Tuesday, April 26, 2011

An ode to being Indian.... फिर भी दिल है हिंदुस्तानी

चोरों की सरकार यहाँ, चले गये राजा रानी, फिर भी दिल है हिन्दुस्तानी.
Coke, Pepsi पीते है, भूल गये निम्बू पानी, फिर भी दिल है हिन्दुस्तानी
Sharad Pawar और Kalmadi करे कपट, भूल गये वह शकुनी, फिर कैसे यह हिन्दुस्तानी?

CWG और 2G के किस्से है, जहा लिखी थी कभी राजा भारत की कहानी, फिर भी दिल है हिन्दुस्तानी
बेच ने निकले अपने बच्चों को, है यह अनोखे honor की राजधानी, फिर भी दिल है हिन्दुस्तानी
Corruption के लिए भुके रहे, पर यहाँ तोह सभी भुके खानदानी, फिर कैसे यह हिन्दुस्तानी?

जनता की सरकार यहाँ, फिर क्यूं करते कुछ लोग मनमानी, फिर भी दिल है हिन्दुस्तानी.
जिस देश ने दुनिया को कामसुत्र सिखाया, उसीके बच्चे कहे यह बदनामी, फिर भी दिल है हिन्दुस्तानी
जिस चीज़ की है दुनिया को शर्म, उसी जाती पति की करे यह सीना तानी, ऐसे है यह हिन्दुस्तानी.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Karma sutra: When the universe fucks you in more ways than you can count

We all live in a world full of karma, you eat ice cream without me and you catch a cold. Karma is simply universe giving you back what you deserve, but some people deserve it so hard that even the universe shudders punishing them.

Human evolution is a constant reminder from the universe that she still holds a lot of power on reality. As we progress so increases the population of hypocrites and self-righteous people who believe that the entire world is part of their own crazy ideas.

One person took a swig of smoke, 'Trouble at my house again man, my wife insist on working again, man, I don't understand. My mom wants her to stay home man, why can't she do it? Its not that we need money. Don't understand man.'
The first person puffed a smoke, 'Yeah man, I can understand. Wife should take care of house. I completely sympathize with you.'
Two days later, in their own team, a lady had to resign due to pressure from her inlaws, what was worst, it was very close to the delivery of the product. Somewhere lady karma was laughing.

If these hypocrites are a problem in the evolving society, so are the number of pathetic ads that are rotting the society. I know you will talk about Ranbir Kapoor's pathetic act of the standup comedy does not qualify as a good ad, but the worst case of tumor comes from the advertisements of fairness creams. If the advertisements are to be believed entire Indian society is attempting to color their skins white in color and not only are those ads super bad but are highly racist. Taking about racist ads, did you happen to check those community matrimony advertisement? They seem to suggest than Indian kids cannot take their own decision and it is upto the community matrimony site to make this right.  Obviously, Ranbir already is on bad books of lady karma, his movies are proof for it but due to these ads one of my friend tried to increase the shade of her own fairness for the matrimonial site, turned into a horrible shade of red. Karma just showed her the ugly side of fairness.

Karma hits you when you are not looking and it is lady karma who knows 1300 degrees of marshal arts to get you what you deserve. Company pays you less, it is companies karma, will hit them sooner or later when the time is right. The best example of karma hitting back is Karna, right in the middle of war, the wheel getting stuck in a mud pit of the greatest warrior on earth, is not good right?

They say, the oldest law in the book is, every evil has a double role, you do evil and evil will do you. Simple Honest. But obviously people won't listen, not until karma hits them, if they want it or no and it, remember one thing, Lady Karma is good at what she does and what she does might not be good for you.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Lets tweet a revolution together!!!

After the recent stripping for patriotism campaign a new anti-corruption wave has  hit the country, it has became a fashion statement to shout, 'Mera neta chor hai'.
People are twitting day and night about the corruption and asking for support to Anna in his 40 hours fast (so far)
Anna Hazare is a brave man, he chose to go on a fast until death exactly after world cup and before the start of IPL. Yes, good for him, people would have to choose between India vs Pakistan and him, the choice won't be nice.
Corruption is a serious issue happening in India. There must be some sort of voodoo magic happening that is corrupting every person ruling the nation.
The Jan Lokpal bill proposed by Anna Hazare and some other publicity hogging social activist (don't blame me, I support Hazare don't ask me to support Sarabhai) is magical, amazing, incredible and dangerous.
If we look at the history of India, you will find many similarities in what is happening now and what has happened before.
First it was the British, they found a clean way of robbing the public, after a while one 70 year old man sat on fast until death and told them to get out of the country.
Obviously, we don't care if 100s of babies die everyday due to lack of medical treatment, we do not care that millions of adivasis die of hunger in a day, no one cares, but in India we do care if an old man sits on a fast until death. So the British and the Indians took heed to the old man and left the country peacefully (not exactly peacefully, but its ok) The people who replaced the brits where our men, people chosen by the masses to rule.
Yeah and rule they did, so what they siphoned off a million, no one payed attention to them until it was too late. So another 70 year old man abandoned his food for the sake of country. He asked for passage of a particular bi which millions are hoping will solve problem of corruption.
Now the funny part of Indian independence moment was, India was never free. Nope they were not, people did the same things that they did during the British rules, they had same old ways of teaching, they had same old methods of getting married. Infact most of these things worsened after the British left. (It must be something to do with white skin, or the fair and lovely won't make India a major market of their products, ever one wants to be white, no its not racist its sadist)
So the British decided to leave India and the public clapped for Gandhi baba who brought freedom.
No one bothered to peep in the document that was drafted by people. No. They kept portrait of Ambedkar in their house but no one read what he wrote. Why? Because they had elected people who would do this dirty stuff for them, and hope that somehow magically this day won't come.

You tend to respect the corrupt neta here. They atleast respected the constitution, because to break the law you need to study it first.
So now this man is supported by.a forum who demand installation of lokayukt. Their demands look similar to the political manifesto that the netas brush clean every now and then.
Some other people supporting jantar mantar are film stars who prefer to make film using black money but are fighting for corruption.
The long story short, I believe it would be wonderful that Jan lokpal is being setup, I just hope that in another 60 years we should not need any lokayukt to keep vigil on the lokayukt elected now.

Sunday, April 3, 2011


This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 19; the nineteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
This is it, he thought for the last time. Standing outside the cockpit of the space shuttle, his journey was about to begin. He was to leave the planet for the last time, he glanced at the skyline covering their blue sun for the last time. The intruders where here and had declared them self. The entire planet of 400 billion was being exterminated out of existence.

The aliens had declared war for existence, obviously they wanted to live or so did we. The entire panel of elders had chosen him to investigate the origin of these species, the intelligence gathered would be used against them. He had to travel 3000 light miles in the space shuttle and come back with the report in two months. The first group of armions would hold the station for two months, when they would have the intelligence to defeat this monsters.

He glanced back at the twelve elders smiling at him, giving him good luck. Obviously they do not realize the flaw in the strategy, the entire hope of the planet of 400 billion rested on his shoulders, there was no backup plan. The backup plan was horrible than the original plan, the elders would trigger the ultimate sacrifice, they would destroy the planet and not submit to these aliens at all. He would not let this happen.

The space shuttle fired beyond the seventh layer of the atmosphere. Officially, he had breached the God convention that was passed 64 years ago, no person would cross the seventh layer of the atmosphere. But God was the problem in this, the aliens were God, powerful and dangerous. The ship entered the worm hole, the path the aliens invaded the planet.

'Entering the Phatterlean atmosphere,' the ship auto pilot informed. The planet was called phatterlean, the third planet in the solar system, just like theirs.

He was here, the home of the invaders.

The planet was similar to his, atmosphere consisting of equal composition of oxygen, hydrogen and wait.... carbon?

So this was the problem, the creatures where parasites, they had infected the atmosphere by excreting carbon. He carefully concealed his space ship in the brown bushes and turned on the element analyzer.

'There is more carbon content in the air than required for survival, the oxygen is depleted,' he observed, making a note on the notepad.
'The soil is red,' he noted down, 'Definite mixture of isotopic thorium, the radioactive element.'
The nuclear pollution, so this is what the flaw is. These creates are parasites, they first establish a planet and consume the natural resources. They take over God on the planet, destroying everything in sight. They reproduce and consume the natural resources. Their excreta was contamination, excreting carbon, radioactive isotopes and other dangerous elements.
After destroying the planet, they move to a different planet repeating the same process, it is survival for them. They need to live, so do we. He thought.
Obviously, they are also a silicon based compound just like us, that means they can be killed. Their weapons of war possibly are the weapons that act of collision, the combination of dangerous elements like carbon, iron and acidic compounds like sulphuric acid, they also harness radioactive weapons of thorium. The creatures use some alloys of iron and steel, they clearly do not know the elements that cut through them.
They are ignorant of the true nature of the elements and believe in controlling and modifying them. This would be their biggest weakness for we have better understanding of the elements.

He quickly moved over the planet, slowly observing the destruction and torment of the nature. Obviously, nature has marked the entire species for doom, there would be natural calamities following weaking them. This could again be used them, with the information of elders about the nature they can be completely weakened from inside.

This battle was winnable after all, the aliens were not as powerful as they thought they were. The smile on his face returned, he carefully prepared for the return trip. The journey would not be as sad as he projected. If his clock was correct, he would return back sooner than expected.

As he was preparing for his return, a small creature approached him,
'Who are you?' it asked. She was possibly an female offspring of the aliens.
The words were similar to the language used on our planet. He smiled, the emotion still common in these two words.
'Here have some cookie,' she said smiling.
Cookie, a compound made of flour, chocolate and milk. These creatures also modify other creatures private liquids, how sick.
'My parents are not here, they have gone to find us a new home,' she said to him, 'I do not want to go. I love this planet earth, why can't we stay here forever?'
Planet earth, so this is what the planet is called. Smiling at the little offspring, he sat into his space shuttle. What creature leaves their offspring with no resources for survival? Why did God create such horrible creature that it had to erase its own existence?

He won't let it happen to his planet, the creatures would be drawn away and defeated. His offspring would have a better world to live. Sorry to the little creature who offered him cookie, if it was not for her parents, he would never have to attack them. The twelve elders always guided the planet to enhance and not destroy.

Finally leaving the atmosphere, he smiled. There was hope after all, this planet was marked for extermination by nature, all they would do is enhance it and use it against the creatures.

The war would be won, but sadly, not for planet earth. They will pay for the crimes they have committed against nature, the offspring would pay for the sins of their elders. They have too.

Because, they started it.

P.s. Thorium is the modern fuel used by China currently to build nuclear reactors and now seen as the cleaner nuke available. Is it?

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Saturday, April 2, 2011

I bleed red and from the nose when it is tensed and its gross

So, if you never heard of bleed blue, you probably have just time traveled from the future or just woke up from the deep slumber after a millions of years. Bleed Blue was the term coined by Nike for world cup cricket and it caught on.

People are using the phrase everywhere, 90% of the friends list on Facebook is bleeding blue. Every-time someone mentions the phrase, I resist going the Nana Patekar way and smash their fingers with a rock to show them, dude you are bleeding red and not blue. But no, that would be unpatriotic to do so.

India has smashed their way into the world cup finals, and everywhere a mood is lifting. People have decided to wear the tricolors on their cheeks, forehead and... everywhere.

Different colors of patriotism are shown on the street with models promising to bare all, full monty for the team India. People who could not predict the future of their local shop are now predicting the win and loss of the Indian team.

In all these mood and uncertainty, the captain of sri lankan team was not even sure what he wanted heads or tails, even the Gulli cricket in our area is better. So anyways, running to watch the match, lets hope the match is not as funny as the toss.

And yes, pray for Sachin, he has spend many lives against Pakistan, will be hard to create same magic again... or will it???

Have you read my book yet?

Have you read my book yet?
An epic adventure across space and time