Monday, December 31, 2012

The End of World as it Never Happened: 2012 in Review

Every year has its own share of trouble with it. Some years face dictators, others face earthquakes or tsunami. But once in a while a year comes that has to face revolts, hurricanes, political turmoil, liberation, protest and imminent threat of apocalypse. And only few years in entire history were able to pull through all this Gangnam Style.

If 2012 blames 2011 for its share of troubles, it won't be entirely wrong. 2011 gave everyone a year taste of true utopia  People across the globe came out for their rights. In fact even before 2012 assumed seat in office, it had a mild heart attack.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Block that writer, right away.

They say the purpose of a writer in this world is to keep civilization from destroying each other. That may be true but for a writer surviving in this little world is as difficult as swimming peacefully in a popular holiday swimming pool.

"So you are writing a book?" she asked, nice way to start a conversation.
"Oh yes, my first ambitious novel," I beamed, "After writing so many short stories, I decided to go for the big novel."
"Nice. You know I also plan to write a book, but when I retire and have more time."

Crash and burn. Straight face smiley. :|

Sunday, December 16, 2012

[Infiction Workshop] Bullets and Bad news


The following entry is written for indifiction workshop

Shameless, toothless and spineless. That sums most of the people I work with, yep it does. I could as well skinny dip in a pool of piranhas, that would be easier than what I do now. I am a politician, I can see you cringe on hearing that. Think about it, even a janitor is respected when he tells what job he does, but not me. Tell people you are a politician and they will tell you how you personally ruined their life and their entire families.

How do you expect a person to do a clean job when he is surrounded 24x7 by a bunch of tics who are keen on sucking your blood and your soul. Walking down into the constituency and begging for votes, even that does not make one feel any better. Even a beggar is proud of his job, not me.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

[Short story] The Plot

For last ten minutes they were stuck at this signal. Few minutes ago there was a loud uproar about bandh and there was a lot of confusion. One taxi was broken in the middle of the street, causing frustration to increase. The humid heat of Mumbai was also not helping.

At the signal Ramesh was waiting patiently for the taxi to start. He had picked a passenger at the previous signal and was happy how the day started. His daughter’s birthday was next week. If only he could take two more long distance fare, he would buy her the cartoon shaped cake he had seen before. But his taxi had broken down all of the sudden in the middle of the signal.

Rakesh had just gotten into the cab, worried sick. This was the 7th job interview in last 2 weeks. He was rejected in the first six interviews. Today job interview was taken by a north indian. What chance did a poor Marathi boy who studied in Marathi medium have against those from fluent speaking convent educated outsiders? They should never have stepped into this city. He thought, sena pati was right, non Marathi should be kicked out.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

OMG: Oh My Godzilla!!!!

There are two types of festival, one is social media festival where you receive a flood of social media messages and SMS with a awkward silence. 17 email forward with 70 people in reply to all, 5 SMS (because they are charged extra), 144 friends posted on Facebook about the festival. No tweets thankfully or maybe tweets get buried under other tweets (no complaints there).

Social media festivals are secular and geographically diverse. People sitting in Bangalore will freely wish their friends in India a "happy Halloween" without fail. There will be a flood of 'Happy Id' and 'Happy Duserra' posts from all the people irrespective of religious background.


Saturday, October 27, 2012

The hunt for electricity on a early Saturday morning

This Saturday when I woke up to a very lazy morning, two things came to my mind. First, no new tweets were requiring my attention and second the phone was beeping softly trying to get my attention that battery level was critical 26%.

The second thing was easily fixable, not the first time when I left my phone unattented. If there is a late night Twitter revolution (lying on the bed in heating conversation on twitter) it is a tiresome task to put the phone on charging.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Angrezi Vangrezi...


Life is like a lift sometimes you get inside to go up, sometimes you use it to come down. And sometimes when you are waiting in the lobby for the lift to arrive to take you upwards to your desired floor, some bum comes from behind presses the button to go down and proudly announces to his wife, "You see the lift if up so if you want to bring it down, press down..." the wife looks at her all-knowing husband proudly as if he is the sole survivor of the battle that eradicated the entire hemisphere.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

The silence of the fallen

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 32; the thirty-second edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is 'An Untold Story'
"There is a story about that scar and I want to know it...," Jonny said casually joining the table at the high-school reunion. The whole gang was there together except Jagdish who could not fly in to their reunion.

The scar in question was the mark on face of Ravi, who had driven all the way to Goa from remote village of Karnataka. The group of six or the sinister six, as they were known in college, had gathered together as they had promised ten years after college in the remote shack in Goa.  Ravi, Jonny, Jagdish, Bobby, Mangesh and Pankaj had first met during the common detention in their first year in college. These six from six different departments and branches had one thing in common, on the fateful day of Sixteenth December Ninteen Ninteety Nine they all were detained in their respective department for crime so sinister that they were send to the office of director for punishment.

Monday, October 1, 2012

The Last Rock On Which Universe Collapses


Seven million light years away from my home planet and here he was, drifting across the cosmos. Feeding on the anti-matter energies in this single spaceship he had reached here were everyone would like to reach. Heaven.
Was this heaven? He did not know but it surely did not look like it. In his front was the debris of the universe, a large chunk of astroid that contained nothing but dust and rocks. Spread across miles this uncharted space in the universe this bedrock was the final resting place for anyone going beyond. For beyond this rock rest the vast openness... the end of the universe. The astroid had no physical properties, it had no mass, no height, no breath nothing. It simply was.

He landed his spaceship carefully on the rocks or as careful as he could crash. This is it, he thought, mankind giant leap. He smirked, about 2000 years ago, humans had landed on the moon and though that was their greatest achievement. He knew the drill, what the humans always did to find new planets.
He had done this before, with the military precision he removed the equipment from his ship. His task was to find a nice spot and establish a communication link back to earth. Ears at the end of the universe, ether waves travelling through vacuum.

He was struggling to fix the communication satellite on the ground but the instrument won't stay in its place. He struggled for a while when he heard the voice,

"It won't fix..." the voice said from behind, "I tried for a long time almost a decade and then gave up. This asteroid does not have any physical characteristics. You cannot install anything on this."

He turned around to the source of the voice.

An old man stood behind him watching him struggle. He wore simply rags and was standing tall over him.

"Who are you?" he immediately turned around, he had not anticipated any living creature on this debris. That left to only one conclusion.
"Who do you think?" the old man asked smiling.
"Are you God?"

The old man looked at him and then at the sky above, then again turned at him, "God... that is good, an old concept, older than creation... and no," he paused, "I am not God..."

"What are you doing at this debris then?" he asked, "And again.... who are you?"
"I am a traveller came here a long time ago...and now am..." he again looked up at the open sky, "Do you want a drink?"
"We get drink here?" he asked, thinking about the drink he was making as he got out of the spaceship.

"No, just being polite... we get nothing here. This is it, the buck stops here and everything else. The end of the universe. The alpha and the omega and everything else..."
"Everything?" he asked not ready to accept it, "The universe is ever expanding.... how can it end here?"

"It ends here...this bedrock is the rock on which this end of the universe balances. This stone is a void, it has no physical characteristics and no beginning or end. Beyond this remains only darkness," he pointed to the large black sun in the sky.
"Is that...." he gasped, "Is that a black-hole? Are we orbiting a black hole?"
"Indeed," the old man said, "Black hole... yes... we are orbiting a black hole...."

"But if it is a black-hole, how come we are not sucked into it? Everything else is getting sucked in..." he said looking around.

"The void rock..." the old man smiled, "It took me a while to understand this mystery but finally understood. This rock does not exist and its the reality that is passing away into that void..."

"This is so interesting... " he said exclaiming, "What if there is another reality out there? What if beyond that void is another Universe, maybe a parallel universe. Maybe another reality..."

"Maybe..." the old man said, "But I don't think so. This is all that is, just like this rock, this black-hole also is... there is nothing beyond it, nothing before it..."

"But there is a reality before this... and there should be a reality beyond this. How can there be not? How will we ever find out until we jump through?"

"Maybe some things you have to take as they are..." the old man replied.

"But I cannot take it. I have to find out, I started on the quest to explore everything. Tell you what, I am going beyond... beyond everywhere the man has even been... I am going to be the man...."
He sat back in his spaceship and starting off the engine.

"So you have decided then?" the old man said, "You will find out the final mystery that is left for you to find out..."
"And what is that, oh why old man?" he asked.
"You will finally find out who am I...."

The engines roared fire as the spaceship kicked off into the void. He smiled as he entered the darkness. First his ship travelled through complete darkness and then big rocks. There was no direction, he survived at the expense of two engines of his spaceship.

His spaceship nearly destroyed and so was his will power. He drifted in the void in the debris of his ship for almost a century, time mattered not in this darkness. His body aged with time, he turned ten years older in just two minutes. But he survived like the countless humans who survive through time, again and again.

Soon there was a light amidst the darkness. Soon there was a opening, like a morning sun after a dark night he saw a glimpse of light. Barely alive, his mind screamed, 'Yes... finally,' he thought, 'a human beyond the universe...'

His mind pushed him towards the opening with all his left will power. He knew this was it, this was the final push. The final destination.

No ship, all in tatters, aged a lot he still carried the will to do the impossible. With all the energy he could summon he pushed through to the light. The light blinded him and he felt something strong beneath his feet. He kissed the land below and looked around, he had finally made it. He had made it to the end of the world and beyond...

The world looked familiar, it was same as the world he came through. The world was familiar. He had landed on the void rock again. He looked up and saw the black-hole consuming everything. He was back from where he started. There was no other world, there was nothing. Where is that old man? He though looking around, there was nobody on the planet.

A distant rumbling was heard as he turned his head in the direction of the sound.

"Oh," where the words barely audible from his mouth as he saw the spaceship appear from the distant. The man got down from the ship and got busy establishing the communication device.


Sunday, September 30, 2012

Friday, September 21, 2012

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Twice

Traffic


Millions thoughts raced in his head as he stared at the red light. Each thought more dangerous than the next. In two continuous seconds he considered committing suicide and then contemplated murdering his boss in next instant. As the light stared at him, he thought back on his life. 

Just like the red it was not moving. Stagnant. Obviously he was promoted twice in the last two years but it only meant more bosses to report to and more responsibility.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

[Fantasy Story] The Victory that was Lost

Now

‘I give up,’ he said silently, methodologically and calmly, ‘I give you this round, the fact that you have managed to penetrate my chakravyuva defense on this island, proves you are an intellectual capabilities are no less than mine, Agatya,’

Agatya breathed heavily as he looked at his arch enemy, the terror of the west, the criminal mastermind, Professor Omnivore, this was over? So easily?

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Master of Backward Administration

Lets say hypothetically, you live on a illegal land mass without paying a single penny of tax to acquire it. Lets say hypothetically you use stolen electricity from the pillar to lighten up your house. Lets say you hog the water supply, pollute the atmosphere by going for toilets in the middle of the street without regard for the hygiene or society. Lets say you have no ambition, regards for the law and order of the city and then you hog the city footpaths for your business over which, obviously, you can't pay taxes or any money but will pay cops some money, in turn increasing corruption.

So lets say you do this all, in any civilization across the galaxy, hypothetically, what would you expect in return? In some cultures you would be, hypothetically, killed brutally.
Welcome to India, where doing any or all of the above gets you a 1 BHK flat, reservation in education system and also a good job assurance.

Its not that bad if you look at it. I mean, most of these people do need better education facilities and resources to survive. But the ground reality is that, the people who actually need these facilities, do not know how to avail these facilities or use them. Instead the people who use these facilities are someone totally different that the one for whom they were made in the first place.

If the government of India has its way, caste would be considered for promotion too. A few days ago by friend was a bit depressed after completing MBA he was complaining there were no jobs out there for him.

To go into a bit of background, he had completed his high school in science and then done higher studies in chemistry. By the time he had finished his studies, he realized that there were absolutely no jobs out there for anyone who is a normal science graduate. There were jobs obviously, anyone who finds there are no jobs can hop on to a BPO or a call center, work late night and sleep whole day.

He, being a science graduate was not willing to accept this fate. Finally, he moved on to the idea of MBA, the one thing he could get a sure shot job. To his disappointment, he could not get a seat in better college (despite having a decent/desirable score in Entrance test) because all seats where already taken by people with less score than him but having reservations for the seat.

So disheartened he had to take admissions is lesser known MBA colleges. He promised self that he would get good score into MBA and get a better job. Yes, he did get a job after his MBA but since his college wasn't reputed, he got a job with minimum pay (minimum pay for an MBA, otherwise decent) and had to travel to a lesser known village and handle the insurance and loan department for a private finance firm.

He had the grades, the scores and the ability to succeed but he didn't posses the one degree that can get him to any place in this forsaken country. He does not posses the letters of a backward caste. He will survive, mind you, being brought up in a middle class Indian family, he will survive. He will survive until one day he gets a H1 Visa and fly off to some distant country and never return. All this because, some million years ago in some vague and confusing fake history lesson some of his ancestors allegedly bullied some people in some distant past.

There will be intense debate on why there is brain drain in the country over which millions will be spend. But then who knows one of these days someone with a pony tail will start a college to grant the degrees of backward classes that can be used to accept jobs offers or maybe one of these days there will be millions spend on making a television commeriamentry (commercial documentary) that will make people go 'oooh aaah' on social networks, maybe one of these days there will be a big startling agitation that will occupy reservations seats across the country.

You never know in one of these days what may happen, because even as the times are depressing, this is kalyug, anything and everything is possible.



Thursday, July 5, 2012

Forget the God, show me the stupidity particle and Ill be proud.

When the big scientist were busy smashing miniature rocks in large tubes,  I overheard a very fat lady say this to another fat lady in the bus, "Oh so what they are finding God particle and all, its just boys will be boys. Break rocks, smash things.... my husband does not even help me clean the house..."
The relevance to this conversation can only be found if you posses the stupidity particle in yourself. Basically, it is the subatomic level at which every human conversation boils down. Finally it doesn't matter how old you are, how awesome you are or how gay you are... it all boils down to this, gender neutral, age neutral, sex neutral.... stupidity is for everyone.

There are some things in life that never change, like the jokes made by dentist, the argument given for any point by a woman and the amount of change in a bus conductors little bag. But then there are some thing's in life that change more rapidly than the speed at which rabbits make babies. Change hit me big time, in one week my entire definition of life had change. My sense of self had changed, in one week, I had changed the coast of India from west to south. I got my dreamjob and was married to my dreamgirl. Just like that everything changed.

Life was spinning out of control and there was no axis to hold on too, when there was no hope left for normality.... suddenly out of the blue like a shimmering God particle in between smashed neutrons, there I found the one thing that had followed me across the horizontal width of this great corrupt country... was the average stupidity of the human being.

"Saar," (yes that is correct english, thankfully, Shakespeare is dead long back), <insert some weird language into this sentence> said the busconductor.
First I stared at him, then I though he was cursing me in Tamil, then I realized I was in Karnataka, so it was probably Kannada, so I replied, "I do not know Kannada, speak in Hindi..."
Now the funny part of word 'Hindi' is, it is common across all languages, so you do not really need to explain yourself but when that man spoke some more gibberish in Hindi, I was a bit confused. So I again spoke the same sentence with English instead of Hindi. Again some gibberish.

Finally I gave up, paid my fare (which was regular) and walked to sit on the seat closer to the door. The conductor looked pleased with himself and spoke in the same language with another person and walked away. The man turned to me and said in broken english, "You should have told him you don't know Kannada..." he said. I simply looked outside the glass window and was wondering if I could smash through that toughened glass.  

Now when you are travelling south (and I mean south India) language is a big barrier. Most of them refuse to learn Hindi, have little respect for any other language other than their own. They think they speak English but then, everytime someone speaks with me in English, for no particular reason, God Save the queen hymms into my mind.

Now, I know I am not a distant cousin of Shakespeare nor does anyone in my entire family tree, right from the beginning of time, has ever had any stake in webster dictionary. But I find it hard to believe that across galaxy, any version of English that uses the word righta or lefta is acceptable. No it is not understandable if you add a 'aa' to anything and it turns English.

But as they say in rome do the romans and in south India don't fret if you are invited to a late night  rawa party of Idli, Masala dosa, Rawa Dosa. Although here, you will find that you get dosa in Hotels, in Pan shops, in the middle of the street, on the airport for breakfast, lunch, dinner, mid-night snacks and on and on.

So annoyed was I for the outburst of Dosa in this city that frustrated I walked into a roadside hawker,  but to my dismay he proudly said, he makes 99 different types of Dosa.

So that brings me to the end of this little rawa rant, and bottom line, yes I went south. In a city that is one of the most accurate city marked on the globe. There are many many adventures to come and this is just the beginning.

For you never know what you get when you smash two things together. Some may find a expensive bill to be paid, others may find a God particle but the one who actually asks, why was there a need to smash open the thing, we may never have a satisfactory answer.




Friday, June 22, 2012

On the day he was on fire...



Today for the first time he decided to finish some work. No it was not due to any pressure, it was due to apathy. He used to see her across his office everyday, begging on the street. He always gave her a coin without fail.He would then proceed to buy two vada-pav for office.

He had joined the office twenty years ago, fresh out of graduation. He wanted to change the world. He wanted to do something different. So what he was a clerk in a government building, he still was someone.

On his first day to office, he realized he was no one, soon he realized his work didn't matter. "As if the people will go to some other office," said a senior officer shamelessly on his first day of office.

"13922125 people living in this city," said another one, with almost accurate data, but then he realize this senior was googling something on the very slow VGA monitor and the statistics turned up, "And we are just 200 managing all that data. As if anyone cares..."

So his grand plan to change the world spoiled and the only thing changed was his attitude. He got a stamp from the wife about being 'Sarkari', his father and mother were proud about him. But he was not. He was never proud, until today when the saw the beggar again.

She wasn't begging today but eating a vada-pav. "Why you not at your spot today," he asked politely.
"Bless someone up there," she said, "Pointing to his office in the building...for years I was waiting for them to pass the pension cheque for my sons death. He was in the army you see, serving for the country, killing for the country. Dying for the country. You would think it means something but no, it was all stuck in those red tapes. I kept visiting them to release my sons money but they kept on delaying it. I lost my house, my dignity and everything I own. Finally when I was losing hope, today morning something miraculous happened," she smiled toothlessly, "Now I am no longer upset about my life, so I am celebrating."

He looked at her and though for himself, his job was mundane. His job was boring, but it was changing life at many level, his job was going to change the world from today onwards. As he walked the flight of his office, he decided he would be the best person to do the job. As he crossed another flight of stairs, a group of colleagues came running down from top floor, "Run..." they screamed, "Someone torched out entire office..."

Somewhere on the street, the old woman flicked the match box on the street and walked away, never to be found again.

Author's Note: Story is entirely fictitious and all the characters are in no way related to anyone. Any resemblance to any person living, dead or alien is merely a coincidence. Not sure if this is a funny story or a tragedy. Whatever you feel like in the end after reading this should be considered its genre.

Like Short Stories? Sidoscope has a bunch of them for you to read and enjoy. Love funny articles? We got a bunch of them too. Happy reading.

Monday, May 28, 2012

The stupidometer of Astrology, Aakash and ATM

Life, as they say is like an ATM center, you put in your hard earned money into the bank and the outlet waits for you day and night to return your own hard earned money. Sometimes occasionally it refuses to give out certain amount for the lack of it, sometimes you ask for a thousand and all it can give you out are little hundreds.

In India there are lots and lots of ATM centers scattered across the place, right from petrol pumps to residential complex to shopping malls. The ATM center remains standing waiting, temping for users to use it, withdraw some cash, buy some ice cream or even eat Gol Guppa, Fuchka or a Pani Puri. No wonder you always find a line in front of an ATM center.

There is a class in people who tend will visit the astrologer more than they visit the temple. They will sit in front of all the babas and listen to them more attentively than they will do for their own bosses. If I were a astrologer and someone asked me what would be the safest profession in the future, I would directly predict astrology. It does not take a seer to know that there will be people who are scared at any given point of time.

Thus I was not surprised when my friend walked to me with depressed face, "This cannot be happening..." he said.
"Is everything alright?" I asked, knowing that the person who was depressed had received a promotion this cycle and was supposed to go onsite to his dream city soon.
"You know, how everything is going perfect but it won't?" he asked.
"Was your VISA rejected?" I asked consoling him as if I had nothing better to do, "Or did they stop your promotion?"
"No no," he said, "everything is fine in my professional life, its just that my mom..." he paused to take a deep breath.
"Everything is fine at home? what happened to your mom," I replied, recollecting the recipe for tea, incase I have to offer him as consolation.
With a deep breath he explained, "My mom just consulted with our family astrologer who says if I do not donate 3 kgs of bananas in our village with my own hands my flight to onsite will crash in the middle of the sea..." he started sobbing, "Now tell me man, I have to fly next week, how am I going to go to my village and offer the bananas?"
Forget the tea, I simply gave up complete hope and walked out of the room. Ignorance is such a bliss.

The local astrologer one day sent a message through my parents that there was some trouble of snake in my life. He went on to explain that if the ritual is not complete I won't receive any promotion in my career. I got promoted in a week after his message, to which he said, it will stop sometime.

Wasn't there one such seer who scammed people of their salary in leu of giving them advice? Turns out he did give them advice as promised, but only people who had false hopes about him never saw their wishes coming true. I was half minded going there but then I trusted the good old reliable wishing well, who still charges one buck.

There is another thing happening in India which is crazier that an astrologer. It is a new concept called Aakash, the cheapest tablet in the world. Designed by some of the geniuses in this country this new concept will revolutionize everything in this country... or not. The tablet is sheer stupid, slow and buggy. If there is a person who will find use to it is if he doesn't touch it. However, if you talk about it people will say, 'Heh, for 2k bucks what are you expecting?'
Well I agree you are building a cheapest tablet, but hello, the genius engineers of this country, build the cheap tablet in terms of money and not cheap quality.

The local ATM center was filled with people. After waiting for three minutes in line, I decided to pop inside the ATM center and check whats the hold up. The person inside was cusing the ATM to be broken beyond repair. He also screamed loudly at the guard about how he was going to report this to someone and so on. When politely asked to move aside, he fumed at me. On closer inspection at the ATM center, it turned out, this was a different model that the rest and it asked for a screen validation check before withdrawing. I removed my money and walked from the ATM, not turning behind or looking at the angry man or the angry mob outside the ATM who were waiting in line for sometime. The ATM was perfectly fine, what was not fine was someone inside the box.

Somethings don't change. Somethings don't shift, they are constant. On the stupidometer of life, there will always me someone who outcrossed everyone on the way up. There will be someone stuck inside the ATM cusing at the machine even though it is his attitude there is broken. Everytime there will be fear, there will be God and everytime there will be God there will be an astrologer holding a ticket to the gates of heaven. People will still believe in cheap thrills by just passing by, like scoring a 94% in exam is more essential that learning what was thought.

But these things, make life interesting. If not for these little stupid actions, this blog will never survive, neither will we, shall we?

.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

How smart would it be to preorder Samsung Galaxy SIII?


Those who still are living on caves or apple trees should know, the next big thing is already here. Breaking all the past records the ultimates smartest phone on this galaxy has landed. Its not just a fruit, its not a cherry, its the entire Galaxy the third. Samsung Galaxy S3.
When I say it is here, I do not mean somewhere in the first world country or some distant land far far away where Indians wait in queue for thousands of years, nope, I mean in India.

Samsung Galaxy S3 is coming in India. They say early adopters are someone special, you can be one just like me. All it takes is 2000 bucks and a little courage to do something, 7 million others won't be doing. You can prebook the galaxy, right away.
Prebook your own Galaxy S3 by paying only 2000 bucks at the new Samsung India Estore and then pay the rest when the phone is launched in India. Simple. The phone lands on your doorstep in 3 days and a million days before others realize there is a phone smarter than them.
What is more, Samsung India assures you a free gift with every prebook. Now some thing for the OMFG people, Samsung Galaxy S3 comes packing with loads of stuff like S-Voice, S-Beam, Smart Alert and so on. It has a 8mp camera and a 1.9 mp front camera.
Whats more Android market is filled with stuff to download and enjoy when you are travelling in the bus for longer distances (unless of course you are a politician or his relative driving a car, in which case you are not that smart to own this phone)


Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Truth Alone Triumphs


Truth is overrated. Truth alone itself manifests as the supreme thing above everything, multiple religious dogmas claim that 'Only the truth can set you free' and almost every supreme court in this world is built on the foundation of 'truth alone triumphs'.
However, with this human obsession of truth, there is one harsh reality out there waiting for us. In Hindi there is one saying, 'Truth is always bitter,' which is as true as it can get. Rationally speaking, truth is as bitter as anything human does. We are a civilization build on the foundation of lies and deception and truth is something that will haunt us.

Its a harsh reality of it all, to build a society, we need lies. Everything cannot be told to everyone. Our own appointed government wants to keep secret from us, which is fair, for they do not know which person would harm us all and who wouldn't. Parents have to lie about Santa Claus or Easter Bunny or in most part of India, Bagulbua, the monster of darkness or the kids will have to face the reality, life is boring as it is and there is nothing exciting than history class to wake up too.
Why am I taking truth today? On Sunday, the entire world was glued to another reality Television show called, 'Satyameva Jayate' or 'Truth Alone Triumphs' by Amir Khan. Since, then twitterverse and the universe is buzzing with people supporting the show and calling it an eye opener for all.
The show was beautifully composed with some mothers re-accounting the horrors of female foeticide and how their mother in law kicked the new born girl babies. Then a social worker re-accounted that it all started in the 70s when people wanted boy child better than girl and so on. The show then concluded about the case of two journalist who raised a sting operation at many doctors who conduct sex determination test and secretly abort the girl child. I have nothing to comment on the show itself but on the topic of the show, female foeticide.  
While the show was hard hitting and touching, it failed to touch the harsh reality of the issue, the crux of the topic in itself.
The real reason why female foeticide is prevalent in India, arrange marriages. Was it deliberate on the part of the show or was it avoided, cannot be known, but its the harsh reality of all.


Why don't parents need a girl child? What is it that is so special about the gender? Move over gender stereotypes that barbie doll definitely costs more than a car or that there are more than a dozen products for specially caring for their hair, not to mention a ten thousand bucks only to cut those tresses. But no, the reality is much more harsh,
With a girl child comes a social stigma on the one day twenty to twenty five years later, when she will be decorated, paraded and traded to be serving as a all in one sexual object, maid and a substitute mother for the male. The family of the groom can show as much as attitude towards the family of bride and they have to bear it. The family of the bride have to pitch in everything they own to buy her jewelry which she will not be needing anytime soon. And all in all, the fact that during the old age the girl won't be available as their insurance policy is killing the parents during her birth.
As a society we have reached an impasse that killing oneself or your children or your daughter in law is deemed honorable and better that a simple divorce. Woman decide to kill themself out of shame inflicted on them by our culturally rich society, you know in this case I am glad the girl was never born.
Suicide rate is much higher in our country yet, most of indians are alarmed at the increase in divorce rate.
This problem is not going to get solved by a clever programming of show or running a sting operations on doctors. It is not the doctors who suggest dropping the girl child, it is the medieval idea that a marriage is the ultimate goal in a persons life or a girl is someone else that are the culprits here. But however the clever programming nor the reporters will decide to go there, because there lies a pandora box sealed shut ages ago and no one wants to open.
They will decide to live in denial that this is not true, that arrange marriage is safest form of marriage out there and success rate of 94% in arrange marriage is tried and tested.
However, behind those close lid lies the truth, that very few people actually want to face, that arrange marriage is a virus on our society. 94% success rate is complemented by an equal suicide rate or marital rape rate or even female foeticide rate.
Till then time comes when the pandora box remains shut and hope that one day, indeed the truth shall set us all free.

Friday, May 4, 2012

There Are Two Things You Should Know About Samsung Galaxy Y Duos Smart Phone

That day she felt a silent tremor rising on the exterior of the crust. It was uncanny as if millions of voices where silenced somewhere in the deeper part of this planet. It was everywhere the silent monster was growing out of plain sight and she was stuck in the dilemma if she should go on and investigate the disturbance on the planet or go to potty first. Well it was a valid dilemma you see, does she follow the early morning ritual since the dawn of time or follow this new thing that would end till dusk of time, "The cable went out..." answered her smug little boyfriend eating an apple.

"A package has arrived..." he said as smugly as he was handling his *ahem*phone.
"Why do you keep getting this Samsung phones, be classy, be creative..." he said simply pointing out his *ahem*phone.

The package was about Samsung Galaxy Y duos, Samsung first entry in the range of Dual Sim Android phone.  The power of Android now comes with flexibility of using two sim cards. You know that nagging sensation when the dirtiest service provider has the best data plan and the worst provider with the best data plan has a telephone network that won't work in the loo. Yep, it happens, along with the loo it also doesn't work on the street, highway and whatever but it has got a good data plan. Sweetest infact.

Every human being has a choice in his life, should he buy a service with good network connection or the one with good data plan. The horror of any first time android user is sudden surge in bill at the end of the month.

"Samsung Phones lacks the wow factor," claimed the smug looking friend eating an apple, "You need class, you need style..."

"I need to go to the bathroom to powder my face or whatever," she announced to no one in particular.

He glanced at the box lying on the desk and had a quick glance at his *ahem*phone. What harm can the phone do to him. He smugged and put on the pot of coffee. The phone was inviting him but he denied, they are just copy cats he said. The phone pulsed and buzzed but he refused, he would not bend, he would not cave, he could not... oh it has dual sim.

"Two sim cards in one phone, one can be used for better 3G plan and other for just calls. Imagine the possibilities with it. It has live wallpapers, wow for such a small phone it does pack a lot. Oh but the *ahem*phone apps are much more classier, but then there are so many free apps on Android platform. But what is this? Ch@t on, a special chatting app only for Samsung Users. And then this Handy is a single point application where users can search, book and pay for flights, trains, buses, movie tickets, create
their own stock portfolio /get real time stock price and stay updated on latest in business news, search
a restaurant by cuisine and even reserve a table for themselves. The My Reader app which gives access to 30,000 books from Landmark for free. Free? This even has a Mobile TV app.

He could see little versions of angel and devil on his back. His dilemma was flushed by the flush he heard at the washroom. Quickly he composed himself and took to standing near the kitchen.

She glanced at the new package and then at him, he was smug as his *ahem*phone, "Listen there buster," she exclaimed, "There are two things you should know about Samsung Galaxy Y duos, first, it is the first android based dual sim phone available in the market, which means it has got the power of using two phones at the same time without struggling to juggle between them like bonzo the clown,"  she exclaimed he was already impressed but she was busy fondling with her phone, "And second, it has the worlds most powerful multitasking, open source and amazing operating system Android Gingerbread. It has got good apps, cleaner interface and slick new ways of doing things your *ahem*phone can never do..."

"But I... I..." words fell short of his mouth, he was about to say he agrees but his mortal dilemma won't allow him to do so.

She smiled picked up her Samsung Phone and walked out of the room. There are two ways of winning an argument with a woman, he thought, none of them work.


P.s. If you are excited about the game, Samsung India is offered 20 free Samsung Galaxy Y Duos phone. Don't miss your chance of playing the game.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The Greatest Battle Ever Fought

"Ceaser," screamed the messenger as he ran inside the palace. Ceaser was busy painting on the canvas silently as he looked up at the messenger. He was the ceaser he had to keep it together, "What is it?" he said calmly.
"At the gates," the messenger screamed, "At the gates...."
The messenger was unable to speak, something was wrong at the gates. Something that terrified the poor soul.

Ceaser peacefully continued drawing the circle on the canvas when he realized, the bugles were blowing. Enemy was at the gate. The bugles were blowing very hard for it was not an ordinary enemy, it was him. It was the barbaric Huns. It was The Hun, he who would not be named.

The messenger from the corner of his eye clearly saw the circle ceaser was drawing was no longer a perfect circle but said nothing. It was not his position to say anything. The ceaser felt his hands trembling and he lost his concentration, this was it, every ceaser before him had wished that this day wouldn't come in their tenure and it didn't, how lucky they were.

He took a deep breath, this thing came with power, he told himself. The roman empire was glorious with centurion army glorified as the best weapons humans could train. The centurions had returned victorious from many battles glories and undefeated but one battle they could not defeat.

The battle with the Huns on the Balkans region of Eastern Roman empire was enough warning of what would happen if the Romans decided not to pay tribute to the Huns. The ceaser had to keep it straight, the messenger was waiting. He took a deep breath.

"Send him in," Ceaser ordered and kept it cool.
The messenger obliged and walked outside.

Ceaser got up from the seat and kept himself composed. He was the king of the most glorious empire in the world, he had to keep it together. What would his enemies say if he was afraid of the Huns? What would his soldiers say if he was afraid of The Hun?

"Hello king," said The Hun as he stepped into the chamber smirking, "How are you today?" it was a taunt, The Hun was playing.
"Pray, speak, why do you seek my audience? Have we not paid you enough to keep outside the borders?" he asked.
"You have, oh King,"  The Hun smiled, "But I came nevertheless to inform you that last tribute you send was less than what you bargained. We have grown as a tribe, we need more tribute or we go to war."

Ceaser looked at his enemy and gave it a thought, "Your biggest undoing is your overconfidence. I do not pay tribute to you because I am afraid of you, I pay tribute for I do not wish to make any more widows and orphans in my kingdom and yours. You are a barbaric horde, you know nothing of fianese and art. You fear your own commanders for one day they will kill you and take over your horde and pride just as you did."

The Hun looked flabbergasted where was the king getting his strength from? There was no fear in ceasers eyes, there was no shame.

"I will not increase your tribute, you have suffered as much loss as I have on the battle of Utus. I made a strategic retreat to prevent any further loses. I cannot let any more widows and orphan over your barbaric urges but I also cannot keep on increases wages for your whims and your mood. So here is it," said the Ceaser, "I refuse to pay you increases wages and if you wish to attack the kingdom, do it then. But remember, the blood that would be shed, Huns and Romans will be on you..."

The Hun looked at the Ceaser in contempt, was this another strategy or was it real? Was the Ceaser really not afraid of him, he considered his options, he could go into war. But even last time he had suffered heavy loses. The Ceaser smiled, he had lost the battle but won the war.

He had planted the seed of distrust in The Hun mind, he knew for sure that in a few days the war would begin but this time the war could be won for the great commander of forces had a weak spot now. The commander was no longer over confident of his victory. It was the great battle ever fought and it was inside the enemies head.

The Hun stormed out the cabin into the wild in complete anger. When the messenger stepped inside, he saw the Ceaser had resumed his painting. The strokes were strong and bold with confidence, Ceaser looked at his messenger and smiled, "Pass on my message will you?" he said.

"Prepare for war..."

Note: This story is ENTIRELY fictitious. Have taken two classic armies in the history of mankind, one known for barbaric bravery and the other known for fianese killing.
Ceaser is the title given to king in ancient Rome imperial generals. 

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Thirty days challenge returns

Life is one monotonous humdrum of humdrums. We spend our entire life living in one room inventing new ways of moving to another. We want to do everything easily, simply and with minimum effort which is good until all we are left with is only efforts.

If you ask me what is the sumtotal of our humans, it is none. We have single handedly replaced many animals on the food chain. We have managed to destroy most of the biosphere and are trying to take evolution in our own hands.

This thing pains me a lot. But since I am a small one among 7 billion of us all I can do is try to get many to join in this pain and hope that at the final citadel of humanity they remember me.
But in this monotonous humdrum, even if I cannot take down a totalitarian regime of dictators, I do discipline my mind by taking up challenges that liven the spirit and change the way I feel about myself.

Last time when I took up the 30 day challenge, I accomplished the following things:

1. I took a break from social network for thirty days
2. I walked till office everyday and used public transport whenever necessary.
3. I cooked for three consecutive sundays.
4. Gave up drinking for the entire month (and surprisingly never started again, its been 6 months)
5. Wrote three chapters of my book, which was published earlier this year.

But then the year changed and a lot of things happened simultaneously. This new year was awesome, first quarter was tremendously splendid. Many things are changing in my life from now on  surprisingly I am finally committing my long term relationship with my girlfriend.
All this became a problem because I missed my 30 days challenge for the last quarter.

These 5 activities are in my bucket for the next thirty days. This challenge will begin on 5th May 2012 and will commence on 5th June 2012.

1. Take a picture everyday. Since I have started using instagram (earlier I did it only to piss those iPhoners but now I think I kinda like it) I will be posting pictures on instagram, search for me there if you wish to see..
2. Read 30 pages of a book everyday. My previous record was 70 pages in a sitting for 2-3 hours.
3. Finish the next five chapters on the novel I am working on (details coming soon)


These challenges will begin on 1st June 2012 till 1st July and possibly continue.

4. Cycle to office regularly
5. Go to Gym regularly.

So this is how I am packing for the next two months. What are your challenges for the next 30 days?


Sunday, April 1, 2012

Jam, Butter and Bread.

"How much Jam, Butter and bread do you need for a camping for a night?" she though for one last time before setting out the foot out of the wild. She tried calculating it for a bit and then gave up, who cared anyway?

Deep forest, one weekend with Jam, Butter and bread, she smiled at the prospect of it. No one in her village could understand her fixation of going back into woods again and again. She had to be there, that was were she felt safe. One weekend safely into the woods and back to the mundane daily monotonous life.

For last three years she was going back into the woods and no one knew why. The elders knew it had to be because of that fateful day, the day she got lost into the woods. Something inside the woods changed her life forever.

"She kept running," recounted the old lady from the church, "I remember seeing her running into the woods, who was chasing her God knows."

"She was chased by the wolves," said the village pawn broker, "I tell you, I saw it. Bad girls get chased by the wolves."

"I think she was running away from the village pawn broker," confirmed the local cop, "But she won't complain with us so we can do nothing, can we?"

She walked away again into the woods just like she did last time, only last time she was running into it.

"She won't say what got into her," complained the old lady from the church, "They all are possessed, I tell you, possessed by the devil." Obviously no one believed in her for she had earlier claim Devil lurked in the television set too.

But the girl was possessed by the Devil, she smirked as she stepped into the woods, a charming devil indeed. It was four months ago when she had stumbled on the same muddy path running away from the shady village pawn broker. Her mother had always warned her about the woods but that was not the time to escape was it? If she wasn't fast enough the evil man would feast on her.

She ran faster than she ever did to save herself and into the dark woods. The light faded into darkness and the density of woods increased. She did not stop to look behind, her predator had already given up the chase long back.

It took her a while to realize that and when she did, it was too late, she was deep inside the woods and had no way to return. She was lost but alive, which was good. She wandered around a bit in the darkness of the forest. Her mother had warned her about the wolves but she found none, oh how wrong her mother was.

After ten minutes of wandering she came across a campfire in the woods with a lone man sitting besides it.
"Hello," the man said in a ringing voice, "Care to join me."
"Join you in what?" she asked surprised but cautious tone, she was wary of men.
"Jam, butter and bread," he asked handing her a bread, "Its good and I roasted."
"Are a strange man?" she asked, "Eating Jam, Butter and bread in the middle of the woods?"
"No, I am eating jam, butter and bread because I am hungry and yes, I am a strange man."
"What are you doing in the woods?" she asked.
"Eating jam, butter and bread," he replied.
"No you silly man, what are you doing in the woods at this hour?"
"Me? I am waiting for someone," he replied eating his bread.
"Someone special?" she asked now more curious.

He looked at her wearily then glanced at his stop watch, "It is time, he should be here any minute." He kept on eating his bread and butter. She just kept staring at him waiting for something to happen.

Nothing happened.

Darkness increased as the night grew old and the moon knew its time would be soon up. It would be a brand new day. Suddenly she saw it, two wolves coming out of the bushes. They first looked at her and sniffed her. They encircled them from far, she was scared. The man simply ate his bread, butter and jam without paying heed to the predators. Soon the wolves left them and she felt relived.

"So then? Wolves?" she asked.
"Aah, good creatures, bad smell. I once tried teaching them how to brush but then it was hard for them to know the difference between tooth brush and food item," he said simply finishing his last bread.
A hole suddenly appeared in the ground revealing a big tunnel underneath.

"Aah he is here," he smiled watching the hole.
A head popped up from inside the hole and looked up, "Hey you again..."
"Hi..." the man replied, "Not expecting me here did you?"
"No no, I thought they executed you in China, didn't they?" the man from the hole asked.
"Yes they did and thanks for that..." the other man replied.

There was a pause, a long pause. Eventually the man from the hole spoke, "So, who is she?"
"Oh, right, who are you?" asked the other man.
"Nobody..." she replied joining in the weird conversation.
"Oh there, nobody," the man with bread said, "Shall I kill you here?" he asked the man in the hole.
"No, give me another chance. Let me try it again, shall I?" the man asked.
"Go on then, dig deep this time..." the man with bread replied.
The man in the hole went inside the hole. The man with bread got up and turned to leave.
"Wait, you are not leaving me here alone are you?" she asked.
"I did not bring you here, did I?" the man asked, "But yes I cannot leave you here alone. Here."
He handed her his second bag of bread, butter and jam.
"Now then,  How much Jam, Butter and bread do you need for a camping for a night?" he asked.

She smiled today as she was going back into the woods, just like that night and every night after that. They call her delusional, mad and crackpot. The village pawn broker lives in terror for the night she returned. They say she has befriended the wolves. She smiles, doesn't really care about what others think. But she will go there again and again, waiting for him. The man with the jam, butter and bread.
Now then, How much Jam, Butter and bread do you need for a camping for a night?

Saturday, March 24, 2012

The Journey That Was Never Remembered

Life is one long journey from one station to another, just like a daily office employee waits for the next Borivali fast local impatiently at Dadar station, you wait impatiently for the next train to take you closer towards your destination. Just like the office employee, you know the train is going to come, it comes by everyday at the same time (almost the same time), the announcer has even announced that it will come but still mind has its doubts about the train and life. The journey of life takes you on every road, sometimes you start towards the east trying to get away from something, only to find that something ahead in front of you as you return from the west.

Then there are those steeps which throw doubts in the strongest of the minds. You accelerate harder and harder hoping that the steep will be overcome but eventually realize a small reduction in gear is all it takes to go over that steep. The satisfaction you get as you reach the top, you know its not the mount Everest, but some small portion in your mind tries to convince you that this was the mount Everest.

On the hot summer afternoon I was sitting on the top berth of the train from Delhi to Pune in a very lame attempt to read a Nagraj comic. After about fifteen attempts in making a complete word from the random gibberish that my eyes was seeing, I gave up. For few moments I kept on staring at the fan that was busy trying to grab everyone attention by making noises, it succeed.

Finally, abandoning all hopes I decided to enter the mortal world and started looking for humans to talk too. This berth was very peculiar, opposite me giggling and laughing were two teenage boys from North-East. The berth below me was a family of mother and her two little daughters. And the berth in the passage was occupied by a Buddhist Guru and his true believer. I do not really recall what their names were but I do remember calling the girl Pinky (for she wore a pink dress).

It took me fifteen seconds to understand the common topic of discussion was God, summer and its increasing heat and Wai Wai cup noodles (suggested by the cute little Pinki who insisted she wanted it). I was known to this drill, having traveled the same eighteen hour journey back and forth, it was the same thing all over again. Greet with pleasantries, share conversation, maybe share a delicacy and so on and so forth. None of the journeys were any significant, nothing that would change your life. I was watching little Pinky who was busy helping her younger sister (One year younger) eat wai wai noodles munching them. She looked at me staring at her and offered me her cup. I smiled and politely said no. She got busy eating them.

The mother mentioned that the guru was some high guru in their sect and they were migrating towards their Aashram. The boys mentioned that they were heading to some church to become a missionary. It was as if Harry Potter and Voldemort had finally come face to face in the epic battle in the bogey of S6. There were clashes and clangs (which i only imagined) and a duel of ideologies. I do not recollect what started it exactly, but it was something to with some can opener or wai wai noodles or the summer heat, but something kicked off a debate in the ideologies in that very train. No astrologer in the world could have predicted that in the next few moments, four thousand year of theology would be debunked, raised again and debunked again. I still missed my Nagraj comic. Pinky got busy searching for something in her pink sack which she was carrying. Her sister peeped inside the bag with her.

The duel started off with the guru being Avatar and reincarnation. The boys argued about the all loving God and faith in his son. The cycle of life was debunked with the Holy cross and the holy trinity was destroyed by the chakra of karma. I tried getting into the conversation from time to time, but being a atheist had very less experience of God and all, so had very less knowledge of what they were fighting for. So far the guru had his eyes closed and was pretending to be meditating (wish I had an excuse like that). He slowly opened his eyes and smiled and heads turned towards him. He spoke something in a language I did not know and the mother translated it to us.
"He wants to answer some questions, if you have any..." she said.
The boys started with the guru who was answering them in some language and the mother was translating. This continued for another fifteen twenty minutes and the agitation increased. People walked in and out of our berth and came for a free show. Some people decided to join in the argument for whichever sake.

There were few followers in the same compartment who came to listen to their guru talk. One of them sat next to me, I had watched enough Jackie Chan movies to know that he would be carrying a Katana sword with them, so shifted my position a bit. The conversation reached the peak and I decided it was time to put a foot down. As a precaution against any martial arts punch, I changed the seat and sat on the opposite side.

"Who are we to decide what is right and wrong?" I asked mustering up the courage, yet keeping a lookout for any ninja stars or nunchuks that might come flying by.
"We are all doing the lords work," mentioned the teenager and his friend agreed, "The all loving Father is up there deciding right and wrong. You go to him and all wrong become right..."
"We all are judged," the guru replied, "It is not who you worship, it is what you do in your life," he said (which was translated by the mother)
"Puppy..." quipped the four year old joining our conversation.

The entire birth got silence and all attention turned towards her. Unaware with any of it, she was struggling to remove a purple soft toy from inside her bag. Her pet Dinosaur had his leg stuck under a big coloring book. After a lot of effort she pulled out the soft toy and her coloring book also fell out with it. She hugged the toy and shouted, "Puppy..."

She turned around to see everyone staring at her and was embarrassed. Quickly she made a lame attempt at trying to hide behind her mothers back. Everyone laughed loudly, just like that all the theological disparities had vanished. It didn't matter to her if there was father or reincarnation or anything else as long as she her soft toy with her. Yet again a four thousand year old argument was squashed by a four year old.

In the end it mattered not which side was great or who was right. She had no problem going to heaven or to hell as long as her toy was with her. That little girl in few moments explained the entire cycle of life more than the guru or the boys. The arguments dissolved into thin air, four thousand years of theological disparities vanished, just like that, and the only spiritual experience everyone had was of bliss. Everyone laughed.

This journey was nothing special, it was one of the many necessary trips between Pune and Delhi. It was just a number in the many journeys. You meet many people in these journeys, people who then turn faceless as your destination arrives. Like the ancient city of Atlantis, these memories go away into oblivion and millions of researching years cannot bring them back to surface, however they exist. They exist as a rumor in your memory, as a whisper. I do not remember the guru or how he looked like, I do not remember the boys or how they looked like. I do not remember Pinky or her real name, but I do remember her cute 'Puppy' that changed the entire course of the journey.

Journeys begin and journeys end. The entire lifetime of a human being is spend on innovative attempts of reaching the destination from the source. The source and the destination changes according to time. The journey remains the same. But then there is one journey that suddenly comes along and changes the destination for countless future journeys that follow.

Disclaimer: This post is submitted for the Mahindra XUV500 challenge by Indiblogger. The details of the journey are as accurate as I can remember them.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Cliffhanger

The laws of physics had gone for lunch break, he thought. He had jotted down, classified and categorized all the problems he could ever face in his entire lifetime. Hanging seventy feet high up in the air by his shoe lace was not one of them. He was not even supposed to be here, not like this anyway. But his limbo poised a serious question that would reflect on his entire lifetime, which way should he go?

He had climbed this building to go down, he used the lift while going up but will now use gravity to do is job to take him down. Gravity you be bitches, he exclaimed. He had seen his shoe lace loosen as he stood on the edge of the building to jump. He considered tying it but then ignored, where he was going there was no need for a shoe lace, was there?

All the seventy religious dogma and no one explained if you should tie your shoe lace before dying. Well, it was too late for that wasn’t it? Oh, well nothing he could do now could he?

What was that buddhist story about the hunter, strawberries and the tiger? The hunter fell of the cliff hung by the strawberry bush over a valley full of tigers. the hunter ate those strawberries, yes, that was it. He had never lived a life like that, did he? Always worrying about others, carrying the weight of entire world on his shoulder.

Worrywart.

Oh yes, school, college, office and now this. This was infact a welcome break in his life after a decade. The fact that he was suspended high up in the air with only his shoe lace did not overshadow his break.

Where was his life going? He thought and chuckled, life was out of question now wasn’t it? He was supposed to go headlong in death. If only he had stopped and looked around the world. It was so beautiful, so lifelike. Oh well, it was to late for that wasn't it? He had decided when he crossed the fiftieth floor while coming up, there was no turning back. The watchmen of the building will let dogs on him if he had returned.

Maybe it was for good, he thought, after all life was going nowhere was it? There was nothing in his life, a complete humdrum of useless job, money and coffee. Too much? But then what about his wife? She was happy with his insurance policy wasn’t she? What was there anymore that responsibility?
But then he saw a butterfly flying towards him from down below, the wings were so beautiful as it struggled to reach him.

“Listen,” the butterfly said, “Life is important…”
“You talked,” he exclaimed.
“You listened,” the butterfly exclaimed clearly surprise someone listened had a heart attack and went crashing on the ground.

Oh well, yes life is beautiful. Maybe all he needed was a welcome break, a holiday in GOA, few days off without booze, smoke and life was all he needed to get it all sorted out. Maybe he could add his school crush on Facebook, go play those drums. Yes he could, he exclaimed.

So busy was he planning his future, he did not realize his shoe that was holding him tethered to life came off. He fell headlong to his death… or did he?

P.S. Those who are keeping score, my resolution of writing 20 stories in 2012 is happening. Yo.
P.P.S. First attempt at Dark humor, is it any good?


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Anti-social Media

Man is a social animal, whoever came up with this phrase was probably having high tea with his college buddies in canteen. Man is infact an anti-social animal, specially when canteen serves tea mixed with lots of water and a spot of milk which is hardly spotted.

Social Media is everywhere, people are spending more and more time on Facebook, Twitter and erm… well… erm.. . Clearly suits (businessmen) and advertising agents do not like it. No after spending a millions of rupees in adding a jingle to their product, they learn that the customer for whose brain wash they had set it up is busy on Facebook, they will get angry.

So then they change tracks and start popping on Facebook and Twitter and soon mindless rant turns commercial, and when it comes to money, the policy is prepared for the employee and on and on.

One thing Social media does not give you is let live. Earlier when you used to talk to the wall, no one would like it. Now you talk to the wall and you get million likes (yikes)!!!

So you decide, your privacy is of a concern and you delete your Facebook account.

“Dude, what do you mean you don’t have Facebook account?” asks your friend, “C’mon no kidding, you are not on Facebook?”

“Ha liar,” second friend, “So you are one of them…”

Most of your life decisions are due to peer pressure, your college, your profession, your first company, the first cigarette, the first peg and however hard you may try Facebook. You bow to peer pressure and decide its no harm to join the social network is there?

So you do the tireless process of creating a Facebook profile. You fill in all funny details, like you lived in Jhumritalaya and you studied in Medical College of Engineering for Arts, Science and Commerce. You write witty and funny answers in questionnaire. Tick tick tick.

75 Friend request in a day. Hmmm, popularity. 7 people said they worked with you in the company, is that true? Hmmm privacy. 16 people said they went to school with you, is that true? Hmmm Creepy. 5 people said they are your family, is that true? Hmmm blood curling silent scream.

So this is how they do it, even if you do not know, people who know you do know you. So Facebook always know.

One morning, the dreaded thing happens, you wake up to the smell of muffin cake being prepared in your neighborer house. You plan the best possible way to drill a hole in the adjacent wall that will enable you to eat the muffin cake and there it is, lying, waiting and watching. A friend request from your mother.

You do not know, what is more horrible, your mother finding out that you turned out to be the person she was warning you in childhood, or the fact that she still posses childhood photographs of you, some in your birthday suits, some in fancy suits. To be or not to be, wasn’t that what Shakespeare said to accepting a friend request from your mother?

You decide to let it hang, get on with your life. But the fact that its still there out in the open is killing you. Soon it starts rolling, the neighboring Aunty, who you remembered when Dexter starts cutting his victims, sends a friend request.

The horror continues, someone finds a old photograph of you, it is one of those times when you had let your guard down. Not only is that photo uploaded, it is tagged, commented on and shared with everyone and your mom. You politely ask your friend to take the picture down, she politely refuses, (wonder why dexter cutting his victim plays in your head)

The problem with life is, it is infinite on both ends. Your college professor ads you on Facebook hoping to find out about you in turn informs everyone that he teaches in the college you were trying not to tell Facebook about.

Your entire world is starting to crumble, the world is not exactly yours but about the people who surround you. You merely are a password in the massive mess called the universe and the only option left in your world is suicide. I.e., digital suicide.

You unanimously agree with yourself that shutting down Facebook profile is the last logically response as the walls are closing in. You think about the loved once, what will they feel? What if your brother wanted to show you that video, he will have to resort to email or worst, the barbaric way of physically showing you. Your college friends want to flaunt the idea that their marriage is the only and greatest accomplishment in their life. Your friend who lives across the pacific and wants to show you her culinary skills via Facebook. What will they feel?

The mouse pointer hovers around the delete the Facebook profile button as the though lingers in your mind. To be or not to be, is the question. There is no other way, you silently weep in the dark secluded corner of your house. You contemplate the alternatives, like changing the broken light bulb in the dark secluded corner. You can learn French or German or Klingon, based on your priorities. You can finally take up those guitar lessons or even go to office on time. You will save a lot of time, energy and money on internet connection.

A soft press on the mouse and you feel lighting striking somewhere on the planet. An earthquake might shake the entire premise, but nothing happens. Suddenly you feel lighter as if the one ring was thrown in the cracks of mount doom. The world is brighter, lighter and better. You announce to no one in particular about your victory, standing up on the chair waiting for the standing ovation of the world. For few seconds your mind imagines the distant clapping and the heart yearns for multiple likes for this step.

If only there was a medium where you could share this information to all your friends, you think. The mind reels back, is there a way? Dark storm clouds gather outside as your mind clouts with doubt. You look at the laptop screen and realize the horror. It is asking the one question you dread at this moment.

‘Are you sure?’

Multiple thoughts clout your mind, multiple ideas flow in. If only it was as simple, you decide. The mouse pointer lingers between the void of Yes and No, which way should it go? You decide to go for the Yes, but miss by one Letter. Before you know it, the mouse has pressed No, as if it has mind of its own.

Ages must have passed, you decide, ages since all this happened. Did you skip the millennium? You look up in the world from the dark secluded corner of your house, something is wrong in this world, you decide.

Nothing has changed, no one has even missed you while you were away. Depressed, distressed and disheartened you announce your enmity to the world. The world is busy in its own humdrum revolving and rotating in happiness. Then suddenly you get one notification, its a small like from someone long lost. You smile, the world is a happy place to live in after all.

Like it?

Life was never simple was it?



Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Love was Melting...slowly.

Something was not right with this world, he decided. How could this world spin so peacefully? He had lost her, LOST HER. how could the world even spin? There was something definitely wrong. in the final moments of desperation he had panicked. He did not know if it was the right thing to do but he did it.

Yes he did it. She gave him immense pleasure, yes she did. Till her last moment of the existence, she lived to satisfy him, to please him.

A few moments ago he would not have even cared about her, but he had touched her. He had felt the coldness on his lips, they felt numb. Her cold exterior only gave him intense pleasure.

That’s it, he decided, this world should stop spinning. This world should pay the price of is negligence.

He stared at her, blue berry ice cream with extra truffle and butterscotch lying limbless on the floor. The molecular structure had come apart due to heat, the ice cream was melting along with his hopes for a decent Sunday afternoon.

He had seen her fall in front of his own eyes, as she slipped from her hand and crashed on the dusty floor. In desperation he had panicked to save her, but he couldn’t. now she was gone along with his hope for life.

There was something wrong with this world, he decided, the world did not deserve to spin if he could not finish his blue berry ice cream with extra truffle and butterscotch.

Note:. This article was written during the session of writing circle Pune, on 4th March. 20 minutes, write whatever comes to your mind, we sat in CCD where I saw the Blue Berry Ice Cream with Extra Truffle and Butterscotch and made a story.

P.s. I am Back.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Valentine Pity Fry

There comes a time in every persons life when you loose complete hinge over reality. You refuse any human touch and the only existence of life in your room is the continuous snore under the blanket heard at constant frequency. Thus in the winter of 2010, I found myself suddenly waking to a disturbance. I have heard that there were mughal emperors who used to behead the people who disturbed their sleep, for fifteen seconds I wished I was one of them. But no, I wasn’t. Having lost touch with reality and human beings for three consecutive days, waking up to reality was not a good experience.

Here I was waking up after three days on a Sunday with a very bad headache (sleeping for 18 hours straight), a very foul smell (which considering my room was not cleaned in like a month was acceptable) and a very grumbling stomach.

It took me seven seconds to adjust to the surrounds and pin point the location to the disturbance, which was my Chinese Phone ringing at the top of its voice. Considering that for last three days I had given up on human contact, I let it ring even though it was disturbing me.

For few moments I considered taking a bath (I dare you to take a bath in Delhi winter) or going back to sleep. But the stomach had some other agenda, for the last three days it was finding out new ways to disturb my sleep indicating it needed input.

So, half sleepy I brushed by teeth and fumbled in the kitchen, only to find my supplies depleted. There were four pieces of bhendi (lady finger) in the cupboard but I was too bored to cook them. Other options included borrowing some food stuff from the neighbor (whom I shared the kitchen with) but I understood that since I finished her well cooked rice last time there was no way in hell, she would let me borrow food. After a lot of effort I did find two parle-g biscuits in the kitchen but that would not fulfill my stomach.

Thus exhausting all the options, I decided to step out in cold to eat food. Winter in Delhi is like a fairy tale, you wish it was far far away but it never was. One monkey cap and a sweater later I stepped out in the cold.

14 minutes later I was in the middle of the food mall trying to catch a seat as quietly as I could. The grand plan was foiled with the phone again ringing at the top of its voice like a three year old who has just learned the word Ba. The south-Indian waiter in the Chinese restaurant in the heart of Noida politely smiled trying to guess the amount I had in my wallet so that he can decide if he should give my order to the cook or the security guard.

As I said I wanted to get away from human touch as much as I could, so I ordered without looking at menu the first thing that came to my mind, ‘Fried rice’. The waiter explained to me that today they had a special offer going on with Fried rice was free Manchurian gravy. Just like the tail of a dog waggles at the prospect of a brand new car, my stomach leaped at the prospect of free gravy. Well it was a done deal, buy one get one free. Praising my luck I checked my phone, it was blazing with sound and my girlfriends name popped up on the screen.

As my mood was now improved (at the prospect of free gravy) I picked up the phone in happy mood. The instant the phone reached my ears, she yelled, ‘happy valentines day.’

Crash. Boom. Bang.

The wall around me burst, it was 14th February 2010, a valentines day. A bit wary I looked around me and lo, couples were enjoying the day of love on every other table except mine. So, the free gravy was actually a pity offering, as I was the single and unlikely to get a date (as I smelled horribly). I quietly gulped on my lunch and escaped back to my sleep.

Things happen, during the time between sleeps there is a big period while life happens. It happens to all of us, at some point or the other. While the whole world is enjoying life, you may yet enjoy the snores under the blanket. As for me, the world did not see me emerge till 16th February, what happened after that is between me, my blanket and Morpheus (the God of dreams).

Disclaimer: My record of sleeping is four days straight with a mandatory rest in between for seventeen minutes after every eight hours.

Disclaimer 2: This post was targeted for Valentines day but thanks to my writers block could not complete it.


Monday, February 27, 2012

This blogger in need is stupid indeed.

Been running a bit slow here but hello there. Have you observed the world change around lately? Well obviously science of stupidity is on vacation but thats hardly the news. Stupidity is obviously on the rise with more and more people crossing the stupidity threshold day by day, soon stupidity will be given a religious status by the stupid people (duh uh).

Ok alright, I admit, I am in a writers block, there I said it. Yes, I am in a writers block. There are two possibilities that could have caused that either I was kidnapped by aliens experimented (sexually) and then brain washed, or I may have witnessed a murder and repressed the memory. Whichever it is, clearly the creative idea flow is consistent, only stringing them together is a problem.

I have tried acupressure (ouch, ouch, ouch), Ayurveda churan (which tasted like... never mind...), I went for meditation (only my teacher realized half an hour later and me half an hour plus one minute later that I went to sleep meditating) and finally giving up all hope, I went with the tried and tested therapy used by multiple bloggers across the globe, I banged by head on the wall. The wall cracked.

Everyone believed there was hope left until yesterday my family saw me smashing tomatoes with a hammer. Yeah well, that was the time I decided to call it quits, took my laptop. Rearranged the entire room, shifted my table, shifted the cupboard, shifted my bed until my entire room was now reverse facing the wall. That gave me immense pleasure and I starting typing.

Multiple thoughts flowing in, maybe it was vastu-dosh (I would like to pretend that, even if I don't know what it means) or maybe I was waiting for Nokia to release a 41 MP phone in the era when people are talking about smart-phones, processing power, multitasking Nokia is still stuck in the age old mobile concept of a camera phone, alright its a 41 mp camera phone but who is going to use it? Aah but as I said stupidity is on the rise and there will be customers who will buy the phone. So lets wait at that.

There were election conducted in our area and multiple reactions from multiple candidates. Few candidates alleged that it was cheating, it was no doubt that the loser candidates who alleged that. It was funny seeing them keep a straight face and trying not to accept defeat.

You won't believe the happiness I am feeling as I reached the end of this blog post. I managed to write such a big blog post. I am actually crying out of happiness. Support this blogger in need, send in your valuable comments about other things you can use (voodoo, Rekhi) to smash this writers block and let the ideas flow. Comment Ok.

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