We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls.



The human evolution is a constant race against boredom, men have for generations tried to overcome boredom is many ways possible.

In olden days, they got bored, they build civilizations, big massive civilizations. The ancient Egyptians had pyramids, the Babylon build the hanging garden for people to hang out. People from far and wide come to visit the Taj Mahal, praising its divine beauty, not knowing that it was build after the wife died, thus partly in guilt.

Rome was not build in a day, indication they were super bored. Then came the great barbarian evolution and they started raiding cities. Don't forget Atila the Hun who constantly attacked cities whenever he got free time. Alexander was super bored and he decided to conquer the entire world, but while these men where attacking cities and building civilizations, the women where thrown into a abyss of impending boredom.

What would Mrs. Atila do when her husband was busy attacking Rome? Or What would the wives of the architect do, when they were busy building columns for Athena? Of-course when their husbands would be home, they had a good pass time cribbing about the things their husband should change. Like the famous sentence by Mrs. Atila, 'Oh yeah, so you invaded Rome, didn't you get a barber out there to cut those disgusting hair locks you have?'

So the women decided they needed something that can go on and on and on, they initially tried with the daily soaps but you know after a while even Ba had to die. They needed something that could defeat death, they needed something they could do in groups as well as alone.... and they invented Shopping!!!

Do the maths, the odds of going to the store for a chewing gum and coming out with only a chewing gum are three billion to one. (figure inversely proportional to the discount given at the mall)

Said my friend one day, 'I burned to my salary man,' he sobbed, 'We went to the mall yesterday to buy a sofa set for the house.'
I looked around his house, I am pretty sure this sofa where I sat was old one. That or I was a psychic who dreamt about this sofa.
'We looked all around, see we purchased the cooler in the room, we got that new water purifier and we got new cushions.'
'Oh I see,' I smiled, not sure if I should congratulate him or console him, '... And the sofa?'
'No man, she did not like the sofa they had, so we had to pass.'

I should definitely console him.

If you love your wife, set her free in the mall, if she comes back, give her your credit card.

There is a big conspiracy in the nomenclature of the items purchased,

When my girlfriend (now my Wife) and I went went to get a dress for her in Diwali, she politely asked the shop keeper,
'Anarkali is there?'
For the moment, I was confused, then I was proud, not only does she know the mall, she also knows the name of a certain sales girl, maybe a friend.
The man gave his pan colored tooth smile and quietly removed 3 dresses from top shelf. It took me a few moments to realize the dress was called Anarkali.
Oh but the torment did not end there, not only did she not like the Anarkali, she decided to roam for another few hours in search of the Anarkali. I am sure even Salim did not hunt for his Anarkali with so much patience and desperation.
Suddenly the reason why Akbar must have buried Anarkali alive dawned on me, Mrs. Akbar must have taken him for shopping Anarkali.

The mall is a largest experiment in human tolerance.

If you believe that giving SSC exam was competitive enough, try reaching the new checkout counter in the mall. There must be some elite martial arts to enable people reach the line quickly before others, I don't know it yet.

In olden days people used to shop till their money ran out, this dependency was busted out with the shiny new concept of credit card shopping. Shopping with credit card is an addiction in its own, its like getting drunk. You get extreme rush while actually spending it and the hangover follows the next day. Did you hear about the shopper who lost his credit card? he did not report about it because the thief was spending less than his wife.

Shopping mall also brings with it many myths, like the other line always moves faster than you or there is always a better product in some other rack than the one you see.

The evolution of human mind has progressed from shopping centers to shopping malls with each passing year more and more shopping malls are bringing more and more lucrative offers. So what there is mad rush for 70% discount on an item-you-won't-need-in-real-world, it is saving you 70% that is what counts.

Some malls have also grown, they have placed a silent bench for tired husbands and boyfriends to find peace in the otherwise chaotic situation around there. Some malls provide free WiFi at the spot in memory of the men who have been dragged through floors after floors to look at things they won't know, won't use and won't understand.

Human mind has always build things that God could never dreamy off and the shopping mall standing on the center of your city is just another example of the triumph of human mind over the age-old battle against boredom.

Generations will pass and people will try to beat the universe in producing more and more stupidity every passing day, but the mall will stand tall, underlining the mans dominance over boredom with free WiFi, 70% discounts and floor after floor of stuff that you won't need.

The mall is here to stay, forever and ever and ever.

11 comments

  1. Oh! Mall is our culture .. so we build it. And don't talk only about women and mall! There is a 'men and mall' culture too :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Aativas
    Ha yes, what is men and mall? Malls where build by a man for a woman, just like Taj Mahal....:P

    ReplyDelete
  3. Malls are one of the representatives of this generation's civilization and our civilization is Consumerism...

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahahahah....wonderful...and you know men filled with boredom sometimes end up writing posts like this too...so i think this along with malls is here to stay...

    ReplyDelete
  5. :P
    best part was the first half!!
    this mall culture is getting addictive...they not only provide all-under-one-roof shopping, but also are cool places to hang out with friends in leisure...no wonder thats y u find ppl in pyjamas and hawai chappals!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Mahesh
    Well... they do provoke a great article....:P

    ReplyDelete
  7. @Shahid
    You read my mind dude.... yes... and funny thing, the article is written using free wi-fi of one such mall....:P

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Amrit
    Aptly said, yes, mall culture is addictive... but i still miss the plain old days of war...:D

    ReplyDelete
  9. Guys,
    I have a strict no Anonymous comment policy, please refrain from that as I am more interested in who said it rather than what is said. Please please and please, do not comment anonymously.

    ReplyDelete
  10. achha...chalo u must be missing the old days of "warlord" and "crusader" (Alexander never had such games :P) but isnt it gud, ppl r busy somehow rather than planning WWIII?!! and have mercy on the malls..let them stand tall...coz in this world jo dikhta hai wahi bikta hai...!! :P n maybe there vl b a time when ppl will get bored of the malls, who knows!

    ReplyDelete
  11. @Amrit
    Arey but was is good na....see population control and anger management, two of the biggest problems in the world solved, in a jiffy. :P

    But yeah i know mall wil stand tall, girls wont let it fall...and so...i go... sigh!!!

    ReplyDelete

What do you think about the post? Have your say, like, dislike or even hate me. Tell me.

You might also want to Subscribe to RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter (@sidoscope) or on facebook

I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Home

Contact Form

Name

Email *

Message *