I am not a good person, no means I am not the villainous Amrish Puri type bad person (I do have a big laugh though, just like him) but I don’t exactly fit into the social structure of a good guy. I do not give alms to beggars (to each his own), I do not care about family members (well, I do care about them, but not to the extent of sacrificing myself for them), I drink a lot, I have no problem with smokers (I don’t even have problem with passive smoking, again too each his own) , I do not pray to God (Any God for that matter, I don’t discriminate against any God, I hate all of them equally), I support gay rights and marriages (its all about individualistic freedom) and I am completely open about my masculinity (Remember the old saying if you have it, you got to flaunt it right?)
So you see I am bad, or people say I am bad but then I ask them, Define bad? Or worst, Define good. Sadly everyone has a different answer for it.
My very good friend mentioned that she gives alms to a particular beggar lady near Saras Baug every Thursday, she feels good doing it. Is this good? lets say for example, I give a ten rupees note to a beggar on the street and he is hungry since two days. He probably has a wife and kid at his house. My ten rupees is not going to fetch a morsel, but he might spend it on bad habits like Bidi (cigarette) or even alcohol, go home and trash his wife. Well, Ok thats worst case, lets take the best case. I give him ten rupees, proving him that not doing work and loitering around will fetch him his morsel, thus rendering him incapable of finding any source of income henceforth. Thus you see, by not giving him any alms I am doing him a lot of good. Trusting in the good old, human adaptation power I let him hungry on the street.
How can someone define good? Who judges what is good or no? How can a human define if other human is good or bad? Then suddenly we come to the part of priest and monks who are ’so-called’ closer to God. I decided to ask one of their kind, the questions.
‘Son, you do good deeds, you go to heaven, you do bad deeds you go to hell,’ said the old eightish monk in a Goa express. I should point out, I was busy reading nag-raj comic, his followers provoked me. I do not attack anyone unless you provoke me first or I am hungry (its not me, its your karma.)
‘How do you define good and bad deed?’ I asked.
‘You do bad acts and you are condemned in hell…’ he replied, ‘Bad acts like killing people, smoking, drinking…’ and the list increased.
‘So, If I am to understand,’ I replied pretending to think deeply, ‘My friends in army have already signed off for hell? So people should not join defense forces?’
‘No, they are fighting for the country so they will go to heaven…’ he replied. Nice try oldie, dodge this.
‘Then, if I am to understand, the terrorist who acted for their country and killed thousands will get heaven and I am condemned in hell, when I even paid taxes on my beer?’
‘No, they will go to hell.’ he shot back, bad move mister, ‘They have hurt a millions…’
‘But they were working for their country, weren’t day?’ I quizzed.
‘Yes but they attacked the innocent citizen of the country…’ he replied, ‘It is not good to harm the innocent.’
Again I repeated, ‘But then, my friends in the army will be doing the same thing on the border… what difference does it make here and there?’
‘You see on border it is fine, they know what they are going…’
‘But does God know? you mean, is it OK religiously that I kill someone on the border of the country but it is not ok if I do the same inside the country? Hold on, hold on, does God recognize borders?’
One of the follower told me, we will continue the question-answer session later as his guruji wanted to sleep. My question was left hanging in there. Strange, they did not talk with me the whole trip.
The old priest was talking about Mahabharata and how Draupadi had 5 husbands, he went on to mention that the 5 pandavas where actually Indras in their past life and had same wife. I pointed out to the fact that Arjun had 7 wives, but the old priest nor the old saga, Mahabharata had any explanation for it.
In Hinduism, they say Ram was the epitome of good, the Purushottam, the perfect man, the people who fight fearlessly for the name of Ram slowly wane out their voices as we come close to Uttara Kand, when the king Ram abandoned his wife, who has already passed the Agni-parishka, on questioned by a Dhobhi. This stage the definition of Goodness shatters. No, don’t you go build up words to defend Ram, for the story goes on further to explain that Luv and Kush, two teens manage to defeat the vast army of Ram, because the right is on their sides.
Strangely I find the name Ravan, who fought God for the insult of his sister, very suiting to me.
Many people say that my views are leading me to hell, I don’t mind, if standing for what I believe is right, is leading me to hell, so be it, I would happily enjoy the trip. Better to rule in hell, than serve in heaven isn’t it?
When I helped my friends elope and have a inter-caste marriage, many people shunned me. They even called me Ravan out of spite, sadly for them, I was enjoying the word, so much that I rechristened myself as Ravan which has become a popular word online.When I talk to my friend who is a gay, people look at me in disgust, his parents talk tell me to talk him ‘out of it’. Say what I might, but the story of Shikhandi in the battle of Mahabharata does not remind them of anything. They would rather their son die, that live in the house with them.
Some say I am anti-social, I softly deny, while I do not harm the society in any way, I am what happens when an unstoppable force meets an unmovable object. I am where the laws of society disintegrate, where I question what is fair. I am simply an agent of Chaos brought to this society on itself, and you know the thing about Chaos is? it is fair.
I am what you define as bad, but the simple point is, before defining me, define good.
Now, I don’t know how you will judge me on reading this post, but you know, the good part of being bad is, I don’t really care what you think I am.