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A complete guide to make a Bollywood style Hollywood Movie

For many people, he was the God of cinema, a director, a storyteller and an academy award winner. But for many years his stories didn't click with the audience. The world was changing, he observed to himself in private, and this new generation of millennials was not interested in his stories anymore. He heaved a sigh of relief as his hands rested on the wooden table. He craned his neck to look around, what is this place? He wondered again. Did he expect to travel all the way to India at the age of seventy? He had heard of this place, who didn't? Everybody knew what the 'Double Shots' bar was. A homogeneous bar for the who-who of the industry, useful for networking and getting things done. Where else would you get the hand-rolled Cuban cigars in the crowded lanes of Delhi? He wondered as he leaned in on the high-chair and let out a puff contributing his bit to the smog filling the streets.

His agent, an old friend, had called him late night and informed him about this office. The words that were dropped between that twenty minutes conversion were 'Splendid', 'marvelous', 'Opportunity of a lifetime' 'Future is Bollywood'. He was sold when the agent reminded him that nobody in Hollywood was willing to back him up. All those academy awards on the shelf were nothing compared to the isolation he felt. Hollywood was now a wash-out, cash-cow making movies pandering to the Chinese. The only creativity they felt was a giant fighting a man in an iron giant suit. They didn't need him anymore.

Therefore, he craned his neck, glancing at the man- curly-haired, dark-skinned, wearing a-?? towel instead of pants, walking towards him.
"Hello Sir," the man spoke in a high pitch, stretching the 'R' beyond normal pronunciation, "I yam the producer of our pikture."
He was followed by a thin man, struggling to stand straight, as he waddled towards them, "And am the writer."

He finished the whiskey in one gulp at their arrival and spoke in a hoarse voice, "Come again? You… are the producer?" he clarified.

"Yeah man, I give you money," said the producer, "Thank you for coming all the way to Delhi, I want you to direct my film. We are remaking the famous Hollywood film for the Indian audiences."

He regretted the idea immediately but forced a fake smile "Ok, run me over the script once more," he turned to the writer, who was fumbling with a lot of paperwork. The writer froze at the mention of the script, he slowly turned his attention to the mess he was carrying in his hands. The writer glanced sideways at the producer and then turned towards him, "So... actually we have adopted your screenplay for our Indian audiences. It will be an experiment never seen before in Indian theaters. It has all the shades of drama, action, Sci-Fi, romance…’

The mention of drama and action had a marvelous effect on him. He ran his hand over the face, wiping the sweat and shut his eyes tightly. While on board the flight, he had lapped upon some overdramatic and unrealistic action movies of Bollywood, before realizing it was too late for him to refuse. He just refused to accept that they included that in the science fiction movie?
He opened his eyes to reality.

‘You said drama and action?’ the director asked.

‘Yes sir, that is how we make the movies in India,’ the writer proudly boasted.

‘Interesting concept, run me through the script,’ the director said.

‘You know we have signed Superb Khan in this film,’ said the producer, ‘He has given us the dates for next two months.’

The gulp of whiskey that was trickling down his throat, propelled upwards and a spray of whiskey landed on the table, ‘Two months? that’s it?’

‘Yes, getting Superb Khan’s two months date is a herculean task sir,’ the producer informed gravely. He was smug as if it was a monumental event.

‘Ok so, what’s the script?’

‘So like there is this big meteoroid coming towards earth from the sky to destroy the planet. Like a big one, a huge one…’ the writer began, ‘and all the people from world gather together to solve the crisis. They decide to send a man in a rocket with a bomb on the meteoroid.’

‘You mean a nuke?’ the director asked.

‘No a bomb, we will not get a go ahead from the censor board. They will claim we are teaching terrorist to operate nuclear bombs,’ the producer said.

‘Oh… so what base are we planning? Are we asking NASA to lend their base to shoot?’ The director asked.

‘Err no, we do not have that much budget, we are building a fake rocket base in Mumbai,’ the producer said.

‘Excuse me? Mumbai? I thought this was a big budget film? My agent told me so...,’ the director tried hard to mask his worry from the etching on his face, but failed miserably.

‘Yes it is, but we have spent 50% of our budget to pay advance to Superb Khan,’ the producer shrugged.

‘So why don’t we get someone else?’ the director asked, ‘Someone cheap?’

‘Once you see the full script, you will see only Superb Khan can make this film a hit,’ the writer said, ‘Any other hero and you won’t get your fees too.’

‘Please continue,’ The director ordered one more strong whiskey to digest the story.

‘So where were we? Yes, so they decide to send one man to save the world in a rocket. Enter the villain of the film, he is the old father to the Slimy Kapoor, the heroine. He owns a big business who is building the rocket that will destroy the Metroid. He secretly wishes to marry his daughter to the son of his space agency owner, who happens to be the second hero, Action Kumar.’

'I need to puke…’ the director excused himself to the washroom.

'The writer and the producer started talking to himself, ‘You think he will agree to direct?’

‘He has too, the bill for his whiskey is too much,’ the producer explained.

‘Action Kumar has agreed to work for us cheap, as he has a bunch of other films also going on in the
market. Besides if we hoist our  flag the meteoroid, he will reduce his price by half,’ the producer gleefully

The director joined back, ‘Apologies. Too much drinking,’ he explained, ‘So like there is a family drama in the space center?’

‘Yes yes, there is. Also, there is politics too. Let's continue…’ the producer informed.

‘So here like, we have a fifteen minutes song here, which will be shot in Switzerland in the snowy hills.’ the writer said, ‘The song will be the timeline of how their love story developed and also will be the perfect opening for Superb Khan and Action Kumar.’

‘A fifteen-minute song? I thought you said the budget was not enough for foreign locations?’ the director scratched his head.

'We will be shooting in Wai, it is the switzerland of India and adding the snows later. We are trying to rope in the brands of Super Khan and Action Kumar to endorse the song,' the producer said, ‘That is later, let us talk about the movie first.’

‘So the villain using the power of his money plans to send the Superb Khan to the meteoroid. Our hero wants to save the world and he agrees, but then the old man plans the marriage of his daughter on the same date as the rocket launch.’

‘Now comes the best climax scene, which I want you to direct perfectly, this is going to give us the rating.’ the producer greedily rubbed his hands.

‘So like the hero, Superb Khan is sitting in rocket starting the ignition, which fails once.’ The writer chirped.

‘Fails? Rocket ignition fails?’ The director said.

‘Yes yes, for dramatic effect…don’t disturb…,' the writer spat, continuing his haze and describing, 'at the same time, Action Kumar realizes that his wife is not happy with the marriage. He stops the marriage in between and takes her separately and asks her. She tells him about his love… and we have the climax. Superb Khan shreds one drop of tear while launching the rocket and that time, Action Kumar comes holding the hand of crying Slimy Kapoor and hands her over to Superb Khan.
 At that point we have a cue for a sad version of the original song. Singer Singh has agreed to give us good discount if we make him sing same song in three tunes. Between that music, our hero and heroine meet right there, with the background of rocket launch.'

The producer was practically wobbling in excitement as the writer went through the climax. He started gleefully clapping at the description of the scene.

‘They stop the rocket launch?’ another gulp of whisky.

‘Yes yes they have to, its Superb Khan, he can do anything,’ the writer said, trying to hide the irritation in his voice, ‘So Action Kumar then helps start the rocket and they all jump in the rocket and fly off to the meteoroid together.’

‘Why am I not surprised,’ the director chortled, ‘So now what? they detour to the moon for the honey moon?’

‘Oh my, this is Hindi movie sir, no honey moon scenes, we can show two flowers, or a bee on flower. No direct scene,’ the producer boomed. He looked at the cagey writer, whose face was twisted from the disgust he heard. The writer nodded his head and continued.

‘So like all the three reach the meteoroid, they all land there and Superb Khan plants the bomb there… but then bad thing happens a gang of aliens attacks them and destroys the remote control of bomb. Then they kidnap the Slimy Kapoor to their hideout where both Action Kumar and Superb Khan chase them to their den, a fight scene erupts with light sabers ’

‘Oh…’ the director interrupted, 'I though the movie ended with the rocket launch! You have light sabers?'

‘Yes, Light sabers, we watch science films,' he replied, as a matter of factly, 'We wish to add the science fiction part into the film. So they save the Slimy Kapoor from the aliens and all come back to the meteoroid. But the bomb remote is destroyed and someone has to manually ignite it’

‘So like the final climax… Action Kumar generously offers to ignite the bomb…’

‘And now, I know why we are sending extra heroes to the meteoroid,’ the director exclaimed, ‘for all that’s worth it, I need one more whisky bottle.’

‘So like they both are sitting in the rocket holding their hands and Action Kumar is smiling at them waving at them… here again we need to add a song with emotional tone,’ the writer made a mental note, ‘They return to earth. Then Slimy Kapoor realizes that the aliens where actually hired by her father to kill Superb Khan. On further investigation it is relived that the father plotted the destruction of earth with the help of aliens, and finally we have the police coming in and arresting the evil cruel father.’

‘And here we roll the credits, and add a remix of song we shot earlier. We will end shots of marriage too,’ the producer said.

‘Thank God for that,’ shouted the director gulping a large amount of raw whisky.

‘So like you believe this film will work?’ the director asked.

‘Yes, I am confident, we have Superb Khan in it and Slimy Kapoor, also starring Action Kumar… that’s nearly the 90% of Indian Audience is their fans,’ the producer said.

‘How much are you getting paid for writing this script?’ the director asked.

‘Nothing, I am his son’ the writer scoffed.

‘I need to puke.’ The director proclaimed and rushed out of the room.


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