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Anti-social Media

Man is a social animal, whoever came up with this phrase was probably having high tea with his college buddies in canteen. Man is infact an anti-social animal, specially when canteen serves tea mixed with lots of water and a spot of milk which is hardly spotted.

Social Media is everywhere, people are spending more and more time on Facebook, Twitter and erm… well… erm.. . Clearly suits (businessmen) and advertising agents do not like it. No after spending a millions of rupees in adding a jingle to their product, they learn that the customer for whose brain wash they had set it up is busy on Facebook, they will get angry.

So then they change tracks and start popping on Facebook and Twitter and soon mindless rant turns commercial, and when it comes to money, the policy is prepared for the employee and on and on.

One thing Social media does not give you is let live. Earlier when you used to talk to the wall, no one would like it. Now you talk to the wall and you get million likes (yikes)!!!

So you decide, your privacy is of a concern and you delete your Facebook account.

“Dude, what do you mean you don’t have Facebook account?” asks your friend, “C’mon no kidding, you are not on Facebook?”

“Ha liar,” second friend, “So you are one of them…”

Most of your life decisions are due to peer pressure, your college, your profession, your first company, the first cigarette, the first peg and however hard you may try Facebook. You bow to peer pressure and decide its no harm to join the social network is there?

So you do the tireless process of creating a Facebook profile. You fill in all funny details, like you lived in Jhumritalaya and you studied in Medical College of Engineering for Arts, Science and Commerce. You write witty and funny answers in questionnaire. Tick tick tick.

75 Friend request in a day. Hmmm, popularity. 7 people said they worked with you in the company, is that true? Hmmm privacy. 16 people said they went to school with you, is that true? Hmmm Creepy. 5 people said they are your family, is that true? Hmmm blood curling silent scream.

So this is how they do it, even if you do not know, people who know you do know you. So Facebook always know.

One morning, the dreaded thing happens, you wake up to the smell of muffin cake being prepared in your neighborer house. You plan the best possible way to drill a hole in the adjacent wall that will enable you to eat the muffin cake and there it is, lying, waiting and watching. A friend request from your mother.

You do not know, what is more horrible, your mother finding out that you turned out to be the person she was warning you in childhood, or the fact that she still posses childhood photographs of you, some in your birthday suits, some in fancy suits. To be or not to be, wasn’t that what Shakespeare said to accepting a friend request from your mother?

You decide to let it hang, get on with your life. But the fact that its still there out in the open is killing you. Soon it starts rolling, the neighboring Aunty, who you remembered when Dexter starts cutting his victims, sends a friend request.

The horror continues, someone finds a old photograph of you, it is one of those times when you had let your guard down. Not only is that photo uploaded, it is tagged, commented on and shared with everyone and your mom. You politely ask your friend to take the picture down, she politely refuses, (wonder why dexter cutting his victim plays in your head)

The problem with life is, it is infinite on both ends. Your college professor ads you on Facebook hoping to find out about you in turn informs everyone that he teaches in the college you were trying not to tell Facebook about.

Your entire world is starting to crumble, the world is not exactly yours but about the people who surround you. You merely are a password in the massive mess called the universe and the only option left in your world is suicide. I.e., digital suicide.

You unanimously agree with yourself that shutting down Facebook profile is the last logically response as the walls are closing in. You think about the loved once, what will they feel? What if your brother wanted to show you that video, he will have to resort to email or worst, the barbaric way of physically showing you. Your college friends want to flaunt the idea that their marriage is the only and greatest accomplishment in their life. Your friend who lives across the pacific and wants to show you her culinary skills via Facebook. What will they feel?

The mouse pointer hovers around the delete the Facebook profile button as the though lingers in your mind. To be or not to be, is the question. There is no other way, you silently weep in the dark secluded corner of your house. You contemplate the alternatives, like changing the broken light bulb in the dark secluded corner. You can learn French or German or Klingon, based on your priorities. You can finally take up those guitar lessons or even go to office on time. You will save a lot of time, energy and money on internet connection.

A soft press on the mouse and you feel lighting striking somewhere on the planet. An earthquake might shake the entire premise, but nothing happens. Suddenly you feel lighter as if the one ring was thrown in the cracks of mount doom. The world is brighter, lighter and better. You announce to no one in particular about your victory, standing up on the chair waiting for the standing ovation of the world. For few seconds your mind imagines the distant clapping and the heart yearns for multiple likes for this step.

If only there was a medium where you could share this information to all your friends, you think. The mind reels back, is there a way? Dark storm clouds gather outside as your mind clouts with doubt. You look at the laptop screen and realize the horror. It is asking the one question you dread at this moment.

‘Are you sure?’

Multiple thoughts clout your mind, multiple ideas flow in. If only it was as simple, you decide. The mouse pointer lingers between the void of Yes and No, which way should it go? You decide to go for the Yes, but miss by one Letter. Before you know it, the mouse has pressed No, as if it has mind of its own.

Ages must have passed, you decide, ages since all this happened. Did you skip the millennium? You look up in the world from the dark secluded corner of your house, something is wrong in this world, you decide.

Nothing has changed, no one has even missed you while you were away. Depressed, distressed and disheartened you announce your enmity to the world. The world is busy in its own humdrum revolving and rotating in happiness. Then suddenly you get one notification, its a small like from someone long lost. You smile, the world is a happy place to live in after all.

Like it?

Life was never simple was it?


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