Skip to main content

Angrezi Vangrezi...

Life is like a lift sometimes you get inside to go up, sometimes you use it to come down. And sometimes when you are waiting in the lobby for the lift to arrive to take you upwards to your desired floor, some bum comes from behind presses the button to go down and proudly announces to his wife, "You see the lift if up so if you want to bring it down, press down..." the wife looks at her all-knowing husband proudly as if he is the sole survivor of the battle that eradicated the entire hemisphere.

English has a bad reputation wherever it goes. Condemned by the roman catholic church as the impure language, it soon gained popularity as the largest job gaining language in the world. British left India in the hurry, but did not expect many Indians to follow them. Not only follow them but master over their own language better than they do and then take away the jobs back. India is an empire in English, all different types of english exist in co-harmony. There is the 'righta' and 'lefta' of South India and then there is 'Jara give me that chacha glass one litre' of North India is also acceptable form of English. In the west Marathi people talking in Hindi praise the language of English over others, while the east (who usually make no noise) have their own set of Lanbage of English.

In this world of globalization when your friend who used to play with you in boxer starts with the sentence, "In our america...." you do feel the urge of slapping him hard to remind him, he has returned not to gloat but to find a job.

My tryst with English began in the first month after marriage on the lazy Sunday morning. Since marriage it has became increasingly difficult to chose between James Bond and Wife. I mean you have to listen to the later even thought James Bond is sizzling with Kristina Wayborn in Octopussy.

"Will you turn that off..." the wife screamed.
"Its James Bond, how can I turn it off?" I replied, honestly, seriously who can stop watching From Russia with Love on a Sunday morning.
"Since morning you are just lazing around on this bean bag watching these english movies," she complained.
"This is not an ordinary film... this is From Russia with Love..." I protested, "This is The James Bond movie. It is part of the ritual of being a guy..."
"Ritual of being a guy?" her attention was diverted for a bit.
"1. You read a magazine sitting in the toilet. 2. Dream about threesome after marriage and 3. Watch Sean Connery James Bond movies..." I explained.
"This english films have corrupted you completely you American Wannabe..." she shouted, "Day and night you just watch these english shows and movies...if you can't help me with the household work at-least get up from that chair so I can clean it out."
With the grace of James Bond I got out of the chair ducking the missile made of cane jhadu and she continued cleaning the house. Woman Eh, don't value the value of James Bond movie marathon on a Sunday morning.

As the ancient Sunday ritual goes, I was lazing around the local mall (which are in too much number around Bangalore, more than apartments) a conversation caught my eye (no its not a typo the 'conversation' was 'eye catchy')

"So I will be getting a year warranty on these shades..." she spoke in as much fake american ascent as she could.
"Yes Madam," the salesman said, "This warranty a year you get..." in as much fake english as he could, "Fill this warranty card for mine please..."
She took a glance at the warranty card and then looked up, "What date format do you use? American or Indian..."
We were in the heart of south-india where no where in a million kilometers anyone used American date format (what is that format exactly?) and this guy did not even know if there is any date format. "Hindi...." he said hurriedly, "We use Hindi date format."

English is made almost mandatory at the school level, when my four year old niece learned the words, she preferred the word 'No' over others.

"Can I have your ice cream?" I asked in English encouraging her to understand and speak.
"No..." she answered smartly.
"Can I taste it atleast?" I insisted.
"No..." she answered.
"Do you know anything else other than no?" I asked teasing her.
"No no no no no...." she replied correctly but accidentally. 


  1. :D Very good observation :)
    Its a lil sad though :|

    1. Thank you.... don't worry its not sad... its fun...:D we are imperfect bunch of perfect individuals...:D

  2. Thank God, it is not (one more) review of the film but real-life stories!!

  3. Hey! a nice topic and a good effort but i would like to tell you that there are some grammatical mistakes in the post and some spelling mistakes too. If they are corrected, the post would become more enjoyable! :)

    1. I would like to know more about them... i am bad really really bad at spellings.

    2. "British left India in 'a' hurry", "on 'a' lazy Sunday morning", "it has 'become' increasingly", "listen to the 'latter' even 'though' James", "diverted for a bit 'of time'", "Since morning you are just 'lazying' around", "'These english films", "niece 'learnt' the words" are some of them :) :)

    3. Thanks... ill update the post. Trying to improve now.


Post a Comment

What do you think about the post? Have your say, like, dislike or even hate me. Tell me.

You might also want to Subscribe to RSS feeds or follow me on Twitter (@sidoscope) or on facebook

I don't need weapon, I have a sharp tongue.

Popular posts from this blog

The moaning of life #2 Childhood Trauma

The entire shark family is out for a hunt, and the little fish are running for their life. We get to cheer as the Baby Shark does Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo with his family, calling on the family - extended family and sometimes robots on the 'hunt' because your offspring decides that that is the one song they want you to play or a tantrum follows. Many of you will say it's not the content but the catchy tune that draws the babies towards the nonsequential song, but it's more than that. It's the sheer repeatedness that draws your angst towards the piece. And YouTube provides the music based on how much time you want your baby to be engaged to it. You have a 60+ minute version and a 120+ minute version. The same shark family going out on the same hunt. And it's not just the Shark family. Weirdly, baby JJ and his family sing random songs, go on a holiday and even increase the family. I am talking about Cocomelon, which has arrived in your child's life as he murmurs t

We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls.

The human evolution is a constant race against boredom, men have for generations tried to overcome boredom is many ways possible. In olden days, they got bored, they build civilizations, big massive civilizations. The ancient Egyptians had pyramids, the Babylon build the hanging garden for people to hang out. People from far and wide come to visit the Taj Mahal, praising its divine beauty, not knowing that it was build after the wife died, thus partly in guilt. Rome was not build in a day, indication they were super bored. Then came the great barbarian evolution and they started raiding cities. Don't forget Atila the Hun who constantly attacked cities whenever he got free time. Alexander was super bored and he decided to conquer the entire world, but while these men where attacking cities and building civilizations, the women where thrown into a abyss of impending boredom. What would Mrs. Atila do when her husband was busy attacking Rome? Or What would the wives of the

Short Story: Ginger Chai

This is my first attempt for writing a love story, which I am really bad at. Mani Padma (from Ginger Chai ) challenged me to write a love story a few days ago, it is not a real great read, but a little feeble attempt to take a taste in this genre. Please give your honest opinion… Cheers, Sid. *fingers crossed* Breathe in. Breathe out. Damm, this is so easy when you are not tensed. Why is this clerk talking so much time. ‘Will you hurry up?’ I asked the clerk. My finger nails were tapping the counter in excitement. My name is Shailaja, 30, single and employed, in short a perfect girl for the aunties, mammies to constantly remind me that my days are waning out, that I have to find someone before it is impossible for them to. It is not that I don’t want to get married, but I should get some proper match, isn’t it? All they show me is either short, tall, long nose, meaning some imperfection in some way or the other. I am not at all hopeless romantic and I am definitely not goin