning out, that I have to find someone before it is impossible for them to. It is not that I don’t want to get married, but I should get some proper match, isn’t it? All they show me is either short, tall, long nose, meaning some imperfection in some way or the other. I am not at all hopeless romantic and I am definitely not goin