Roses are red, Facebook is blue, Stop poking me before I kill you

One of the many drawbacks of living in a secular country is that you get in touch with people you want to avoid, day in and out. It was still easy before facebook when these people whom you don't want to meet did not know where you came from or where you went.

You could be that someone who lives in a penthouse on top of the building or you could be Batman, climbing on top of the rooftops wearing the costume of a giant bird. No one could tell, you were shrouded in complete mystery. But now it is different, people definitely know you are on Facebook. So at the end of the day, all the person has to do now is sit in his own dreaded computer and hunt for you to send a friend request.

I detest. It is highly impolite to send a friend request to a person you simply shared few ounces of oxygen in the lift, but there is no way you couldn't tell this would you? We have this new range of facebookiyans, just like orkutiyans who are out there to harass you.

Now, if the movie social network is to be believed Mark Zukerberg was dumped by his girlfriend because of which he went into super high tech way of staking her by creating facebook. He succeeded but as with all successful inventions in the world like the nuclear bomb, the telephone or the reality shows during prime time television, the success of facebook resulted in failure of mankind. Through the millions of pages at the speed of 3G network, I realized the horrible after math of facebook in the office lift. 

As usual I was patiently waiting for the lift to arrive at my floor and reading interesting tweets. The lift in the office also has a interesting attitude. Whenever I want to go on the fourth floor and I press the button, the nearest lift skips my floor and moves on in complete satisfaction of its achievement.

The second lift which has probably drawn the shortest stick as she slowly reaches and groans and moans as it opens its gates to me. Its as if making me ride inside it will put her into some circle in hell.

I got busy waiting for the lift to turn up at the destination when it happened. This man (who I honestly don't know) came from nowhere.
'Hey dude,' he poked me on my back. Yes, literally.
'Hi?' I asked nervously, unsure if he was a gay with a broken gaydar (as told to me by a gay friend, a telepathic signal that lets gays scout gays).
'How are you man, its been so long time since we met...' he exclaims with the enthusiasm of being lost in the kumb-mela with me and somehow reunited during the climax of the film with no logical explanation, 'You did not accept by friend request.'

I have no idea who you are. I have no idea which place you hail from. I have no idea about anything about you, and you want to be friend?

Friendship is something beyond one click, when will people understand? It is easy to send a friend request, it is easy to accept a friend request, but think about it, with every accept I have to share with you my pictures, that can also include pictures of my female friends, my entire life, my job, my location and everything else. If you are using everything with Facebook people can join 2 and 2 and actually map your entire life. The way you think, the way you behave everything. While all this thoughts were rummaging in my mind he retorted.

'I also poked you so many times,' he said, 'You never do reply....'

Then it dawned on me, he was the person I blocked because he send too many pokes in consequently days. That realization made me realize one more hard fact of life, I cannot block him out in real life without a shotgun.

Oh well, I prefer the old method of just being plain rude, 'I don't have time.' I reply simply.

One fine day of total 2 hours we spend together at the airport and she quickly said, 'We should get connected on Facebook'

'Woah woah, hold your guns, baby doll, shouldn't we take it really slow?,' I replied to her dismay.

It is highly impolite to poke anyone on Facebook before you do announce yourself. Shouldn't there be a 3 weeks rule for sending a friend request? How long does it take for a person to be your friend? One day, two days? Weeks? Months?

Talking about being rude, that day I was busy drinking my tea when a friend puffed a cigarette smoke on my face. Instinctively I flapped my hands hoping the smoke won't enter my lungs.
'Dude thats just rude,' he said puffing another smoke on my face.

I glanced at him in disbelief, if only we could unsubscribe from people we never want in life. Life would not be as easy as Facebooking it, isn't it?


  1. A very nice read. I second you on this post. Facebook is a virtual world where people try desparately to make it real. Making friends is not a click away. I still prefer noting down their numbers and calling them up if I need any help if I want to than poking them on facebook. They say facebook is like a jail. You are there day and night, you write on walls and you get poked by unknown guys.


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