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The Planet of HandItnus

What actually made him leave the comfort zone he could not tell, he could not even tell when he left the ozone layer. The thing is Rajan left planet earth once and for all. How he left it was a different matter altogether, it had something to do with getting a box of donuts to certain people at NASA and a box of chocolate chip at the pentagon to approve a interstellar flight. The thing is, he did it.
Today, 467,700 trillion light years away he felt like it was just yesterday he left planet earth. Which in-fact was actually true. That's what his digital wrist watch told him, only one day had passed since he crossed the asteroid belt between mars and Jupiter (It has to do with some complex time-space continuum maths, I am not the right person to tell you what it is)
But anyways, the journey to planet Handltnus was boring, it was not at all as interesting as those space sci fi movies showed them. The intergalaxy national highway was cleaned and neatly paved with ether for smooth travel, they even had a choice of alien films, but the only films the flight could afford was Videshdrohi and Shaam Gopal Barma ki Gas (after spending billions on the intergalaxy bus they could not afford licensing rights for popular films, these films were played on request because no one on earth was watching them)
He was received by none other than his elder brother who welcomed his little bro on the native planet,
'Welcome to the universe first democracy,' the brother announced.
'I always kept hearing about it, the universe first democracy,' he exclaimed, 'That sounds so cool.'
'Its cooler than you think it is,' brother said, 'Come let me give you a guided trip to the amazing land...'
'This land was formed by some very awesome people who fought the evil monsters for the freedom. They were some really enlightened people who knew how the world was going to be in the next 1500 years and wrote a massive book, we like to call constitution. The book was so awesome that we never ever had a need to change it or modify it for a long long time." brother beamed, "We formed the worlds most amazing democracy we should feel proud about. Welcome to paradise brother, a land where God walked."
They walked a little ahead and he saw two vultures wearing plain white clothes and a cap on their head, 'Didn't you say this was a planet of humans?'
'Oh yes, it is, the most amazing democratic human planet in the entire galaxy, those vultures are the leaders here,' the brother said simply, 'It was long researched that humans are incapable of leadership for the simple fact that human do not vote for anyone but they do it against someone. So it was then decided that some other species would be selected for their leaders, who will take executive decisions for them. Voting was the best option chosen and all the humans voted which animals should be chosen as the leaders."
"The only animal human didn't vote against was... the vultures. The vultures did not harm the humans in any way, not alive at least, so the vultures were voted."
Looking at the smiling vultures, he remembered the biology class where his teacher explained that vultures feed on the remains of the dead body.
"Apart from the fact that most of the time they pass laws that get humans killed, we got a good leadership. But anyways, a constitution once written 1500 years ago cannot change, can it?"
Confused at the statement Rajan walked ahead to find a man busy digging on the street.
"A government worker I guess?" he asked quietly.
"No no, he is a human yes, but a not a homo-sapiens he is part homo-parasitia. They walk in groups and take over a territory. It can be a public street or a walking pavement, they come out of nowhere and start building the houses. They obviously do not pay any taxes or any money for the place they want to live in."
"So the government has to remove them?" he asked.
"No no, government does no such thing. See, we solved this problem long back. Government lets them build their community and take over a land, after few days government gives them free blankets and free food. Then a few days later gives them a free flat in a colony nearby just to make them leave."
"Isn't that a bit..." he was about to say something but that would seem racist.
"Its ok anyways, as long as they don't bring disease, again, who can change a constitution written by some great leaders so many years ago?" the brother questioned.
A few distance apart a group of tigers was running behind a couple
"I believe they are the cops here?"
"No no," the brother smiled,
"Tigers are the immoral policing in the region. They take charge of the things they don't like, or once in a while they get hungry to come in lime light. Due to their strength the government simply waits for them to finish their prey and feed on the carcass. It all started when the government failed to things properly and the force of tigers rose to the occasion. They used ultimate strength and power to restore law and order in the city however a few days later people realized the vultures were better, at least they didn't attack humans.... alive. But recently the lions have also rose and are fighting against the tiger, who knows whats going to happen next.
"So, what all animal kingdom are there in all here?" he asked curiously.
"We have these kittens who rule most of the industries here. They show the world how cute they are while minting a billion in process for them. Then obviously we have the apes, who mimic everything the humans do and even steal our jobs. The outsourcing industry is rich here."
"So... this planet, what does humans actually do?" I asked quietly.
"We have a life, a job, we leave these stupid civic duties to these animals and get busy making babies, doing a 9 to 5 job and even a weekend getaway. Once in a blue moon we go for a trip to other city. This is life man...," he said, "No hassles, no worries, no tensions. Wasn't that the purpose of the democracy?"

Rajan stared at him for a while, considered his options. Then he quietly turned back sat on his space ship and head back on earth. Both planet were same, same creatures, same false sense of patriotism, same stupidity, same constitution but he gave no clear answer why he returned, but it is said that once he was heard saying,
"Because I was born here..."


  1. :) On target!

    Try to manually read the article before publishing it here. Running the spell-check won't work, because 'property' is the right spelling of the word, but the thing is that you were supposed to write 'properly', and forgot to add 'do' in the sentence. :)

    Don't publish this comment if you don't want to, it was made just to tell you about the mistake. These mistakes sometimes spoil the mood of a otherwise good article.


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